Tales of the Island Symphony
by Light Onthemayo
Summary: With Cunimincus and his demonic crew gone, the search is on again for Irleen's home. The following stories have NOTHING to do with that search. This is a series featuring the crew of the Island Symphony at their looniest (mostly), detailing events that may or may not have happened during and after Sky Lines.
1. Rehabbababa (Heh Heh)

**NOTICE: The following section is** **ambiguously** **canon with** _ **Sky Lines**_ **. It may have happened, it may not have. It just exists.**

…

Tale #1: "Rehabbababa (Heh Heh)"

Sello had no idea how he had gotten there. That is to say, he had no idea of the events which brought him into the room in addition to how he had moved from the floor of the Island Symphony's engine room to sitting in a chair in a completely different location. Not that this particularly bothered him; this was pretty common for his recent days.

The room was probably a classroom, evidenced by desks stacked against one wall and a blackboard on the opposite wall. Or maybe that wall was just painted black. Sello could not be sure; the wall would not stop wobbling enough for him to identify edges. Windows revealed a pleasant-looking park outside, filled with enough sunshine to scramble his vision and the piercing sound of children at play. If he was not so focused on the fact that he could not figure out how he arrived here, it looked like fun to be outside, especially compared to his current company.

He sat in a circle of chairs. Men larger than him in either muscle mass or fat occupied the other chairs. The blue tunics they wore told him... something. He could not think clearly enough to remember the significance behind them. The only person who did not seem to fit in this crowd (other than him, a long-neck bottle wearing a dirty, orange utility suit) was one man wearing a very nice, quite pristine, white button-up shirt and black slacks. He wore glasses and had a clipboard resting on his lap. The glare from the glasses confused him, but Sello felt quite certain that this man was staring at him.

So Sello said, "Uh... What?"

The man with the shirt gave an exhausted sigh and said, "I asked you to introduce yourself, sir. What's your name, what ship you're from... anything you would like to share."

"Oh, I know the answer," Sello replied, enthusiastic about questions he could actually respond to with any degree of certainty. "I'm Sello. And, uh... I have no butt."

This caused two of the men in the circle to snort with laughter, unable to chime in as the rest of the crowd said, "Hello, Sello."

"Whoa..." Sello droned, not really certain if they were merely greeting him or if someone else named Sello had just entered the room.

"Sello, according to this," the man with the clipboard said, "you're from the _Island_ _Symphony_. Is this true?"

"Heh," Sello chuckled at the simplicity of the question. Then he turned worried and said, "Uh... I dunno."

The man glanced down at the clipboard again. "Hmm. I might have to ask your captain when he returns. Now, I'd like to go around the room, Sello. Have the others introduce themselves." He indicated the man sitting to his immediate right. "Loren, why don't we start with you?"

"Yessir," a man with a fuzzy, black face replied. "I'm Airman Loren from the _Summer_ _Gale_. My favorite drink is applejack, and I haven't drunk for two months."

"Very good," the man with the clipboard said. "Let's just go around the room. Saunter, if you please."

The man on the opposite side of Loren adjusted himself. "A-hem, uh. I'm Airman Saunter from the _Moon's_ _Shadow_. I like whiskey and rum mostly. I haven't had a drink forrrrr... two months as well."

The man next to Saunter nodded. He spoke with an unexpectedly high pitch for a man as he said, "I'm Airman Donald. Uh... I'm here from the _Autumn_ _Eclipse_. I haven't had a drink for three months now, and I like wine."

The next man to talk said, "I'm Airman Guybrush. Uh... I'm... kinda between ships right now. I haven't even touched a drink for twenty-four years. Uh, oh! And I like grog!" This caused everyone in the room to give him a strange look (except for Sello, who was making shapes out of the pitted ceiling above himself).

"Mister Sello?" the man with the clipboard asked. "Would you like to contribute to the group?"

"Huh?" Sello replied after hearing his name jarred him out of his thoughts. "Oh, uh... I have a shoe with two names."

The same two men, one of them being Saunter, snorted in response while a third guy on Sello's right asked, "Is this guy serious?"

"Mister Sello," the man with the clipboard said. "We can't get to the root of your problem if you keep cracking jokes."

Sello blinked at him. "Uh... do I godda problem?"

"Your drinking problem?"

Sello chuckled. "Nah, dude. Heh. I got dat one figured out!" Sniggering sounded out of three men this time while others were visibly trying to stifle their laughter.

"Mister Sello, do you know what this place is?" the man with the clipboard asked.

Sello took a long time to look around at the room while he tried to find an answer to that question. Unfortunately, five seconds later, he had forgotten the question. Five more seconds later, he had forgotten that there even _was_ a question as he started rolling his eyeballs in a misguided attempt to make himself dizzy.

"Mister Sello," the man with the clipboard (whom Sello, after being removed from his thoughts again at the sound of his name being spoken, decided to call "Fish") spoke up again. "You are in a rehabilitation group for Skyrider airmen who have been reported by their commanding officers to have a serious drinking problem. Your participation in this group is mandatory and important to returning you to your vessel. Do you understand?"

"Huh-yeah," Sello said with a nod. Then he shook his head, "Heh-nope."

"Oh," Fish replied, sitting up a little straighter. "Well, why don't we just continue on? Maybe you'll get the idea as we start talking more."

"Okay, Fish!"

Fish blinked in confusion at Sello's response. "Uh, okayyyyy... Um, Robert. Why don't you tell us about your last experience drinking?"

Robert, a lanky-looking man who looked more like a fish than Fish [so Sello decided that he will call Fish "Cheese" instead (although, for the purposes of this story, we shall continue to call him "Fish" so as not to confuse the readers [and because I forgot the bastard's name])] cleared his throat and began speaking. "Well, uh, I think the last time I drank was about five years ago. Uh, I decided to quit because of these two little—" _Grrrrrrrrrr_. "—who were supposed to be my shipmates but turned out to be a pair of little—" _Grrrrrrrrrr_.

Fish held up his hand. "Sorry, Robe—" _Grrrrrrrrrr_. " _What_ is making that noise?"

All eyes turned to Sello just as the _Grrrrrrrrrr_ repeated again. Sello, seemingly in ignorance that this sound was his stomach, had occupied himself with rolling his head. He happened to catch the looks and stopped, causing him to tip in his chair a bit. The men sitting on either side of him caught his arms. "Whoa," he uttered. "Cows and a clay butterknife, dude…"

"Mister Sello, is that sound coming from _you_?" Fish asked.

"Please, Cheese," Sello replied. _Grrrrrrrrrr_. He heard the sound that time and glanced down at his belly. "Hm." Then he looked up and said with a dumb grin on his face, "Beer time!"

"Mister Sello, that sort of conduct is why you're here in the _first_ place," Fish explained to him. "You're here because you've gotten out of control with your drinking. It needs to be addressed and handled."

"But… beer time!" Sello repeated, pointing to his stomach.

"You'll have to do without, Mister Sello," Fish replied. "If you're thirsty, we have some fruit juice." He pointed to a table set up along the wall in front of the blackboard.

Sello shrugged. "Okay," he said. He stood up and carefully made his way over to the table. Carefully, because he was sure that the tiles on the floor were trying to trip him up.

Fish let out a long sigh. "Mister Sello," he said as Sello picked up a glass. "I don't know how things worked for you down on the surface, but up here, there are a lot of people counting on you to do your job. And to do that job, you _have_ to have a sharp, clear mind. I won't claim to know what's been happening on your ship, but it's quite clear that it should _not_ be allowed." He waited to see if Sello would reply. Sello, not noticing the ladle on the table next to the bowl, decided to dunk the whole glass and his hand into the bowl. "Look at yourself. You can't walk a straight line, your speech is slurred—you've probably drunk so much that it takes _days_ for your hangovers to clear. Right? I know _I_ couldn't live with it in the long run. I spent a _week_ drunk out of my skull, and I vowed to _never_ let it happen again. I was lucky that sort of drinking hadn't _killed_ me. I'm sure you feel the same way."

Sello had downed his drink while Fish had been talking. He turned around and stumbled back over to his chair, empty glass still in hand. He stared at Fish, who seemed to be waiting for an answer. Sello was not sure if there had been a question, but he felt that he should to something after he sat back down.

So he fit his left hand into the glass and saluted with it. _Ponk!_ "I am a lemon," he said with a grin.

Curious looks floated in Sello's direction. Saunter stood up and crossed the circle so that he could look in Sello's eyes. "Mister Sello… are you drunk?" he asked.

"Toooooodie-fruidie," Sello replied. Saunter, repulsed by Sello's breath, stood and backed away in the direction of his seat.

Fish set his clipboard on the floor and stood up. "Oookay, Mister Sello," he said as he hooked a finger to beckon Sello. "Come here. Let me have it."

"Okay, Tuba," Sello said with a depressed tone as he stood up. Hanging his head, he stepped forward and offered out the glass with his hand still stuck inside.

"No, Mister Sello," Fish replied. "I want the _alcohol_."

"Turn around, little moose," Sello replied, nudging his glass-covered hand at Fish.

Fish looked over his shoulder. Then he turned back to Sello. "I'm not playing games with you, mister."

"Meatball?" Sello asked.

Fish grabbed the glass and pulled it off. Then he smelled the glass's remaining contents. A confounded look crossed his face as he sniffed the glass further. "Mister Sello, there's no alcohol in here," he then said.

"Ah drunk it," Sello replied with a stupid grin.

Fish held out his empty hand. "Flask, bottle, whatever," he said. "I want the _booze_ , Mister S—"

"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE BOOZE!" Sello suddenly screamed in Fish's face.

The sudden turn of attitude startled Fish, and he stumbled backwards and over his chair. His head struck the floor, and his whole body went limp. Everyone else in the room stood up, and Saunter pushed past the man who had been sitting to Fish's left so that he could kneel next to Fish.

"What'd you just _do_?" Airman Loren asked.

"Twenty-one days and a buffalo," Sello told him as he scratched his nose.

"He's all right," Saunter told the rest of the room. "He's just not home right now."

"Well, what do we do?" one of the other airmen asked. "Should we try to go on without him?"

"Maybe one of us should go get a doctor," Loren suggested.

Sello, however, took interest in the windows behind where Fish had been sitting. He moved over to them and used a finger to tap on one window. Then he stepped to the window to the right and tapped on the glass. The sound appeared to be what Sello was looking for. He walked to the desks stacked against one wall and pulled one off. This caused a number of the desks to fall to the floor, creating a racket that startled the airmen in the room with him.

Sello lifted the desk above his head by its top. Its weight caused him to stumble, and the other airmen cleared to the opposite side of the room out of fear that he would drop it. Sello staggered backward. Then he finally gained momentum toward the window and threw the desk at it.

 _KRRRRRSH!_ The desk smashed through the window, sending large shards of glass raining down into the hedges below. The airmen looked on in shock as Sello stepped up to the window.

Then Sello turned to them. "Ma fellow Booze-a-Hooligans," he addressed them it what would be a serious tone if not for his slurring. "It iz a zad day fer uzz all when we find our liverzzz tramped, our droats dry, and our melons baked at two-hundred and eight-seven degreezz inztead o' two-hundred and ninety-one. In dese dark timezz, we each muzd find it wifin himzelf'fa rise and zay, 'Give me ma drink or a hairy leg.' We lugget peoplezz like Log, and we feel more frizgy dan ever before. An' after." He clenched one fist. "Led's not ask what we can do fer our booze, but whadda booze can do fer _us_!"

For a moment, no one was sure how to react.

And then Loren stepped forward and saluted. "By the grace of the Goddesses, Mister Sello," he said.

One by one, the other airmen saluted him. Sello gave them a dopey grin and dismissed the salutes with his own. Then he backed up. Just before the others could realize what he was doing, Sello then charged forward and jumped out of the window.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" _WHUMP!_ Some men cringed while others moved over to the window to see what had happened. Probably by the graces of some divine spirit, Sello had completely missed the glass-filled hedges one story below.

Much to the others' shock, however, he had belly-flopped onto the dirt path next to it. Sello was hardly perturbed by this as he raised one hand and used it to pull himself along the ground.

"What do you think he's gonna do next?" one airman asked aloud.

…

"I still cannot help having my doubts about all of this," Leynne said as they reached the top of the stairs. "Sello has thus fah proven to be quite resilient to the general idea of _sobriety_."

"Trust me, Lieutenant," Flower replied. He paused to indicate which side of the hallway to walk down. "I had a friend who was drunk for three days, and then for the next _five years_ , and this program cleaned him out so well, you'd hardly ever even _remember_ that he used to be a boozer."

"Pehhaps," Leynne said, "but we suspect that Sello had been drinking foh most of his adult life, if not longeh. I'm not so confident that a matteh of a few days is going to revehse damage accumulated foh the betteh paht of a few decades."

"Well, they say that you have to show him support on the ship, too," Flower said as they stopped in front of a door at the end of the hallway. "Just _anything_ can set an alcoholic off again." He then opened the door for Leynne.

And immediately, he regretted it.

The desks in the room were arranged to look like a large bar with the blackboard behind it. One airman stood behind this bar with two large crates and a barrel with a tap nearby. Seated at the desks using their chairs was a trio of airmen hunched over as if they were each enjoying a glass of beer at the end of a hard day. One man, apparently unconscious, had been left in a chair in the corner with an upturned punch bowl on his head. Two more airmen lay at his feet like a pair of sleeping cats curled up to their master. Someone had written the words "Guay-face the Superbeerrrr" on the wall opposite the blackboard with blue paint and made an arrow that pointed to one airman who had been relieved of his trousers and left on the floor with his legs propped against the wall. Two airmen were dancing near the unconscious men, looking like a pair of lovers enjoying a soft, romantic song that only they could hear.

And lying on his back with his arms and legs splayed out was Sello, staring at the ceiling with a vacant expression and a bottle of rum resting on his stomach.

Leynne and Flower surveyed the room for several moments as they tried to make sense of everything.

Then Leynne said, "I take it that ouh payment foh this sehvice will be refunded within the next few days."

"I'll, uh… I'll have to get back to you on that one, Lieutenant."

…

Tale #1 of the _Island Symphony_ – **END**

 **NOTICE: I repeat, the previous tale is** **ambiguously** **canon with** _ **Sky Lines**_ **. And evidence regarding why Sello will** **never** **be sober.**


	2. Gag Reel

**NOTICE: The following section is** **not canon** **. In fact, it is** **so** **not canon that it is not even semi-canon in the least. The following never happens in the** _ **Sky Lines**_ **universe, so get over it.**

…

"Give me a hand," Link said. "If we wrap Sello in this, we can drag him."

"But… will you be all right?" Cale asked.

Link finished laying the sail flat on the sand next to Sello. "I haven't had to take the heat until now. I think I can make it."

Cale nodded, and they pulled Sello onto the sail and prepared to roll him in it.

 _Pfffuiit._ Only having rolled Sello onto his side, Link and Cale immediately jerked away from him in surprise. Sello, with his back turned to them, started shaking. The boys exchanged glances.

And then Link told Sello with a defeated smile on his face, "You're unconscious; you're not supposed to be laughing." Cale burst into a silent fit of laughter and stumbled away from Link as if his legs were about to give out. Sello allowed his own laughter to become audible.

From nearby, Light, dressed in a green windbreaker suit and a baseball cap, hollered out, "Cut!"

…

Tale #2: "The (Fake) Gag Reel and Behind-the-Scenes Footage of the _Sky Lines_ Production"

…

"I was just thinking the same thing," Link said. "But this feels a little more… distant."

"Yeah," Irleen said, "it does."

"Could all of the ruckus Crunchy made have opened up something in this area?" Cale asked.

"S'pose i' could," Bolen said as he stopped to examine the rock with his lantern. "Looks like jus' a layer of sedimentary."

"Sedimentary?" Cale asked as he and Link continued forward.

"The magnetite ah showed ya back there is igneous rock. Tha' was spa' up by the Moun'ain'a Fire when i' was active. Bu' sedimentary rock prob'ly go' washed down 'ere from the moun'ain's outside by wind or rain. Somethin' like tha'. I's where we find thin's like sal' 'n coal."

"Feel that?" Cale asked Link. "It's wahmeh heah."

"Careful, ya two," Bolen told them. "This stuffs' sof' rock, so i' can come loose pretty quickly."

Both boys suddenly stopped in place and glance around. "Uuuh…" Link droned as he turned back to Bolen.

Bolen turned and asked, "Wasn' they s'posed t' fall?"

Light nodded. "Yeah, they were _supposed_ to…"

Link took three steps back down the tunnel. "Should we reset?" he asked as Cale started jumping in place behind him.

"Let's just take it back t—" Light began to say.

 _Shoof!_

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" _Whumpf!_ Link immediately spun back to see with Bolen and the production crew that the trap door had triggered and dropped Cale into the pit below, leaving a cloud of dust in his place.

"Never mind," Light said as sniggering started up among the crew. "We'll reset. Cut!"

…

"You look like a smart boy," Gilliam told him.

"Th-thank you, saah," Cale replied with a shy smile.

"I hate smart boys!" Gilliam suddenly shouted at him, causing Cale to jump. However, Cale maintained his smile. Gilliam stared at him for a moment.

And then Gilliam broke into a smile that spread to the nearby cast. He looked over at Light and confessed with a chuckle, "I, uh… I kinda lost my train of thought."

"Cut!" Light called.

…

"You look like a smart boy," Gilliam told him.

"Thank you, saah," Cale replied with a shy smile.

"I hate smart boys!" Gilliam suddenly shouted at him. Cale snorted. "Are you _laughing_ at me, Chuckles!? _Nobody_ laughs at me! Nobo— _pfft_!" Gilliam suddenly latched a hand over his mouth and dared a glance in Light's direction. Part of the cast dropped their eyes to the deck to avoid allowing their grinning at Gilliam's break to be seen. The remains of a fit of laughter could be heard in Gilliam's voice as he told Link, "I think I—" _BREEP!_ "—ed up again."

"No," Lawrence spoke up as he tried not to laugh, "Ya _definitely_ —" _BREEP!_ "—ed up again."

"Cut!" Light called. "C'mon, guys! We've got a rating to maintain!"

…

"Wipe that stupid look off your face, Smiley, before I-I shove my foot so far up your—" _BREEP!_ "—ing ass, you'll need surgery to remove my boot from your-your—"

Gilliam finally had to abandon the line when he realized that not only had he botched the take by swearing, he could not figure out which organ he wanted to have said boot stuck in. Lawrence burst into laughter and had to turn away from him. Gilliam, as well as the nearby cast, broke into chuckles.

Lawrence turned back around and, with a mocking tone, asked while cupping a hand to his ear, "From me _wha'_ now?"

"Cut!" Light called.

…

Alfonzo broke into a smile that quickly turned into a look of nostalgia. "Maybe… for just that one single moment. When you walked across that throne room and received your tunic from the princess. It's that sort of thing I'd spent fourteen years waiting for, Link. The kind of thing a father can be proud of."

One word hit Link with such a shock that he could not be sure he had heard it. His mystified stare prompted Alfonzo to smile brighter at him, something that the captain had never done before. Link finally managed to stutter, "Wh-wha-what?"

Alfonzo rolled away from Link for a moment. When he rolled back, he placed a paper bag over his mouth and nose and breathed nosily into it. The bag crinkled horribly as it expanded and contracted, the sound obnoxious. After a second, he said in a deep, muffled voice, " _I_ am your father."

Link had already lost composure before Alfonzo spoke. He slipped off the side of the crate and onto the floor. With his voice cracking as he tried to keep from laughing aloud, he replied, "No. It's not true! That's _impossible_!"

Alfonzo, fighting his own fit of laughter, had to take a moment to compose himself before he could respond. "Sear-search your feelings," he told Link. "You _know_ it to be true!"

Link collapsed to the floor. "I-I-I can't…" he tried to say before he succumbed to laughter.

"Cut!" Light called in frustration.

…

Sello stood next to his pile of crates in the _Island Symphony_ 's engine room. One hand rested on the nearest crate while the other held a bottle to his mouth as he took a swig. His eyes fell on the cameraman approaching him, and he finished his drink by pulling the bottle from his mouth with a pop.

"Dis iz whud it takes to get me ready," he told the camera in a casual voice. "Ah down two bottles o' wine juzza shoot a minute o' me talkin' like a idiot."

He then turned and heaved the bottle across the room. It shattered against the engine, raining glass shards nearby.

…

"Can' cater t' me, Cap'n. I 'eard wha' 'e did t' tha' boa' in 'Ovela."

Sello finished making a mess, having relieved the large bin of a third of its reserve. He jammed the shovel into the top of the bin and returned to the door, removing a tool from his belt. There were a couple of metal scrapes before the interior suddenly lit with flame, causing Sello to jump backwards. "Fire baaad!" he shouted in an indignant tone. Then he stepped out and shoved the door closed.

"The man's gonna kill us," Lawrence said in a flat tone. Link withheld his impulse to agree, and the effort caused him to smile instead.

Sello manipulated what appeared to be a few latches over the opening on the side of the door. Then, he moved over to a series of control levers on that same side of the engine.

 _Krrrnch!_ Sello looked down at his boots to find that he had stepped in a pile of broken glass. He stared at it. And then he pointed and asked the production crew, "Where'd dis glass come from?"

"Cut!" Light called.

…

"Line, stop the boat and find the wind!" Link snapped. Line, attempting to hide his own amusement, did not reply as he brought the throttle for the steam engine to a stop. Link offered his hand out to the princess as he asked, "What did we hit, Airman?"

"Not sure yet, sir," Flower replied. "I didn't see it until it already hit us, and I didn't get a good look at it."

"Here, let me help you," Link said when the princess stood and started dusting herself off. He started brushing her back.

His hand went lower than he meant, and in the next instant, the princess whirled on him. Her knee rose, and Link was back on the deck in seconds with his hands holding his crotch. He squeaked and rolled about in the hope that something would take away the pain.

Zelda gasped and covered her mouth with her hands. "Oh, no," she uttered. Then, in a louder voice, she turned to address the production crew. "Oh, I'm _so_ sorry. I-I was supposed to _slap_ him, wasn't I?"

"Heh. That was awesome," Line said from his position at the helm, a large grin decorating his face as he watched Link writhe.

"Cut!" Light called.

…

He did not think it was possible for people to suddenly lose complete color from their faces, but the princess's skin was slowly beginning to look like a fresh, white bedsheet. "H-how… how do you know that name?" she asked in a hushed voice. "Who… just _who_ the hell are you?"

The break in diction stunned Link; he did not believe the princess was able to append sentences with "hell". It was one of the lesser profanities used by anyone _except_ a member of the royal household. At least, he believed so.

With this and her sudden show of fear at the mention of the _Smiling Gunner_ , Link felt like he had made a mistake. He took a step back. "I… I, uh…" he uttered.

The princess put on a determined look. And the depth of Link's mistake was realized when she hollered.

"Kniiiights! Knights, to my side! I demand knights!"

Link's breath caught in his throat at the sound of clanking armor. It must have been those knights he had passed by earlier. He was not sure what to do. Should he surrender and try to clear up—

"Use the _Force_ , Link…"

Both Link and Glace's faces twisted in confusion as they looked down the hall at Zelda, who stood behind the cameras with a copy of the script covering her mouth. Their expressions then slowly molded into annoyance.

"Sorry," Zelda replied from behind the script. "Should I have said ' _Tri_ force'?"

Light heaved a sigh before calling, "Cut!"

…

The elder led them down the main road. For what felt like a long time to Link, Zelda, and Flower, they walked past hundreds of different tables selling all kinds of items familiar and strange. For instance, one elderly Sorian sold baskets full of heart-shaped acorns, while another sold necklaces made with two different shades of pearl. A few here and there offered the kind of exotic jewelry Link had only glanced at in books while waiting in a business office. Then there were the tables which held the bare skulls of some creature Link had never seen before, incest larvae drenched in honey, and a colorful assortment of leaves on one end of a cone which spu—

Link glanced over at the crew. "Is something wrong with the narrator?" he asked. "That whole thing about larvae didn't sound right."

"Bite me," Light replied.

…

Sello stood in his lab with Link, Valley, and Irleen watching him. He held one of his mixing cylinders to his mouth, but instead of drinking from it (difficult considering that it was empty), he breathed over the top to produce a deep howl.

Then he told them in a thick voice, "If only ya knew da _powah_ o' da dark side…" Valley snorted and placed a hand over her mouth, and Link and Irleen turned away to avoid looking at him while they came close to laughing out loud.

Light walked up from behind Sello and smacked him in the back of the head with a rolled-up copy of the script.

…

"I'm _not_ wasting time anymore!" Link snapped, causing Irleen to back up a bit. "We've already spent a month wasting time, and for _what_!? I'm being hunted by my _own company_! They've got orders to _shoot_ me down, Irleen! _Twice_! Twice, we could've been captured! And _twice_ , we've had to deal with Zelda's crew! That makes fo—… I just messed up, didn't I?"

 _BROOP!_

"I'm _not_ wasting time anymore!" Link snapped, causing Irleen to back up a bit. "We've already spent a month wasting time, and for _what_!? I'm being hunted by my _own company_! They've got orders to _shoot_ me down, Irleen! _Twice_! Twice, we could've been captured! And _twice_ , we've had to deal with Zelda's—… ssshit!"

Irleen snorted. "Zelda's shit?"

Link broke out into a smile. "Zelda's _shit_!" he declared.

 _BROOP!_

"I'm _not_ wasting time anymore!" Link snapped, causing Irleen to back up a bit. "We've already spent a month wasting time, and for _what_!? I'm being hunted by my _own company_! They've got orders to _shoot_ me down, Irleen! _Twice_! Twice, we could've been captured! And _twice_ , we've had to deal with Cunimincus' crew! That makes _four times_ we _all_ could've died! What have we got to show for that!? We aren't _any_ closer to finding the king and queen! And we're about to go down in the middle of a bunch of floating rocks because we're gonna run ourselves out of fuel! There are people _suffering_ out there, Irleen! Suffering because we're doing everything the _stupid_ way!" Link paused for a moment. "I _suck_ , Irleen! I forgot my stupid _line_!"

 _BROOP!_

"I'm _not_ wasting time anymore!" Link snapped, causing Irleen to back up a bit. Then he froze with a glare on his face. "I'm not—I'm not—"

"Yes you are!" Irleen snapped back. The outburst broke Link's glare into barely restrained chuckling. "Stop wasting time, Link!"

 _BROOP!_

"I'm not _wasting_ anymore… _shit_!" Link snapped. He stamped on the deck in annoyance. "AaAAaaAAaagh!"

…

Link dropped his eyes to the deck. He had realized how stupid it was of him to have gone berserk the previous night. Everyone had gone to bed without another word about it. Even Leynne, who had helped him strap the cubes to the outside of the ship. "Oh," Link uttered. "That, huh?"

"I do not claim to have the cohrect grasp on how captains ah suppose to behave on a Skyrideh vessel," Leynne said. "It's considerably less than my undehstanding of a second-in-command. I _do_ , howeveh, recognize when a _pehson_ is behaving ehratically. Theh _is_ a line wheh insanity ends and insanity begins. As—" He immediately stopped when both Link and Dholit turned away from him to avoid laughing at him. "That didn't make any sense, did it?"

 _BROOP!_

"I do not claim to have the cohrect grasp on how captains ah suppose to behave on a Skyrideh vessel," Leynne said. "It's considerably less than my undehstanding of a second-in-command. I _do_ , howeveh, recognize when a _pehson_ is behaving ehratically. Theh _is_ a line wheh insanity en—… wheh in—… oh, foh—" _BREEP!_ "—'s sake!" Link fell to the deck laughing while Dholit gave him a smug grin.

…

The only change to the engine room was the addition of some sort of mechanical contraption attached to the front of the engine using a number of pieces Link thought looked suspiciously like parts from both the galley's stove and the wind generator. He noted that it was some sort of feed mechanism because Harley was just hurling a shovelful of coal into an open hopper on the top. It appeared necessary, as it looked as if someone had bolted shut the large door which Sello had originally loaded the fuel into.

"Whoop," Harley uttered when he saw the two enter. He knocked the hopper's top hatch closed with the shovel and set the shovel against the engine.

 _Krrnch!_ Harley, having stepped down to the deck, then glanced down at his feet to discover broken glass under his boots. "Where'd this glass come from?"

"Cut!" Light called.

…

Line, standing on the set for the top of the Tower of Spirits, held the Lokomo Sword in his hands. He glanced at the camera watching him and grinned.

Then he placed a hand over his mouth. " _Pzzzzh!_ " he hissed through his finger. He then brandished the sword with both hands and swung it from side to side. " _Vwuum! Vwuum! Vwuu-wuum!_ " His voice came out pinched and strange as he told the camera, " _ **Beware of the dark side, you must. To hate, fear leads. Hate leads to anger. Anger… leads to**_ **suffering** _ **.**_ " He then swung the sword again. " _Vwuuu_ —"

 _Pank._ The end of the Lokomo Sword embedded itself into the rail surrounding the pedestal, and Line immediately let it go out of surprise. The Lokomo Sword remained stuck in the railing, wobbling slightly. Line looked back to the cameraman, who only shook his head (and the camera) at him.

Line then dashed off the set.

…

They got as far as the cargo hold before they both froze at the bottom of the stairs. Half of this response was caused by shock.

The other half was preservation instinct. They did not want Sello's flailing legs to hit them. _WHUMP!_ Sello's body hit the deck like a dropped sack of potatoes. The only part of him that did not lay flat on the deck was his left arm. This was mostly because it was still in Layna's grip. Layna then twisted Sello's arm hard.

 _K-tack!_ Layna immediately dropped Sello's arm. The arm, appearing limp as a noodle, hit the deck at a strange angle, revealing that it had been popped out of its shoulder joint.

Layna placed her hands over her mouth. "'Inu mibathifak!" she cried out with panic in her voice. "Sillo 'Immaynd, 'inu mibathifak! 'Inu mibathifak!"

"Can someone call medical for us?!" Light called as some of the crew quickly gathered around Sello. Link and Biluf backed away, both appearing nauseated.

"Is dis _my_ lasagna?" Sello asked as the stagehands picked him up from the floor.

"Sillo 'Immaynd, 'inu mibathifak!" Layna continued to chant as she followed the stagehands off the set.

Light turned to the camera and used a hand to make a kill gesture while saying, "Cut it."

…

Lore's face blanked. She stepped behind her assistant's desk, opened a drawer, and produced a pair of flintlock pistols. The sound of her cocking both weapons with her thumbs made all warmth leave Link's body. "You have to the count of 'five' to get your ignorant, slimy, no-good little ass out of my office before I put a lead round through your head," she told him in a calm voice. Link's eyes grew wide as she casually stepped around the desk with both pistols at her sides. "One."

"It-it's not wha—" Link started as he backed toward the door.

"Five!" Link spun and stumbled onto the floor as Lore raised one pistol.

 _Cink._ Just the sound of the hammer striking the flashpan filled the room. Link looked over his shoulder at Lore. Lore brought the pistol down and aimed it toward her office. She pulled the hammer back again and fired. _Cink_. Looking annoyed, she turned to aim the other pistol into her office. _Cink_. Link snorted and rolled over as he started laughing.

"So does _anyone_ wanna load my pistols?" Lore asked as she dropped both pistols on the desk.

"Cut!" Light called.

…

Still. She had to say something to express her concerns for the position she had chosen.

"You have a beautiful ass, Princess."

Zelda spun around and, with her free hand covering her bottom, cried out in embarrassment, "Dholit!"

"Cut!" Light called as Dholit fled laughing. "Someone find Bill; we need the chains again!"

…

"How does this girl know Captain Alfonzo?"

On that question, however, Link had to think for a moment. He had not meant for Princess Zelda's identity to be a secret. Surely, if Flower knew who she was, he would not bother with asking for permission to haul her back to the ship. So, he answered with the most honest response he could think of. "I-uh… I don't know," was what he told Flower with the unappended subtext "I don't know when Princess Zelda first met Captain Alfonzo".

Flower's face scrunched, making Link wish he had added a little more to his response. "Is she his daughter?"

"Ap—" Link started before he burst into laughter.

"What?" Flower asked in genuine confusion, looking up at the cameras. "What'd I say? Isn't that the line?"

"Cut!" Light called.

…

"Hold altitude!" Link snapped just before leaping over the rail. His foot caught the rail, and he flopped forward and— _BAM!_ —landed hard on his stomach. Leynne rounded the end of the stairs to the forecastle, and Twali and Biluf dropped their nets to run to Link's aid.

Before Leynne could reach him, Link pushed himself up and was on his feet within seconds. "Link," Leynne said as he, the Gelto, and part of the production crew slowed their crowding of Link. "Ah you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Link said as he stumbled past Leynne on his way to find the medics. "What hit me?"

"Cut!" Light called.

…

"It's the same thing!" Link shouted at him, partially in irritation and partially because Line's grip on his forearm had tightened. "Would you let me _go_? Look, guys. Yes, she's gorgeous and she's a _great_ kisser, but I d—"

"What!?"

"You _kissed_ her!"

"Link!"

"Na—why are _you_ shouting at me!?" Link yelled at Irleen.

Line's hands left Link's arm. Link became more alarmed when Line suddenly grabbed the front of his tunic. "You mean you k—"

Line suddenly disappeared in a flash of black, and Link and Irleen immediately screamed, "LAYNA! NO!"

 _Tuk! Tuk tuk ttttt—_ Layna, Link, Flower, and Irleen watched as the dummy Line's head bounced along the ground, its hollow sound the only thing breaking the silence. Layna got up from the decapitated body and chased the head down while Link and Flower slapped their hands over their mouths to avoid laughing.

"Cut!" Light called as Layna raised the head in the air in triumph.

…

"I don't understand," Gilbert said. " _How_ do you know all this?"

"Oh, Link!" Zelda exclaimed, causing him to jump in surprise. "Say 'The Triforce will be with you'."

Link placed a hand over his mouth just as he snorted. "Wha- _what_?" he asked as he glanced at Zelda standing behind the cameras.

"Zelda!" Light snapped as Zelda turned to hide the smile on her face. "Cut!"

…

"Is it the crew?" Link asked her. "Did something happen?"

Twali scrunched her face. Then she said, "Manak."

"Huh?" Link asked, tilting an ear toward her.

"Manak!" Twali shouted at him. Then she slapped the side of his head.

"Ow!" Link cried out.

Twali started and put her hands over her mouth. "'Inbathifak," she said as she gave the crew an embarrassed smile.

"Ooooow, Twali," Link whined as Twali began to lose to her restrained laughter. "You weren't supposed to _hit_ me…"

"Cut!" Light called.

…

Link carefully placed the Lokomo Sword on the ground and slid the Bow of Light off his shoulder. He nocked an arrow and aimed downward at one of the Lizalfos. The arrow became a shard of light, and he fired it straight into the scalp of the Lizalfos on the right. The impaling caused the Lizalfos to seize before collapsing to the deck. The death caused the other Lizalfos to forget about Harley for a moment as it turned to check on its companion. Harley took the opportunity to switch his hold on the bottle and advanced toward the remaining Lizalfos. The Lizalfos only spotted Harley a split-second before Harley stabbed the broken glass into its pate. The bottle broke more, but the Lizalfos was stunned by the attack and backed away.

 _Krrnch!_ "AAAGH!" the Lizalfos cried out upon having glass shards penetrate the soles of its feet. It leapt away and landed on its rear nearby. Harley snorted and slapped his free hand over his mouth as the Lizalfos started pulling glass out of its left foot. "Nogh zogh bwevxhen jaxgh jexht bek!?" it shouted.

"Cut!" Light called. "Can we get that glass cleaned up!?"

…

Line picked up the baseball cap from the chair and placed it on his head. Then he turned to the camera. "I am Light!" he told the camera, shaking a finger at it. "You will do what I tell you!" He pointed at Link, who was just walking by the camera. "You, dive off that cliff!" He pointed to the opposite side at a makeup artist applying some last-minute changes to Zelda's face. "You! Kiss me! Now!" The makeup artist responded by showing him her middle finger. "You're not—" _BREEP!_ "—ing listening to me!" Line then pointed back at the camera. "You, point tha—…" Line then froze when he noticed that the camera was not aimed at him.

He looked over his shoulder to find Light standing right behind him, sporting an irate glare. Line stared for a moment.

Then he took the ball cap off and carefully placed it on Light's head. He offered Light a grin that said "I know I'm busted, but I'm trying to be cute before you feel the need to wring out my neck". Light's face did not change.

So Line turned and ran away.

…

Luggard grinned and pocketed the money. "Well, looks like some o' yar worries is solved, Link."

Link clapped his mouth shut to get his vocal cords to work again. "Are you sure, Leynne?"

"Quite suh," Leynne said. "It says so in the script."

"Oh, no, of— _pfft_!" Link was only a second behind Luggard in laughing at Leynne's off-script line.

"Cut!" Light called.

…

Sello, Line, Leynne, and Cale stood with their arms around each other's shoulders and swayed as they sing on the set of the Rusty Boiler. Sello, Leynne, and Cale were drunk while Line, sober, appeared to be the one causing them to sway.

" _How mush is that bottle in the window?_

 _The one with the shiny cork._

 _How mush is that bottle in the window?_

 _We can't even—_ " _BREEP!_ " _—ing rhyme!_ "

All four paused and looked at each other. The stagehands and the extras dressed as bar patrons turned to see if something had happened to them. Each one of the main actors shrugged and began singing again.

" _How mush is dat bottle in da window?_

 _The one with the shimmery glass._

 _How mush is dat bottle in the window?_

 _We don't know this—_ " _BREEP!_ " _—ing song!_ "

Sello then slipped loose from Leynne and fell aside onto the floor. Leynne glanced down at him. Then he said to Line and Cale, "Okay. Sello's… down. We should-should get to wohk."

"I shall drive," Cale replied as he stumbled away from Line.

…

Zelda sported a glare on her face as she was marched toward Scaleblade with a Stalarmor fully dressed in armor and two bone-white Lizalfos flanking her. Behind her, the rest of Cunimincus' crew, as well as Leonard, Flower, Line, and a few members of Captain Koroul's crew, were struggling to maintain straight faces.

"Govehnoh Tahkin," Zelda addressed Scaleblade with a subtle amount of contempt in her voice. "I should have expected to find you holding Vadeh's leash. I recognized youh _foul stench_ when I was brought aboahd."

Scaleblade sneered at her. "Ibwexgh," he commented. "Iht mebvaxgh." He reached a hand out and grasped her chin. "Mbeg bvax ngaoxgh poxgh kahxghva asu soxghvesht dantis haihven anexhen mbuxgh sowen."

Zelda jerked her chin from between his fingers. Then she quickly glanced down at her hand, where she had some written notes hidden in her palm. "I'm suhprised you have the courage to take responsibility youhself," she told Scaleblade.

"Luxghahl Liah, aviaxgh mbuxgh sahnkbixghihna, asu—" Scaleblade began.

"What are you guys doing?!" Light snapped. The outburst caused the characters in the background to lose composure.

"They put me up to it!" Zelda hollered, pointing to Line and Leonard.

"Cut!" Light shouted. _BREEP!_ "—ing _cut_!"

…

Tale #2 of the _Island Symphony_ – **END**

 **NOTICE: I repeat, the previous section is** **not canon** **with** _ **The Legend of Zelda: Sky Lines**_ **. If it was, I would've killed these idiots.**


	3. Nutty Nuptu-Wait, Who's Getting Married?

**NOTICE: The following section is** **canon** **. It happened. Nobody knows how, but it happened.**

…

Tale #3: "Nutty Nuptu—Wait, _Who's_ Getting Married!?"

 _BAM BAM BAM!_ "Leynne! You stubid _man_!"

Leynne jerked awake and immediately sat up upon realizing that the shriek of a Gelto accent had not been a part of his dream as he had hoped. Instead, his fears were confirmed: Dubbl was mad at him. Again. It seemed to have been the beginnings of a growing trend in the past couple of weeks. First had been his suggestion that they re-rig the _Island Symphony_ with material that other Skyrider vessels were using since it was lighter and stronger than the sails they had rigged up on the surface. Dubbl had disapproved the sails for being too thin. When Leynne had tried to push for the new sails, she had pushed back and shoved him down the port stairs into the cargo hold (taking out poor Cale in the process). That had been two hours of punishment at Dholit's hands. Following that had been her request that another cook be hired so that the nightshift could eat without resorting to leftovers made by Lilly before she would go to bed. Leynne had told her that she had to wait until some more engine crew could be hired. Dubbl had pushed that time, and, when Leynne had told her that he would not take the matter to Link, she had clocked him in the jaw. Two more hours with Dholit, although Link had mentioned later that he would be looking for another cook. Only Nayru knew what Dubbl would be bringing to his attention, in addition to how he would be _hurt_ , this time.

That was to say that Leynne was not _afraid_ of Dubbl. On the contrary, she seemed to _annoy_ him more. But he believed that he had discovered the secret to handling her.

Shout right back in her face.

With that, Leynne stood up and stomped over to the door wearing only the bottoms of his long underwear. He opened the door with a jerk, hoping to startle her out of her anger. "What the hell is—" was all he was able to get out before—

 _PAP!_

Dubbl punched him in the nose.

"AAAGH!" Leynne roared as he stumbled backward with his hands over his nose. He leaned on the edge of the desk behind him and breathed for a moment before shouting through his hands, "Lohds and ladies! Why the hell do you have to _hit_ , woman!?"

Dubbl crossed her arms and leaned her shoulder against the doorway. "You make me _mad_ ," she answered in a huff.

"What _else_ is new!?" Leynne snapped in a nasally voice. He checked his hands, and then he dabbed one hand to his upper lip. When he saw his fingers stained crimson, he told her, "I've possibly lost moh blood to you than injuring myself foh the past seven yeahs."

"Hitting makes me feel bette'," she said.

"I wish you'd hit something _otheh_ than people," Leynne said as he pressed a finger under his nose to hold back the bleeding. "Did you want something, oh did you decide today was 'National Punch-Leynne-In-the-Face Day'?"

"You talk stlange when you wake up," she told him.

" _Naturally_ , you'h one to judge."

"I mad at you."

"Yes, I undehstood that much," he replied in an exasperated tone. "Am I going to heah _why_?"

"You igno'e me," she accused him, although her tone was hardly as forceful as before.

"Look, Link already ovehruled me on the whole cook thing," Leynne said as he started looking around his cabin for a rag. "What moh do you want?"

Dubbl stepped forward with a small washcloth in her hand. She licked one edge and pulled Leynne's finger away from his nose. "I say, 'I go eat dinne','" she said as she dabbed at the blood on his lip. "You say, 'Okay, I will wait.' I say, 'Good mo'ning.' You say, 'Good mo'ning.' I say, 'I can bling you somezing?' You say, 'No, zank you.'"

"In my _defense_ ," Leynne replied, "that last one confuses me a bit." He grabbed her wrist to stop her. " _Wheh_ is all this coming from? Don't the Gelto have anything like common couhtesy?"

"Zose wo'ds, fo' fliends," she said. "I say, 'I go eat dinne'.' You say, 'I will join you.' I say, 'Good mo'ning.' You say, 'You slebt good?' I say, 'I can bling you somezing?' You say, 'Yes, blease.'"

Leynne frowned as he tried to puzzle her words together. She was about to resume dabbing the blood off his lip, but Leynne held her hand restrained in his. "Wait, wait a minute," he told her. However, he still had to think for a moment longer. "Ah you saying that… that through these-these innocuous gestuhes… you've been trying to _fliht_ with me?"

"You not fli't?" she asked in genuine confusion. "You use…" She gave an annoyed huff. "What wo'd? Az-azo… auzodity?"

"Auzodity?" he asked. "You mean… you mean 'authority'?"

"I said zat," she said, her tone returning to irritation. "Auzodity. You sometimes use you' auzodity on me."

"Dubbl, I use authority because some of youh ideas ah genuinely _psychotic_ ," Leynne replied.

"Zat I mean."

Leynne stared at her in bewilderment. Then he said, "I may be mistaken somewheh, possibly due to just having the bone in my nose _bashed_ into my brain. Ah… you seriously suggesting that my attempting to _stop_ you from doing stupid things is a sign of infatuation?"

"I know Hylians not same," she told him. His grip had loosened, and she returned to cleaning the blood on his face. "You stob me. You ca'e."

"So, should you be involved in a bah brawl, shall I assume it to be a precuhsoh foh an ohgy?" Leynne asked. Dubbl used her free hand to slap his right temple. "Ow!"

"Not say stubid zings."

"What's the _smaht_ thing to say?" Leynne asked in irritation.

Dubbl held up the washcloth and allowed it to unfold to show the extent to which Leynne's blood had soaked into its white fabric. "You say, 'Zank you, I will clean fo' you.'"

"How _chahming_ of me," Leynne replied in a flat voice as he took hold of a clean corner of the cloth with two fingers. "Pehhaps, in two months, I'll be so enamohed that I'll _propose_ to you."

…

Two months later, because the goddess Nayru thought that Leynne's life could use such irony.

Of course, it was not as if Leynne's sardonic attitude toward the prospect remained. After Dubbl's roundabout confession, both had changed the way they had behaved around each other. Each time Dubbl had hit Leynne, her apology kissing had become more and more involved until Leynne had begun to feel the necessity and even anticipation of those kisses. Afterwards, it had not been about apologizing; there had been times when Leynne had drawn parallels between Cale and Lilly, whose amorous antics had been a source of jest ever since the whole crew had nearly been captured/killed by Captain North. Leynne and Dubbl had managed to keep it a little more discrete than that, so it had come as a surprise when Leynne had announced to the rest of the crew that he and Dubbl would be getting married. Sello had been the only one to not be shocked at the revelation, although Leynne and Dubbl had had to remind each other later that he had probably still been drunk.

The chapel they had found was more than large enough to fit the crew of the _Island Symphony_. Because it doubled as a reception room, the crew, as well as the assistant manager of the Skyriders' Sagacity Island branch office (there for record purposes), had been scattered to the small tables around the room. Helo and Lidago, being too large to sit in the chairs, sat at a bar on one side of the room. Link (with Irleen overhead), Line, and Gold shared the table closest to the altar.

Leynne, dressed in his blue airman's tunic and a pair of white slacks, waited in front of the altar. Behind the altar was the elderly clerk who maintained the chapel, dressed in a pink duster with white lace along the collar and at the sleeves. He wore a pair of reading glasses with which he reviewed the marriage manual hidden behind the altar. The man had been grateful that, for once, an airman's marriage did not have to be rushed for fear that the airman would lose his post. Although, when Leynne had told him that he would be marrying another airman, he had shown a great amount of confusion and discomfort until he had met Dubbl.

Flower, standing nearby as Leynne's assistant, leaned backwards to ask the clerk, "Find it yet?"

"Sorry, no," the clerk replied. "I was _sure_ I'd seen it in here before, but marrying two airmen seems to come under the context of _two different ceremonies_."

"I once heard that the whole crew of the _Sail of the Times_ got married in one night."

Leynne turned to him with a surprised look on his face. "The _whole_ crew?" he asked.

Flower nodded. "All one-hundred-and-twenty." Then he started chuckling. "Of course, there was shore leave, wenches, and an unhealthy mixture of grog involved."

"Of couhse," Leynne repeated. "One can only hope that such an occuhrence would be met with a healthy amount of _smothering_ should we befall the same situation."

"Dibs on Layna if it does!" Line shouted, turning to point at Link.

"Shut _up_ …" Link told him in a tired voice, pulling the clingy cape of his formal uniform from his sleeve for the tenth time that day.

The doors opposite the altar opened, and a single figure stood in the doorway. She wore a bright red, skin-tight top that left her shoulders, collarbone, and midriff bare. As if to compensate, she wore a shirt of thin material and a similar color that had been secured around her wrists and at her neck. Her baggy trousers were maroon and slung low on her hips. Leynne could feel blood rush to his cheeks until he tried to look up at her face. She had a pure-white veil covering her head.

"Can… she see all right?" Leynne whispered to Flower while the rest of the room stood up in respect.

"She must be wearing two of them," the clerk spoke up. "Where are the other women? They're supposed to come in with her."

"Probably got confused," Flower said as Dubbl started forward. "It's a little difficult to tell them anything; Hylian isn't their first language." He glanced over at the clerk. "Should someone go help her?"

"Yes, yes, of course," the clerk replied. He looked down at the nearby table. "One of you young men perhaps?"

"I got her," Line immediately said, jumping to his feet. He hurried over to Dubbl and, after a quick word, took her hand and had her hold onto his arm. Line had to pull her away before she ran into the table Lawrence, Harley, and Sello shared, and then she was standing at the altar next to Leynne.

The clerk had to tear his eyes away from her bare midriff. Then he had to shoo Line away when he would not leave. "One moment, please," the clerk then told them as the crew took their seats again. "I'm afraid I'll have to wing this."

While the clerk perused the book once more, Leynne leaned over and whispered, "I thought you wanted to weah the _blue_ outfit."

"Red is a _much_ moah flattering coloh on me, my dahling," she replied in a normal voice, loud enough that Link, Line, Irleen, and Gold could hear.

Leynne felt his anger set in. However, before he could level an accusation, Link stood up and snapped, "DHOLIT!"

"Yes?" she asked, turning her head.

Leynne grabbed the veil and ripped it off her head to find Dholit grinning at him. "What the _hell_ ah you doing!?" he shouted at her.

"Dubbl was nehvous, so she asked me to go fihst," Dholit replied. "I assumed that she wanted me to mahry you fihst befoah she did so."

"Dholit, go _sit down_!" Leynne snapped at her. Dholit gave a mocking laugh as she danced toward the empty table near the front of the room.

The clerk glanced between Leynne and Dholit for a moment. Then he asked, "That… isn't her?"

"That, Sih, is a lunatic in provocative clothing," Leynne replied. He glanced down at the veils in his hand and threw them aside. "It is pehhaps heh most dangerous technique."

"Sorry, Leynne," Link spoke up. Leynne turned to find that Link was leaning one arm on the table while a hand covered his face. "We should know better by now…"

A few moments later, Dubbl stepped into the doorway, and the whole party stood again. She wore her blue tunic over a navy blue, knee-length skirt. She also wore socks that rose to her mid-calf to protect her from her scuffed-up work boots and a pair of elbow-length, white gloves. She lowered her head at the sight of Leynne standing at the altar, although the veil over her face covered the rosy tinge rising to her cheeks. When she started across the room with slow, measured steps, Biluf, Layna, Twali and Lwamm filed in and spread out to flank her. She took her place next to Leynne in front of the altar, and all but Layna moved to join Dholit at the table. Layna was also wearing her airman tunic, and she nervously played with the throwing blade she hid in one hand.

"If the protectors will close ranks…" the clerk said. Flower moved behind Leynne, and he had to gesture to Layna to do the same behind Dubbl.

The clerk then cleared his throat and signaled the room to take their seats again. "Welcome friends, colleagues, and…" He paused and glanced over at the Gorons. "… ah, _countrymen_. We are gathered here today to witness Lieutenant Leynne and… ah, Airman Dubbl as they join together in the bonds of matrimony."

The clerk paused to give a small laugh. "I, uh… I do apologize for the casual tones with which I address this party. I am afraid that I have had very little preparation for these circumstances." He paused again, and, in that pause, he seemed to have an idea. "But then… It is often said among us marriage clerks that love can appear anywhere. At home or school, at work or play. Well, it appears that _work_ in this case has taken on a special meaning for these two. Never before have I had to marry a pair of airmen, let alone those from the same _ship_. There is something to be said about romance between two coworkers. Rough days in between islands…" The clerk gave a silent stammer when he realized that he did not know a thing about life on an airship. "Uh, being around each other for hours on end. I-I would imagine that it would make you closer or it would cause you to hate each other." Leynne and Dubbl exchanged a look. The same thought between them was shared with their shipmates as the crew knowingly looked and even grinned at each other. "It would seem, in your case, that it has caused you to fall in love.

"It is a large step to enter into a contract with each other. A contract that says you wish to be with this person for the rest of your natural life and perhaps even into the life _beyond_ this one. A contract that says you will look at no other the same way as you look at each other. You have both come here, of your own free will, to be bound by that contract and willingly express to the world your love and devotion to one another. It is a wonderful thing, and I would be pleased to lead you two through the writing and the signing of that contract. It begins wi—"

"HKKKKKKKKKKK!" Attention shifted to the foremost table. Line, having been bored with what little words the clerk had already spoken, had fallen asleep with his head lolled against the back of his chair and his mouth wide open. "HKKKKKKKKKK!" he snored.

"Are you kidding?" Flower uttered while Link stretched across the table to poke Line's shoulder.

"HKKKKKKKKKKK!" Line continued, deaf to the world and numb to Link's finger.

Leynne reached over the altar and took hold of the book the clerk had been looking through. "Might I borrow this?" he asked despite having closed the book as he pulled it from the altar. The clerk gave him a dumbfounded look in response. Leynne then turned, stepped around Flower, and positioned himself next to Line's chair.

"HKKKKKKKK—"

 _WHAM!_

"ARGH!" Line cried out after feeling the leather-bound manual slam the back of his head. He leaned forward with his hands covering the sore spot. "Ooooh-hoh! Oooooow!" he whined.

Leynne returned to the altar and gave the book back. "My apologies, Sih," he told the clerk. "You weh saying?" It was not until this casual return to order that sniggering and hastily covered snorts sounded throughout the room. About the only ones who did not react this way were Link, who was deeply embarrassed by Line's behavior; Layna, who was not entirely certain what had happened; the clerk, who had been horrified by Leynne's use of violence; and Sello, who was too drunk to pull himself away from trying to make the paper flowers in the middle of his table grow using a mental ability he had convinced himself he possessed.

The clerk snapped himself out of his shock with a shake of his head. "Yes, of course," he replied. "Uh… yes, the contract begins with the writing of vows and promises to one another. Have either of you done this?"

Leynne and Dubbl exchanged worried looks. "Eh… I'm afraid we wehn't awah of this proceduh," Leynne admitted.

"No, that's okay," the clerk said with friendly assurance. "This happens quite a bit. We will just apply the standards." He opened his manual and flipped pages until he was in the final quarter of the book. He squared up on Dubbl, whose posture suddenly stiffened. "Airman Dubbl. You have chosen to live the rest of your natural life with this man, Lieutenant Leynne. Do you agree to love and respect him and stay by his side from this point forward, through prosperity and poverty, through good health and illness, to cultivate a family and a home which you both can look upon with pride?"

Dubbl, with a wide, frightened stare in her eyes, had to take a moment to catch up with the list of things the clerk had read to her. Some of the Hylian's words were lost on her, and she bit her lip as she tried to figure out a response.

"Dubbl?" Leynne asked. "Deah, ah you all right?"

"I confused," she whispered to him. "I say what to make you husband?"

"You'll want to tell him 'yes'."

Dubbl took in a deep breath. " _YES!_ " she suddenly screamed in a higher voice than usual. The clerk was taken aback for a moment. Flower pretended to clean out one ear while Layna, having jumped at the sound, quickly leaned over to retrieve her dropped throwing blade. The scream had also startled Line out of a drowsy fight to keep awake, causing him to grip the seat of his chair as if he was about to be thrown off.

The clerk cleared his throat. "Very well, then," he said. Then he squared up on Leynne. "Lieutenant Leynne. You have chosen to live the rest of your natural life with this woman, Airman Dubbl. Do you agree to love and respect her and stay by her side from this point forward, through prosperity and poverty, through good health and illness, to cultivate a family and a home which you both can look upon with pride?"

"I agree," Leynne replied.

"Very well, then," the clerk replied. He surveyed the room, completely missing Dubbl ribbing Leynne for giving a calmer answer. "If this man or this woman has arrangements to betroth another, please speak out now or chance the wrath of a broken betrothal."

" _Hi-kuk!_ " Sello hiccupped as he rested his head on the table. The muscular jolt caused him to bang his forehead against the table's surface.

"Thank you, sir," the clerk said while the engine crew stifled their laughter. "Anyone else?" Looks passed around the room due to many in the crew not understanding what the clerk was asking for. The clerk seemed satisfied with the silence. "Lieutenant Leynne, you may raise the veil," he said. Leynne faltered a moment before carefully picking up the veil's lower edge and raising it until he could rest it on Dubbl's crown. "By the power endowed by the civil law of the Kingdom of Hyrule, I pronounce you 'husband' and 'wife'. You may conclude the marriage with a kiss."

Leynne cupped a hand to Dubbl's jaw and gently pulled her forward as he leaned in. Their lips met, and the room suddenly erupted with applause as the crew of the _Island Symphony_ rose in congratulatory reverence. Layna started and disappeared toward the Gelto's table, and Flower looked over in confusion at the space she had been standing in.

After the crew settled down, the clerk and his assistants set up a small buffet on the opposite side of the room from the bar. The crew enjoyed a fresh lunch with each other while Leynne and Dubbl received congratulations from everyone they passed while getting their plates. The couple sat with Link, Line, and Flower while Gold had gone to join Sello and the Gorons at the bar.

At one point, while Flower and Leynne were talking, Dholit approached the table and whispered something into Dubbl's ear. Dholit being Dholit, this raised suspicion at the table. But then Dubbl stood and allowed Dholit to drag her to the far side of the room.

"What was _that_ about?" Leynne asked as he watched the women gather toward the center of the room.

"Wedding tradition," Flower told him. "The tossing of the veil."

"Oh, c'mon, Layna!" Link snapped at the Gelto standing next to his chair. She gave him a curious look, her fork still in her mouth. "My food isn't poisoned, so cut it out."

"Is there something special about this tradition?" Irleen asked as she floated closer Flower and Leynne.

"I really think it's just a woman's thing," Flower replied with a bored tone. "You see, they take the bride's veil and cut it in half. Then th—"

The room suddenly broke out in wild screaming as Twali, Lwamm, Biluf, Dholit, and Lilly dove for the white bundle that Dubbl had just tossed over her shoulder. Lilly was automatically shoved out of the way by Lwamm, but Dholit climbed up Lwamm's sturdy back and snatched the bundle out of the air. The catch caused the rest of the Gelto around her to bicker in Geltoan at her.

"The bride throws it over her shoulder," Flower finished. "The unmarried woman who catches it is expected to be the next in the group to marry." Layna, watching the spectacle, suddenly dropped her jaw open and allowed her fork to hit the floor.

"I wish you'd say these things _faster_ ," Irleen told him with an irritated voice. "I had the perfect advantage, Flower."

"You said they cut the veil in half," Leynne pointed out. "What happens to the otheh half?"

"The same thing," Flower replied. He glanced around Layna to watch Dubbl turn and ready another throw. "She only throws it to the person who caught the first one. Catching the second veil is a sign that the catcher lives and loves the first person they set their heart on forever."

Link turned back to him and swallowed hard. "The-the _first_ person?" he asked through a dry throat.

"Uh oh," Irleen uttered.

Dubbl heaved the veil over her head. Dholit opened her hands in preparation to catch, barely having to move from her spot. However, even with the lack of competition—

 _Whosh!_ "Whoa!"

—she _still_ did not catch it.

Link had almost fallen out of his chair because of the sudden rush of movement where Layna had been standing just moments before. People could barely see as she leapt onto the empty table near Dholit's position and then perform a spectacular jump through the air. The balled-up half of veil disappeared from sight, and Layna bounced off another table and landed on the bar, startling one of the assistants. When she looked in Link's direction, the whole room saw that she had caught the veil with her teeth. Dholit stood shocked as she stared at Layna. The others in the room all directed their attention to Link's table.

"Dude, that was _awesome_ …" Line said in bemusement.

Link turned around and shrunk into his chair as he asked, "Uh… what-what does tradition say about someone _not_ the first catcher grabbing the second part of the veil?"

"Captain, I think that means you've got more trouble than even _you_ think," Flower told him with a grin.

…

Tale #3 of the _Island Symphony_ – **END**

 **NOTICE: I repeat, this tale** **is canon** **. To this day, no one really knows what brought Leynne and Dubbl together. All we know is Leynne's visitation to clinics increased dramatically afterwards.**


	4. The Most Successful Yabbid in the World

**NOTICE: The following section is** **canon** **. It happened, no doubt about it. And there were scars.**

…

Tale #4: "The Most Successful Yabbid in the World"

When Dholit stirred, she looked up to find that she had been lying on her four-poster bed at home. She gave a soft groan as she rose and stretched her arms into the air. As she slid her hands down her body, she found that she had fallen asleep wearing her skin-tight, red body suit yet again. She silently bemoaned her appearance as she stood up from the bed. Her normal attire was supposed to be as natural as possible; there was no telling who might be by in the mornings. She checked the contents of the chest of drawers near her bed. Red. Her favorite color. She changed to a sleeveless dress that reached as far down as her ankles with a thigh-high slit on one side.

Then she noticed a small box sitting on top of the chest. She frowned, not familiar with its presence. So she picked it up and opened it. Inside was a pair of gold earrings shaped like a set of sails on a mast. Her eyes became wide; she had never received such finely-crafted jewelry. The pieces of work looked so delicate that she was not sure if she should try taking them out. She carefully removed the paper they had been mounted on and examined the box to look for some sort of note, any indication of who they had come from. She felt stymied by the fact that she did not know who the gifter was, so she did what she could. She stepped before the full-length mirror next to the chest and put them on. Then she held her long hair back so that she could admire them next to her dark skin.

When she turned her head to angle the ambient light on the earrings, she realized that there was a Gelto teenager standing at the table behind her. The young Gelto, wearing an orange tunic and red tights and sash, gave her a smile before setting a tray of food on the low table. When she stood back up, she had to push a strand of black hair out of her face. "Good mohning, Mothah," the girl greeted her as she tried to tuck the strand back into her side-tail. "Happy bihthday."

Dholit gave the girl a heartfelt smile. "Thank you, Bayla," she replied. She turned around and took a few steps toward the table. "I wondah… do you know wheah these came from?" she asked, pointing to her new earrings.

"I cannot say that I do, Mothah," Bayla answered. "But, if they ah a mysterious gift, I _do_ believe that Klin was in heah eahliah. We wahned him not to wake you."

Dholit's smile changed to her sly look. "Really?" she asked. "Well, I _do_ wondah who put him up to it." She moved to sit on the sofa. "Is this to be my breakfast?"

"It is," Bayla replied. However, Bayla moved to block Dholit just as Dholit, having sat, reached toward the tray. "Mothah. We ah _all_ waiting."

Dholit, with a confused frown on her face, looked toward the entrance of the large tent. The flaps rustled as someone's head quickly ducked out of sight. She raised an eyebrow at Bayla. "Is my breakfast to be held ransom just because my children desiah to give me bihthday wishes?" she asked.

"You object?" Bayla asked in turn, crossing her arms. "I assuah you that theah _will_ be huht feelings if this is true."

Dholit sighed and leaned back against the sofa. "If I must," she relented.

Bayla gave a polite nod. Then she put her fingers to her mouth and gave a loud whistle. The tent flaps flew open, and the rest of Dholit's children charged across the tent at her.

"GET HER!"

All twenty-nine of them.

Dholit's eyes grew with surprise as she suddenly realized that she had made a serious mistake. She made to stand, but Bayla had rushed back to her and pinned her shoulders against the back of the sofa. Dholit struggled, so Bayla placed her full weight on Dholit. Her eyes darted to the wall of girls charging at her. She reached up toward Bayla's ribs, but Bayla saw the maneuver and slid her hands down to restrain Dholit's biceps.

Dholit glanced up in time to see the older girls run around the other sofa. "No. No. No. _No!_ _AAAAAAAH-HAHAHA!_ " she screamed out when the first three girls to reach her jumped onto the sofa and started scratching their fingertips on her ribs. " _No, I—AAAAAAH! Sto-op!_ " The younger girls restrained her kicking legs so that her feet could be tickled as well. " _I—AH-HAHAHAHAHA!_ I-I ca— _WAAAAAH!_ " Dholit's attempts to call off the children were lost in her laughter. Her voice howled as it had never done before, loud and free of care.

It finally ended when her children started telling each other to back away. Dholit, feeling as if she had already spent most of her energy, rested her heavy body against the back of the couch. Her eyes shifted from smiling face to smiling face to take in their glow. She gave a weak giggle as she said in Geltoan, "Scoundrels, all of you. I mean to permit you to give me a morning greeting, and you turn it into an attack."

"Master Layna says that you should always strike when your target least expects it," said young Rutha, the six-year-old redhead clad in all black.

Dholit glanced down at her. "Master Layna never told you to attack your _mother_ , did she?" Rutha, kneeling near her with her hands and face resting on the edge of the couch cushion, only offered a shrug of an explanation.

"Mother?" Dholit looked toward Bayla to see that the speaker, the seven-year-old Klin, was standing next to her. The boy's brilliant red hair had been slicked back, and he wore a loose, green shirt and black slacks. "Did you like Father's gift?"

Dholit touched a hand to her ear as she recalled the earrings with a small measure of surprise. "Yes, I did, Klin," she replied with a gentle smile. "Hah. I feel as if I should have known." She pointedly looked up at Bayla.

Bayla folded her hands behind her back and pointed her nose into the air. "I cannot possibly know _all_ that my siblings do," she said in Hylian to the confusion of her younger sisters.

"Uh huh," Dholit replied with a skeptical tone. Then she looked back down at Klin. "Is youh fathah heah?" Klin nodded.

"Would you like us to send him in?" Bayla asked.

"Yes, I should like that very much," Dholit replied.

Bayla and Tamiy, the second eldest, started shooing the rest of their siblings out. Dholit watched with pride as they were shepherded out of the tent, reciting their names to herself. Attay, Tamiy, Bayla, Miyrin, Jomi, the twins Anniym and Rada, the twins Jiya and Rayn, Fiynt, the twins Dhola and Lyut, Bi'am, the triplets Xiyra and Bolma and Cira, the twins Jiym and Harra, the twins Raym and Zhifa, the twins Xa'la and Kway, Klin (her only son), Rutha, the triplets Siyara and Cayliyt and Thoyma, the twins Roma and Nwayn, and Fay. But wait a moment. She _counted_ Rutha, but she did not _see_ Rutha leaving with the rest. With a smug look on her face, she reached behind the couch and took hold of a long pigtail. The owner of the pigtail giggled as she slipped through her mother's grasp. Then Rutha ran from behind the couch to catch up with her siblings.

Dholit gave a sigh and leaned forward. She heard the tent flaps rustling again, but she chose to ignore this for the moment in favor of her tea. In spite of her calm as she heard someone approach her, she felt her heart fluttering with anticipation. She could not remember the last time she had seen her husband. She hoped it had at least been since the youngest had been born. No, he _must_ have cared for her if he felt it appropriate to come to her on her birthday. Only one person in her life could ever be so considerate. And she looked up at him to confirm who it was.

He wore a green tunic over a body of lean muscle. He was not wearing his customary body suit or his baggy work trousers but instead snow-white tights which showed off his toned legs and another abundant attribute Dholit spent a little more time admiring. His long, blond mane fell over his shoulders, and his square jaw sported a thick and well-trimmed blond beard as tribute to his father. His arms bore the scars of many battles, the most prominent being a crescent-shaped mark adorning the center of his left shoulder. And, in spite of his rugged exterior, his icy-blue eyes fit inside of a face bearing a look of gentle adoration for her.

He said nothing until he sat next to her on the couch. When he spoke, his deep voice carried a hot and arousing hint of desire as he said, "Happy birthday, My Goddess."

She placed a hand on his thigh and squeezed his tight muscle. "Thank you, My Captain," she replied in a pale imitation of his voice, such was the nature of her sudden attack of nerves. "And thank you foh the present."

He carefully reached around her and slid a rough hand behind her neck. "Is there anything _else_ you would like for your birthday?" he asked, his eyebrows rising just barely enough to provide suggestion.

She gave a coy hum as he slid his other hand up her thigh. Then she put on her wicked grin to show him her reception of thought. "Anothah child?" she said.

They leaned together with the intention of kissing. She closed her eyes to better take in the full taste of his lips.

 _Whump!_

Dholit opened her eyes and blinked at the wooden floor in front of her in confusion. It took her a few minutes to gather her thoughts and memories together before she realized that she was lying, twisted in an awkward position with her left shoulder and her right hip underneath her and her legs a little tangled in a blanket, on the deck beneath her berth after having fallen out of her hammock. She looked up and realized that the other women had left her alone, probably somewhere in the middle of changing shifts and eating breakfast.

She stood up and began piecing her dream back together while she held her blanket over her half-naked form. Then, at the memory of a _very_ adult Link, her face turned bright red. Dholit being Dholit, however, she was hardly embarrassed by this. Or anything else, really, as she suddenly charged out of the berth deck still with just the blanket over her body. Twali and Lwamm thought they caught a glimpse of her as they came up from the galley, but, before either one of them could perform a sufficient enough double-take to correctly identify her, Dholit had already disappeared up the stairs on the opposite side.

Upon stepping onto the main deck, the wind of the Sky Line surrounding the _Island Symphony_ threw aside part of the blanket, forcing Dholit to grab with the opposite hand to hold it over her thighs. With less dignity than before, she hustled aft until the ship's geometry blocked the ferocious winds. Then she broke into a sprint.

Leynne, focused on a clipboard he was going over, looked up and stopped just in time to avoid having Dholit plough into him. He turned to watch her shove open the door to Link's cabin.

"I wondeh if I should've stop heh," he said to himself as he watched her carefully close the door behind her.

Then, from behind the door and above the sound of the Sky Line around them—

"MY CAPTAIN, I'VE HAD A PROPHECY! GIVE ME BABIES!"

 _Wha-BAM!_

"YAAAAH!"

"TOLITA, CON KAPÒHU TANÌ HÁTA?!"

Leynne sighed and gave the door a look of flat irritation. "Right, my sanity is not wohth the issue," he said to himself as more shouting sounded from the door. He returned his attention to his clipboard. "I wondeh if Captain _Nohth_ is hiring…"

…

Tale #4 of the _Island Symphony_ – **END**

 **NOTICE: As I said before, this story** **is canon** **. You will be happy to know that Leynne still works on the** _ **Island Symphony**_ **. Aaaaand I think I might've accidentally turned myself on with Dream Link…**


	5. In My Eyes

**NOTICE: The following section** **is canon** **. This happened. It happened before, it will happen again. It. Always. Happens.**

…

Tale #5: "In My Eyes"

Wind: weak, easterly, carrying the scent of spice and pork from a meat smoker, although not as strong as before. It must not have been in use at the moment. The dry air up here also made scents hard to carry. She often had to focus harder to smell anything.

Sun: only minutes from high noon and against her back. She could feel the heat penetrate her black suit. If she were anyone else, she might sweat. But with desert in her blood, she was incapable of giving herself away in a foolish manner. Where she hid, someone would have to look almost directly into the sun to find her. The inexact shadows below helped her conceal her own from her target. Surprise was assured, although she did not allow that assurance to weaken her focus.

Presences: seven. Only three were relevant. They wandered the deck of the ship underneath her, each one dressed in blue with their hair and faces concealed by black cartwheel hats. One of them should also have been concealing a bright red scarf in one sleeve of her bodysuit. It would take all of her concentration to spot the red scarf, which was supposed to be the target bearing her prize. The other four were undisguised members of the _Island Symphony_ crew. The large man known as "Flower" loitered around the poop deck with his eyes cast ashore. Leynne, the ship's executive, stood next to the helm with the perverted helmsman who called himself "Line". She wondered if his name was meant to be some sort of poorly-chosen Hylianism for Line's lecherous nature. Perhaps, "clothesline", from which he would be likely to steal women's clothing? Twali and Biluf were still missing a couple items of underwear. The last one on the deck was My Captain. He sat on the port staircase with a book in his lap. It looked like some kind of fiction novel, which was strange considering his preference non-fiction history and biographies. Then again, he had not been reading a lot lately.

Layna willed thoughts about My Captain out of her head and returned her focus to the main deck. None of her sisters were turned to look at her. None of them even seemed interested. Two swept the deck, but the scarf could be in the sleeve of the third as well. She could easily judge each girl by their body type if she lowered herself from her perch on the starboard mizzen-mast, but it would defeat the exercise. She had to—

EYES!

She swung around the top of the mast and peered between it and the sail as she kept one hand on the top of the mast itself and the other on one of the stays. She could feel the eyes probing where she had just been hanging. They were merely a set of prying eyes from ashore, a uniformed man on the docks who probably thought he was seeing things. She freed the hand holding the stay and retrieved an anesthetic-tipped needle in case he decided to press his investigation. However, he chose to ignore the feeling. He was lucky he was not her target; his turned back would have been the perfect opportunity to embed a throwing blade into his neck.

She placed the needle between her teeth and pulled herself onto the mast. With no eyes on her, she replaced the needle and returned her focus to the deck. Flower was still looking at the port. Leynne… had just smacked the back of Line's head. She had to admit to a touch of personal satisfaction, but she quickly hid it before the lapse in concentration caused her to fall. My Captain had decided to walk across the deck with the book under his arm. He must have become bored with it. Her targets continued to wander the deck, not even looking up to find her. She was not concerned that her shadow would give her away; none of them were looking toward th—

EYES!

Someone had turned to look in her direction, and she quickly ducked to one side of the mast again as she located the perpetrator. It was My Captain, having turned to gauge the time of day by glancing at the sun with a hand shading his eyes. He lacked the kind of attention required to notice her, but her talent for sensing when someone was about to look at her was so finely-tuned that she could tell when someone was about to look at her through a mirror at five hundred paces. Such had been the extent of her training. She waited until My Captain was done checking on the sun before she positioned herself so that she could descend comfortably, one hand on a stay mounted to the deck while one foot was hooked to the top of the mast and the other waited to push against the side of the mast.

There it was. The hat-wearing sister sweeping the deck near the opening in the bulwark had just flashed a bit of the scarf. Now that Layna had her target marked, she would have to wait for the perfect opportunity to spring and attack for her prize. Her field was wide open since there was little in the way of witnesses. But, since she was on the opposite side of the ship, she did not have as basic an egress as expected. She—

EYES!

Layna quickly sprang from the mizzen-mast toward the starboard main-mast in front of her. She balanced one foot on the stay connecting the masts and used the elasticity of the connection to bound again, this time toward the port side. The feeling of eyes on her had been gone the moment she jumped from the stay, so she grabbed onto the stay between the port mizzen- and main-masts and used her momentum to swing a whole circle on the line before hooking an arm and a leg to halt her movement. She looked in the direction she had felt the eyes to see Line scratching his head as he looked at the starboard side. Without considering the consequences, she used her free hand to pull a needle from a thigh pocket and flung it in Line's direction. Line had turned to examine the ship's wheel, and then he fell to the deck a little over a minute after the needle stabbed into the back of his left arm. Although she had been told many times before, she was willing to endure another lecture from My Captain if only to avenge her sisters' embarrassments at Line's unclean nature.

She slid toward the mizzen-mast with slow, calculated movements to prevent any of the rigging from rattling further. She was closer to her target, which made her exit path much easier. Once the sweeper made to turn her back toward the mast, Layna would use the rigging to descend and strike, and then she could escape by leaping away, grabbing the shroud that would be at her target's back, and conceal herself over the edge until the exercise was over. It was routine, but she needed to keep her stealthy mannerisms up. With as dangerous as a life My Captain had given her, she would be a fool to not maintain her abilities.

"Biluf?" Layna glanced afore where she had last seen My Captain in response to his voice. He watched as he approached the false target standing near the port stairs.

Betrayal.

Biluf knew how the exercise was supposed to work. Biluf was the one who should have been carrying the scarf. And Biluf should have been holding the prize in her front pocket. She swung around the back of the mast to get a better look at the trousers worn by her current target. Empty. Nothing in the pockets.

Layna's response was immediate. She mounted the mast and used the stay connected to the main-mast to gain speed and momentum as she traversed it. She slipped a stone weight loose from her sleeve and dove past the main-mast on the inside as she tossed it ahead. The weight slung itself around the stay between the main-masts, and Layna had a brief moment to change the direction of her fall using the wire attached to the weight just before her fall pulled the wire loose. It was just enough to steer her toward a stay mounted between the nearby main-mast and the deck. She caught herself on it and silently dropped to the deck. She would enter My Captain's peripheral vision in less than a second, and his short stature made it impossible to simply sneak underneath his vision. She would be seen.

She did not care. Biluf was her target. Now that she was on the deck, she could clearly make out Biluf's slender and decently-endowed figure. She dodged to the outside of the port fore-mast, still using her gathered speed to aim herself at the gap between Biluf's back and the stairs.

"What are you doi—" Link was just asking when—

 _WHOOSH!_

A black-clad figure sailed past behind Biluf. Biluf suddenly stood straight up, but Link was so caught off-guard that he stumbled backward two steps. "What the…?" he asked, idiotically glancing in the direction that the figure had approached from. He quickly corrected himself, but by the time he realized that the figure was going for the stairs, it was already gone. Momentarily forgetting that Biluf did not speak Hylian, he asked her, "What was _that_?"

He caught the stunned look on Biluf's face. Then he watched her slip a hand into her trouser pocket. When she removed it, she opened her fist to reveal a crumpled piece of green paper.

Meanwhile, concealed in the shadow and around the corner of the stairs, Layna spied on their stunned reactions. Then, as she casually descended the staircase, she pressed her prize between her lips.

She loved cherry-flavored candy, made much sweeter by her victory in spite of Biluf's deception.

…

Tale #5 of the _Island Symphony_ – **END**

 **NOTICE: As stated above, this is** **completely** **canon. Nobody, not even** **friends** **, get between Layna and her candy.**


	6. The Obligatory High School Hero AU

**NOTICE: The following section is** **not** **canon. This has absolutely nothing to do** _ **Sky Lines**_ **. Hell, it's barely** _ **consistent**_ **with** _ **itself**_ **.**

…

Tale #6: "The Obligatory, Idiotic, High School Transforming Hero Alternate Universe with Very Loose Adherence to Reality and a Stupidly Long Title"

Dear readers. Please take note that the following is a typical day in the life of a young man who, through a series of trials, temptations from the enemy's beautiful yet dangerous minion, dealings with a flirty goddess, and a convoluted and completely stupid backstory involving his father's war buddy and something called the "Great Deku Stick of Everlasting Courage", became a nameless hero loved by the public. That hero's name… is Captain Knight. However, most people know him as Link Moriyuki.

His day started when he woke up to the sound of his alarm clock. A hand reached out from under his comforter and slapped the clock into silence.

"Ha-HAH!"

In the next moment, the foot of the bed was thrown into the wall hard. _BANG! BAM!_ Link, clad in a pair of Triforce-print boxer shorts halfway down his buttocks, bounced off the wall with the comforter and landed head-first back on the bed. This left his body propped upside-down against the wall as he stared, wide-eyed, at the triumphant form of Alfonzo Moriyuki standing at the foot of the bed.

Link quickly flipped over to sit cross-legged on the bed while he shouted, "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR _MIND_!? THAT'S _DANGEROUS_!"

"BWA-HA-HA-HA!" Mr. Moriyuki boomed, crossing his arms. "Danger is around _every_ corner, Son! You must learn to anticipate the enemy at every opportunity! You must even expect them in your sleep!" He held up a clenched fist and turned away from Link as he added, "My war buddy and your mentor always told us that, rest his soul."

Link gave his father a flat look as he said, "North's still alive, Dad."

"Doubt not your father, Son!" Mr. Moriyuki shouted, pointing a finger at Link. "Now come! Your little sister is preparing breakfast!"

 _Wah-PING!_ The alarm clock was demolished instantly upon impacting Mr. Moriyuki's face. "Just get out!" Link yelled.

"That's my boy!" Alfonzo said while pulling a spring out of his left nostril. He left through the door, slamming it hard to close it behind him.

Link sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I liked him better in the _other_ story…" Then he noticed something warm on his hand and took it away from his face to look at it. "Ugh. Dammit…"

Link took a quick shower and got dressed into his hunter-green school uniform. He had to affix a bandage to his nose to cover the cut he had received from his father's shenanigans. Then he stepped downstairs and rounded into the kitchen. Breakfast was already laid out on the table, and his twin sister Irleen was already seated. Well, for as well as she could be seated, being cursed to flutter about as a little, green fairy. It made Link wonder how she had been able to make breakfast.

"Good morning, Oniichan," she greeted him. Then her tone changed from sweet to annoyed as she told him, "Oh, you're not going to school with that bandage on your nose, are you? Our classmates already think you're a delinquent."

"I can't help it," Link whined as he dropped into a chair. "Dad busted my nose open when he—"

"Ha-HAH!"

Link did not even need his father's idiot cry of attack to know that the man was standing behind him; Link had seen Irleen shift to indicate that she was looking at something else. He immediately leaned to one side and felt a strong breeze as the hot frying pan sailed by within inches of his head. Link then used his momentum to slide out of the chair. His right hand, before he stood up, grabbed the front leg of the chair. He rose to his full height and swung the chair. The chair broke apart across Mr. Moriyuki's head, sending the man sprawling to the floor with a magnificent _thud_. Irleen quickly rose from her chair, ready to run if the violence became any worse.

"Are you _kidding_!?" Link snapped while his father carefully pulled a broken leg strut out of his ear. "You're gonna _kill_ me!"

"CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" Mr. Moriyuki declared as he jumped back to his feet. He raised his hand, broken wood poised as if to stab Link.

So Link brought his foot up and landed the front of his ankle squarely between his father's legs. Mr. Moriyuki froze while the pain traveled straight up his spine. Then he dropped the wood and fell backwards with an undignified squeak.

"Whatever," Link uttered as he grabbed a slice of toast from the table. "I'm taking off, Irleen." Link reached over the back of the couch to grab his school bag. Then he disappeared around the corner to the entryway.

"What a brave boy going out into the world," Mr. Moriyuki said as he stood. He braced himself on the nearby countertop. "His mother would be so proud, rest her soul."

"Mom's not dead, Dad," Irleen replied, now finding herself annoyed with her father. "She just works late."

Link had slipped into a pair of sneakers and stepped outside into the early morning air. The dawn was still in progress with no sign of the sun beyond the nearby houses. Link left the confines of the wall surrounding the house and started down the road, finishing his slice of toast before the first intersection. This early in the morning, the only ones around to harass him were the drunks from last night.

"Linkun!"

Aaaaaand her. Link stopped in place and let his head droop forward at the sound of _her_ voice.

Then he turned around to look. Zelda Chiehime. Who wasn't even human in the first place, never mind his classmate. Yet she still wore the white blouse adorned with lime-green sleeves and collar and the hunter-green pleated skirt of his school's girls' uniform. He had to admit that the dark stockings pulled up to her mid-thigh just so only a band of skin was visible between them and her skirt, while not part of the uniform rules, was quite appealing. Her voluminous, blond hair framed a bright and beautiful face. The only oddity was the sapphire-bearing silver tiara carefully sitting on her hair.

"Good morning," she said with the dignity of the goddess he knew her to be.

"Chiehime-san," Link replied with annoyance prevalent in his voice. He sighed and added, "You _know_ that name is fake. How come you haven't changed it yet?"

"A name is a name," Zelda replied as she moved to walk past him. "How could one so easily change it?"

Link remained silent as he recalled all her transgressions. Then he fell into step behind her and said, "You put yourself into my school as a transfer student _without_ the necessary forms, you wear a tiara that no one bothers to question you about, you took over the class representative's job without his objection, you browbeat the student council president out of her position and she _thanked_ you for it, and you made our homeroom teacher rearrange the seats so that _I_ now sit by the windows with _you_ right next to me. You're telling me you can't simply _will_ your name to be something else?"

"Linkun, you really know how to flatter a girl," Zelda replied with a subtle laugh in her voice. "I have no knowledge of how all these very _fortunate_ events have taken place. For the sake of argument, should I find that I have it within my power to change my name, what would sound less fake?"

Link, in the middle of picking his nose with his pinky finger, pulled the finger out to examine it. "Hanakuso?" he suggested.

"Linkun, I have yet to understand why you are so inappropriate with me," she replied, looking over her shoulder at him.

"Well, let's see," Link said. "You gave me the power to fight evil, and now you've completely forced yourself into my life. I agreed to do the first. Why are you even _here_ on Earth?"

"Oh, Linkun, where else should I be while watching my champion fighting for justice?"

"Far away."

Zelda giggled aloud. "Oh, Linkun, you can be so humorous at times."

"I was being serious."

"Therein lies the humor."

That was about all of the acknowledgement he could expect from her. He did not have any proof whether she was faking her ignorance (and getting a laugh out of his reactions) or honestly did not see his objections were sound and concerning (and getting a laugh out of his efforts)… or she was using the girl in front of him as an avatar who seemed to live a life of blissful unawareness of the universe almost literally bending to her will (and getting a laugh out of his depleting sanity). Somehow, she preferred this façade to actually speaking to him about serious matters and issues he had with his powers. He even once tried calling her out in the middle of class. The debacle got him in an interview with the principle and lost him his spot in the kendo club. The next day, when no one had seemed to confront him about it, he had tried talking to everyone that had witnessed it. His classmates, the period teacher, and even the kendo club had thought he was mistaken because he would never have done something so ludicrous. The kendo club, as far as they were concerned, had not been given a reason to dismiss him. That was how the goddess who had given Captain Knight his powers operated: however the hell she wanted.

So he followed her to school feeling evermore like a dog on a leash. They departed at the shoeboxes in the school entryway. Link switched his shoes and went immediately to his classroom on the second floor. Having left so early to get away from his father meant that there was no one in the room. So he sat down at his desk, hooked his bag onto the side, propped his feet up, and let himself drift off into a much-desired nap. It would be some time before the next person came in.

"Bzzz bzzz. There's a fly on yer face!"

Link immediately opened his eyes to a hand flying toward his face. He quickly reached up to stop the hand.

But then the hand stopped still about a foot away from slapping him. He followed the arm to see Meilont Kimura standing next to him. She smiled, but her emerald eyes told him of her wicked, teasing intentions. Upon receiving an annoyed look, she giggled and slung her long, red braid off her shoulder.

"Whud I do to deserve _that_?" Link asked.

"Oh, Linkun, yeh're so serious it's jus' funny," she said. "I jus' wanted ta thank yeh fer cleanin' the clubroom yesterday."

"I told you it wasn't a problem," Link replied. He looked up at the ceiling. "Is that all you wanted to say?"

"No, actually, it wasn'," she said, crossing her arms. "I saw yeh walk in with Chiehime-san."

Link sighed. "Two weeks, and you just _now_ happen to catch us?"

Meilont's smile faded into mild shock. "T-two weeks?"

"Look, before you go any further," Link said, giving her a sidelong look, "there's nothing going on between us. I can't stand her, and she doesn't like me in that way."

"Hah," she commented as her humored expression returned. "I _though'_ yeh looked like a dog on a leash."

"Trust me. If you knew what the connection between us was, you'd laugh your ass off."

"Bu' yeh won' tell me, will yeh?"

Link closed his eyes. "Wasn't planning on it."

"Well, as long as it doesn' interfere with _our_ time."

Link opened his eyes again and turned his head to look at her. "Our-our time?"

"The _kendo_ club, Linkun," she said in a mixture of annoyance and humor. "Wow, I can' believe yeh took tha' the wrong way."

"It's not _my_ fault!" Link declared. "I was jus—… I-I—"

"Linkun!" she told him in a loud tone. Link clapped his jaw shut. "I'm jus' teasin' yeh."

"Of… course you are," Link said, slapping a hand over his face.

"I'm yer childhood friend," Meilont continued. "I wanna be a li'l jealous o' any girl tha' walks ta school with yeh."

Link opened a pair of fingers so he could peer at her. "Still teasing?" he asked.

"A li'l."

Link groaned. "Oh, c'mooooon, Mei-chan…"

"Tha's be'er." She placed two of her fingers to her lips. Then she pressed those fingers against Link's right cheek, prompting an annoyed look. "Wha'?"

"Do you have to do that?"

"Well, this is an alternate universe, an' Light fel' the need ta torture readers with some ship-teasin'…"

["No I don't!"]

"It doesn't mean you have to _oblige_."

["She's _nooooooot_."]

"I know, bu' it's fun." She patted his shoulder before turning. "See yeh a' club."

"Just remember: Light's desires are just _suggestion_!" Link called after her. Then he crossed his arms and closed his eyes again. "Idiot writer…"

["Dipshit protagonist…"]

Link managed a catnap before more of his classmates appeared. The general chatter in the room picked up, so Link busied himself looking through a comic he had smuggled in his bag. He was busy enough that he hadn't realized that someone had walked up beside him after about a couple dozen pages of reading.

When he realized it, he looked up.

 _WHOOSH!_

And the person standing next to him disappeared. Link was surprised by the rush of air and looked around the classroom in an attempt to find the source. Whatever it had been, it had disappeared without a trace.

Except for the lunchbox sitting on his desk. Link almost looked over it until he turned to continue his comic book. Whoever had been standing next to him had left a small box wrapped in a pastel-green cloth on the corner of his desk. He picked it up to examine it, but then he paused and looked around the room again. No one was looking at him, and he did not see any unfamiliar faces. He considered unwrapping it for a moment, but then he decided that he would wait for lunch and stashed the lunchbox in his desk. Maybe his cook would return to claim it then.

What he completely failed to realize was that the gifter, after having worked up the nerve to deliver the lunch she had made especially for him (accounting for all of his tastes based on weeks of covert observation outside his house, the school, and his mom's restaurant), completely chickened out when she realized that he was about to look at her, leapt over his head, performed a back-flip into the window behind him, and carefully pressed the window shut with her fingertips once she was outside. Unfortunately, this had left her suspended in mid-air for about a second before she realized what she had just done, and then she fell on an unfortunate male student that just happened to be minding his own business as he walked by underneath her. Her only saving grace was that the male student's face had been slammed into the concrete walkway, allowing her to disappear without anyone noticing.

Link went back to reading until his best friend, Line Kazegawa, showed up. However, as Line approached his assigned seat in front of Zelda's desk, Link forwent a casual greeting to ask, "What the hell happened to _you_?"

The front of Line's blazer bore bits of gravel. The left side of his face sported more along with a patch of scraped and bleeding skin high on his cheek. His thick, red hair, originally showing signs of being slicked back, was completely messed up on the left side of his head as well as the back, which had been pushed upward against the direction he had slicked it. He glared at Link for a moment before replying, "I've got five-hundred yen for the person who can tell me."

"Didn't piss some girl off again, did you?" Link asked, failing to keep in an amused grin.

"Bite me," Line replied as he dropped his school bag onto his desk.

Link indicated his cheek. "You know you're bleeding?"

"Am I?" Line felt his cheek. Then he looked at his hand. "Oh, _man_!"

"That must have been one hell of a _slap_."

"Dude, this isn't funny," Line snapped at him while he dug into his desk. "Do you know what this does for my looks?"

Link stashed his comic in his desk. "So you can't go the pretty boy route right now. Don't chicks dig scars?"

"Is that why you got that bandage on your nose?"

"No, I got this bandage on my nose because my dad's an ass."

"I got a mark, Link. I can't have a scar _now_." Link fell silent, and Line had to turn back around to see the confused look on his face. "What?"

"What do you mean you have a 'mark'?"

"You got another one of those bandages?"

"No." Line returned to searching his desk. "Kazegawa, what do you mean you have a 'mark'?"

"Dude," Line snapped. Then he looked around the room. Link glanced around as well, mostly out of confusion. Line then leaned in close to Link and whispered, "I'm going after Zelda-chan."

Link raised an eyebrow. "Chiehime?"

Line gave him a goofy grin. "Zelda-chan."

"Do you even _know_ anything about her?"

Line stood up straight and puffed his chest out. "Height: five-foot-two, favorite color: pink, three measurements: thirty-two twenty-three thirty-four, natural blond, prefers lacy, loves Italian and sweets, lives alone, and now has the likes of Line Kazegawa chasing her."

Link put an elbow on his desk so he could rest one cheek in his hand. " _How_ have you never been arrested before?"

"It's all—" Line clapped his hands together, causing some of their classmates to turn in their direction. He then raised his hands and shook his hips side to side. "—part of the charm."

"It's gonna be stalking and sexual harassment soon…"

Line crossed his arms. "Whatever. Do you have another bandage or not?"

"Just go down to the infirmary, Kazegawa."

"Is everything all right?" Zelda asked as she approached Link and Line.

"Kazegawa fell and landed on his face," Link immediately blurted out.

"He did?" Zelda asked as she passed between the boys so she could see the other side of Line's face. She took in a shocked breath and covered her mouth with a hand. "Oh, _dear_ , Kazegawa-san, you're hurt!"

"Uh-uuuuh, yeah…" Line replied, taking a step back.

"There's blood, too," she continued. "How could this have happened?"

"He tripped," Link said.

"Mo-Moriyuki!" Line cried out.

"Please calm down, Kazegawa-san," Zelda said as she slipped a hand into her school bag. She pulled out a pink, folded handkerchief and offered it to Line. "Here, use this. You should clean that up right away."

"Uh—y-yeah…" Line said as he took the handkerchief, the expression on his face completely stunned.

"You'd better hurry, Kazegawa-san. Class will start soon."

"Oh, right!" Line said before turning and running for the door.

Link turned to Zelda as she sat down. "You caught him, didn't you?" he asked in a tone that did not really ask a question.

"Kazegawa-san was dressed in all black and spying on me from the tree outside my second-story window," she replied. "He had a perfect view of me while I was changing in my room."

"And… you didn't do anything?"

Zelda gave a subdued giggle. "Linkun, I can hardly maintain any sort of modesty or feel sexually harassed when I have had statues and paintings made of me while I was naked. I _am_ a goddess, after all. Besides, I found to be an opportunity."

"How?"

"I spied back."

Link visibly cringed. "Wha-what'd you find out about him?"

"Height: five feet and seven inches, favorite color: crimson, significant measurement: eight-point-three, natural redhead, prefers blue and white stripes, loves Mongolian and kimchi, lives with his parents and three brothers, has an _exquisite_ collection of high-quality pornographic material, is turned on by blondes and may be developing a schoolgirl fetish, and has a very healthy sexual drive."

Link's eyes were wide with bewilderment, which served to take away all signs of just how disgusted he felt at the same time. "Just… just how far did you _follow_ him?"

Zelda appeared to busy herself reading a textbook as she told him, "It was no big matter. I went back in time to when he first developed his singular infatuation with me and monitored him from there until today."

"Y—you _what_?!" Link shouted, causing some of their classmates to jump in surprise.

"Yes, you were not aware of it?" Zelda asked, smiling as she looked through her textbook. "As a goddess of knowledge, I know how to bend time to my will. It's a really simple matter."

"A… simple matter?" Link asked, one eye twitching in anger while his grin turned into grinding teeth.

"All you have to do is ignore the laws of space-time dynamics and step five paces backwards."

Link sighed and pressed a hand over his face. "So you used time travel to make yourself a bigger pervert than Kazegawa," he said in an exhausted tone.

"I suppose that you might summarize it as such," Zelda replied. She finally turned to show him an innocent smile. "Would you like me to be perverted toward you as well?"

She sparked his anger again, and he started as he pointed a threatening finger at her, "Now _listen_ , you—"

 _Ding. Ding. Dong._ The bells interrupted Link's train of thought, causing him to look around as the class slowly started taking their seats. He glanced back at Zelda to find that she had gone back to reading. So Link sighed out the rest of his frustration and turned to look out the window.

The classroom door slid open a few minutes later, and Line ran for his desk. He threw himself into his seat, startling Zelda when the back of the chair hit her desk.

A few minutes after that, the door slid open again, and Zelda dutifully called out, "Stand!" The class stood up as their homeroom teacher, Leynne Furutori, stepped in. "Bow!"

Leynne stepped to the podium at the front of the class. "Be seated," he told the class in a casual tone as he placed his class register on the podium. "I see that Moriyuki Ihleen-san is still out today. Moriyuki, is youh sisteh's health going to improve soon? Two weeks is a long time to be gone."

"We're trying, Sensei," Link replied. "But we _still_ don't know how long it will be."

"I see." Leynne made a mark on the register and then shifted to a notice he had been holding between his books. "Fihst, due to cihcumstances beyond the control of _any_ of Shiniyoi-sensei's employehs, the chemistry class foh today will be held in the science club's room on the second flooh of the annex building pending repaih of ouh primary chemistry laboratory. Please keep this in mind as you sneak off foh makeout sessions with uppehclassmen befoh and afteh." After that remark, he glanced over at Cale Yomibito, causing the student to slowly sink in his chair. "Second. In spite of Aidorei-sensei's objections, the principal and ouh student council president, Chiehime-san…" He indicated Zelda with a hand, who gave a nod in a dignified thanks for acknowledgement. "… would like the student body to limit themselves to _one_ nude pohtrait of Aidorei-sensei. The principal has asked me to remind you that this is an educational institution, not a pohnographic studio. Aidorei-sensei's encouragement of the contrary is to be expressly ignohed and, foh those of you actually _offended_ by heh activities, repohted to a membeh of the staff immediately. Lastly, the staff and membehs of the student council have noticed a numbeh of strangehs communicating with students from outside the school walls. While we still do not know what _caused_ those holes in the walls to appeah, please refrain from speaking to people outside while school is still in session. Any questions?" Line raised his hand. "Kazegawa?"

"What about all the nudes posted on the bulletin board downstairs?" Line asked.

"The council will be seeking volunteehs to remove them Friday evening," Leynne replied.

"I'd like to do it," Line said.

"The council has already asked that _you_ , Line Kazegawa, be as _fah_ away from the activity as humanly possible. Preferably blindfolded, bound, and gagged as well. Foh humanitarian reasons, the student council has been told that the following items have been banned from use in effohts to keep you out of the way: baseball bats, planks of wood, knives, swohds, axes, speahs, handguns, assault rifles, hunting rifles, fully-automatic weaponry, ahmed vehicles, battlefield ahtillary, tanks, explosives, bombs, missiles, and any fohm of civilian _or_ military aihcraft except foh the American A-10 Thundehbolt Two."

Most of the class gave Leynne a confused look. "Why not an A-10, Sensei?" Line asked.

"The female half of the student council felt being cut to shreds by an A-10 would be an appropriate punishment foh the pehson who stole the second yeah gihls' unifohms while they weh pahticipating in P.E. last week. I have been thusly infohmed that the American military will be standing by should the call be necessary." Line slowly turned around to look at Zelda. Zelda's only response was an innocent smile. "Any questions _not_ supplemented by Kazegawa's libido?" Silence responded. "Very well. Chiehime, would you collect everybody's homewohk? The rest of you will turn to page fifty-one so that we might look oveh solutions."

…

The math and history courses went by without any sort of disruption. It was too bad Link's day could not be as smooth.

The science club's room was not really meant to accommodate a class. Sure, it was probably the biggest room in the annex, and it had the appropriate facilities hooked up. But the science room was for sciences in general. Link could find things for chemistry, biology, astronomy, and physics lying around the room. Most of the irrelevant items had been put on the bookshelves or otherwise pushed against the walls so that there was room. The club president's desk, occupying the room directly in front of the windows, had been cleared off so that the teacher could set down an impressive number of glass objects holding a whole rainbow of colored chemicals. And rainbow was right; the teacher had arranged them in a rainbow starting with red from the left.

And yet, even after the bells had rung to signal third period, the teacher was missing. About the only thing the class could do was follow the instructions someone had taped to the clubroom's door as they had entered: split into groups of three. Link and Line had taken a table at the back of the room, and Cale had joined them after everyone else had grouped together.

After about ten minutes, Line rested his arms on their table and propped up his head with one hand. "Well, so far, this is the _easiest_ chemistry class we've ever had," he commented. "Not to mention the least _disastrous_."

Link turned and rested his back against the table. "At least until Shiniyoi-sensei shows up," he pointed out.

"I heahd from Lilly-chan what happened in yestahday's class," Cale spoke up.

"Didn't know it was _possible_ to have a conversation while making out in the upstairs restrooms," Line said.

Cale's face turned scarlet. "A-anyway!" he said. He coughed to clear his throat of the constriction that caused his voice to rise in pitch. "Shiniyoi-sensei was assisting Bakudan-san with a volatile chemical set. He wahned hah that two of the chemicals would explode if she mixed them without the propah stabilizing components."

"And she mixed them anyway," Link concluded.

"Actually, no," Cale said. "Shiniyoi-sensei did."

Line snorted and pressed his face into his arms to suppress his laughter. Link's response was a hand over his face. "Well, at least he shows us what _not_ to do," he commented. "Not that it really teaches us much…"

Line released a relaxed sigh as he picked his head up again. "Maybe not, but it's damn hilarious," he told Link.

"Kyaaaaah!" A girl's scream caused the class to jump with surprise; someone even dropped a flask on the floor, shattering it. All attention was on the front of the room in search of the source.

What everyone saw was the rather serious-looking form of Sello Shiniyoi-sensei standing behind the front desk. He appeared a little deranged, with his blond hair disheveled and littered with shards of glass. His eyes were baggy, and one cheek looked to have a thick smudge of dirt. His clothing, an orange t-shirt adorned with a black necktie and faded blue jeans, looked wrinkled and slept-in. Over his clothes was a tattered, orange lab coat sporting stains and dirt from years of abuse and explosions.

The class was shocked into silence as Sello's eyes wandered around the room. This was a side they had never seen to their chemistry teacher before. He appeared more like a killer than a teacher. Link began fearing the worst and tugged back on his left sleeve to expose his wrist.

Then Sello picked up a vial filled with an amber-colored liquid. Panic spread across the room as he put the vial to his mouth and up-ended it so that he could drink its contents. The panic became worse when he spontaneously decided to take a bite out of the vial. The vial shattered under his teeth, and even Link, Line, and Cale at the back of the room could hear him chewing the glass.

His neck gave a loud pop as he suddenly turned his attention to Zelda. Link could feel the shiver go up his spine as Zelda locked eyes with him in response. Sello made to start around the desk toward her, causing her to take an uneasy step backwards.

Then one of his legs flew up into the air as a bottle rolled out of hiding behind the desk. Sello managed to register confusion before he fell backwards. _Shwump!_ It had not sounded too hard, but being close to the desk had knocked one of its flasks to the floor with a crash. Hands immediately found mouths as the class tried not to laugh aloud all at once. Line in particular was trying not to fall over. Link breathed a sigh of relief and pinched the bridge of his nose. He could not believe that Sello had managed to maintain a strong, sober demeanor that long. Slipping on a bottle that clearly had held alcohol at one point was just the kind of thing he did in his classroom.

Link, as well as the rest of the student body and even the teaching staff, knew that Sello was an alcoholic. But Link had learned months ago that, while any _sane_ administrator would have fired him for the drinking if not for the chaos it usually caused, the school kept him on for the simple fact that his accidents drew in donations from parents and the surrounding community, usually much more than what the school needed to fix his mess of the week. If it had not been for him destroying three classrooms and blowing up the equipment shed with a runaway rocket (a single runaway rocket with the bounce capabilities of a ping pong ball), the school would not have the annex building. The archery range would still be a section of residential housing if he had not set fire to a paper airplane, let it escape through an open window, and burn down the awning to the bicycle racks. It was a wonder he had not killed anyone yet, especially himself since he was usually at the epicenter of destruction.

"Didn' hurt!" Sello called out with that throaty slur he had achieved after years of drinking. He reached up to the desk and smacked his hand on the surface. This caused two more flasks to fall off the edge and shatter on the floor.

"Sensei, are you all right?" a girl at the front of the class asked.

"I am Swiss!" Sello replied as he hauled his elbows onto the desk, knocking over more glassware.

"Hey," Cale said, tapping on Link's and Line's shoulders. He pointed, and both boys saw that the spilled chemicals on the floor were beginning to bubble with each other.

"Sensei, you're knocking things over," another girl said. Link hissed at Cale and Line and subtly pointed at the floor.

Sello looked over the edge at the chemicals. Then he stood up. "I'z not gunna do anyding," he told the class. He picked up a large flask holding a blue liquid that began snapping as he handled it. "Not widdout _dis_."

"Uh oh," Cale uttered. Link reached up and grabbed the front of his blazer to pull him to the floor.

"Fire in the hole!" someone screamed as the whole class ducked under their tables.

The next few moments would be described as someone single-handedly starting, fighting, winning, and losing World War III as all hell broke loose in the clubroom. The initial explosion blew out the windows and launched Sello twenty feet free of the classroom and into the only tree between the annex and the main building. This explosion also had the power to shatter the rest of the glassware on the desk. From there, explosions sounded left and right as these chemicals mixed together. Screaming sounded from the room, startling a number of classes in the main building. The P.E. class, having seen Sello flying through the air, stopped to watch fire and smoke spew from the clubroom. Shrapnel from the science club's equipment was sent everywhere, and the students of Link's class decided to bolt. Link was first to the door and yanked it open for Cale and Line to run. Some of his classmates ran despite the number of deadly objects sailing past their heads while others crawled on the floor. One bookshelf caught fire. A glass case holding what must have been more chemicals suddenly blew apart just as Zelda walked casually out of the clubroom as if the class had simply ended. Link rolled his eyes at her nonchalant reaction, double-checked that none of his classmates had been left behind, and slammed the door shut once he was outside. The fire alarm sounded, and the class hustled down the stairs and out the front door as the entire school began evacuating. Link saw that the P.E. class was in the middle of helping Sello out of the tree as they moved to a safe distance away from the annex.

…

Sello had a way with cataclysm, but the students and staff had learned to roll with it by now. That was why school was still in session while the local fire brigade tore the annex apart. Of course, without their clubrooms, the principal announced that all clubs that took place in the annex were canceled until accommodations could be made. The paramedics checked on Link's class, but the only one who had to go to the hospital was Sello. Even then, it was only because he had a serious concussion on top of being completely hammered. By the time the chaos had cooled down, the class had disbanded to join the rest of the school in lunch.

Link had returned to the classroom to retrieve the mystery lunchbox while Line and Cale went to raid the cafeteria. He was one of only a few students that had returned to the room, so he was hoping that he might be able to determine who had left the lunchbox behind. However, only two guys and three girls had decided to eat lunch in the classroom, and none of them seemed interested in confessing to leaving the lunchbox.

The door at the back of the room slid open while Link pondered over the box, and he turned to see if someone had finally come to claim it. "Oh, good, yeh haven' started ye'." Instead, it turned out to be Meilont. She returned with a small lunchbox of her own, wrapped in a red, autumn leaf-patterned cloth. She held it up and asked, "Mind if I join yeh?"

Link shrugged. "Go ahead, I guess."

She stopped next to his desk and crossed her arms. "You _guess_?" she asked.

"Ah—no, no, it's fine," Link said, quickly shaking his head to clear up his thoughts.

Meilont glanced down at the lunchbox on his desk. "You haven' even opened it ye'," she observed.

"Weeell…" Link said as he looked at the lunchbox again. "I don't know if I want to. I don't know where it came from."

"It isn' yers?"

Link shook his head. "I _wanna_ say someone left it on my desk this morning, but I never found out who. It's like they disappeared before I could see them."

"Sounds like yeh go' a secre' admirer," Meilont said with a grin. She moved the chair in front of Link's desk out of the way so she could push the other desk into Link's.

"Oh, has he?" Link placed a hand over his eyes at the sound of Zelda's voice.

Meilont had to turn around to see Zelda standing next to her desk. "Oh, the studen' council presiden'," she said. "I forgo' yeh're in this class."

"No need to be so formal, Kimura-san," Zelda said as she moved her chair aside. "We _are_ peers, after all. And as peers, would you mind if I joined the two of you for lunch?"

Meilont shrugged as she sat down. "Couldn' hur'," she replied. "Wha' do yeh think, Linkun?"

"Well, I—" Link began.

"Oh, 'Linkun', is it?" Zelda asked. "I thought _I_ was the only one who called you that, Linkun." The idea was laughable to Link, who knew she had started calling him that after observing Meilont do so once before infiltrating the school.

"Funny," Meilont remarked as she unwrapped the cloth around her lunchbox. "Far as _I_ knew, I've been the only one who's ever called 'im tha'."

Link thought he heard something rumble nearby and glanced out the window. That was when he saw a flash of lightning in the middle of bright daylight and a clear sky.

He cringed as he turned back to look at Zelda. "Is this so?" she asked Meilont. "I had rather thought the name to be quite novel." She had a smiling face, but Link was not blind to the fact that she was slowly molding the desktop between her fingers. "I assure you, I had no intention of stealing such an endearing name."

"O' course," Meilont responded. Link heard a snap, and he saw that she had broken her disposable chopsticks in half. "Y'know, Linkun said yeh were tryin' ta recrui' 'im into the studen' council."

"Yes, it was my intention to involve Linkun in our activities," Zelda responded before she turned the desk. "He has been very helpful to me, assisting me in adjusting to life at this new school."

Oh, crap. Ozone. He smelled ozone.

"Linkun's already a member of the kendo club," Meilont said. She gave Zelda a wicked grin. "Unless yeh plan ta steal 'im from me."

More thunder. More ozone. He wished he would be struck.

"Hardly my intention at _all_ , Kimura-san," Zelda replied. "However, as student council president, it is part of my duty to involve the students in activities which contribute to the betterment of our school. If he is willing to forsake his prior commitments to the kendo club to ensure that his fellow students have a more enjoyable and memorable experience, I believe that it is _his_ decision."

Fire. Stampede. Earthquake. Tsunami. Meteor. Super Line. Link prayed for _something_ to happen. He could almost _see_ the sparks flying between Zelda and Meilont. Now would have been a good time for the world to spontaneously end.

"I'm sorry," Meilont replied, "I don' think I heard tha' las' statemen' righ'. It's hard ta tell wha' yeh're sayin' with all those words."

"I see," Zelda said with an understanding nod. "Allow me to be succinct. I intend to make Link part of the council. You will lose him. Fair, Kimura-san?" Link gave Zelda a shocked look.

"So yeh _do_ have an ulterior motive," Meilont replied, the smirk on her face slowly turning nasty. "Bu' yeh'll lose. Linkun's been passiona'e abou' kendo fer _years_. He ain' gonna give it up jus' 'cause a pre'y blonde bats an eye a' 'im. Righ', Linkun?"

Both girls looked at Link. Or, rather, the empty space where Link had been sitting. Link was already out the door, carefully sliding it closed while holding the lunchbox in his mouth.

"LIIINKUUUN!"

Link abandoned the door and dashed down the hallway to escape. He turned up the stairs just as he heard one of the girls slide the door open, jumping two at a time.

He did not stop at the third floor. He ran as far at the roof and threw the door open. Then he flipped around and slammed it shut. As he backed away, he listened for any sign that one of the girls was following him.

He had the sudden sensation of being watched. He was worried that he had interrupted something taking place. Or worse, Zelda had simply placed herself on the roof just to catch him. So he slowly turned his head to look over his shoulder.

Then he turned completely around upon realizing that neither girl sitting on the roof behind him looked remotely like Zelda. Or Meilont for that matter. Both had ebony skin and bright, red hair. One girl had her hair tied in a pair of long pigtails while the other wore hers in a thick ponytail. The red flash under their collars indicated third-year students, his upperclassmen. He was not sure, but he thought he recognized one of them.

Link cringed and straightened himself out. "Uh… s-sorry," he told them, bending his body in a slight bow. "I-I didn't meant to interrupt you."

The girl with the ponytail ducked her head. The girl with the pigtails saw this and smirked at her. "No trouble," she then told Link with a welcoming smile. "You can join us if you like; you don't appear to have eaten yet."

"I-I don't wanna impose or anything…" Link replied.

The pigtailed girl waved a hand. "No, c'mon, it's all right," she said. "We were just talking about you."

Link only took two steps before her words registered. "You-you what?" he asked. "You were just… just _talking_ about me?"

"You're Link Moriyuki, aren't you? From class 1-A?"

"Y-yeah?"

She pointed to the lunchbox in Link's hand. "Then _that_ must be Layna-chan's lunch."

"This is…" Link trailed off as he glanced at the lunch. Then he examined the girls a little closer. The one talking to him had a lunchbox open on the ground beside her. Her friend, however, only had a small juice bottle next to her. "Oh. I, uh… I-I don't…"

"Layna had gone down to your classroom this morning," the pigtailed girl explained. "She must have left it there on accident."

"Oh, I see," Link replied, although he had to admit that he was confused. He had not seen her in the classroom this morning. He approached them and offered the lunchbox out. "Here you go. Don't worry, I didn't open it."

Layna carefully reached up and accepted the lunchbox without raising her face to look at him. "Th-thank you…" she murmured barely loud enough for Link to hear.

"Well," the other girl said. "We seem to have a problem. Moriyuki-kun doesn't have a lunch to eat now." She grinned devilishly at Layna again. "It seems that you owe him more than just an apology for taking his lunch."

"No, it's all right," Link replied. "I can see if there's anything left in the cafeteria."

"Um…" Layna spoke up just as Link turned away. He paused to see if she would say anything else. "If-if you wish… I-I would l-like to share with you… Mo-Moriyuki-san."

"Uuuuh…" Link droned for a moment. "I—I mean, I wouldn't _mind_ , but that's a pretty _small_ lunch for two people to share. Isn't it? We could both eat it, but we'd both still be hungry later on."

The pigtailed girl nodded her head. "Pretty logical argument, Moriyuki-kun," she said. "You're right; it wouldn't be fair to you if she split her lunch."

Link gave her a strange look. "What part of that statement makes you think I was concerned with myself?"

"Well, I think Layna-chan owes you for being so considerate. Not only has she inconvenienced you with carrying around her lunch, now you won't be able to eat."

"I can just go down to the cafeteria," Link said as he prepared to turn again.

"Ah, let me finish, Moriyuki-kun," she said, raising a hand to stop him. "I would like to propose that you meet us up here again for lunch tomorrow. And, to make up for her behavior, Layna-chan will bring a lunch large enough for you to share." Layna started and looked at her friend in shock, her face turning deep crimson.

"We—I don't wanna be an inconvenience," Link quickly told her.

"If you don't want to be an inconvenience, then you'll be back tomorrow. Otherwise you'll have made Layna-chan carry that large lunch in vain."

Link could only blink for a moment. He had never known someone to be so pushy like this, never mind when putting words in another's mouth. He wondered if it was just a Gelto thing. "O-okay then," he agreed. "I'll… be back tomorrow, I guess."

"You might want to get running to the cafeteria then," the pigtailed girl told him. "Lunch will be ending soon."

"Oh, crap!" Link shouted before turning to run for the door.

…

He did not make it.

In addition to lunch time being shortened due to Sello's chaos, the time he had spent watching Zelda and Meilont fight as well as the time he had spent talking to the two girls on the roof had made him late to the cafeteria. Everyone had already bought their lunch, but the short lunch line only meant he got to the counter just as the bell rang to signal the end of the lunch period. So Link returned to the classroom and simply bore his hunger in silence. Fourth period, the literature class, Link felt that there was no problem, that he might be able to tolerate this until after school.

He was sorely mistaken by fifth period art. It must have been the subject. After two months of having to do nude works of the art teacher herself, she had decided to make them sketch a bowl of wax fruit. Link felt like he had a black hole where his stomach used to be.

 _Grrrrrrrrrrr._

"Aaaaah. I heah a sound~." Link's head drooped at the playful lilt of Dholit Aidorei-sensei's voice.

Dholit was another teacher that probably should have been fired a long time ago, and, unlike Sello, she really did not have any redeeming qualities that benefitted the school. Her demon was what could loosely be called sexual harassment. However, the way she went about it made it difficult to report her. She liked to parade in the nude around her classroom (until today) under the guise of providing a subject for her students. Granted, most of her poses were benign as far as sexual implication went, but she was always offering herself as a subject and calling it art. Even when she had to step in the hallway. She also liked to get close to her students while they were supposed to be working. Naturally, this had been in conjunction with walking around naked. And it always seemed like the art room was warmer than the rest of the school, frequently causing students to open their collars a little more. So what saved her from getting fired? The girls valued her artistic insight and advice. And, well, every boy in her art class turned into Line… except for Line, who pretty much acted like himself.

Link could sense her standing to his right and glanced over in response. His eyes first wandered down the front of her blouse, buttoned low and collar folded back to show off as much cleavage as possible. So he directed his eyes upward while he prayed to himself that the warmth in his face was just from the surrounding room. She had her red hair tied tight behind her head, and her dark skin glistened with a fresh sheet of perspiration. Her eyes… Link suddenly realized that he could use a cold shower.

"Is everything all right, Moriyuki-chan?" Dholit asked.

Irritation quickly replaced arousal upon hearing her pet name for him. She liked to single him out to the class. This was mostly because they used to be enemies, having dueled about a month ago. He would never forget the harem she tried to entice him with after she had exposed herself as an agent against him. Sometimes he wondered if she was _still_ trying to build a harem. Link glared at her and replied, "No, Aidorei-sensei," he said in a slow, clear voice. "I am doing well."

She glanced at his easel. "Ah, it appeahs to be coming along nicely," she said as she admired his charcoal sketch. "You might not fohget to include the designs on the bowl. Oh was youh intention to impress me. Because I don't mind saying that I am _very_ impressed."

Link winced at the innuendo-laced comment and glanced back at his sketch. It still escaped him how the banana placed erect between two apples could have been taken in such a way until Link realized their phallic arrangement. Annoyed, Link grabbed the sketch and tore it from its spiral bindings. Dholit gave her high-pitched, evil-ish laugh as she watched Link crush the page in his hands. She stood up and moved on to the next student, leaving Link a clear shot at the recycle bin next to the door. He turned back to the bowl to get another start, but now that she had put the idea in his head, he found it hard to begin again.

He was then distracted by a small wad of paper skipping off his shoulder. He turned around to see Line point two fingers at his own eyes before then indicating Link with a finger. Link picked up a piece of charcoal and flung it at him. Line was taken aback and, in the middle of juggling the charcoal, leaned backward too far and fell. The thud caused the rest of the class to turn toward him.

Including Dholit. "Oh, Kazegawa-chan!" she called out as she rushed to his side. She then threw her arms around his head just as he was standing and held him tight to her chest. "Ah you all right? Can I get you anything?"

"UhnoI'mfinethankyou," Line replied in a cracking voice.

 _Whum-whump! Whump! Whump! Whu-whu-whump! Whump! Whu-whum-whump!_ Link pressed a hand over his face after watching the rest of the boys in his class suddenly fall off their stools.

…

Link felt a little stupid being the only guy in the class during history. It only got a little less awkward once Cale returned for the language class. During the period in between language and physical education, Link went down to the infirmary to find that half of the entire first-year class (meaning all the boys) had crowded outside the infirmary. The sound of Dholit giggling somewhere on the other side of the pack told him all he wanted to know, and he went to P.E. alone.

Five minutes later…

"What the hell is this?"

Link and Cale stood in their gym uniforms as the only two boys from 1-A to show up. Gilliam Kishidou looked between the two groups as if he was trying to wrap his head around the fact that 1-A now only had two boys while still having its regular number of girls.

"Girls, go ahead and do some stretching," Gilliam said. Then he approached Link and Cale and asked, "Where's the rest of your class? In the locker room?"

"Nope," Link replied while Cale shook his head.

"Well, where are they? I know they're here; I saw your class coming out of the annex after Shiniyoi-sensei blew himself out the window."

"Yeah, that was interesting," Link said in a dull voice.

"I'm afraid we don't know wheah they went," Cale confessed. "I-I had to… visit the infihmary aftah aht class."

"Any of the other boys go with you?" Gilliam asked.

"Ah, well… a-a numbah of them weh theah when I ahrived," Cale replied. "I'd… injuhed myself… in-in aht class."

"You _injured_ yourself," Gilliam said with an air of skepticism. "In _art_ class."

"Y-yes?"

" _Aidorei_ -sensei's art class," Gilliam said.

"Yyyyep…" Link answered.

Gilliam sighed and placed a hand over his face. "All right," he said. Then he called out, "Get your stretching done, and then all of you will give me two laps around the track. You can go back in when the bell rings. I'll be in the faculty office giving 'Aidorei-sensei' a piece of my mind."

Link rolled his eyes as Gilliam walked away, mostly because the last time he had words with Aidorei-sensei, _Gilliam_ was missing the next day.

…

School ended, and Link had to change from his gym uniform to his regular uniform to his kendo outfit. The rest of the club was taking its time showing up, so Link decided to practice for a bit without his armor. Of course, with what he had seen lately, his swings were not as stiff and calculated as they used to be. Instead, he was trying to remember his last fight two days before and changed the way he swung his bamboo sword. For a moment, he was not fighting a human opponent in his head. He was fighting something taller, heavier, and made of metal. He was focused enough that he was not even paying attention as other club members entered.

 _WHAP!_ "Ow!" he hollered after a bamboo sword slapped the back of his head.

He turned around to find Meilont standing behind him, already changed into her robes with her sword resting on her shoulder. "Yeh ran away," she said with an even tone, a soft smile on her face.

"It wasn't _my_ fault," Link whined as he rubbed the back of his head. "You and Chiehime-san just started _arguing_ over me. It was awkward, and I was getting hungry."

"Ah, I see," she said with a nod. Then she pointed the sword with the tip resting on the end of his nose. "I'm holdin' yeh responsible."

Link gave an exhausted sigh. "Do we _have_ to spar?" he asked.

"YES!" Both Link and Meilont gave the present club members surprised looks. They all appeared eager at the prospect of watching yet another fight between the two first-year students, already sitting at the edge of the practice floor. Link was not sure what the attraction was; watching how intense their fights had become lately seemed equally as interesting as the fact that Meilont was once more going to beat the crap out of him.

But Meilont, despite appearances, was mad at him. So he consigned himself to the fact that he was going to leave the school bruised and battered once more. "Okay, let's go get our armor," he told her.

He made to walk around her only to have her sword cross his vision. "Nope," she said. "I jus' go' done listenin' ta Chiehime tell me tha' yeh're leavin' me. I don' wanna aggrava'e maself puttin' on armor."

"Ooooooh!" the other club members droned.

"Leaving the _club_!" Link snapped at them. "Stop jumping to conclusions; you're _high school students_ , not animation characters!"

"Let's go," Meilont told him as she moved to step to the middle of the floor.

"Mei-chan, listen," Link began.

He only had a second to spot the tighter grip she placed on her sword. Then he raised his sword to intercept the half-circle swing she made as she whirled around. Their swords clicked together, and Link took the extra moment he bought himself to lean backwards before her following jab could nail him in the chest. She withdrew and struck again with an overhead, diagonal strike. Link had to use both hands to block with a horizontal blade or else have the end of her sword crack him on the forehead. She whipped around, and Link immediately saw that she had changed her target. So he sidestepped and smacked away the vertical strike she was aiming in between his legs. His deflection caused her to stumble, and he used the opportunity to strengthen his stance and raise his sword in defense.

He did not dare attack. First, Meilont was a girl, and he had been taught by his parents not to hit girls after years of exchanging blows with Irleen. Second, he would rather be hurt than to hurt his childhood friend, especially since he was sure the rest of the kendo club would pummel him to death if he so much as put a bruise on her. Third, hitting Meilont would only make her angrier, and Link would prefer that she continue to use her sword than decide to sucker-punch him like she used to when they were eight years old.

Fourth, he was afraid to win.

At the same time, he did not want to try to disarm her or retreat from the fight. Again, if the sword came out of her hands, the next blow would be a fist to his face. And retreating just meant that she had an opening with which to beat his ass into the floor. Appealing to the club rules would, at best, make the club president call him a coward; at worst, he would lose the sword and _still_ get the stuffing knocked out of him.

So he did all he could to wear her down. When she was angry at him, she liked to expend all of her frustration in trying to hurt him. She would eventually give up and switch to actual kendo rules, and Link would lose to a strike to the hands or take one in the chest. The only problem was how hurt he would be along the way.

When Meilont recovered, she turned to see that Link was ready for her. She twirled the sword and copied his stance. Link at first thought she had already worn out her frustration.

The uncalled strike he deflected from his face said otherwise. She had stepped back and then used a short, horizontal strike as she stepped forward again. He jerked his sword left to smack hers away. Her recovery was fast as she let the sword swing her arms backwards and then sprang her arms forward for a vertical strike. Link held his sword horizontal to intercept, and then he jerked hard to the right to draw her blade down and away from his skull. She had to pull her sword back to escape Link's entrapment. She jabbed low, and Link was forced to jump backwards in order to save his groin. The way he jumped backwards was a little clumsy.

 _WHAP!_

Link's head snapped backwards when she used a short swing upwards to smack his chin. He reeled, attempting to steady himself on the only foot still on the floor.

 _WHAP!_ She cracked her sword across his ribs, and he finally gave up and fell to the floor. The club members gave a cheer.

Link rolled and found his feet in the same motion. He rose up on a knee to a diagonal swing aimed at his head again and used his sword-arm to deflect upwards with a wild swing. She was better prepared for this and let him sweep the sword away. This gave her the opportunity to wheel her arm around for a cheap shot aimed for his armpit.

Link dropped his sword, his reaction suddenly taking on an instinctual edge. He twisted his wrist to catch the sword in a reversed grip and planted the sword's point on the floor just as her sword made contact with it. The clack of blades signaled silence in the clubroom as both Meilont and the other club members registered Link's move. Link realized his mistake and exchanged a shocked look with Meilont.

Who then gave him a devilish smile.

Link immediately sprang to his feet as she withdrew her blade to prepare for another attack. He only had a moment to switch his hold on his sword, and it was already clear that he was busted. So he removed his hand from the blade and spun out of the way as Meilont brought a diagonal strike down on him. She missed, and he reached out to swipe his sword out of the air. Meilont quickly turned her strike upward toward him again, stepping into the strike to deliver more force. Link, with his own blade turned downward, slid his sword underneath hers so that the blade was parallel to the direction she was using. Then he twisted, ducked, and brought his sword up to direct her blade over his head. He then placed his other hand on the handle and stiffened his arms with his sword held in a basic ready position while her blade was unable to advance toward him. Meilont quickly withdrew her blade and swung it over her head in a circle. Link used a single step to turn and swung his sword downward with a firm strike. The end of his blade caught her blade near the base, and the shock interrupted the horizontal swing she had aimed for the back of his head. Meilont felt the shock in her arms as well and backed a moment to shake the pain out of one arm. A few of the male members stood up on a knee while two of the girls picked up the wooden swords they had swiped from the back room.

Meilont then charged forward with a jab that Link deflected by holding his blade near to parallel with hers with his tip underneath and then snapping upwards.

"Mask!" Meilont cried out. Link quickly thrust his arm up in a horizontal block meant for a vertical downswing.

 _WHAP!_ She struck with a horizontal swing aimed underneath his blade instead. Her blade met his left cheek, and he fell to the floor as the world around him suddenly took a left turn.

The clubroom broke into cheers and jeering at Link's expense. However, a few of the older members hollered for another fight. Link, dazed, sat up with one hand holding his head. He met Meilont's gaze.

And Meilont, with the sword shouldered again, gave him a quick smile before turning around.

…

"Yeh le' me win."

Link gave a sigh as he looked at the setting sun ahead of him. Then he sniffed and said, "Yeah. So?"

"How lon' have yeh been takin' dives?"

"Past couple of months," he replied truthfully.

She crossed her arms and leaned forward to try to look him in the eyes as they walked down the street. "Well then, _why_? I saw yeh in there! You could've beaten me _tha'_ lon' ago."

Link could not help but burst out a brief chuckle. "Are you kidding?" he asked. "Look how you are. Confident and stubborn. If I'd started beating you, you'd just start fighting me just to see if you could ever beat me again."

"Tha's how a person gets _strong_ ," she argued. She pointed at him. "Yeh're lucky we don' have swords _now_ ; I'd challenge yeh fer a fair figh' righ' here."

"Hence why I was hiding it," Link said.

"Don' yeh see wha' yeh can brin' ta the school?" she asked. "The presiden' would _have_ ta brin' yeh ta competition."

Link shook his head. "Don't you get it, Mei-chan? Half the things we do when we're fighting we could _never_ legally pull off at a competition. We'd get thrown out."

Meilont sighed. "I don' ge' it, Link. Yeh used ta be so _passiona'e_ about kendo. Don' tell me yeh actually _are_ thinkin' o' givin' up."

"I don't know. At this point, I might have to. It depends on what the president says."

"Yeh _can'_ give up!" She grabbed his sleeve and pulled him to a stop. "Linkun, wha's all this _change_ all o' a sudden? Is somethin' wrong?"

"No, it's nothing _like_ that!" Link asserted. Meilont's concerned look turned into an annoyed glare. So he answered, "Okay, things changed a bit."

"Bu' yeh won' tell me," she concluded. She gave a small huff. "And yeh tell _me_ no' ta indulge Ligh'."

" _No one_ needs to indulge Light."

["Hey!"]

"But that's not my point," Link continued. "Something came up that I need to take care of. It's making things weird, but I'm working on it."

"Righ'," she replied. "Well, when it's over, I'd like ma old friend back."

"Mei-chan…"

She huffed out another breath. "I didn' mean it _spitefully_. I don' like yeh keepin' secrets from me. I'll le' this one go, bu' if yeh don' watch yerself, I'll star' gettin' involved."

Link nodded. "Okay. Okay, I-I think I can do that. No more secrets. Uh— _after_ this one."

"Deal," she said, giving his shoulder a playful slap. She looked down the street and then over her shoulder. "Yeh're headin' ta yer mom's place?"

"Yeah," Link said as they started walking again. "You wanna come? Have some dinner with us?"

"Nah, I have ta ge' home," she said. "Ma dad's waitin'."

"Okay." Link pointed ahead. "This is your corner, right?"

"Yep."

Then she put a hand up and ripped the bandage off his nose. "Ye- _ouch_!" Link hollered, holding his nose.

She folded the bandage between her fingers. "No more nose bandages," she told him before she turned down her street. "Yeh don' make it look good."

Link watched her walk away, rubbing a nose void of wound or scar.

…

The Sail Tavern was a fair-sized restaurant and bar built on the second floor above a grocery store further downtown beyond the shopping arcade. As the name suggested, it was themed as an old, European-style tavern complete with a wooden floor that creaked horribly, electric chandeliers which used LED candles in place of actual candles, and a fully-stocked bar behind a countertop that had seen some age. The tables, stools, and chairs, while also made of wood, were newer and well-kept. Some medieval weapons adorned the walls in between the few windows, although there was still an empty space where Link had stolen a sword from the establishment two months ago.

Leeta Moriyuki strode across the floor to examine the cleaning the morning staff had done. When Link entered, she immediately looked in his direction. So Link raised a hand and said, "Hi, Mom."

"Hi, Link," she answered as she watched him cross the floor. "How was school?"

"Shiniyoi-sensei blew up the annex, and Mei-chan's ma— _hrk!_ "

Link was suddenly choked off when, while walking past her toward the bar, Leeta reached out and wrapped his head in her arms. "You could at least give your mother a _hug_ when you drop by," she told him.

Link slipped out and backed away. "Mom, I _asked_ you not to do that," he whined while rubbing his neck. "It hurts."

"What were you saying about Mei-chan?"

Link sighed. "She's… a little mad at me."

Leeta glanced at her waiting staff. Then she asked in a low voice, "Is it that stuff from before? The whole 'Captain Knight' thing?"

"Pretty much," Link whispered back. "I mean… _how_ do I explain my swordsmanship's getting better because I've been fighting _monsters_ almost every night?"

"You might have to tell her."

Link gave another sigh. "I know." He glanced around. "Dad and Irleen aren't here yet?"

"Your dad has to work late; they needed him on the docks. Irleen said she could fend for herself. So it'll be just you and me for tonight." Link nodded his understanding. "I need to finish checking the floor. Why don't you go give Twali your order?"

"Okay," Link said.

He walked to the bar on the left side of the restaurant from the entrance and sat down. Luggard Denshabito had to turn in order to notice Link sitting behind him. "Oh, oy there, Link," he said. "'Ow's 'igh school?"

"It's high school," Link replied with an indifferent shrug. "How's college?"

Luggard shrugged. "It's college. Like 'igh school, jus' slower."

"Yeah, but I bet you don't have to deal with a chemistry teacher who likes to blow things up."

"I's there when they _'ired_ Shiniyoi," Luggard pointed out. "I'd've been commutin' t' another school if 'e 'adn't set fire t' the cram school tha' use' t' be there."

"I don't remember if I asked you before, but did you ever meet Aidorei-sensei? The art teacher?"

"Don' soun' familiar."

"Gelto. Tall."

"Beau'iful?"

"Are you kidding? My whole class took a dive today just because they wanted her to hug them in sympathy. Half of the first-year class was crammed together outside the infirmary just because she was _there_."

"Damn. Where was those teachers when _I_ was there?" Luggard paused while Link stared at the counter in boredom. "If this was an animation, now'd be a good time t' ge' attacked."

"Yeah, well, this is a _fanfiction_ ," Link replied as he stretched his arms upward. "Which means Light ran out of material for this scene and is about to cut to a couple of hours later."

…

A couple of hours later, the—…

["GODDAMMIT!"]

A couple of hours later, the restaurant was alive with patrons. Link only lingered for a bit after having dinner with Leeta, and then he decided that he should go home and see how much homework he was going to ignore tonight.

Judging from the black portal in the middle of the residential street he was walking on, he quite possibly was not going to _get_ to his homework. He was only halfway home, and he could see the fight coming.

A metal grating that almost sounded like cackling emerged from the portal before the Stalarmor. It wore full plate armor without a helmet. It did not _need_ a helmet, having welded spikes directly to its steel skull. The grating came from its jaw, and the Stalarmor stopped with as much of a confused look its metal eye sockets and pinpoint light eyes could provide. The hand not holding a maul reached up and felt around its jaw. It seemed to find the problem and tugged on one side of its jaw until there was a metal snap. Then it opened and closed its mouth to test out its adjustment.

"A Stalarmor?" Link asked with a distinct lack of surprise. "We did this last week. And it seems they sent _Curly_ after me." The Stalarmor raised the maul and then slammed it on the pavement in a show of strength, cracking the surface.

Then lightning jumped out of the portal behind it. Two more figures stepped up to flank the Stalarmor. One was a green Dinolfos with a double-bit axe in one hand while the other held a circular shield. The other was a blue Dinolfos with a pair of short-swords.

"Larry, Moe," Link said, "welcome to the party. Okay, here's how this is gonna work. I'm gonna transform, and theeeeeen…" He pointed to the green Dinolfos. "I'm going to kill _you_ first. Probably won't be pretty, but I've got hero's insurance, so it'll be okay. Then I'll take out Moe, and, if there's any justice, _Curly_ will have a hand in it before I find the jewel on his body and smash it. Fair?"

Lightning shot from the portal again, and the trio stepped aside. Another Dinolfos stepped out of the portal, but this one was different. First, it was a head taller than the other Dinolfos. Instead of the dinosaur-like head, this one looked more like an alligator. It had a bandana tied to its shallow forehead. It wore shorts and a tank top spattered with oil. Across that tank top was a pair of ammunition belts. Also slung to its front was machine gun. However, what really caught Link's attention was the massive minigun ["What an idiotic contradiction…"] the Gatolfos shrugged off its shoulder. It held to barrel pointed at Link, and Link could hear a _whrrrrrrrRRRRR_ as the motor warmed up and began spinning the barrels.

Link gave a nervous laugh while the corners of the Gatolfos' mouth picked up. "Oh," he said. "Uh… well, that, uh… that changes things."

Link then ran screaming down a side street just before the minigun began chewing the road apart, its report masking the Gatolfos' high-pitched squeals of manic and murderous delight. It advanced down the road with its fingers still on the trigger and riddled the outer walls of the nearby residences with bullets as it turned to chase Link. Link could hear the bullets' rapid approach along the walls and dove into another street before the bullets could find him. He kept low as the bullets pelted the corner for a moment before moving on to the next corner.

Link sat up and pressed his back against the nearby streetlight, listening to his own breathing being drowned out by hundreds of rounds a minute. When the firing stopped, Link strained to listen. Then he looked down at his school bag. Well, the _handle_ of his school bag; the rest of it looked to have been shot off. Link sighed and said to himself as he tossed the handle aside, "Fourth one this month. Where the hell does a two-hundred-year-old monster overlord find a psycho with a minigun?"

He stood up and pulled on his left sleeve to reveal a gold bracelet adorned with a green, triangular button. He pressed the button down and hollered out, "Courageous Heart!" The bracelet responded by glowing green. Link then added, "And make it quick before I become Swiss cheese!"

He was enveloped in green light that shredded his uniform apart. A pulse of white light traced along his arm and onto his chest, where it settled near his heart. Then ropes spilled from his chest and encircled Link's torso and hips. They melted together until they formed a green, sleeveless tunic. The light then separated and moved to his hands, feet, and forehead while brown trousers grew from underneath the tunic. More ropes spilled from the lights in his hands and feet. Around his hands, they formed fingerless gloves made of leather. At his feet, they wound themselves into a pair of leather boots that sported pastel-blue wing patches stitched to the ankles. Two belts circled from around his lower back and locked together in front of him while a third, larger belt grew from behind his left shoulder, traveled down his front, and wound around his back again. The glowing bracelet around his wrist shattered into dust. This dust then pulled back together at various points on his body. It formed a flare gun with fitting shells on one of his belts, a thicker and tighter bracelet with a ruby on his left wrist, a blue cloth tied to his right upper arm, a pouch behind his back on the second belt around his waist, a small pin hammer that was only tucked into the front of that same belt, a broadsword Zelda had called the "Lokomo Sword" slung to the belt higher on his back, and a heater-shaped shield bearing a triangle and ray motif on his right forearm. The remaining light molded itself into a band around his forehead. Then it stretched into a lime green band while spreading upward to form a pointed cap. The green light receded from his head and solidified into a skin-tight, lime green suit.

When the ambient light disappeared from Link, he pressed his back to the wall. "Okay," he said to himself. "To monologue, or not to monologue." He jumped out around the corner. "Here I—"

 _WhrrrrrRRRRRRR_ …

"GYAH!" Link jumped back behind the corner just as the minigun tore into the air again. He moved further away from the corner as chunks of concrete were sent flying from the wall. "Right," he said to himself. "Psychotic lizard. Why was that even a _question_?" He pulled his flare gun from behind his back and took a shell from his belt. He had to angle it in the light to make sure it was a flare and not a smoke shell, and then he loaded it. He turned and looked up at the roof beyond the outer wall. However, he quickly decided that jumping up there was a bad idea; so far, the Gatolfos was keeping the minigun level with the ground, where the walls provided the nearby homes protection from bullets. So Link turned toward the street. He saw an alley just a little further down the street from the lizard posse. The Gatolfos held fire as they waited to see if they had gotten Link.

So Link dashed out into the road, rendering himself little more than a blur that his adversaries could barely see in the poor light. His venture into the open lasted maybe a second, far too fast for the Gatolfos to bring its minigun back up to speed in time to fire. Link fired his flare gun backwards before disappearing down the alley. Link slid to a stop just in time to hear the minigun begin mauling the street again. He flipped the flare gun open and used a corner of his shield to pry the hot shell out. He replaced it with another flare and glanced up at the alley. From what Link could tell, the alley ended at the next street. It gave Link the idea of using his super speed to round the block and sneak up behind them. He clicked the gun shut and replaced it. Then, with the minigun's report still behind him, he sped down the alley and up the street back to the main road he had been using as a leisurely stroll back home. It did not appear as leisurely with the pavement ripped apart and bullet holes decorating the residential walls. He would have to make this quick; he could see lights turning on in some of the nearby houses.

He dashed to the corner and peered around. He found that his attempt to surprise the Dinolfos had been foiled by the axe-wielding Dinolfos, who was slowly tracking backwards down the street to keep its companions covered. Link's green flare sat glowing on the ground behind the group, more or less ignored. However, Link did not feel that all was lost. Leading the pack was the Gatolfos. And he wondered just how psychotic the reptile was.

So he jumped out into the middle of the street. "Here I stand before you, evil-doers!" he declared in a boisterous voice, feeling not less stupid than the first time his powers had compelled him to monologue. His appearance caused the group to stop and turn their heads to look at him. He turned and pointed his empty hand at them. "I have sailed the seas of time and destiny to face you! The rise of my sun will bring an end to Cunimincus' night! My blade serves the goddess Zelda and strikes down the wicked! I am Captain Knight, and you shall fall under the strength of justice and my Courageous Heart!"

None of the Dinolfos or the Stalarmor moved for a moment, baffled by Link's apparently blatant stupidity. Then…

 _WhrrrrrrRRRRRR_ …

The Gatolfos let out an incoherent ramble in its high-pitched voice as it spun its minigun's barrels. Link felt that he had to give credit to Cunimincus' men this time; both the small Dinolfos and the Stalarmor were smart enough to realize that they were standing in a very bad place. The rapid thrumming report of the minigun was already sounding as the Gatolfos then had to haul the minigun around to bring it to bear on Link. The Stalarmor jerked and writhed as gunfire riddled its body, both its armor and its interior spaces. The sound was like listening to pots and pans banging together. The tailing Dinolfos being razed by the minigun was decidedly not as clean. Link only got a brief look at the start of the action before skipping sideways to the other side of the street. He had to turn out of the way as bullets tore the corner of the wall apart. He decided to count that first Dinolfos as deceased. And possibly rent into a pile of reptilian steaks. The concept left him a little queasy, and he tried to shove the idea aside.

The minigun stopped firing sooner than Link expected. He carefully edged his way back until he could see down the road through one of the openings in the corner. The Gatolfos was shaking the minigun in annoyance. He jerked a thumb at his back to signal the bullet-riddled Stalarmor. The Stalarmor then glanced at the Gatolfos' backpack. Its response was to smack the Gatolfos on the back of the head, knocking its bandana off. The Gatolfos gave an annoyed wail in response to the Stalarmor and threw down the minigun. Link breathed a sigh of relief. Out of ammo. He watched for a moment while the Gatolfos then took up the machine gun and unsnapped one of its ammo belts.

Then Link decided to strike. He jumped into the middle of the street and charged with his shield held before him. The Stalarmor and remaining Dinolfos barely had time to see him before he dashed past them. He hit the Gatolfos with such force that it was lifted off its feet and flung down the street. The hit also allowed Link to slow much closer to where the Gatolfos had been standing. He stopped and spun to see what the Stalarmor was doing.

The Stalarmor had its maul raised above its head. Link did not have time to dodge or even bring his shield around to defend himself.

 _Tink!_ And yet, the Stalarmor did not get the chance to smash Link's skull in. Something skipped off the side of its head, jarring vision that was already made difficult by the bullet hole in its left eye socket. It staggered, and Link backed out of its range. The Stalarmor shook its head, rattling the bullets caught in its empty braincase. It looked up from about the direction it had thought it had seen the flash of metal that had hit it. Both Link and the remaining Dinolfos also looked.

She stood at the very apex at the very end of the nearest house. Her lithe build was framed by the half moon behind her. The streetlights revealed her skin-tight, black suit adorned with various straps and pockets. A mask was stretched across her nose to cover the bottom of her face. She was clearly Gelto, revealed by the dark complexion and a ponytail of bright red hair that fell as far as her knees. Link had met her not long after his first fight with Cunimincus' minions. She did not speak and would not dare wander close to him outside of battle, so he did not know her name. Since then, Link had dubbed her the "Scarlet Shadow".

Link held his arms out wide. "Hey," he called up to her. "Feel like hanging around tonight?" She turned around and started walking away along the roof. "Guess not."

He then drew his sword and turned back to the Stalarmor. It raised its maul, but Link was much faster in advancing for an attack. He jabbed at the Stalarmor's head. The tip of the Lokomo Sword found the bullet hole in its left eye socket, providing the sword an anchor point as he pressed the jab forward. The Stalarmor became disoriented and had to release one hand from the maul to grab Link's sword. The maul, without its weight in check, caused the Stalarmor's right arm to pull backwards until the armor snapped free of its rivets, allowing the shoulder to twist far beyond a human's range until the bone simply popped out of the shoulder joint. The arm clattered to the ground, and the Stalarmor shoved Link's sword aside. It then brought its fist around to further ward Link off. Link swung his right arm and met the Stalarmor's hand with his shield. The shield caused some of the bones in the Stalarmor's gauntlet to fall loose, but the Stalarmor took a step forward to push Link away.

While the Stalarmor waved its hand to listen to its new maraca, Link spun to find the other Dinolfos. The Dinolfos had taken shelter down an alley when the Scarlet Shadow had arrived. It was now charging for Link with both swords poised to strike from either side. Link backpedaled a few steps so that he had room to intercept the reptile. Then he took a step forward and leapt over the Dinolfos just as it swung at him. He spun and flipped at the apex of his jump so that when he landed, he was already facing the Dinolfos as it slid to a stop. It whirled with a sword coming down in a backhanded, diagonal strike. Link thrust his shield at the sword, and the resulting _clang_ echoed down the street. The Dinolfos would have hit its own face with that sword if its awkward hold on the other sword had not been there to block it. Link then jabbed the Lokomo Sword into its exposed thigh. The Dinolfos let out a horrific scream before attempting retaliation with a horizontal swing leveled to behead Link. Link ducked under the blade and held his shield up to block the other sword that the Dinolfos was swinging in the same manner as a follow-through attack. He pushed the sword away as the Dinolfos attempted to stab his chest with the first sword. Link swept a horizontal blade upward to deflect the stab. He twisted his wrist so that the sword he was deflecting would slide into the guard. Once the sword was arrested in the Lokomo Sword's abnormal design, Link angled the blade downward and away so that he could drop the Dinolfos' defense on its right side. The Dinolfos tried to stab with its left sword. Link quickly withdrew his own sword and turned so that he could deflect with the lower half of his shield. He spun with his sideways motion and used the momentum to put forward a horizontal slash. The backhanded attack found the Dinolfos' head, cracking its skull and sending a line of blood along the ground as Link's follow-through pulled the blade from its face. The Dinolfos fell to the ground.

Link then heard the metal rattling of the Stalarmor's bullet-ridden body and spun in response. The Stalarmor had reattached its arm (although its pauldron was horribly misshapen) and was advancing on him with its maul slowly rising for that overhead strike it was interested in dealing.

 _Ka-chak!_ Then Link saw the Gatolfos rising behind the Stalarmor. And it had the ammo belt locked into its machine gun.

"Uh oh."

The Gatolfos let out a wild yell and opened fire. Link quickly closed ranks with the Stalarmor, who then felt fully automatic fire pierce into its back. It jerked where it stood, dropping its maul and absorbing rounds while Link hunched low with his shield held in front of the opening in the Stalarmor's legs. The Gatolfos abandoned all focus and waved the machine gun around, spraying down most of the street. Hidden on the other side of the Stalarmor, Link replaced his sword and reached for the pouch behind his back.

The Gatolfos held fire, mostly out of confusion since he did not see Link's body lying on the ground. The Stalarmor turned around and held its arms out as if to indignantly ask the Gatolfos what the hell it was doing. In that same moment, Link ran for a wall while he pulled his secret weapon from behind his back. He managed one, and then two steps up the side of the wall. Then, as he dropped back to the ground, he twisted.

His aim was nearly perfect as the boomerang bashed the Gatolfos in between the eyes. The Gatolfos fell backwards, discharging his machine gun into the air until he landed flat on the ground. Link then turned his attention back to the Stalarmor.

And there, visible in the massive holes the Gatolfos had shot through the Stalarmor's back, Link saw the Stalarmor's life jewel embedded in one of its vertebrae.

The Stalarmor then turned to guard its back. It reached over to pick up its maul. Link took that opportunity to charge. The Stalarmor could not stand fast enough as Link used his shield to knock its head off. Its head went flying high into the air. The spin the strike produced caused the Stalarmor's body to flail in an attempt to maintain balance. Without any way to protect itself, Link slipped under one arm while he drew his pin hammer from his belt. He had to grab the Stalarmor's spine to hold it still, and then he smashed the jewel. The Stalarmor stopped moving and fell apart where it stood. The part of spine Link had to hold dislodged as it fell, and he nonchalantly tossed the vertebrae into the pile with the rest of the dead creature.

Link heard a groan and turned his head to watch the Gatolfos stagger to its feet. Link reached around his back for his flare gun. But the Gatolfos was faster on the draw, taking aim at Link from the hip. He stood in the middle of the street with almost no cover. His only option was to drop to one knee and hunch low behind his shield as the Gatolfos opened fire. Bullets flew by Link's head, and they pelted the front of his shield hard. One penetrated the shield and hit his right shoulder. The Gatolfos brought itself under control, and Link could feel the shield start to splinter apart.

 _Kik kink. Kink._ Link then looked up when the impacts against his shield stopped. The Gatolfos was holding its machine gun pointed at the ground, using the bolt to try to clear a jam. It became violent with its efforts, possibly because every second spent not shooting at Link left it open to attack. Link stood up and shook the shield off his arm. The heavy _clang_ against the ground alerted the Gatolfos, and it looked up at him.

Link drew the Lokomo Sword and thrust it into the air. "Time for you to find out where the 'Captain' part of my name comes from," he told the Gatolfos. Then he called to the sky, "Spirit of the _Island Symphony_!"

The air behind Link ripped apart, spilling out blue wind that engulfed the street. The Gatolfos stepped backwards as a transparent ship hull rose from the opening. Shouting sounded from the deck. The same blue wind engulfed the blade of the Lokomo Sword, and Link changed position so that he was ready to level a horizontal strike.

"FUUUUUUUUUULL… SAAAAAAAAAAAIL… _**SLAAAAASH!**_ "

The six sails of the ship opened outward, and the ship lurched forward at an intense speed. At the same time, Link advanced on the Gatolfos despite his feet being planted firmly on the ground. The Gatolfos turned to flee.

Link reached it before it took its first step and struck. His blade sliced clean through the Gatolfos at shoulder-level. The ferocious winds from the phantom ship then picked up the Gatolfos and flung it out of sight as Link came back to a rest on the pavement.

He stood up straight and watched as the last visions of the ship and wind faded away. His outfit turned into green light and burst apart, revealing his uniform perfectly intact.

Then he collapsed to the ground, his legs as well as the left side of his body completely numb. He barely noticed his head striking the pavement. His brain swam with unusual thoughts for a moment. This was how his day usually ended. The physical demands to use his "Full Sail Slash" tended to drain him of his ability to move or think rationally. The fatigue would clear up in a moment, but the numbness would persist if he could not get any help.

Once his thoughts had cleared, he reached into the pocket of his trousers and pulled out a cellular phone. This was an emergency phone that only one other person knew about. It was the same person whose number was the only number in the phone's contacts list. He dialed it and held the phone to his ear. It rang once… twice… thrice—

::"Aaah. Linkun."::

"Hi, Zelda," Link groaned into the phone.

::"I take it that our mutual enemy has struck again?"::

"Yep."

::"And, yet again, I must use my goddess powers to set right the damage done to the town?"::

"Pretty much."

::"Where are you?"::

"Not far from the shopping arcade. Just look for the street covered in bullet holes; I'll be down one of the side roads."

::"Can you move?"::

"Not really, no."

::"I shall be there as soon as possible."::

"Yeah. Great." With those parting words oozing sarcasm, he hung up the phone and put it in his pocket.

Then he noticed that someone was standing near his head and looked up. He rolled himself to find that the Scarlet Shadow had returned. She was staring down at him, the overhead streetlight leaving her face in the dark.

He managed half of a grin due to the left side of his face still being numb. "Don't act like you haven't seen me this way before," he told her. "This is how I _always_ end the night." She did not answer. She did not even move as she stared at him. "I don't suppose you'd like to at least tell me your real name. Otherwise, I'll just have to keep calling you 'Scarlet Shadow'. It's lame, but it's the best I can come up with."

She carefully moved to one side and hunched low. This allowed Link to see the curiosity glowing in her gold eyes. It actually left Link a little amused. He had only ever seen her glaring at things. Knowing that her eyes opened wider than that somehow seemed funny. Then she started reaching a hand out to him. This caused _him_ to give her a curious look.

Then she stopped, her eyes wide with surprise. Before Link could gauge what was happening, she jumped out of sight. He sighed. Maybe he would have to _fake_ his fatigue to catch her next time.

…

Zelda arrived what felt like hours later. Link had not moved much, so when she stepped up to him, he had to look up at her from where he lay.

"It would seem that you are paralyzed again, Linkun," she observed.

"Oh, yeah," Link answered in a flat tone.

"How curious that this always seems to befall you," she said. She pulled a string from her jeans pocket and let it unravel. "Perhaps you have been expending yourself too much lately."

"I think it's that whole 'final attack' thing. I never seem wiped out if I change back without doing it."

She held part of the string between two of her fingers and gave a tug. Link's left arm jumped up in response. "It has never happened with the others," she pointed out as she began to tangle the string between fingers.

"Well, it happens to _me_."

Zelda looked to have simply tangled the fingers of both hands together with her actions. However, she then pulled her hands apart, leaving the strings suspended in the air as she had arranged them. She took the string into her hand as if it was a solid, whole object and placed one finger on it as if she was pressing a button on a remote control. Link's body reacted on its own, bringing him to his feet without any kind of will from him. "Where is your school bag?" she asked him.

"It got shot to pieces," Link answered. "Uh… needless to say, my homework was in it."

"I shall fashion another bag for you in the morning," she said as she turned to walk up the street. She pushed another "button" on her string remote, and Link fell into step behind her. "You might use your time in the morning to do your homework before class starts. If you do not keep up your grades, your teachers might suspect that you are turning into a slacker."

"It hasn't been easy lately," Link said, looking down as she directed him around the Stalarmor's body.

Link recapped the fight for Zelda as they walked to his house. Once they were outside, she directed him by remote inside and undressed him while she remained outside. Once he was in bed (without his pajamas once again, despite telling her to dress him in them before), she returned the remote to its life as a simple string.

Link, meanwhile, lay in bed as he felt his body slowly recovering from the numbness and his single bullet wound. He lost track of time just before he fell asleep, but he prayed to himself that he would not have to get into another fight tomorrow.

…

Tale #6 of the _Island Symphony_ – **END**

 **NOTICE: As stated above, this is** **not at all** **canon with** _ **Sky Lines**_ **. This is stupid. This is campy. This is what I do with my spare time.**


	7. What Kinda Drinking Game is This?

**NOTICE: The following section** **is** **canon. It is also irresponsible, reckless, and evidence that Sello is** **never** **getting help.**

…

Tale #7: "What Kinda Drinking Game is This?"

In between jobs and when they were close to Skyrider Port, Link would allow the crew to have some free time while he checked in with the main office. It was mostly so that he could get a break from his crew's antics. Only four months after they had been rewarded by the king, and discipline was already slipping through the cracks. The largest offenders seemed to be the Gel—well, the largest offender seemed to be _Dholit_. Between harassing him, stealing from some of their stores without letting anyone know, provoking Layna into stabbing Line with a tranquilizer, and hitting on any man that happened to come aboard, she was beginning to drive him nuts. Line seemed to be going through some sort of perverted streak and had been caught sneaking into the girls' side of the berth deck. Link was able to keep count of this because, every time they caught him, the Gelto would put him to sleep and tie him up between the stairs on the quarter deck so that he was blocking the doors to the launch deck. And it was beginning to feel like Dubbl married Leynne just so she had a punching bag. As far as antics _not_ involving the Gelto went, Sello was becoming a handful. A lot of his scrounging had to be taken to scrappers because the _Island Symphony_ was having trouble maintaining its ballast every time they docked at an island. That was on top of having to deal with Sello's unfortunate collection of bottles from around the kingdom. Link let him keep one bottle of each label and had Cale and Harley throw out the rest. These changes left the orlop clear, but Sello did not take long to restock. Link had recently decided that all scrapping proceeds went straight to the ship's funds since Sello just could not keep his salary in his pockets. What Sello did not use to buy his junk went toward alcohol. Everyone else at least had a plan for their pay.

Except when it came to gambling with each other.

Link had decided that he wanted to go to the Sail Tavern after his visit to the main office. When he got there, he had not expected to find half of his crew standing on opposite sides of the room while Sello stumbled down a narrow walkway made of tables. Sello seemed to not mind, but he was stuck in the middle while the crew tried to call out to him and tell him which direction to go in.

Link was distracted. So he was taken by surprise when Lady Leeta approached him from behind. "Ya-ha!" he cried out before Leeta's hug crushed him against her body.

"Welcome home, Link!" she declared. Link struggled and slipped her grasp a bit. As a result, her arms were around his neck, and he desperately tried to call attention to it. However, with his voice choked off, the best he could do was mouth "Mom" while tugging at her arm. She let him go soon enough, though. "So, did you come to join your crew?" she asked.

Link coughed a moment. Then he turned to her and said, "I didn't know they were here. How long have they been here?" He pointed. "And… what are they doing?"

"Hmm. Some kinda game, I think."

Link sighed and covered his eyes with a hand. "This must've been what Dad felt like when he discovered 'Dodge-Link'."

"Oh, I think I remember him telling me about that," Leeta said with a cheery tone. "He was embarrassed, but I thought it was kinda cute. And they named it after _you_."

"Because they made me part of the _equipment_."

Leeta's response was a blank look into the distance while Link approached his crew. "Oh. I don't think he mentioned that part…"

"Guys!" Link snapped at his crew, opening his arms to help indicate his presence.

"F—Cap'n on-deck!" Gold shouted from the closer group. The only ones to snap to attention were him, Flower, Line, and Cale. The rest of the crew simply looked in Link's direction while Dholit gave Link a smug grin and a small wave. Sello managed to come to a complete stop where he was, appearing as if he had been frozen with one leg in the air and looking toward the tavern's stairs with his tongue hanging out of his mouth.

Line, standing near Gold, dropped his saluting arm and used it to elbow Gold's stomach. "Geez, Gold, what's wrong with you?" he chastised. "It's just Link."

"Force o' 'abit," Gold replied as he dropped his salute. "No offense, Cap'n."

Link indicated Sello, who was still frozen in place. "What are you guys doing?"

"Drinking game, Captain," Flower replied.

Link moved aside so he could see the two groups. The side closer to the door was composed of Line, Cale, Flower, Gold, and Harley. Opposite them were Dholit, Twali, Lwamm, Lilly, and Dubbl. Beside each group were single tables bearing an array of shot glasses filled to the brim with varying types of alcohol. Link was unsure how to process this. With the singular exception of his permanently inebriated chief engineer, none of his crew appeared to be drinking.

So Link simply told them, "I don't get it."

"The drunk drinks, and we make bets on him," Flower explained, pointing a finger at Sello.

Link pinched the bridge of his nose. "Guys, I've already told you you can't make bets while we still have a small crew."

"No, nuthin' like _tha'_ , Cap'n," Harley quickly said.

"We just threw our Rupees into a pot," Flower said. "The winners split the pot at the end."

"We ain' tradin' shifts or anythin'," Harley pointed out.

"Okay, so, what's in it for Sello?" Link asked, indicating the drunk with one hand.

The guys all gave him stupid looks and glanced at Sello. Line then told him, "Are you kidding?"

"He's the one getting the drinks," Flower said.

Link sighed. "Guys. What's the game?"

"We give him a drink and send him to the other team," Line explained. "If he makes it, _they_ give him a drink and send him our way. The team who gives him his last drink before he passes out wins."

Link nodded and said with a skeptical tone, "Uh huh. Who pays for the drinks?"

"Are we playin' or not, Captain?" Lilly asked impatiently from the other side. "I gotta a new hairbrush on the line!" Link sensed someone walk up behind him and glanced over his shoulder to find Leeta standing there.

"Go, Sello, go!" Line shouted. This prompted both teams to start shouting things at Sello, which brought Sello back to life to continue his drunken stumbling toward the girls' team.

Link turned to Leeta and asked, "Who bought the drinks?"

"No one," Leeta replied. "When the game finishes, I get half the pot."

"L—Mom!" Link whined as soon as he corrected himself.

"Link, I've seen airmen doing this sort of thing for years," Leeta replied with a laugh. "Granted, your crew seems to be more inventive about it, it's the same, harmless fun anyone has around here. They work hard enough, don't they?"

Link sighed and gave a slow nod. "Yeah…"

"So don't you think they deserve a little fun?"

Link turned just as Sello reached the girls' team. Sello had his head leaned backwards while Lwamm poured a shot of amber-colored alcohol in his mouth. "Yeah, but I wish they won't encourage _Sello_. It's gonna make his behavior _worse_."

Leeta put a hand on his shoulder. "Link, don't you think you're taking this a little _too_ seriously?" she asked. "You're _fourteen_ years old. Other boys your age are… I don't know, _outside_! Running around! Chasing girls! Getting into trouble! You can't be a captain all the time. Sello has a staff that can do his job; Harley and Lawrence told me as much."

"Oh, no," Link groaned as he put a hand over his eyes. "You know my crew by _name_?"

"They're my son's first crew," she pointed out. "They're like my _own_ airmen, like your father's crew. But the point is that _you_ are the only one who has a problem with this. You could invite Captain North in, and the only thing he'd do is sit down with a mug and watch the action."

Link peered at her through his fingers. "You know _North_ , too?"

"Link…"

"Fine, they can have their game!" Link declared over the sound of his crew shouting.

"Link." Leeta grabbed his other shoulder and turned him around. "Why don't you try joining in?"

"Aw, Mom…" Link whined.

"Just make a small bet," she told him as she pushed him forward. "Go on."

"Do you know how weird it is… that you're making me bet on how much my engineer can drink?"

"Full and by, my dear."

Link sighed, reasoning that she was trying to say that he did not have to be a whole lot just to satisfy her. So Link dug into his pocket and pulled his wallet out while he walked around behind the boys' team. He located the pot, a pair of mugs holding what must have been about two hundred rupees, and added a blue rupee into the half-full mug. His decision about which team he would take sides with was reduced to reciting "Catch a Keaton" silently while his finger pointed back and forth. He settled on the girls' team, but the combination of being the only boy on the team as well as being around Dholit made him consider ignoring the stupid rhyme and go to the boys' team. He then realized that Line being on the boys' team meant that there was a good chance they would lose; Line had had some really horrible luck when it came to games of chance. So he settled on the girls' team, figuring that if he was going to waste his money betting on Sello's antics, he might as well try to at least win.

"We have the captain!"

The moment Lilly called that out, Link felt that he should have just taken the loss and joined the boys' side. Because this followed.

"What 'appened? Yar _balls_ fall off?!" Link crossed his arms and stared daggers at Harley. Cale, standing next to him, tapped his shoulder and whispered into his ear. Harley nodded and then amended, "What 'appened, yar _balls_ fall off, Cap'n?!" Cale smacked himself on the forehead.

Dholit reached past Lwamm and Lilly and pulled Link closer so she could squeeze his head against her chest. "My Captain is only embracing his emotional side," she argued while she seemed to be more interested in pressing his right ear to her heart. "Is that so much to ask of a maturing boy?"

"Dholit, let him go!" Leeta snapped at her.

"Yes, My Lady," Dholit said, releasing Link's head.

Link rubbed a hand on his neck while giving Dholit an annoyed look. Then he called across the room while Flower was pouring a shot into Sello, " _You_ guys have a jinx with you; Line's never won at gambling in his _life_."

"Not true!" Line called back. "I won at stitches before!"

"You were playing against _me_ and using a marked deck!" Link hollered back. "I _called_ you on that!"

"I still won!"

"You _cheated_!"

"Oh, yeah!? Well, if I'm so bad at winning, how about you break your rule and _bet_ with me?!"

"Line, I don't have a shift to bet you with!"

"I'm not talking about a shift. I'm talking about your _command_!"

The whole room fell silent again. Looks turned toward Line at first and then to Link. Even Sello had stopped to watch for Link's reaction. Link's immediate response was a flat look. "I'm not betting my command," he told Line.

"Bet me a whole month of command," Line dared him. "You're so sure you'll win, let's see it."

"I'm not even giving you a _minute_ , Line," Link replied, pointing a finger at him. "My command is _not_ up for grabs."

"You're a chicken!"

Link was a little surprised by the accusation. Then he replied, "I am _not_."

"You are so!"

"No I'm not!"

"Chicken, chicken!" Line then folded his arms against his sides to flap them in imitation of said bird while clucking.

"Flower?" Link asked. "Smack him for me."

Flower put a big grin on his face and delivered a healthy _whap_ to the back of Line's head. "Owwww!" Line whined, arms now covering his head.

"Line, let me point out that you don't have anything I _want_. What could _you_ bet _me_ that would be worth my command?"

"You _could_ have him scrub out the heads foh a whole month," Lilly suggested.

"And swab all of the decks foh that month as well," Dholit added.

"I can always use some help ahranging the cahgo and supplies," Cale pointed out.

" _All_ of it," Line declared, pointing at all three. "All of it for one—no, _two_ months! And I'll give up my shore rotation, too!"

"I pig ma doezz!" Sello declared.

"Shut up, Chief," Flower told him.

Link sighed as he thought. It would be a bigger treat for the rest of the deck crew than for Link, but he had to admit that Line's misery regarding the tedium aboard the _Island Symphony_ would be more enjoyable if he was not on-deck the whole time he felt like complaining. Still, there was no way he wanted to give Line command of his ship for a whole _month_ ; that was just asking for trouble, both from the company and from what Line's need to assert command might lead to.

So he came up with a solution. " _One_ task, Line," he said. "I'll give you command of the _Symphony_ to do only _one_ thing."

"You're still chickening out!" Line accused him.

"Line, there're _regulations_ at work here," Link argued. "I can't let you have command of the ship for any length of time unless Leynne and I are both out of action. And, well, good luck finding anyone who _wouldn't_ wanna chuck you overboard. But I can do this. _One_ job. One job that doesn't go on the record."

"That's a total rip-off!" Line accused him. " _Two_ jobs!"

Link shook his head. " _One_ job for one month, Line. Or are you too _chicken_ to take the bet?"

"Hey, I'm not the chicken here!" Line accused.

"Biggest chicken ever!" Link replied. He then started clucking at Line.

"Okay, fine!" Line declared. "One job for one month! You're on! _Captain_!"

"Good!" Link shouted. "C'mon over, Sello."

Sello, however, stood still where he was. The whole room had fallen silent in concern that Sello was about to pass out. He had a spacey look on his face, as if he was somehow fascinated with the ceiling. He belched. And then, to Link's horror, Sello fell backwards.

 _BAM!_

…

Tale #7 of the _Island Symphony_ – **END**

 **NOTICE: As stated above, this is** **completely** **canon. And the reason why Link has now banned gambling everything** **but** **money between the crew.**


	8. The Crew of the Island Symphony Must Die

**NOTICE: The following section is** **ambiguously** **canon. Even if it didn't happen, it's very likely that something like this** _ **has**_ **actually happened.**

…

Tale #8: "The Crew of the _Island Symphony_ Must Die"

Perhaps it was something about the ship itself, but on the deck of the _Island Symphony_ was probably the only place in the world where Layna was comfortable being seen. She did not feel the pressure of people's eyes upon her, as had always felt like the case even when she was at home. Sometimes, it was like even her sisters did not know that she was supposed to be an assassin. She had come to prefer it. It made her feel that she was simply one of the crew. Better yet, it made her feel like a human being.

It had been weeks without seeing a port, not altogether unusual while the ship was traveling outside of the Sky Lines. She was not sure of their destination. Not that it had ever concerned her; the captain never took them someplace dangerous without warning. Generally, wherever they were going had to be warned of _her_. She had just finished checking the tautness of the starboard lines, as Dubbl had asked her. So, while she waited for Dubbl's next orders, she looked out into the endless, blue sky. Being so high amazed her, especially the subtle curve of the ground far below the ship. She dropped to her knees so that she could rest her arms on the bulwark. Then she put her chin on her arms and simply lost herself in the sky.

"Far away thoughts, my sister?" Layna looked up to find that Biluf, against all of her training to detect people approaching her, had sat backwards on the bulwark with one hand on a nearby line.

Layna gave a shy smile. "They are closer than that, Biluf," she replied.

"As far as the captain's cabin?"

"Yes."

Biluf leaned closer to her. "Maybe they shouldn't be so far away," she whispered. "The captain is only across the ship from us."

Layna, flooding with alarm, jumped to her feet and spun around. Captain Link stood near the bulwark on the port side, having a conversation with Gold and Line. She sighed out a relieved breath and told Biluf, "You made me think he was _watching_ me."

Biluf beamed at her. "Oh, Layna, you and your crush…"

Layna gave her a tired smile. "It's not funny, Biluf."

"Link, watch out!" Layna's attention immediately turned back to the captain. He was hopping backward toward the bulwark with the foot he was trying to balance on stuck in a bucket. She heard Biluf gasp as he hit the bulwark with his back and started to fall over.

Layna grabbed the front of her shirt with both hands and ripped it open sideways to expose her black bodysuit. With very little thought for herself, she grabbed a throwing blade hidden under her armpit and flung it at the top of the mast. Moments before it hit, she then turned and leapt at a line attached to the bulwark. Her blade severed the line, and she sailed over the side with one hand holding the line. She let it slide across her palm as she fell below the deck. Her hand tightened just as she came close to the end. When the rope itself tensed, she felt herself swing. She spun to watch the _Island Symphony_ 's hull fly by over her head.

Then she saw Link falling head-first and released the rope. The swing gave her enough momentum that she tackled Link and held onto him around his mid-section. With her head positioned so that she could look around him, she saw a bank of clouds before them and carefully steered them toward the one which looked the thickest.

They hit, and the impact tossed Layna off him and bounced her across the surface. She came to a rest some distance away. Her vision spinning at first, she quickly snapped her senses back to their alert selves and looked back at Link. She crawled over to him to find that the fall had not only knocked him unconscious, it had ripped his clothes off. Her heart started beating against her chest as she slowly crawled up to look at his face. One hand grabbed his jaw to turn his face, and, before she knew what she was doing, she slowly leaned forward to press her lips against his.

Something in her mind caused her to realize what she was doing. What followed next was the equivalent of having someone throw cold water on her. The only thing was that it was entirely an effect of her mind, trained to recognize when something on the outside of her dreams was triggering her senses and kick her ass out of her own fantasy in order to get her to work. She woke to find her lips pressed into her pillow. She had to take another moment to get the rest of her senses back to normal.

Location: the berthing deck. She was in her own bunk, the same place she had fallen asleep.

Time: early morning, before she was supposed to go on duty. She was normally the one who had to wake Biluf to get her ready for the day, so she was used to waking up at about this time.

Presences: six. Three of them were sleeping nearby. Biluf would be asleep in the berth next to hers; Dubbl was two berths away, toward the bow. On the other side of Dubbl from Layna would be Dholit. From the opposite side of the ship, she could her Flower snoring. Line was also there, revealed by the way his nose whistled as he slept. The last one had to be one of the men from the engine room. No one was awake, so there were no eyes for her to worry about.

After she checked her surroundings, she looked back at the pillow to find that she had drooled a little where her mouth had been pressed to it. As soon as she associated that with her fantasy of kissing her captain, she could feel her cheeks flush. Then she switched into what the crew frequently called "Kill Mode" upon remembering the rest of the dream. She had the sudden realization that she had just fantasized about living a life that was not her assassin upbringing. Instead, she _desired_ people to look at her. She _desired_ the comfort of people looking at her.

She could only think of one solution to the problem. She had to prove to herself that she was still an assassin so that her mind could ease the anxiety that caused her to lose all emotion.

She had to kill the crew.

…

Link had only been up for about half an hour, supervising the ship's loading from the quarterdeck while Cale set about directing airmen into the cargo hold one deck below the main deck. They had spent two days at Sagacity Island waiting for some work to come their way. Taking fancy furniture back south to Center Island seemed like something to occupy them while Irleen went over the notes she and Cale had made the last time they had been on Forelight Island.

"Captain!" Leynne called up from the main deck. Link looked out across the deck to find him standing near the stairs on the port side. Leynne waved him over. "I need to speak with you!"

Link walked down the stairs to the main deck and jogged the length of the deck to get to Leynne. There, he saw that Leynne had a wooden chair with him. "Is something wrong?" he asked.

"Possibly," Leynne replied. He turned the chair to show that there were small holes in the back and along the back legs. "We might be looking at tehmites."

"Oh, no…" Link groaned. He took in a breath and asked, "How many pieces are infected?"

"A table and two of these chaihs. A sofa as well. Some of the otheh fuhnituh is upholstehed; I can't tell."

Link shook his head. "One piece is no big deal; it can be tossed. But the whole lot is a loss. Tell Cale not to accept anymore furniture; it's _all_ infected. Get Flower and Gold and dump everything we have over the edge."

"Back onto the island?"

"Off the _dock_ ," Link explained, jabbing a thumb to starboard away from the island. "Show the termite damage to Mister Gorm's assistants and then chuck everything to the surface. Make it _obvious_ that we're mad; we want our money back."

"Ah," Leynne said with a nod. "I shall do my best to invoke the wrath of the Goddesses."

Link indicated the chair and said, "Save that somewhere; we'll need it if Gorm decides to contest us."

"I don't think it's a good idea to save an infected chaih on a ship made of _wood_."

"The termites won't touch the wood," Link said. "Up here, they can't spread onto an airship. Too cold, too much air flow. Strap it to the poop deck somewhere just to be safe."

"It's generally too cold up heh foh tehmites anyway. How do you people still have a thriving population?"

"Storage," Link simply said. This prompted a confused frown from Leynne. "The—"

"Liiink!" Link and Leynne looked toward the sound of Line's voice and glanced to starboard as Line and Flower jogged toward him. Line stopped right in front of Link and immediately said, "The girls have gone too far this time!"

Line had come onto the deck wearing only his black bodysuit; he had not even tried to put his boots on. His chest, his abdomen, even down to his crotch, he was covered in bright red slash marks. To Link, it looked like Line had been stabbed multiple times with a knife. Link shrugged and said, "Told you you should've given back their underwear."

"I already _did_."

"It's not just him, Captain," Flower spoke up. He raised his chin and traced a jagged, red line across his throat with one finger. "Both of us woke up this way. Airman Harley has a larger one across his stomach along with purple marks on his neck."

Link frowned. "Any idea why?"

"It's _gotta_ be the Gelto," Line said. Flower just gave a shrug.

Link sighed. "Okay, I'll talk to Dholit. This might be her doing. You two, go get dressed and report for duty."

"Link, I _can't_ ," Line said. "My other undersuit is missing."

"Just… just go get dressed, Line," Link told him with exhaustion in his voice. "And stay away from the Gelto today. For all we know, they're trying to tell you what they're gonna do to you if you don't stop stealing their clothing."

"Actually, the deed has already been done, My Captain." Link and Leynne turned to find Dubbl, Biluf, and Dholit standing inside the stairs behind them. Biluf, from head to toe and across her clothes, was covered in what looked like powdered charcoal. Dubbl had large, purple circles painted in her hair and on the right side of her face on her jaw. Dholit, so far, did not appear to be marked.

"What do you mean?" Leynne asked.

Dholit grinned. "All of us weh just killed in ouh sleep."

Link and Line's eyes widened. Flower mouthed "What?" with a clear lack of comprehension mixed with annoyance. Leynne raised an eyebrow and said, "All… _six_ of you ah… dead."

"We ah," Dholit replied while Dubbl gave a gentle nod. "The only one who did not was Layna."

"Is she all right?" Link asked.

"She's _missing_."

Link glanced back at Line and Flower. "Did _she_ do this?"

"Quite likely," Dholit said with a nod. "Biluf has explained that Layna may be engaging in a kind of game to keep heh skills shahp. As heh 'victims', we ah no longah impohtant."

"Oh, great," Leynne moaned. Then he asked, "And, how long is this game to last?"

"Ostensibly, until she's decided that heh skills no longah requiah refinement. But I cannot say foh cehtain."

"Should we warn the rest of the crew?" Flower asked. "I mean, if we're all _dead_ …"

"The fact that we ah dead would be an eventual discovery," Dholit pointed out. "The question is how _many_ you can wahn befoah Layna 'kills' _them_."

Link sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment. Then he turned to look at his crew as he gave orders. "Okay, I want _all_ of you on-duty like you're supposed to be; death doesn't get you out of your job. Flower, the furniture we're taking on is infested with termites. I want every piece of it dumped over the edge. Get Gold to help you."

"Yes, sir," Flower replied.

"Dubbl, until we find Layna, I need you to patrol the deck with Biluf," Link said.

"Ay'a, Kyab— _Kyaptin_ ," Dubbl replied, frustrated with mixing "b" and "p" again.

"Everyone else, it's business as usual," Link told them. "And… feel free to spread the word that Layna's out 'killing' people. We might as well _act_ like this is unusual…" The remark drew grins from Flower and Leynne while the crew dispersed around him. Link saw, as Dholit turned around, that she had one 'stab' mark on the back of her neck with a second one on her lower back, painted on her tight bodysuit. He released a sigh and decided to follow Leynne, Flower, and Line down the stairs. Line and Flower stepped into the berthing deck to get dressed while Leynne went to talk to Cale. Link continued down into the galley.

On the other side of the deck, he saw Lawrence helping himself to something in a tall pot set at the end of the table. He glanced around for a moment.

"G'mornin', Cap'n," Lawrence said as he approached Link with a bowl in his hands.

"Good morning," Link said idly. Then he turned to Lawrence and asked, "Where's Lilly?"

"Dunno," Lawrence replied as he sat at the table. "I ain' seen 'er t'day. Prob'ly 'ad t' use the 'ead. Lef' breakfas', though. Somethin' wrong?"

"Yeah," Link replied. "Layna is 'killing' the crew."

Lawrence gave him an amused look. "She's _wha'_?" he asked.

"It's some kind of assassin game. So far, she took out the day shift and Harley."

"Oh, yeah." Lawrence, moments away from taking a spoonful of stew, paused and used a pair of fingers on his other hand to indicate his neck. "Harley said 'e didn' know wha' those marks on 'is neck was. Should I sleep with an eye open?"

"If you _make_ it that far," Link joked with a half-grin on his face. "Look, keep an eye out. Dholit thinks she'll leave people alone once she marks them. I guess she stabbed Line and Dholit in their sleep and slit Flower's throat. I'm not sure _what_ she did to Biluf; it looked like she was covered in black dust."

"Like ash?" Lawrence asked, pausing his spoonful again.

"Yeah, maybe."

"Maybe tha' was 'er _burnin'_ Biluf."

Link shrugged. "I _guess_. If it _was_ , though, technically, it probably should've killed the whole ship."

"Too easy," Lawrence said before he finally ate some stew.

"Maybe, but it'd probably end this game sooner."

"Any o' 'em say wh—" Lawrence cut off, and Link looked down at him. He had a shocked look on his face, and he dropped his spoon on the floor. He coughed once, twice. Then he fell into a fit of coughing as he grabbed at his throat.

"Hey, take it easy!" Link hollered as he stepped up behind Lawrence and delivered a smack to his back.

"… water…" Lawrence rasped. Link hustled to the kitchen and grabbed a cup out of the cabinet. He thrust it into the water barrel next to the counter, splashing water onto the deck, and hurried back to Lawrence. Lawrence took the cup and attempted to drink, however another fit of coughing caused him to spit up water onto the table and into his lap. He finally took a drink, and then he gulped down the water as fast as he could. He then had to take in a large breath of air and slammed the cup onto the table. " _Whew!_ Thanks, Cap'n."

Link, however, looked at his airman in shock. "Lawrence, your skin is turning green."

"Huh?" Lawrence examined himself until he saw that his forearms were slowly turning pale green. "Wha'…?"

"Is everything all right down heh?" Link turned to see Leynne and Cale stepping down into the galley.

"Why's I turnin' _green_?" Lawrence asked.

"What?" Cale asked while Leynne rushed to Lawrence's side.

"Cale, have you seen Lilly today?" Link asked.

"Uh, yes, this mohning," Cale replied. "She was making breakfast."

"In here?"

Cale nodded. "She was making sausage and toast."

Link and Lawrence looked down at the bowl on the table. "Who made _this_ then?" Lawrence asked.

Leynne, in the middle of trying to rub Lawrence's skin, looked up and suggested, "Pehhaps this is paht of Layna's recent outbreak of play-assassinations."

"Ya mean she _poisoned_ me!?" Lawrence cried out.

"Leynne, Cale, take the pot and dump it before someone _else_ eats it," Link said. Leynne gestured at Cale to follow him to the kitchen. "Lawrence, how are you feeling?"

"Throa's dry," Lawrence said as he rubbed his green neck.

Link could see that the coloring had reached his fingers. "There's a clinic next to the branch office on the island," Link told him. "Go get yourself checked out. I don't think Layna would seriously harm someone, but let's make sure the _only_ thing that's happening is you turning _green_."

"Yessir." Lawrence stood up.

"Captain!" Link and Lawrence jumped at the sound of Cale hollering across the deck. They turned to see Cale rushing to the closet on the port side of the kitchen. Link moved around the table to watch Cale rip open the closet door. "It's _Lilly_!"

Link and Leynne rushed toward them as Cale dragged Lilly, bound around her chest and legs with a rag in her mouth, out of the closet. Leynne dropped to one knee and untied the rag. "Lilly, what happened?" he asked.

"I don't know," Lilly replied. "I was makin' the toast, and then someone put a hand on my mouth. And then… I-I feel I got stabbed in the _back_. And… I don't know. I _feel_ I passed out."

Leynne pulled up on the ropes binding her to reveal a stab mark painted on the back of her blouse, right above her kidney. He pulled her blouse up to expose her skin. "Theh's a needle mahk heh," he reported to Link.

"It-it felt _bigger_ ," she told Leynne over her shoulder.

"Don't wohry, Lilly," Leynne told her. "She probably drugged you to make suh you weh out of the way while she poisoned the food." He untied the knot to her ropes, allowing them to fall away. Leynne looked up at Link and commented, "This is a ratheh _pehvehse_ game Layna's playing."

"Layna?" Lilly asked. "Why her?"

"She's gone crazy and started play-killing the crew," Link said. "She's already 'killed' you, so you'll be left alone."

Lilly shivered. "That's just… _wrong_."

"Leynne, Cale, go dump the stew," Link ordered. "Lilly, I know this has been scary, but we could use some food that _won't_ kill us. Even _pretend_ -kill us."

"I'll… see if I can find breakfast," Lilly said while Leynne and Cale went into the kitchen again. She stood up and followed them.

Link watched Leynne and Cale grab the pot and haul it toward the stairs. Then he became concerned. So far, Layna had targeted people who were either alone or asleep. He decided to go into the engine room through the door at the back of the kitchen, now realizing that his engine room crew might be isolated enough to make themselves the next victims.

So he rushed through the door so that the door would strike the bulkhead hard. As he climbed down the ladder, he called out, "Captain on-deck!"

Harley was the only one waiting for him when he touched the engine room floor. "Somethin' wrong, Cap'n?" he asked.

"Where's Sello?" Link asked.

Harley shrugged. "I-I don' know; I ain' seen 'im."

"Layna's playing a killing game with the crew," Link explained. "That's why you've got the purple marks on your neck."

Harley felt his neck with a shocked expression on his face. "Whoa. Tha's creepy."

"Look around, she might've gotten Sello or one of the Gorons," Link told him.

Harley turned to look over the engine room. Then he hollered while pointing at the water tank on the starboard side, "Cap'n, over here!"

They hustled over to Sello, who was lying on the floor unconscious. Once they had a clear view of him, they saw that he, his clothes, and the surrounding deck were soaking wet. His lips were blue, and his skin looked pale.

Harley turned to Link and asked, "You don' think she…?"

"No," Link replied, despite his own fears that Layna had actually drowned Sello in the water tank. He stepped forward and gave Sello's side a soft kick. Sello grunted in response and started coughing as he rolled onto his side. Link gave a silent sigh of relief. "See?"

"Man…" Harley breathed.

"I don't know how, but she's got some pretty elaborate set-ups," Link said as he watched Sello stand up.

Sello saluted him. "Hubble, bubble, rubble, stick," he told Link. "I godda big pain in ma—"

"Sello, are you all right?" Link asked.

"Two beans, my goat," Sello replied.

"'Ow're 'is lips blue like tha'?" Harley asked.

"Lawrence just ate something that turned him completely _green_ ," Link said. "I don't know _how_ she hid it in a stew, but he's going to the clinic to check himself out. She probably did something similar to Sello. Uh… keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn't get worse than that. If he does, have Lidago and Helo watch the engine room and take him to the clinic."

"Go' it, Cap'n," Harley replied.

"I'm going to go check on them now, then I'll head back on-deck."

Harley nodded, and Link crossed the engine room to one of the doors that led to the orlop. Once he was past the small partition the Gorons used to store their food, he quickly found that Layna had already struck.

Helo was strung up to the inner hull by his neck. Although the rope did not appear to be tight enough to strangle him, he still had a purple ring around his throat. Upon seeing Link come in, he stopped tugging at the rope. Against the port side, Lidago was lying on his back with his arms and legs spread out in what must have been an uncomfortable position. This hardly worried Link since that was how Lidago looked when he was having a hard time sleeping. The thin, bright red line across his neck, however, indicated that Layna had probably slit his throat, too.

"Captain," Helo said. "I apologize that I did not wait until Lidago was awake before leaving my post. I—"

"It's all right, Helo," Link told him, raising a hand and giving an understanding nod. "Can you get out?"

"I cannot snap the rope."

"Okay, let me look at it." Link squeezed between Helo and the bulkhead and stepped onto one of the horizontal timbers on the bulkhead. What he saw looked like a tarbuck knot at first, but then he found a quick release loop pulled tight into the knot to disguise it. A friction hitch. Link had to feel around for the end, and then he had to tug hard to pull it out. The hitch collapsed, and Link removed the rope from around Helo's neck.

"Thank you, Captain," Helo said. Then he nodded at Lidago. "What about…?"

"He's probably okay," Link said as he dropped back down to the deck. "Layna probably drugged him."

"Layna? Why?"

Link took in a deep breath and sighed it out. "I'll explain later, but at least she's not targeting the engine room crew anymore. Uh… with Lidago like that, would you mind filling in until he wakes up? I'd ask Lawrence to do it, but I had to send him to a clinic a little bit ago."

"Of course, Captain."

Link started walking forward, calling out over his shoulder as he approached the stairs, "And if you see Layna, don't panic. You're already dead!"

"Doh?"

As Link reached the steps, he could hear someone coughing from the deck above. He just about dismissed it until he remembered Lawrence's poisoning. He knew that it could not happen because he had seen Cale and Leynne take the pot out of the kitchen.

But did they grab Lawrence's bowl?

Link immediately flew up the stairs and into the galley. The coughing was Line, sitting at the table and, probably in his usual antics, decided to eat whatever was on the table despite not knowing who it belonged to. Lilly was just giving him a cup of water, which he downed as quickly as possible. It was too late, though; his skin was turning green.

Lilly looked up at him and, in a panic, said, "Captain?!"

Link gave a sigh and told her, "Don't worry; he'll be all right."

Line coughed and slammed the cup down on the table. "No I'm _not_!" he hollered at Link. "This is the _fourth_ thing she's done to me!" Link frowned as he looked over Line. Then he realized that Line's spare bodysuit had been tied around his neck by the legs; he could see purple coloring on his neck when he turned his head. Line then turned to show Link that there was a stab mark on his lower back. "She tied my suit around my neck! Then she stabbed me! _Again_! Then she _threw_ me out of the berthing deck!"

Lilly giggled and quickly slapped a hand over her mouth. "Sorry," she told Line when he glared at her. "I-I heard ya smack the deck."

Line hit the table with a fist and stood up. "Hold it, hold it," Link told him, holding up a hand to stop him.

"What?" Line asked in a heated tone.

Link thought for a moment. "Line, I had Lawrence go to the clinic near the branch office. I want you to go see if he's still there. If not, head to the branch office and tell them we've had a problem with the job."

"Why me?!" Line whined.

"Because you don't wanna do it," Link said. "Because you'll be in and out with just a few words. And… well, because you're covered in fake stab marks with your own bodysuit tied around your neck. And you're turning green."

"I'm what?" Line asked in a flat tone. He held up his arms to look at them. His response was a jerk like he had to get away from his own hands as soon as possible. "What the hell'd she _do_ to me!?"

"You're poisoned," Link said. "But you'll probably survive."

" _Probably!?_ "

"Look, I want _you_ to tell the branch office _because_ you're like this. If they see you, they'll wanna send a work assessor. Just extra proof in case Mister Gorm says we're lying about the termites."

"What if—"

 _Pooom!_ Link, Line, and Lilly looked up at the sound of an explosion in the distance.

"What was that?" Line asked.

"Oh, crap, I forgot Layna's still 'killing' people…" Link groaned as he turned and ran for the stairs.

He ran up into the cargo hold via the starboard stairs, and it was apparent that something had happened in here. The port side, where the doors had been opened for loading, was obscured by a grey cloud. Link quickly moved to the starboard bulkhead and unhooked the rope holding the starboard doors closed. Then he grabbed the handle next to the forward door and pulled. The ratchet released, and the door fell open until the rope tightened again, allowing the door to remain level. He rushed to the other door and did the same thing to drop it open. He could feel the breeze in the hold pick up and quickly moved further aft to avoid having the cloud touch him on the way out.

With his breathing finally calming down, he could now hear cussing and coughing from the other side of the ship. So he called out, "Is everyone all right?!"

"What the f—" one of Gorm's men hollered before succumbing to coughing.

"Anyone else?" Link asked while rolling his eyes.

"Captain?" Cale called out.

Link moved to the port side as the cloud finally cleared out. "What happened?" Link hollered.

Link saw, amidst the furniture, two of Gorm's moving men leaning on the furniture as they coughed, their faces and clothes covered in black ash. Gold was standing with his back to Link, leaning out to the side of the door so that he could breathe. Cale was on the far side of the furniture from Link, carefully pulling himself up on the back of a couch. Both of them must have been looking in a different direction because Gold's whole right side was covered in ash while Cale's back looked to have taken most of the blast.

Gold pulled his head back inside and located Link. "Something exploded," he said.

"I saw it," one of Gorm's men called out. "It looked like a _bomb_. What the hell? Are you guys trying to _kill_ us?"

"This stuff is _ruined_!" the other man said, indicating the furniture. Link looked at the different pieces and saw that many of them were colored black along with the deck and the above deckhead. "We're not taking this as a loss. I wanna speak to your captain."

Link turned from inconvenienced to angry as he snapped, "I _am_ the captain! And this _shit_ shouldn't be in my hold in the _first_ place! It's full of termites!"

"I said I want your _captain_!" Gorm's man said. "Why don't you—"

Gold reached around and grabbed the front of the man's shirt. When he spun the man, he held him close enough that Gorm's man could hear him breathing. "Listen _real_ good, yeh scab," he growled at the man. "All four o' us just got _killed_ by our assassin. Don't give 'er a reason tae kill yeh fer real. Cuz _I_ wanna bust yer head open _meself_." Gorm's man backed away once Gold released him, intimidated by his size (being just a little taller and muscular) and the graveled voice combined by Gold's sailor accent.

Flower made his presence known at the edge of the port door by clearing his throat. "Problems, Captain?" he asked while Gorm's men and Gold turned in response.

"Yes," Link replied. "This crap is still on my ship. I want it off. Including…" He pointed to Gorm's men. "… _this_ garbage."

"Yes, sir," Flower replied. He then snapped at the men while they turned to look at Link. "You two! Take a hike, or take a dive." One of them swore under his breath as they both stepped off the door and onto the dock. Flower responded with, "Don't cuss your luck; you're still getting _paid_."

"Captain," Cale said as he turned to Link. "I-I tried to explain—"

"Don't worry about it," Link told him.

"So," Flower said as he observed Cale, Gold, and the hold. "Bomb?"

"Bomb," Link said with a nod.

"Is-is this… moah of _Layna_ 's wohk?" Cale asked.

"Yyyyyep…" Link replied with exhaustion in his voice. "I'm going back up. Might as well see who else 'dies' today."

"Yes, sir," Gold replied with a grin on his face.

Link slowly trudged toward the stairs on the port side. He was just about to climb when he heard footsteps from the nearby berthing deck. So he turned just as Lwamm and Twali stormed into the hold from the berthing deck. Twali seemed fine, but Lwamm looked pissed up until they both spotted Link standing at the base of the stairs. Lwamm actually slid to a stop, and Twali bumped into her back from not paying attention. Both sets of eyes were wide as he stared back.

"Lwamm, Twali," Link said in a flat tone. "Anything wrong?"

"Ah…" Lwamm started. Twali, however, slowly backed toward the berthing deck. Lwamm turned around and reached to grab her arm. "Twali, goythoman zhimmu zanak."

"'Inu nadsaxalikwak…" Twali replied, shaking her head.

"Twali…" Lwamm groaned as she hauled her friend closer. Twali yelped in response to Lwamm turning her around. Lwamm then lifted the back of Twali's shirt. Twali's lower back looked to have been infected by something. She had blue spot on her back which looked like it had grown vines to reach up as far as her shoulder blades.

Link pointed and asked, "Layna?"

"Layna," Lwamm replied with a nod and a scowl. She reached into the pocket of her trousers and produced a short, thin needle for Link to see.

"Uh huh." Link stepped out of the way and indicated the stairs with his hands. "After you, ladies." Lwamm, not having understood the gesture completely, gave him a suspicious glare before she started up the stairs with an embarrassed-looking Twali following along. Link sighed and started counting off his crew on his fingers. By the time he finished totaling up the number of 'deceased' he had encountered, he found that fourteen of his nineteen-man crew had been hit. Not counting himself and Layna, it left Lwamm, Leynne, and Irleen. And of the three, Irleen might be the only one who had not been warned.

He quickly ascended to the main deck. So far, no one else appeared to have been caught. Leynne and Dubbl appeared to be in the middle of an argument on the port side near the bulwark, and Lwamm and Twali were voicing their complaints to Dholit, who had been enjoying her usual uselessness lounging on the forward capstan. No one paid attention as Link hustled along the deck in a brisk walk, hoping that he was not too late to let Irleen know. He prayed that Layna would not try targeting Irleen; she was far too small to get through being stabbed or strangled enough to leave just a mark.

He was way too late, something he realized when he stepped into his cabin and moved to look at Irleen's bed. Someone had placed his journal on top of the bed, so he stepped onto his bed and removed the book. A blue pillow the size of an inkwell popped out from the bed next, and Irleen's green form jumped up from the surface.

"Ugh!" she growled as she floated away. "What was _that_ all about!?"

Link sighed and tossed his journal onto his desk. "Sorry, Irleen," he told her, stepping down from the bed. "I was _hoping_ she wouldn't go after you."

"What? Who?"

"Layna. Dholit thinks she snapped, so now she's going around killing the crew to make sure she can still kill the crew."

Irleen stared at him for a silent moment. "Do you wanna explain all that again? I'm sure I missed something there."

Link sighed. "Something about Layna told her that she doesn't think her ability to be an assassin is all that good. So she's playing a game where she pretends to kill everyone in sight. She'll leave marks on people where they've been stabbed, purple rings around people's necks when they've been choked to death…" He looked down at the pillow to see that only one side was coated in blue powder; the other side was white. "Blue powder for suffocation, apparently… Lawrence and Line have turned completely green from eating 'poisoned' food, and Twali has a green spot on her back."

"This is all kinda… morbid," Irleen commented. She settled onto the desk next to Link's journal. "Who all has she gotten?"

"All but…" He paused to recall the list he had figured up a few minutes ago. "Uh… Me, Leynne… and Lwamm."

"Wait a minute, when did she _start_ all this?!"

Link leaned over to look at the clock mounted near the front edge of his desk. "Wow, uh… almost an hour and a half ago."

"An hour and a half, and she's gotten all but _three_ of us?!"

"I think she got a pretty good head-start murdering the deck crew's day shift in their sleep."

"Yikes… I may never sleep again…"

"Yeah," Link agreed as he opened his footlocker.

"What are you doing?" Irleen asked, watching Link pull his sword belt out.

"Well, I imagine it might help speed this along if we actually _acted_ like we were being killed off one-by-one," Link explained while he put the belt on. Then he looked back up at Irleen. "Uh, you know, you might be able to help us here."

"How?"

"Well, no one's seen Layna since she started slaughtering the crew. Since you're 'dead', you can search the nooks and crannies of the ship to find her. She's supposed to ignore the people she's already marked, so if you find her, she might just ignore you."

"Link… in case you didn't realize, I'm a _fairy_. It'd go about as well as our search of the Great Tree at this point."

Link held up a finger to silence her. "The only people she hasn't gotten yet are all up here on the main deck. Either Layna's hanging from the rigging above us, or she could be following us across the deck from the hold, slipping along the bulkheads where no one can see her."

"Right. I search the hold while you keep an eye to the sky."

Link shrugged. "Best plan to catch a killer."

"Oh-h-h-h, this is gonna be interesting," Irleen said as she flew toward the corner behind the cabin door. She slipped into a small hole drilled in the deck, using a short pipe to go through the machine deck and down into the hold.

Link stepped back out onto the deck. After a quick survey of who was still there, he stepped over to the port bulwark to see what Flower and Gold were doing. He looked over the side just in time to watch Gold deliver a strong kick to a wooden table, knocking it off the end of the dock.

"Kyaptin?" Link glanced over his shoulder to see Dubbl walking up behind him. "We not take fu'nitu'e?"

"The whole lot has termites," Link explained. "We have to dump the lot or else have other cargo infested." Then he realized something and stood up to search the main deck with his eyes. "Where's Leynne?"

"He went down," Dubbl replied. "He needed somezing flom his loom."

"His loom… you mean his _room_? He went to his cabin?"

Dubbl nodded. "Yes."

"Alone?"

Dubbl was about to nod when shock suddenly registered on her face. She then bolted across the deck to the stairs. Link turned to look out at the other ships on the dock. Then he resigned himself to the fact that he had to at least see if his second-in-command survived and dashed across the deck after her. Before he reached the stairs, he shouted at the Gelto near the capstan, "Don't leave Lwamm alone! One of you, stay with her!"

He jumped the last few steps to each landing on the way back down to the galley. He was about to turn into the space at the front of the galley where his chiefs and Leynne had their quarters set up. Then Dubbl came out, bracing Leynne as they walked.

Link saw the red mark stretching up from the bridge of Leynne's nose and ending at the middle of his scalp and asked, "What happened? Did she _ambush_ you?"

"No…" Leynne groaned. Dubbl allowed him to lean against the bulkhead at the front of the galley. He looked up at the deckhead. "I didn't even _see_ it until I stepped on the wih. Some… some kind of knife-like device swung from the top of the doohframe and struck my head hahd. It was like being hit with a _rock_. I stumbled out of my cabin and fell… struck my head on the bulkhead behind me." He sighed. "She must know ouh dimensions well if she can place a trap and aim it so well."

Link sighed. "So it's just me and Lwamm now."

"I'leen," Dubbl pointed out.

Link shook his head. "Layna got her just a few minutes ago. Smothered her with a pillow. She wasn't very happy about it. The whole engine room crew is already out, and she nailed Gold and Cale with a bomb hidden in all that furniture we're dumping."

Leynne gave a weak laugh. "Well, I suppose it's only a matteh of time with Layna."

"I told Twali and Dholit to keep an eye on Lwamm," Link said.

"What about _you_?" Leynne asked.

Link shrugged. "Most of the time I'm wandering around, someone usually watches me. I have Irleen wandering the hold, looking for her."

"You know…" Leynne said as he pushed away from the bulkhead. "Layna usually comes when she calls you. If you call heh and tell heh to stop, she probably will."

Dubbl laid a light smack on the back of Leynne's head, prompting an annoyed grunt from him. "Not," she told him. "Layna will kill him."

"He—I just struck my _head_ , remembeh?" Leynne snapped, pointing to his temple.

Link pointed to Dubbl. "She probably has a point," he said. "Layna would probably 'kill' me before she listens to me tell her _not_ to kill the crew." He sighed. "Flower just gave Gorm's men the boot."

"I thought they looked a little souh while they drove away," Leynne commented. "Give me a moment to deal with this headache, then I shall deliveh ouh outrage to Misteh Gohm."

"Just hold off for now," Link said. "I had Line report to the branch office that we've had a problem with Mister Gorm; they'll be sending someone to look into the matter."

"Foh a matteh of tehmites?" Leynne asked.

"Well…" Link said, glancing up at the deckhead. "We can tell them about the termites when they get here. For now, all they know is an airman covered in red stab marks with a ring around his neck and green skin is the sign of a problem on-board the _Island Symphony_. Besides, we could be dealing with fraud. Someone _needs_ to know that Mister Gorm may be a problem."

"Quite the elaborate tale," Leynne said. "Will they appreciate the deception?"

"Once they know that someone has been trying to send poor goods to an island that's still trying to recover from evacuation."

Leynne grinned. "Sounds like quite the scandal Misteh Gohm is running."

Link frowned. "You think so? I-I just realized it myself, actually."

Leynne indicated the stairs. "Shall we escoht you back to youh command, sih? It wouldn't do the ship's suhviving crew of _one_ to see heh commanding officeh dead." Dubbl giggled at Leynne's exaggerated tone.

"Yeah, this is getting less funny," Link said as he waved Leynne ahead. Leynne started up the steps, and then Dubbl pointed a finger to indicate that Link should go up before her.

Once Link was back on the main deck, he immediately looked for Lwamm. Dholit and Twali had stepped away from her, but the fact that both of them were examining the masts more than the deck indicated to Link that they were trying to spot Layna before she could tag Lwamm. Lwamm, for her part, looked annoyed as she wandered the deck near the bulwark.

Link moved over to the port bulwark and watched Flower heave an armchair over his head and off the dock. "What a waste," he commented.

"It wouldn't do much good to send bad items to an island that's been neahly flattened," Leynne pointed out. "What's wohse is the cahpenteh who put wohk into these pieces only to have them ruined by some idiot fuhnituh salesman."

"No kidding," Link said as he turned around. "But that's—…" Link froze as he looked past Leynne and Dubbl. "Uh oh. Where's Lwamm?"

"Huh?" Leynne asked as both he and Dubbl turned around. Then he called across the deck, "Dholit! Wheh's Lwamm!?"

Dholit and Twali spun to look for Lwamm. They exchanged looks before they ran to the bulwark.

This caused Leynne to grab the front of Link's tunic and yank him away from the port bulwark. "What? What?" Link cried out.

Leynne's eyes looked over the bulwark. "Could she have grabbed Lwamm from the side of the ship?" he asked Dubbl.

"Not," Dubbl said with very little certainty even after shaking her head. "I not _zink_."

"No, she _couldn't_ grab her from that side," Link said. "The doors are open. I had to open them to vent out all the smoke from her bomb." Leynne and Dubbl turned to look at Link just as Link realized was he was saying, his face turning into an expression of complete surprise. "Oh, _crap_. She grabbed Lwamm from the _hold_ …"

"No _wondeh_ Layna's been getting the uppeh hand," Leynne commented. He patted Link on the back. "I believe that you ah the last, Captain." Shouting sounded from the deck below, so Leynne moved to the bulwark and called down, "Something wrong down theh?"

"You guys looking for Lwamm?" Flower called up from where he stood on the dock.

Leynne glanced over his shoulder to show Link and Dubbl an ironic grin. "You might say that," he hollered back down to Flower.

"Well, she's down here."

"Is she all right?"

Flower paused for a moment. "Well, she's _pissed_. She's got Cale in a headlock."

Leynne stood up and called across the deck, "Dholit, Twali! Lwamm's in the cahgo hold! Huhry; she's trying to kill Cale!" Both Gelto nodded and hustled to the stairs on the starboard side.

"Kyaptain, dead," Dubbl commented with a grin of her own.

"You're not helping," Link told her.

"Granted," Leynne said. "But the sooneh you die, the sooneh this game ends. Right?" Dubbl shrugged.

"What if she _does_ kill me but decides it wasn't challenging enough?" Link asked. "I mean… it's only been, what, _two_ hours, and she's killed everyone but me? Is-is that _good_ for an assassin."

" _I_ zink so," Dubbl said.

"Well, if you want to give Layna a challenge," Leynne said, "you might put youhself in a place wheh she can't reach you without exposing hehself."

Link shrugged. "Where would _that_ be?"

"How about youh cabin?" Leynne suggested. "We go in, look foh traps, and then leave you inside wheh she won't find you."

"What about the ship?" Link asked. "I can't be hiding from Layna's game while we're trying to conduct business here."

Leynne placed an arm across Link's shoulders and started walking him toward his cabin under the quarterdeck. "At this point in time, I would suhmise that ouh business is on hold until we can level accusations against Misteh Gohm. Theh isn't much call to have a captain standing heh waiting, is theh?"

"I _guess_ not," Link said.

"So, we might as well indulge Layna in heh game and try to give you the best chance of suhvival. The fihst thing will be to examine youh room."

It was not the choice Link wanted to make, but he decided to go with Leynne and Dubbl to his cabin. The first trap to be found triggered when Leynne pulled the door open with Link and Dubbl standing aside. A hatchet-like object suddenly swung down from the top of the doorway, its level suggesting that Layna was attempting to cleave Link's head as she had done to Leynne. Then they tossed his bed and examined both his chair and his personal privy. Both seats proved to have small tacks, almost invisible to the unaware eye, waiting to stick Link in the butt while a few more were found hidden under his messy covers. A quick check of his wardrobe revealed a primitive launcher waiting to hurl needles into his chest the moment he opened it. Well aware that every aspect of Link's cabin might be booby-trapped, Leynne and Dubbl used a ruler each from the map table's supplies to carefully pull open the drawers to Link's desk. Almost a dozen needles later, they checked under the desk to find a stake poised to stab into a sensitive area if Link happened to scoot his chair forward. Their final task was to examine all of the hiding places in Link's cabin at least twice in case Layna had snuck in. Then Leynne stuffed one of Link's shirts into the hole in the deck made for Irleen with the promise to explain it to Irleen once they found her.

Then Link was alone in his room. He contemplated trying to relax somewhere, but he feared that sitting either at his desk or lying on his bed might reveal another tack which they might have missed. Instead, Link used a boot to wipe around the corner where his bed met the aft bulkhead for anything which might get him. Then he took his tunic off and set it on the space. After removing his sword so that he could draw it easier should Layna appear in his room, he sat down on the tunic and rested his back against the bulkhead. There was nothing to do while he waited for Layna to show up. Considering how thorough his cabin had been searched, she had to still be outside. She either had to use the door or cut a hole into the cabin, both of which would make noise.

So Link strained to listen as best as he could. There were boots stomping around the deck outside, muffled voices on the other side of the cabin, and the subtle groan of the ship as it floated in the air on its ballast tanks. They were sounds that Link could listen to every night. That was probably the reason he fell asleep some time later. He did not even consider it a bad idea because he thought that his crew would be watching his door.

He forgot that Layna had no trouble with drugging the crew en masse. The fact that she drew a makeshift training knife across Dholit's and Biluf's necks was just more practice; it had been a while since she killed people watching a room with only one door.

Link heard the door open, but he was so groggy that he took a look at Layna slipping into the door and completely forgot that she had been play-killing his crew. In two blinks, she jumped from the door to almost in his face.

His brain then spurred into action, and he jerked his face away hard enough to strike his head against the bulkhead. "A-bwaba!" he hollered before he could articulate anything resembling a cry for help.

Then he relaxed when he saw that Layna's expression looked more like curiosity. She stared at him like an animal that was trying to figure him out. So he asked, "Uh… does this mean… you _won't_ kill me?"

Her eyes softened. She reached one hand forward, causing Link to flinch. She flinched as well. Then she carefully placed her hand on his hair. Link swallowed hard, not quite understanding what she was trying to do. Her hand then wandered toward the back of his head, and she gently pulled him closer. He felt his heart pound against his chest. Just as he was beginning to fear what was coming next, it happened.

She kissed him. She _was_ kissing him. Link's mind blanked, making it hard to tell how long their lips were actually making contact. About the only thing he could remember was how aggressive she was; he was sure he felt her tongue press into his mouth.

When she pulled away, Link felt like she had stolen most of his sanity along with it. He was stupid for a moment. The only thing that brought him out of it was _her_ expression.

Her face was completely blank.

The entirety of the morning rushed to the surface of his mind. "Oh, crap…"

However, Link watched as Layna's lips started to turn green. Her expression relaxed. Before Link could say anything, Layna readjusted herself so that she could fall asleep with her head resting on his lap.

And just so it was clear to Link how much the universe loved to screw with him, his cabin door burst open in the next moment. Leynne, Line (still green), Gold, and Irleen charged into the room. Upon looking at the scene, Leynne gave a frustrated sigh and looked away while Gold broke out into a stupid grin.

"Link!" Irleen and Line hollered at him.

"I was _sleeping_!" Link defended. Gold snorted in response, covering his mouth as he turned away.

"Why is she sleeping _now_!?" Line shouted, pointing at her.

Link pointed at the door. "Line, just _get out_!" Line blew a raspberry before he turned to leave, and he stomped his feet on the way out. Link then pointed to Layna and asked, "How'd she get _in_?"

"She attacked Biluf and Dholit," Irleen said, her voice heated. "So. How'd you _die_?"

"I-I don't think I _did_ ," Link replied as he leaned over to look at her face. "I think she killed _herself_."

Leynne exchanged a concerned look with Irleen before he stepped forward. He reached a hand down to check Layna's neck. Then he breathed a sigh of relief. "Foh a moment, I thought she had," he told Link. "It appeahs she's just fainted."

"Or drugged herself," Link said. "She just passed out right as her lips started changing color."

Leynne glanced up at Link. "Like youhs ah _now_?"

"Huh?"

"Link!" Irleen snapped as Link tugged on his lower lip to look at it. "I don't believe this! You _kissed_ her again?!"

"Again?" Leynne asked over his shoulder.

Link could see that his lips really were turning green. When he looked up, his mind began to spin. He recognized it as the feeling a person would get just before one of Layna's sleeping drugs kicked in. "Oh, son of a…" Link managed to get out before he was too drugged to talk. He caught the sound of Gold laughing his ass off while Irleen accused him of being a hormone-driven idiot before he flopped sideways onto the deck, smacking his elbow on his sword.

…

Casualty Review List:

Line – Stabbed multiple times in his sleep; strangled with his own bodysuit; stabbed in the kidney; poisoned through food

Flower – Throat slit in his sleep

Harley – Manually choked and disemboweled in his sleep

Biluf – Burned to death in her sleep; throat slit

Dubbl – Beaten to death in her sleep

Dholit – Stabbed in the lower back and neck in her sleep; throat slit

Lawrence – Poisoned through food

Lilly – Stabbed in the kidney, bound, and thrown into the closet

Sello – Drowned

Helo – Hanged

Lidago – Drugged and garroted with a wire

Gorm Grunt #1 – Bombed

Gorm Grunt #2 – Bombed

Gold – Bombed

Cale – Bombed; possibly strangled by crewmate

Twali – Poisoned with a hidden needle

Irleen – Smothered with a pillow

Leynne – Booby trap blade to the head

Lwamm – Pulled overboard

Layna – Ingested poison

Link – Poison-kissed

Tale #8 of the _Island Symphony_ – **END**

 **NOTICE: As stated above, this is** **ambiguously** **canon. It may have happened, it may not have. Just know that, if Layna ever went completely insane, the crew would** **never** **survive.**


	9. Did Anyone Here Take Sex Ed?

**NOTICE: The following section is** **ambiguously** **canon. The likelihood that it happened is pretty equal to the likelihood that it didn't happen.**

…

Tale #9: "Did _Anyone_ Here Take Sex Ed?"

 _Whump!_

"LAYNA, NO!"

Link turned around to see that Layna, ever stalking him from the masts (he assumed), had yet again ambushed someone into the deck with a blade held against his neck. Leynne had been the one to call out, causing both Lwamm and Twali to start. Link's reaction had been relatively nonchalant, although he was still surprised by the fact that Layna had ambushed someone he had not seen standing there just moments before.

He leaned over and said, "Hey, Gil. Didn't see you there."

"Hi, kid," Gilliam replied through a mouth being smashed into the deck planks. "Get her off me."

Link glanced up at Layna. "You sure? You look comfortable…"

"She's, about… five seconds away from snapping my wrist."

Link grinned and gestured Layna aside as he told her, "Okay, Layna, get off him. It's okay, it's just Sir Gilliam." Layna stood up and backed away.

Gilliam took his time getting to his feet, holding his neck in pain while twisting his opposite wrist. He turned to give Layna an annoyed glare only to be met with Layna's "Kill Mode" blank stare. "Has she _killed_ anyone doing that yet?" he asked.

"She's actually pretty good at holding back when she does that," Link answered. "She was in this habit, for a while, where she was stabbing people in the neck to knock them out."

"Did you have to _order_ her to stop?" Gilliam asked as he glanced over to see Leynne approaching.

"Actually, we think she ran out of needles first," Link replied with an embarrassed tone.

"Masteh Gilliam," Leynne spoke up in a friendly tone as he stepped into place next to Link. "To what do we owe the pleasuh?"

"Just stopped in to visit," Gilliam replied, straightening his tunic. "I understand you got married."

"I did," Leynne responded with a nod.

Gilliam pointed at Lwamm and Twali, who were conversing with each other while observing the group from afar. "Which one?"

"The one that almost broke youh jaw."

Gilliam grimaced at the thought and the memory. "You're asking for trouble there, Lieutenant. Anyone else get hitched? For my own curiosity?"

Link shook his head while Leynne answered, "I'm afraid that the only otheh romance you'll eveh find on-boahd is the teenage antics of ouh cook and supply chief."

Gilliam gave a half-smile and indicated something behind Link and Leynne. "Oh, yeah? How do you explain _that_?"

Link and Leynne turned to follow his line of sight. They saw that, approaching them from the starboard stairs, was Dholit. Link could not quite figure out what it was, but Dholit appeared different to him. It seemed as if others had noticed as well; both Twali's and Lwamm's jaws dropped open as Dholit strutted past them, and Leynne mumbled something under his breath that sounded like a curse. It still had not occurred to Link until Dholit flashed a bright smile at him, one hand sliding over her covered belly.

Her _protruding_ , covered belly.

"My Captain, Leynne," she said in greeting to both as Link's expression switched to puzzled. Then she gave Gilliam a sly grin as she said, "Mistah Gilliam."

"Hotlips," Gilliam replied in greeting, although he kept his features neutral. He indicated her stomach. "Do I need to guess how _that_ happened?"

"Possibly not," Dholit said, eyes flitting in Link's direction for a moment. "You ah welcome to, though. I don't mind answering a few _pahsonal_ questions."

"What?" Link asked. "What about?"

"Hotlips is _pregnant_ ," Gilliam said, giving Link an annoyed look.

"Yo—… you're _what_!?" Link snapped, turning back to Dholit.

"Yes, with child," Dholit said with a faraway tone. "I have succeeded in my duty as a yabbid, and I have such glorious feelings like you men will _nevah_ undahstand."

"'Yabbid'?" Gilliam asked.

Leynne turned to him and shrugged. "The best we undehstand, it means 'designated motheh'."

"Dholit!" Lwamm snapped as she and Twali approached her from behind. "Waba laxmya'ak dhol?!"

"Looks like trouble," Gilliam said under his breath.

"Just watch," Leynne whispered back.

"'Imayn taris," Dholit said as she turned to confront her sisters with her usual grin.

"Dholit," Twali said, her tone much more calming than Lwamm's, "'ak iydayb zhax?"

Dholit crossed her arms. "'Inu naddhobalak," she told them.

Twali's and Lwamm's eyes widened, and their gazes slowly turned to Link. "What?" Link asked.

"Waba 'adhmya'ak May _Kyabtin_!?" Twali shouted in Dholit's face.

Lwamm's eyes darted between Dholit and Twali for a moment. Then she told Twali, "Yayxwok."

"Waba _yaxwkya'ak_ May Kyabtin!?" Twali corrected herself, her voice the same level of hysteria.

"Wabin nadlway'adhiycak max?" Dholit asked, swaying her hips as she stood.

"'Oyfzhax dha' dhol naday?" Lwamm immediately started and bumped into Twali upon realizing that Layna was standing next to her, leaned forward with her eyes locked on Dholit's stomach. The fact that she spoke had probably spooked Lwamm and Twali more since Link, Leynne, and Gilliam had seen her sidle up next to Lwamm.

Dholit cradled her stomach as if she was actually holding it. "Ah, 'imayn Layna 'amoski," she said with her teasing lilt. "Sa'it kilwufak cussib 'ithab."

Layna stood up, eyes still on Dholit's belly. Then, without warning, she grabbed Dholit by the front of her shirt and pressed her lips to Dholit's mouth. Dholit was understandably taken off-guard, and Twali's jaw dropped open in shock. Leynne placed a hand over his eyes to reveal his frustration. Gilliam tried to avert his gaze while his face turned red. Link took a sudden interest in his boots.

Lwamm thrust her arms in between Dholit and Layna so that she could pry them apart. "Layna!" she hollered as Layna, confused, stumbled backwards. "Waba liyxomotak dhol!?"

"'Inu yamyizhiydak atiy'ab," Layna responded.

"Dhol!?" Lwamm snapped at her.

"Layna, waba nadsayizhudak atiy'ab _'immu_ ziyn," Dholit said, causing Lwamm and Twali to give her a pair of cross looks.

Layna's eyes widened with understanding. Link looked up just in time to find Layna suddenly push between Lwamm and Twali. He had only a split second to react, and it was not enough for him to prevent Layna from catching him by the jaw. She locked lips with him, and his struggle ceased immediately.

" _What_ is going on!?" Leynne snapped while Gilliam turned to hide his laughter away.

"Layna!" Twali hissed, one hand jerking through the air to signal Layna away. "Nwoyrotan!"

Link finally came to his senses and pushed on Layna's shoulders to force her away. "Layna!" Link snapped. "What are you _doing_!?"

"Layna," Lwamm said. "Waba _nad_ yizhudak atiy'ab; waba _tay'obak_."

Layna looked down at Link's hands, and Link quickly withdrew those hands out of fear that she would chop them off in the next moment. "'Oyfzhax dha' dhol naday?" she asked as she turned to Lwamm. However, instead of responding, Lwamm's and Twali's faces blanked in pure confusion.

" _You're_ responsible for this!" Link accused as he pointed a finger at Dholit.

"Well, faih _is_ faih, My Captain," Dholit replied. She made a show of rubbing her belly as she added, "You _ah_ responsible foh _this_."

"I—… I'm what?" Link asked.

"He's _what_!?" both Leynne and Gilliam snapped.

"Oh, if only you two knew Giltoan," Dholit mused as she turned to them. "Lwamm and Twali ah upset at the fact that My Captain is the fathah of my child."

Leynne and Gilliam slowly turned to Link. When Link caught the daggers in their eyes, he raised his hands to defend himself. "Wa-wait a minute!" he cried at them. "I-I don't even know how this _happened_!"

"Did we _ask_ for details?" Gilliam said.

Leynne, however, turned to Dholit and asked, "When?"

"About two months ago," Dholit answered.

"Two months?" Leynne asked. "You _do_ realize that you've only _recently_ decided to coveh youh abdomen."

"I meahly felt that today would be a little embarrassing to walk about the ship with a bulge," Dholit replied.

"You? _Embarrassed_?"

Dholit shrugged. "I have my moment of humility."

Leynne nodded at her. "Few and fah between, I'm suh. Lift the shiht, Dholit."

"Why, Leynne," Dholit said as she turned halfway away from him, "have we discovahed a latent fetish?"

" _Now_ , Dholit."

Dholit let out a sigh and pulled up the bottom hem of the red shirt she wore. A small pillow immediately fell from underneath, plopping to the deck like dead weight. Dholit then indignantly tugged the shirt back into place. "I can only stand so much scrutiny," she told Leynne. "It hahdly seems faih."

"You'h trying to convince a fouhteen-yeah-old aihship captain that you'h pregnant with his child," Leynne replied. "What level of faihness does _that_ coveh?"

Dholit sighed and shrugged. "Oh, well. I suppose my ruse could only last foh so long." She started walking away. "I shall be back, My Captain."

Leynne then turned to Link and Gilliam. "Have… neitheh of you any idea of how pregnancy _wohks_?" he asked.

"Not married," Gilliam replied as he raised a hand.

"Fourteen years old," Link said, also holding a hand up.

"I'm a twenty-seven-yeah-old fohmeh recluse," Leynne said, "and I _still_ know moh than you two?" He turned to find that Lwamm and Twali had started walking away while Layna had just plain disappeared. "I'm second-in-command of a ship of _children_ …"

…

Tale #9 of the _Island Symphony_ – **END**

 **NOTICE: As stated above, this is** **ambiguously** **canon. And evidence that Link would be** _ **royally**_ **screwed if Dholit ever got her way.**


	10. The Answer is Definitely No

**NOTICE: The following section is** **completely** **canon. It happened, no denying it. Why? We suspect bad food.**

…

Tale #10: "The Answer is Definitely No"

 _Whump!_

"LAYNA, NO!"

Link turned around to see that Layna, ever stalking him from the masts, had yet again ambushed someone into the deck with a blade held against his neck. Leynne had been the one to call out, causing both Lwamm and Twali to start. Link's reaction had been relatively nonchalant, although he was still surprised by the fact that Layna had ambushed someone he had not seen standing there just moments before.

He leaned over and said, "Hey, Gil. Didn't see you there."

"Hi, kid," Gilliam replied through a mouth being smashed into the deck planks. "Get her off me."

Link glanced up at Layna. "You sure? You look comfortable…"

"She's about _five_ seconds away from snapping my wrist."

Link grinned and gestured Layna aside as he told her, "Okay, Layna, get off him. It's okay; it's just Sir Gilliam." Layna stood up and backed away.

Gilliam took his time getting to his feet, holding his neck in pain while twisting his opposite wrist. He turned to give Layna an annoyed glare only to be met with Layna's "Kill Mode" blank stare. "Has she _killed_ anyone doing that yet?" he asked.

"She's actually pretty good at holding back when she does it," Link answered. "She was in this habit, for a while, where she was stabbing people in the neck to knock them out."

"Did you have to _order_ her to stop?" Gilliam asked as he glanced over to see Leynne approaching.

"Actually, we think she ran out of needles first," Link replied with an embarrassed tone.

"Masteh Gilliam," Leynne spoke up in a friendly tone as he stepped into place next to Link. "To what do we owe the pleasuh?"

"Just stopped in to visit," Gilliam replied, straightening his tunic. "Enjoyed the warm welcome. I understand _you_ got married."

"I did," Leynne responded with a nod.

Gilliam pointed at Lwamm and Twali, who were conversing with each other while observing the group from at a distance. "Which one?"

"The one that almost broke youh jaw."

Gilliam grimaced at the thought and the memory. "You're asking for trouble there, Lieutenant. Anyone else get hitched? For my own curiosity?"

Link shook his head while Leynne answered, "I'm afraid that the only otheh romance you'll eveh find on-boahd is the teenage antics of ouh cook and supply chief."

Gilliam gave a half-smile and indicated something behind Link and Leynne. "Oh, yeah? How do you explain _that_?"

Link and Leynne turned to follow his line of sight. They saw that, approaching them from the starboard stairs, was Dholit. Link could not quite figure out what it was, but Dholit appeared different to him. It seemed as if others had noticed as well; both Twali's and Lwamm's jaws dropped open as Dholit strutted past them, and Leynne mumbled something under his breath that sounded like a curse. It still had not occurred to Link until Dholit flashed a bright smile at him, one hand sliding over her covered belly.

Her _protruding_ , covered belly.

"My Captain, Leynne," she said in greeting to both as Link's expression switched to puzzled. Then she gave Gilliam a sly grin as she said, "Mistah Gilliam."

"Hotlips," Gilliam replied in greeting, although he kept his features neutral. He indicated her stomach. "Do I need to guess how _that_ happened?"

"Possibly not," Dholit said, eyes flitting in Link's direction for a moment. "You ah welcome to, though. I don't mind answering a few _pahsonal_ questions."

"What?" Link asked. "What about?"

"Hotlips is _pregnant_ ," Gilliam said, giving Link an annoyed look.

"Yo—… you're _what_!?" Link snapped, turning back to Dholit.

"Yes, with child," Dholit said with a faraway tone. "I have succeeded in my duty as a yabbid, and I have such glorious feelings like you men will _nevah_ undahstand."

"'Yabbid'?" Gilliam asked.

Leynne turned to him and shrugged. "The best we undehstand, it means 'designated motheh'."

"Dholit!" Lwamm snapped as she and Twali approached her from behind. "Waba laxmya'ak dhol?!"

"Looks like trouble," Gilliam said under his breath.

"Just watch," Leynne whispered back.

"'Imayn taris," Dholit said as she turned to confront her sisters with her usual grin.

"Dholit," Twali said, her tone much more calming than Lwamm's, "'ak iydayb zhax?"

Dholit crossed her arms. "'Inu naddhobalak," she told them.

Twali's and Lwamm's eyes widened, and their gazes slowly turned to Link. "What?" Link asked.

"Waba 'adhmya'ak May _Kyabtin_!?" Twali shouted in Dholit's face.

Lwamm's eyes darted between Dholit and Twali for a moment. Then she told Twali, "Yayxwok."

"Waba _yaxwkya'ak_ May Kyabtin!?" Twali corrected herself, her voice the same level of hysteria.

"Wabin nadlway'adhiycak max?" Dholit asked, swaying her hips as she stood.

"'Oyfzhax dha' dhol naday?" Lwamm immediately started and bumped into Twali upon realizing that Layna was standing next to her, leaned forward with her eyes locked on Dholit's stomach. The fact that she spoke had probably spooked Lwamm and Twali more since Link, Leynne, and Gilliam had seen her sidle up next to Lwamm.

Dholit cradled her stomach as if she was actually holding it. "Ah, 'imayn Layna 'amoski," she said with her teasing lilt. "Sa'it kilwufak cussib 'ithab."

Layna stood up, eyes still on Dholit's belly. Then, without warning, she grabbed Dholit by the front of her shirt and pressed her lips to Dholit's mouth. Dholit was understandably taken off-guard, and Twali's jaw dropped open in shock. Leynne placed a hand over his eyes to reveal his frustration. Gilliam tried to avert his gaze while his face turned red. Link took a sudden interest in his boots.

Lwamm thrust her arms in between Dholit and Layna so that she could pry them apart. "Layna!" she hollered as Layna, confused, stumbled backwards. "Waba liyxomotak dhol!?"

"'Inu yamyizhiydak atiy'ab," Layna responded.

"Dhol!?" Lwamm snapped at her.

"Layna, waba nadsayizhudak atiy'ab _'immu_ ziyn," Dholit said, causing Lwamm and Twali to give her a pair of cross looks.

Layna's eyes widened with understanding. Link looked up just in time to find Layna suddenly push between Lwamm and Twali. He had only a split second to react, and it was not enough for him to prevent Layna from catching him by the jaw. She locked lips with him, and his struggle ceased immediately.

" _What_ is going on!?" Leynne snapped while Gilliam turned to hide his laughter away.

Link felt Layna become much more forceful with the kiss and placed his hands on her shoulders to push her away. "Layna, what are you _doing_?!" Link said, although the haze his brain had to fight through made it hard to tell if he was just surprised or actually angry.

"What have you been telling heh?" Leynne asked Dholit.

"She has designs to become pregnant," Dholit answered, her voice casual as if she was talking to him about the weather. "I was meahly pointing out to hah that she might want _My Captain_ to make hah pregnant instead of me."

Link's eyes widened. He watched with the others as Layna backed away from him. Her hands rested on her stomach, giving them a visual reference as her belly then began to expand. In just a few seconds, Layna's stomach had bulged out to about the same size as Dholit's. For comparison, Dholit stepped up next to her.

And she gave Link a wicked grin. "And the deed is done," she told Link. "Congratulations, My Captain. You ah now a fathah _twice_."

"I—I—I—I—I—…" Link stammered as he backed up a step, his mind overwhelmed.

"Dholit, ah you _mad_?!" Leynne snapped.

"Boy, did _I_ pick a good time to show up," Gilliam said to himself.

Twali and Lwamm stepped around to look at Layna's stomach. Twali poked it while Lwamm then took a threatening step toward Link. " _Maaaaay Kyaaaaabtin…_ " Lwamm growled at him, her eyes almost burning as she glared.

"I don't know what's going on!" Link cried out, raising his arms to protect his head.

"Lwamm!" Leynne called out. He moved in between her and Link and raised a hand to stop her. "Lwamm, it's fifty yeahs' bad luck to eviscerate youh commandeh." Lwamm's response was a hefty swing with her arm, simply mowing Leynne aside with little more than an "ohmph".

"Twali," Dholit said in a commanding voice, "nwayrotan zhadi."

"Ay'a," Twali replied. She turned to Lwamm just as Lwamm prepared to punch Link. Then she felt the need to quickly prod Layna's stomach once more, causing her to giggle and turn away.

Lwamm was just a moment from putting her fist through Link's face when Twali then dashed to her side. She grabbed Lwamm's head and turned the stronger girl toward her. This caused Lwamm to drop her fist due to disorientation. It also left her quite vulnerable, and Twali locked her lips to Lwamm's mouth in a spontaneous kiss. Link, peering through his arms, felt his face grow hot. Both Leynne and Gilliam slapped a hand over their eyes in embarrassment. Dholit crossed her arms with a beam of pride on her face.

Lwamm pushed Twali away. "Twali!" she snapped.

Twali, an embarrassed smile on her face, stepped back and said, "'Inbathifak."

Lwamm's expression changed to horror as she looked down and pulled up her shirt. Her belly expanded until it was the same size as Dholit's and Layna's. She looked up to watch Twali's belly do the same thing.

"Oh, joy!" Dholit declared. "Now we have _fouh_ pregnancies."

"This isn't a good thing!" Gilliam shouted at her.

Dholit shrugged. "A mattah of pahspective." She clapped her hands together and put on a happy smile. "Let us find moah! Shall we see what the lovely Princess Zelda looks like pregnant with My Captain's baby?"

"LINK!"

Link jerked awake and rolled onto his side. He had to take a moment to clear his mind and establish that he was in his cabin. He found that he could not remember the dream he had just awoken from; the best that he could remember was that it was weird.

He belched and tasted something raunchy in the base of his throat. "Eugh," he groaned to himself. "What the hell did I _eat_ last night?" As his eyes wandered the room in an attempt to figure out what time it was, he realized that there was a glowing form sitting, arms crossed, on the edge of his desk. He completely overlooked the angry glare on her face as he greeted her, "Oh. Hey, Zelda."

…

Tale #10 of the _Island Symphony_ – **END**

 **NOTICE: This is** **entirely** **canon. This is also why Zelda no longer pokes around Link's dreams. And hated his guts for an entire month.**


	11. Line Discovers Duct Tape

**NOTICE: The following section is** **not** **canon. The anachronisms featured in this story are too much even for** _ **The Legend of Zelda**_ **.**

…

Link stirred and groaned that he was awake and the sun was shining through the window. He hated that the sun had to wake him. He hated that the stern was pointed at the sunrise. He loved being the captain, though, so he grabbed the covers and attempted to roll over.

 _Attempted_.

His hand slipped off the covers, and this resulted in his knuckles busting him in the chin. "Dah—!" he began to shout before he clapped his mouth shut.

This still woke Irleen, who rose from her bed. "Link?" she asked. "Are you okay?"

"M'fine," he groaned as he rubbed his jaw. He looked down at the comforter. "Wha…?"

Only a few inches of the comforter were left bare. The rest of the comforter was covered in thin straps of silver material overlapping across the bed in a sheet of their own. The sheet was tight enough that Link was mostly pinned to the bed, but it also had a bit of give so that Link would not notice it right away. The edge against the wall had been tucked around the bed while the opposite edge adhered to the wooden frame on the outside. Link tested the sheet's strength by tugging on the comforter again.

Then he let out a sigh as someone peering into his cabin from the door started sniggering aloud. "Line!" he shouted as he started tugging the tape off the outside of the bed.

…

Tale #11: "Line Discovers Duct Tape"

…

"All hands on deck! All hands on deck!"

Leynne had been focused on a mechanical text when the call, which sounded like Line's voice, was made. Once the voice registered through all the notes he was trying to mentally jot down, he scrambled to his feet and knocked his chair over. Lately, the call for all hands required the crew to show up in their tunics, so he sprang toward his closet and pulled out the blue tunic he kept ready on the top shelf. Then he ripped the door open so that he could sprint out into the galley and onto the deck.

"Gaw!"

His face was smothered by an obstruction waiting in the doorframe. With his momentum even from the beginning steps of his run, the whole sensation felt remarkably like being punched in the head. His feet flew ahead of him, and, before he could register any sort of orientation— _BAM!_ —he landed flat on his back on the deck. The whiplash from the impact caused his neck to snap back, and his skull struck the deck hard. He had actually managed to leave the room; he lay on the deck in the small hallway connecting the chiefs' quarters to the galley. His tunic, which he had thrown when he had started to fall, landed next to him. Dubbl and Cale, who had been in their own quarters, paused inside their own doorways when they saw Leynne lying on the floor in front of them.

Line, standing at the end of the hallway, collapsed to his knees with laughter, which finally became audible as a full-blown guffaw as Leynne slowly propped himself onto his elbows. Leynne's confusion was settled when Line dropped onto his side with laughter.

"Line," Leynne breathed with a voice full of loathing. "You _utteh_ pillock…" The use of the pejorative only served to worsen Line's fit of laughter, possibly because Line did not even know what the word meant.

…

Layna would have been fine not knowing that Line had discovered a new toy.

"Yah-hah! Hu-wah!"

Not that Line had the sort of restraint to keep away from her.

Believing that Layna could do little against duct tape, he had wrapped layer after layer of duct tape over an old tunic, an old bodysuit, a pair of gloves he had swiped from one of the engine crew, and a bucket. What resulted was a thick set of clothes which made movement noticeably difficult and a bucket with a strap to hold it under his chin, the very definition of "self-made armor". While Line knew there was risk in leaving his face and part of his neck exposed, he also trusted that Layna would do nothing but stab him with a needle to drop him to the deck.

So he went on taunting her, "C'mon, Layna. I bet you can't stab me through this. C'mon, let's see those assassin moves get through seven layers of duct tape. Show me, bitch!"

An observer might have noticed the skeptical look Layna gave. It would have been much more warning than Line had noticed before she switched to "Kill Mode" in the next second. And, in that same second, she balled one hand and used the small space in between the two of them to deliver a short, powerful blow. Line had not counted on how much force she could deliver at such a short distance nor really seemed to understand that she could easily channel the blow through the seven layers of duct tape into his chest since the duct tape had no sort of give to cushion impacts.

Instead, Line felt the air leave his lungs so fast that he could not breathe back in immediately. The pain she had inflicted made breathing in afterwards even more difficult. Without air, Line spun and fell flat on the deck, although he was likely unconscious before he landed.

…

Line stood on the forward railing of the poop deck overlooking the rest of the ship. Above him, wrapped around the top of the _Island Symphony_ 's banner pole, a stretch of duct tape connected to the railing on the back of the forecastle. They had tried to make the line of duct tape as tight as possible, but it still had enough slack that Line was worried he might hit the railing in front of the quarterdeck.

"Um… Line," Cale spoke up as he surveyed the scene. "I don't think this to be the best of ideas. Do you think you can hold until you reach the main deck?"

Line flung the loose end of a length of rope over the line of tape and caught it with his free hand. He gave the rope a couple of tugs and looked down the line again. "I'm a career airman," he told Cale over his shoulder. "These hands are _made_ to hold rope. I just hope I make it past that rail down there."

"Can you lift youhself on the rope?"

Line looked up and wrapped the loose end of the rope around his hand. This forced him to stand on his toes. "How's this look?"

"Dangerous."

"Oh, come on. This stuff is solid. Meet you on the deck!" Line then used one foot to push against the pole. Without the rail underneath him, all his weight fell onto the duct tape.

While the line of duct tape was technically wrapped around the top of the pole, this was only in the realm of definitions that included the single break in the loop being in the same location. Line dropped heavily onto the tape, and the end of the tape on the outside of the loop tore free. In the following split-second, Line's weight combined with the adhesive desperately trying to hold the other end of the loop caused the other end to rip free of the pole. The inevitable conclusion dropped Line to the quarterdeck on his back with a great slam. Crew that had paused their activities to ponder the line of duct tape snapped attention toward the quarterdeck. Link, having decided to settle down early, wandered out of his cabin and turned to look up at the quarterdeck as well. Cale leaned over the rail of the poop deck to locate Line.

"You know what, Cale?" Line spoke as clearly as one could after having all the air in his lungs knocked out from a fall. He raised a hand to point at Cale. "Bite me."

…

Link had had enough. This was apparent as he threw open the door to his cabin. His boots resounded against the deck, nearly audible should anyone be in the cargo hold below, even though all he was doing was moving from the doorway to his footlocker. He threw open the lid. And he removed his sword.

Outside, tension suddenly mounted as the deck crew watched him step out and cast the sheath aside. Twali moved aside so that Link could storm by. Leynne's movement was a little more casual, a simple back-step to give Link room.

Link did not even give Line a chance. Once he was in range, he swung the sword.

And cut one of two strips of duct tape holding Line's makeshift hammock to the boom of the port mizzen-mast. Line did not have a chance to cry out, having fallen asleep earlier in the day. His head hit the deck, providing him a shock into alertness. Seeing Link standing above him with a sword in his hand made Line flip over and run for the stairs before Link found something else to cut apart.

…

No one was really sure _what_ Line was doing. All they knew was someone wearing a silver mask and a matching cape ran from the girls' berths and up onto the main deck. In one hand, he held a pair of red underpants which did not look to cover very much. Speculation said that they belonged to Dholit; the Gelto never seemed to admit which of their pilfered undergarments belonged to whom. Nor did the rest of the crew really get a straight answer when Lwamm stepped from behind the starboard mizzen-mast and clotheslined him so that she could take the underpants back. She also relieved him of the duct tape mask and cape so that there was no doubt it had been Line once again.

…

Flower generally did not fear sleeping without a shirt on. Line made him rethink that habit.

Flower was also an incredibly sound sleeper. Line had once fallen out of his own berth and landed hard on the deck, an act that had warranted little more than an irate snort. This left Line with the thought that he could do anything to Flower without having to worry about him waking up. With a single strip of duct tape, Line decided to test this theory. The beginning of this experiment was probably the most nerve-wrecking as he carefully placed the tape on Flower's hairy chest. This included Flower's left nipple. Line had to bite on his fist to keep from laughing. He gently pressed down on the tape to ensure that he had caught all the hair he could.

Lawrence stirred and flipped over. When he saw what Line was doing, his first instinct was to cover his ears. It turned out to be a good idea because, one second later—

 _Kshhhh!_

"GYAAAAAAAAAAH!" The voice that came out of the older airman sounded more like a little girl's. Flower flailed and dumped himself out of the hammock and onto the floor just as Line slipped out of the way. He rolled and pushed himself up on one hand while he covered the assaulted nipple with the other. "GODDESSES _ABOVE_ , WHAT THE F—!" Flower cut himself off as he saw Line flee down the narrow hallway. "LINE, YOU LITTLE SHIT!" he roared as he rose to his feet to chase Line. "I'M GONNA RIP OUT YOUR SPINE AND BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH IT! GET BACK HERE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

"Captain! Save me!" Line cried out as Lawrence, now laughing out loud, rolled himself out of his hammock.

…

Leynne glanced up when he heard someone grunting nearby. His head swiveled as he tried to find the source, sharing a confused look with Gold in the process. Then he strode forward until he had a clear view of the beakhead. Cale was tugging at a silvery lid covering the head.

A lid made of duct tape. And wrapped to a ridiculous degree around the lip of the head so that it was nigh impossible to pry off. Leynne was about to suggest that Cale use the other head only to see that it had also been closed off by duct tape.

So he sighed and resigned himself to hollering, "Liiiiiine!"

…

As Dubbl dragged her tired and sore body into her quarters, she threw her work gloves on the desk. The jacket she wore to protect herself from the winds on-deck had already fallen down to her elbows, so she slipped it off and dropped it in the foot of her wardrobe. She was not looking when she spun around and fell onto the bed.

Which is partially why she missed it.

Instead, she landed hard on her butt and smacked her skull against the bulkhead while her legs flailed to balance her on a surface she did not expect. She caught herself before she hit the floor, one hand holding her up while the other rubbed her head. Her eyes wandered the floor. But instead of her furniture, she found that mats of dirt took up the floor space. Her gloves, her jacket, and her bottom all rested where she had swept the dust and gravel she had tracked in, the only clues to where her furniture had last been seen. It started a bout of frustration, and she heaved a sigh as she glanced up at the deckhead to ask any all-knowing force for guidance.

Then she felt her frustration turn into utter shock. Her furniture hung from the ceiling, its placement mirroring the original layout. Fears that the furniture might fall were alleviated by the copious amounts of duct tape across the surfaces of both the wardrobe and the desk. The presence of duct tape on the bed was not as apparent; instead, the prankster had made and taped her sheets to the bed in mockery of her while also covering up the tape.

Dubbl's shock gave way to anger, and she snatched her jacket up as she left again. "Line!" she hollered as she began to crack her knuckles one by one.

…

In one of the few instances where Sello dared to venture out of the engine room (besides to use the… well, no, not even to use the head; he took care of that problem months ago), he located something shiny in the cargo hold. His first instinct was to lick it. It tasted metallic, but not at all like a machine should taste. For some reason, it tasted like clothing to him, rather like he had licked his own bottom. Not that he had done it before, but he had once taken off his orange utility suit so he could lick it clean. That was what it reminded him of.

In one of the overlapping ribbons on top, he located a paper that read "To: Sello, From: The Crew". Or something like that. From Sello's point-of-view, that last bit looked more like "Touch the three-rupee platypus". But these matters were hard for him to understand, being well into his usual state of advanced inebriation. In either case, it seemed clear to him that he should open it, because it was box-shaped, and box-shaped things carried not-box-shaped things. Bottles of his desired vice were not-box-shaped things, too. And not-box-shaped things were bottles of alcohol. Or a frog, because that was also a not-box-shaped thing. But not-box-shaped things were not frogs. Therefore, he should open it because the light bulb overhead was on.

He was thankful that he did not have to explain his logic to anyone nearby. He had a strong feeling that they would not really understand.

He carefully circled the box in search of some way of opening it. The silver bands were closely-woven together, and he could not find a seam to indicate a lid or even a separation between the stronger members underneath the silver. He licked it again to be sure that the bands were not metal. He still was not sure. So he located a crate nearby and tore the top free so he could dive into it head-first. Sniggering sounded from the stairs, but this hardly interested Sello as he emerged from the crate with a shovel in his hand.

He then spun to the silver box and proceeded to pummel the top with the shovel. Someone fell out of the stairs. However, Sello continued to strike the box, even letting out a barbaric war cry of "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" that bounced in intensity with each impact. When he was done, he pressed the head of the shovel against the deck and leaned on it as if he was casually examining the box.

The top had collapsed. The edge in front of him had also broken under his attack. Some of the silver bands had come loose. He dropped the shovel and pulled one of the bands away from the box. _Kek ke-kek kek._ The strange sound it made caused him to chuckle. _Kek ke-ke-kek._

"Heh heh."

 _Ke-ke-ke-ke-kek._

"Heh heh heh."

Soon, Sello was running circles around the box just to see how long he could keep making the sound, all the while laughing with idiotic abandon like the simple moron the crew thought he was. He was not even paying attention to the fact that he was unraveling the box; he just liked the sound that much. Not even that weirdo falling out of the stairs again could interrupt him. He continued even when the bands were unraveling from the top of the crate, something which his long arms allowed him to keep up with.

The fun stopped when the other end snapped free. This was also the same time that Sello realized that he had tangled the silvery stuff around his legs, although this was not readily apparent to him until he fell face-first onto the deck. Even then, he had to fight through the minor concussion in order to tell what had happened. Once he stood back up, he discovered that, without the silver bands, the shiny thing was a simple, wooden crate. Still, Sello had reasoned that he should open it, so he fit his fingers into the space between the busted lid and the intact side of the crate and pried it open.

He looked inside to discover that there was an object on the bottom that looked like a bottle covered in silver bands. He leaned inside it, and the crate tipped over and fell onto its side while dropping Sello's legs against the deck. This only improved Sello's chances as he grabbed the exposed neck of the bottle. He pulled, but he found that the silver bands were holding the bottle tightly against the bottom of the crate. So Sello braced his knees against the side edges of the crate and pulled again. _Tzzzzzzzzzzit!_ The bands let out an incredible rip as they pulled away from the crate. Sello removed himself from the crate and stood to his full height, bottle raised in triumph that not even the little man laughing near the stairs could take away from him. Remembering the rip, he used his free hand to probe his behind to make sure he had not torn his suit.

He used the edge of the crate to strike the wax around the cork stopper until it came loose. Then, against anyone else's better judgment, he used his teeth to pry the stopper out the rest of the way. _Pop!_ He spat the cork aside and put his lips to the top just as bubbly alcohol rose free of the bottle.

He chugged on the bottle a couple of times until he was sure it had stopped flowing. Then, with a _pop!_ , he removed his mouth from the bottle. He looked affectionately at the bottle and uttered, "Llama, my llama."

…

"My Captain, My Captain!"

Link groaned and covered his face with a hand as he heard Dholit approach. Her voice carried a sense of urgency, but Link could not help being skeptical about her need.

"My Captain, Aihman Line left duct tape on the head, and I need help removing the tape from my posterioh."

He was right.

When he turned to address the issue, he had to back up a step as Dholit thrust her hip in his direction. And, indeed, there were strips of duct tape on her bottom arranged to match the square shape of the head. However, Link was thoroughly unimpressed with her plight, mostly due to one fact that made her situation look more like a farce.

"Dholit, you've still got your trousers up," he told her in a flat voice. "Were you expecting to use the head through your trousers?"

"Why, My Captain, what a dihty mind you have!" Dholit told him as she watched over her shoulder, a wide grin on her face. "Expose myself to the crew?"

"Please. Like modesty stops you."

Dholit put on a pensive look. "Quite right, indeed, My Captain," she replied as she shook her rear at him. "Shall I remove my pants foh the benefit of youh pahsonal inspection?"

"No!" Link snapped. Then he clapped a hand over his mouth and looked around. His annoyed cry attracted attention from both Biluf and Leynne, standing just within earshot. He dared to lean closer and told her in a lower voice, "Go down to the berth deck and take it off yourself."

"Oh, but, My Captain!" Dholit said as she finally turned to face him instead of show off her rear end. "My dignity is in jeopahdy! If I cannot ask My Captain to relieve me of my tribulation, I feel myself undesehving to be a membah of youh crew. I ask but this one kindness free of obligation oh debt. _Please_ , My Captain?"

Link gave a sigh. "All right," he told her. "Let me see your butt."

Dholit gasped, one hand held to her chest. "Oh, My Captain, how vulgah!"

"Wha-what!?" Link cried out, immediately flustered. "N-no, I-I didn't mean—"

"I like it."

Link stopped stammering so he could glare at her. "Just turn around."

"As My Captain wishes," she answered as she turned her back to him. Link tried not to look like he was staring as he examined the duct tape. He took the corner of one strip in two fingers and tugged. "Ohm."

"Dholit," Link griped.

Dholit giggled and told him, "My apologies, My Captain. I find myself rathah tendah in that area."

"Just… don't make any more sounds like that," Link told her.

"Yes, My Captain," Dholit replied as she bent forward slightly. Link decided to try to make this as quick as possible and, in preparation to tear the tape free of her trousers, placed his hand squarely and solidly on her right cheek. "Ha-ooooh~!" Dholit howled as she jumped.

"Dholit!" Link whined as he pulled his hands back.

"Captain!" Leynne finally called out. Link looked over at him. "Should you like us to go about ouh business, oh would you ratheh us wait until you take youh activities behind closed doohs?"

Link glanced back at Dholit as she started giggling. "Oh, _forget_ it!" he declared, throwing his arms up in defeat. He stormed toward the bow while hollering, "Line! I'm gonna kick your _ass_! Dholit doesn't need _any_ sort of help from _you_!"

…

Tale #11 of the _Island Symphony_ – **END**

 **NOTICE: This is not, I repeat,** **not** **canon. Duct tape does not exist in Hyrule. The closest they have is "moose tape". And that was because Sello decided to rename glue.**


	12. Do Alcoholics Dream of Moose?

**NOTICE: The following story** **is** **canon. Everyone has memories of it, although no one really** **wants** **to remember it.**

…

Tale #12: Do Alcoholics Dream of Miscalibrated Moose?

"Good mohning, Captain."

Link had to blink the last bit of bleariness out of his eyes in order to distinguish Leynne from the rest of the deck. "Oh, yeah," he replied. He gave a cough and then said, "Good morning."

Leynne pocketed his watch and observed, "Ratheh late in the mohning than usual, ahn't you? Not that I'm complaining."

"Yeah, I had a little trouble," Link answered. He pulled back his left sleeve to show a fresh bruise on the inside of his forearm. "I couldn't see in my cabin, and I hit the partition to the head. Then I accidentally kicked one of the tool bins on the map table and had to pick things up before I got dressed." He continued as he straightened the sleeve again. "The bulb in my cabin is out."

"I see…" Leynne said as he glanced out at the rising sun to port. "I would think that the sun would've filtehed light into youh cabin."

"That glass in there makes it a little tricky," Link replied.

"Ah."

"Report."

Leynne indicated the bow with a hand. "On-couhse foh Black Island south-southwest, still about a day away. It's been a quiet night, although the deck crew noted that the deck lights weh behaving strangely."

"Strangely?" Link asked. "How?"

"Well," he started, indicating the port bulwark. "It seems that, a few houhs ago at most, the lights shone a little brighteh than usual. Howeveh, I've failed to notice this. Instead, it seems that we ah having some problems with ouh generatoh."

"Was it recently inspected?" Link asked.

"Last we weh at the Poht a month and a half ago," Leynne said with a nod. Then he gave a sigh. "But, I suppose we should remind ouhselves that that generatoh was built on the suhface. I've already decided to inspect the generatoh myself while off-duty. I believe I know enough about its operation to at least troubleshoot it."

Link nodded. "We'll divert to Forge Island after we drop off our cargo. We can put in a work order there."

"Should it come to that," Leynne said, "I should like to ovehsee the maintenance."

"Agreed."

"I imagine it isn't too serious, but if you lost youh light, then we might have suffehed from some soht of poweh suhge. I cannot detehmine _why_ , though."

"It'll be all right as long as we don't have anything important connected to it. Right? We don't have anything important connected to it?"

Leynne shook his head. "No, we do not."

"How much longer until the shift change?"

"It should be soon."

"I'll relieve you now. Get a look at that generator as soon as you can."

"I will," Leynne said with a nod. Then he indicated the stairs he was standing in front of. "I'd like to inspect the suhrounding skies fihst. Twali thinks she might've spotted a vessel on the horizon last night; I'd like to see if it's still theh."

"There're a lot of small islands in this area," Link reminded him. "Sometimes it's easy to mistake light from one of them for a nearby ship."

"I had the same thoughts," Leynne told him. "But I'd like to be cehtain."

Link nodded. "Carry on."

They parted, Leynne walking up the steps to the quarterdeck while Link started across the main weather deck. He intended to step onto the forecastle. But he came to a stop just as he was passing the port staircase. He heard heavy footsteps ascending to the deck, and he turned to watch the members of his day crew emerge.

Line sported a red mark on his forehead and held one hand pressed to a temple. Dholit, amazingly, looked to have not had time to straighten herself out; stray strands stood out from her pulled-back hair, and she was wearing a blue tunic over a white body suit instead of her usually inappropriate clothing. Biluf had a black eye and was cradling her left arm with her right. Layna appeared to be unscathed, one hand sympathetically rubbing Biluf's back. And Link first thought that Flower was covered in blood.

"What th—" Link began to ask.

" _Chili_ ," Line and Flower answered in unison as the crew stopped in front of Link.

"Ah—… wha?" Link asked.

"It is Lilly's chili," Dholit said, her voice devoid of its usual lilt.

"It's _all over_ the berth deck," Line said.

"And _me_ ," Flower added, tugging on his chili-stained work tunic.

"The flooh in front of the doahway down theah is equally covahed," Dholit said, raising an arm to show a red stain on her sleeve.

"How come?" Link asked.

"We don't know," Flower said. He held his arms open as he added, "I mean, this sure as hell wasn't _my_ idea."

"Line?" Link asked.

"Wasn't me," Line replied in an exhausted tone. "If it was, do you think I'd slip in it and hit my head on the partition?"

"Yeah," Link said, his tone pointed.

"Layna repohted someone in the behthing deck this mohning," Dholit said. "Howevah… she could not tell who it was. She could not sense any malicious intent."

"Maybe someone was sleepwalking," Link suggested.

"She said that that was one possible way not to alahm haah," Dholit said. "And, by that same token, she could not tell who it was."

Link sighed and rubbed his eyes for a moment. "Relieve the night shift and… maybe, Flower, have Gold retrieve a new tunic for you."

"Aye, sir," Flower said as the crew dispersed.

"Wait, wait," Link said, reaching out a hand as if to stop Flower as he glanced around. "Where's Cale?"

"We haven't seen him, Captain," Flower said. "You want me to go find him?"

"No, I'll take care of it," Link replied, waving him away. "Go relieve Twali. And… maybe ditch your tunic for now. That's probably gonna start smelling."

"Aye," Flower agreed as he walked toward the stern.

Link watched him walk away, confessing to himself that he could actually already smell Lilly's chili going rancid. Or that may have just been the way the chili smelled in the open air. He shook the appraisal out of his head and stepped into the stairwell.

He had to descend on one side of the stairs due to the spilled chili spattered all over the steps. Once he was past the first two flights and through the cargo hold, the rest of the stairs looked cleaner. He could still see a line of chili that had been made by the culprit. It ended at the foot of the stairs on the fourth landing in the galley, leaving Link to wonder if this had been a prank set up by one of his chiefs. But then, which one could it possibly be? Sello did not use the quarters that were assigned to him, so they had designated it a closet for cleaning supplies to be used on this deck and the orlop. Leynne and Dubbl had been on duty all night. So that only left Cale.

And Cale hardly seemed to be in the position to do it. Once Link had a look at the short hallway between the officers' quarters, he found that someone had tied all of the doors together with a single strand of twine. Cale, billeted at the far end, was peeking out a narrow slit in his open door.

"Oh," he said, realizing that Link was looking at him from the other side. "Good mohning, Captain."

"Good morning," Link replied. He pointed at the twine. "What's going on?"

"Ah, well… I-I can't be suah. It was like this when I awoke."

"Good mornin', Captain." Link jumped in surprise as Lilly strode past him. "Don't worry, Cale. I'll get ya out."

She grabbed and tugged on the nearest length of twine. "Ouch!" Cale shouted before his door pulled closed.

Lilly then cut the twine with a steak knife. The twine fell from her hands, and she called to Cale, "Can you open it now?"

Cale opened the door, pulling the twine off two of the doorknobs near Lilly. "Thank you," he said as he stepped outside. He tugged the twine off the other nearby doorknobs as he asked, "Do you think anyone else has had a bad mohning?"

"Yeah, the entire day shift," Link answered.

"Huh?" Cale asked, rubbing at a line of red that the door had drawn across his knuckles.

"There's chili all over the men's side of the berth deck," Lilly told him. "It got _smeared_ all over Mister Flower."

Cale put on a disgusted look. "No offense; youh chili is quite excellent," he quickly told Lilly, "but I would rathah think that being _slathahed_ in it would feel repulsive."

"I feel it's more than that," Lilly said as she turned to Link. "Someone ransacked the cabinets. I hadda pick up bottles scattered _all_ over. One was even in the chili pot."

"Whoever grabbed the chili must've been the same one who went through your cabinet," Link reasoned. "I don't think it was anyone on-deck. I don't think it was anyone on the day shift either. It might've been someone in the engine room, but who?"

"I don't think that eithah of the Gorons did this," Cale said. "They'h much too polite. That would leave Mistah Lawrence, Mistah Hahley, and Chief Sello."

 _Wump._ The sound was barely audible, and the deck under their feet gave a slight shudder. Link, Lilly, and Cale exchanged glances with each other. Then Link moved toward the port staircase. He heard clinking sounds and groaning from the orlop.

He looked over his shoulder and told Lilly and Cale, "You two carry on. And I _don't_ mean in the closet again."

"Aye aye, Captain," Lilly replied with a casual giggle while Cale gave an embarrassed blush.

Link hustled down the stairs and into the orlop. He heard grinding and pounding, so he hurried astern toward the sound. Once he was around the storage cabinet in the middle of the deck, he found the source. Helo was sitting in the space at the back of the deck that he had set up as his own room. Around him were various stones, most of them quite large. Helo stood up once he noticed Link, one hand rubbing the mop of orange hair on his head.

"Is everything all right?" Link asked.

"I can't be sure, Captain," Helo said, his voice tinged with curiosity as he looked at the rocks around him. "I had a dream that I was sitting in a dead kiln, and, when I woke up, all these rocks were on top of me. I just shifted to unroll myself, and it all fell apart."

Link gave the rocks an annoyed look. "Well, at least we know it wasn't _you_ who smeared chili all over the day shift," he said.

"Smeared chili?" Helo asked.

Link sighed and told him, "Yeah, someone… smeared chili all over the berth deck last night. And then he tied the doorknobs to all the officers' quarters together."

"A midnight prankster?" Helo asked. "And you think it might've been someone on the engine crew's night shift?"

"Well, it might've been someone on the _deck_ , too," Link defended with a shrug. "I just don't know." He pointed at the rocks. "I'm gonna go check on the engine room. Uh… at least move these rocks out of the way before someone trips over them."

"Yes, sir."

Link moved along past the partition behind which the Gorons kept their supply of rocks. He opened the door at the back and stepped into the engine room.

"G'mornin', Cap'n," Harley greeted. Lidago glanced over his shoulder and, upon seeing Link, gave a small wave.

"Harley, Lidago," Link greeted them as he stepped further into the room.

"Wha' 'bou' me, Cap'n?" Link heard from above. He looked up and across the room to see Lawrence paused on the ladder.

"Yes, Mister Lawrence," Link replied. "Good morning." Lawrence grinned and resumed his descent. Link turned his attention back to Lidago and Harley. "You guys have a quiet night?"

Harley exchanged a look with Lidago. "'Bou' as quie' as ya can expec'," he told Link.

"And you two have been down here this whole time?"

"Yessir. Why?"

"Someone go' chili all over the berth deck," Lawrence said as he touched the floor. "I 'ad t' change me trousers _twice_. Tha' stuff is _slick_."

"Well… i' wasn' us," Harley said with a measure of uncertainty in his voice. "We been doin' tha' efficiency thin' tha' Leynne asked us t' watch."

"Wha' 'bou' da chief?" Lawrence asked as Link turned his head to find Sello.

"I think we have our culprit," Link said, leveling an annoyed look in their direction.

Sello was asleep on one of the crates next to Link. His blond hair was standing up more than usual, appearing voluminous and scraggily. His left hand up to his elbow was covered in dried chili. Lawrence and Harley covered their mouths so Link would not see them laughing. Lidago just gave a curious head-tilt.

Link sighed and shook his head. "As soon as he's awake, I want him on-deck so I can talk to him." He started forward, and then he paused at the bottom of the starboard ladder and uttered, "For all the good it'll do…"

"I relieve ya," Lawrence told Harley.

"Ya ge' any breakfas'?" Harley asked.

"I's _wearin'_ i' earlier," Lawrence said. "I ain' 'ungry."

Harley followed Link up the ladder and through the single door into the galley. Lilly gave a small start as they entered, and then she returned to stirring the pot on the counter. Link saw that the rest of the night shift deck crew were already seated at the dining table, each with a bowl of chili in front of them.

"Captain," Lilly spoke up as Link and Harley picked up empty bowls from the opposite side of the galley, "Cale says someone moved all the cargo'a both sides of the hold. They're wedged between the large doors."

"More o' Chief Din'-Don's antics?" Harley asked Link with a grin.

"I'd almost say I don't believe it," Link replied as Lilly stepped aside for them to access the pot. "But then… it'd be like I didn't even _know_ this crew."

Harley chuckled as he ladled some chili for himself. "I think we been insulted," he told Lilly. She only gave him an indifferent shrug.

"Well," Link said, "I can only hope that we caught everything that Sello did last night." Harley took a spoon from the countertop and moved aside for Link.

"Do ya think you did?" Lilly asked.

"Mmm!" Harley exclaimed with the spoon in his mouth. He took in out and said, "This is some _chili_."

"Ain't it?" Gold asked from the nearby table. Link glanced over and noticed that he, along with Twali and Lwamm, were beginning to sweat.

Twali then dropped her spoon and exclaimed, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The screech caused Harley and Lilly to flinch while Link jumped in surprise. Twali rose from the bench, nearly causing Lwamm to take a spill, and rushed to the water barrel next to the counter on the other side of the galley. She dunked her head in the top for a moment, and then she quickly pulled out and fell backwards onto the floor coughing.

Lwamm rose next and, with a more subdued approach, thrust her head into the barrel as well. When she pulled out, she let out a breath of relief and dropped onto the deck next to Twali. It was just enough time that Dubbl had to run to the barrel next and immediately shove her head into the water. Like Twali, she pulled her head out and started coughing. She carefully pulled herself along the counter to get away.

"Women," Harley said with a chuckle.

Then he paled as Gold jumped to his feet and rushed to the barrel to dunk his head. Then Harley dropped his bowl on the floor. Gold pulled his head out just in time for Harley to rush over and shove his own head into the barrel. He had to plunge himself a little deeper because the water level in the barrel had dropped.

Link carefully set aside his bowl of chili and turned to Lilly. Lilly immediately raised her hands in surrender. "I don't make my chili like that!" she declared.

Link took a moment to rub the sleep and exasperation from his eyes. "Is there anything _else_ Sello did last night?" he asked the deckhead.

 _Pop._

The whole galley was suddenly plunged into darkness. Someone nearby chuckled, an action barely audible over Dubbl and Twali coughing.

"No offense, Cap'n," Gold said with a wheeze, "but yeh were askin' fer that one."

Link gave a sigh. " _Thank_ you, Mister Gold."

…

Five hours ago…

Even in the engine room, the night shift could be eerily quiet. With the _Island Symphony_ 's engine appropriately stoked, the gauges reading the proper levels (even if the rest of the staff had had to draw on them to be sure since their chief never got around to labeling them), and the rest of the ship feeling like it was running sound, free time easily left the other two members of the engine room crew a little bored. Chief Sello never seemed to help things; lately, it seemed like he only got up to feed the engine himself, kick it for some purpose no one ever understood, or lick something in the room. His couch sat where it always had been (when it was not missing) against the forward bulkhead in between the doors leading into the orlop. Boxes empty and full of bottles of various forms of alcohol surrounded the couch so much that the only way to get to the couch was a narrow slit between the boxes. It was here that Sello slept off one alcohol or another. Or dodged duty, but this was very hard to tell with how well the engine seemed to manage itself.

Lidago was monitoring the gauges on the display panel on the engine's port side, the floor beneath him littered with gravel from the chunk of granite he was snacking on. Harley was recording the levels of the ship's large water tanks on a clipboard as part of Leynne's attempt to track the ship's "fuel efficiency". Whatever that was. None of the engine crew pretended to understand what Leynne's idea was; between the Goron potter, the Goron miner, the two Hylian miners, and their drunk supervisor, Captain Link was lucky there were enough minds in the engine room to do simple arithmetic. The reason Leynne had them doing such tedious things with numbers had roots in the time they had spent sailing between islands, running after Cunimincus' crew and fleeing the Skyriders. They had had to stretch their coal and water stores to the limit. This week, they were in between islands because they could not risk the cargo, a number of expensive ceramic works, succumbing to the Sky Lines' turbulence while they were on the way to Black Island from Sand Island.

With both of their backs turned, neither one noticed Sello slowly sitting up, his head barely visible above the crates. He had a blank look on his face as he carefully glanced around the room. Then he pulled a bottle from under a couch cushion. First, he placed his ear to the mouth of the bottle. Then he attempted to drink from the bottle's bottom. This only succeeded in jarring his front teeth, causing his head to jerk backwards. He dropped the bottle onto the couch and carefully rose to his feet. Despite the number of empty bottles at his feet, he walked through the mess without a sound. Once outside the crates, he made an immediate left turn to round the crates, and then he turned left again. His opening the door would have looked mechanical to anyone actually watching him. Lidago and Harley did not notice anything happening until Sello slammed the door.

Both of them turned in response, their reactions slowed by the lack of enthusiasm for the recent levels of tedium. They did not see anything, so they did not know which door had been opened or shut.

Lidago gave Harley an inquisitive, "Doh?" Harley's best response was an unconcerned shrug.

Directly forward of the engine room was the small partition that the Gorons used to store their rocks. Just beyond that were the orlop and the spaces at the rear of the ship where Helo and Lidago slept. Past the partition, Sello stopped and turned to look at the corner on the starboard side. Helo had rolled into a ball, the safest shape to sleep in considering the curve of the ship's lowest deck. But this did not appear safe to Sello. He glanced back behind the partition to the rocks. Then he got to work picking up the larger rocks in the pile and laying them around Helo. At first, he had planned to just build a short wall around Helo to keep him from rolling out of place. By the time he was done, though, the "wall" had curved up and on top of Helo, actually using _Helo_ as the foundation for a dome-like shape that rested on the corner. Sello then decided to walk away, not particularly caring whether he had done good or showing concern that those rocks might clobber Helo if he tried to stand.

Something rattled as he approached the front of the orlop. He stepped past the stairs and opened the door to a small cabin at the very front of the deck. He squeezed into the cabin, careful not to touch the beautiful machine on the inside due to how shy he was around small machines. He found the cause on the front of the machine: a thick, light-weight fan that was catching the wind entering through the vents in the hull. It was turning slow enough that Sello reached a hand out and caught one blade to stop it. Then he shook the blade until the fan snapped free of the machine. The machine stopped rattling. Sello decided to leave the room, dropping the fan onto the deck. But, just as he got into the doorway, he tried going for a little flirting and swung his hand to slap one of the capacitor drums on the backside of the machine.

 _PVvVT!_ The electricity contained in the dozens of high-capacity, poorly-insulated capacitors discharged against the metal casing of the drum after Sello's smack jarred the capacitors and caused the fragile barriers between them to break. The release mostly traveled along the electrical lines running throughout the ship, causing lights to brighten (and even some lights to turn on from the discharge arcing past their switches) for a moment. The discharge also found its way up Sello's arm and into the metal frame he was touching as he slid through the doorway. This caused the hand contacting the generator to ball up and the muscles in that arm to contract violently, resulting in Sello punching his own face while also flinging himself backwards out into the orlop. The metal cap on the top of the drum blew off the top, throwing a short fountain of chemicals and copper pieces into the deckhead.

Sello's body twitched for the few moments he lay on the floor. Then he rolled onto his stomach and returned to his feet. He stumbled for a moment as his body recovered from the shock. Then he wandered up the starboard stairs. This brought him to the galley, which looked to be empty at the moment. Sello walked over to the nearest table and allowed himself to fall so that he could let the lingering effects of electrification wear off. _WHUMP!_ He missed the table and slammed hard face-first onto the deck itself. After the planks beneath him stopped spinning, he pulled himself up using the table and attempted to line up on it. _WHUMP!_ He missed again. Once Sello was back on his feet, he staggered as he tried to aim his fall again. He fell backwards instead. _WHUMP!_

By the time he got up from the floor, he had forgotten about being shocked. He staggered across the galley into the kitchen area. Because the only light on was above the tables, Sello could not see much in the kitchen. He found a pot sitting on the counter. After smelling something interesting, he plunged his hand into the pot and grabbed the contents. When he pulled his hand out, he found that he could not tell what was in the pot. Even after licking the sauce off his thumb (ignoring the fact that he was holding larger chunks of meat in his hand), he _still_ could not identify the food, if that was what it truly was. (And it was.) He thought it tasted a little bland and reached his free hand up to the cabinet. He opened it intending to find salt. Then his hand gave a massive jolt as his arm muscles remembered the electric shock, and he swatted a bunch of glass bottles containing various spices. One landed in the pot, and another skipped off the counter and into the water barrel next to him. He forced his hand to grip a bottle, obscuring the label with his palm, and used his teeth to pull the cork out. He then up-ended the bottle into the pot. Once he realized that he was holding a glass bottle, he gave it a confused look and attempted to drink out of it. It was already empty, so he tossed it over his shoulder as he left the kitchen.

He climbed the stairs again and entered the cargo hold. He stared at the large assortment of crates, trying to figure out why they looked so strange sitting in the middle of the deck. He decided to come back to it later and wandered into the berth deck. The only light on here was at the end of one of the rows of cots straight ahead. Sello ignored this in favor of following the snorting sound from one side of the deck. He walked down the row, completely unable to see, while the contents of his hand began to drop onto the deck. At one point, he stopped and turned when he discovered that the noise was becoming softer. At the same point, he realized that there was something on his hand. He reached forward and grabbed what he took to be a towel and used it to wipe his hand off.

By the time he wandered back into the cargo hold, he realized what the problem was. So he started rearranging the cargo. This entailed a lot of scraping as he shoved the crates away from the middle of the deck. After he had moved all of the crates too large to lift, he used the smaller crates to fill in the gaps in between. This proved a little difficult because the ropes holding the outer doors closed were in the way, forcing him to jam some of the slender crates in between the large crates and the bulkhead framing the doors. Once he was finished, his sleepy eyes passed over the neatly-arranged piles of crates stacked against either bulkhead, blocking the cargo doors entirely. He was about to leave when he noticed that there was a wad of twine lying in the middle of the deck. So he picked it up and started untying the knots in it as he walked downstairs.

Once Sello was finished untangling, he glanced up to see that he had stopped in front of the crew quarters. He looked down at the long stretch of twine, and then he saw the six shining stars in the short hallway. He decided to make a shape out of them and used the twine to connect the stars together. Once finished, he wandered back down the stairs and through the orlop.

He opened the starboard door into the engine room and staggered inside as a wave of drowsiness finally hit him. He did not have the energy to return to his couch, so he slid onto one of the closed crates and let himself fall back to sleep.

…

Tale #12 of the _Island Symphony_ – **END**

 **NOTICE: I repeat, this** **is canon** **. It is so canon that Sello would have memory of it if he had not actually been drunk sleepwalking the whole time. But that's all right; the** **crew** **remembers for him.**


	13. We Wish You a Merry Not-Christmas

**NOTICE: The following section is** **not** **canon. And a clear indication of why the crew of the** _ **Island Symphony**_ **are never invited to any fancy get-togethers.**

…

Tale #13: "We Wish You a Merry Not-Christmas"

Very little seemed to excite the entirety of the _Island Symphony_ except for the prospect of a new year party (despite the fact that the true end of the year was six days away). It was a celebration of the events of the previous year mixed with gifts, festive lights, food, and probably enough alcohol to kill any one member of the crew if consumed in its entirety. Except Sello. It would probably just make him belch for a whole hour. Naturally, Link had his worries about how the festivities might affect his crew's judgment, so he had had the ship berthed at Hovela on the surface two days before.

And Hovela was as ready for the day as they were. Colored lanterns had been strung up between some of the buildings both around the port and in the town center. Although the docks had been swept clean, fresh snow, something new for the sky-born members of the crew, lay on every flat surface in sight. Even the deck of the _Island Symphony_ had a light dusting as Leynne, Dubbl, Twali, and Layna put up strings of colored electric lights using the ship's rigging.

With its sails stowed and its moorings tied, the _Island Symphony_ sat light on the dark night's ocean due to part of the crew getting seasick. The cargo doors lay open to give the crew and a few guests a clear view of the port and the ocean as they traded stories with each other over glasses of juice, beer, wine, or any other sort of alcohol. By far, the greatest topic of conversation for the ship's crew was their latest adventure under their teenage captain: the sinking of a demon airship. Among the guests, Cale had the most stories about Link's adventures, and most of them got told two or three times thanks to prompting from Luggard. Of course, Cale only ever seemed to cringe at the memory of traveling with Link. Luggard's urging, especially when it came to hearing about the fight in the Ocean Realm, was starting to get on the crew's nerves.

At one point, the sound of handbells and jingle bells shaken in rhythm caused a majority of the party to shift to the doors overlooking the port. The crew and guests looked down as a carol group began singing to them. The local dialect reflected in the singers' voices entranced the sky-born crew as they sang praises to the Goddesses. Link, standing forefront to the crew, had just begun to ponder the purpose of the upside-down hat that one young man was holding as they started their third song.

Then he saw a glint, and one of the women standing in the back slumped over a second later. And then a man standing to the far left fell into the snow. The group finally scattered screaming in alarm when another woman standing at the front flopped into the snow with a needle visibly protruding from her shoulder. The cargo hold watched for a moment in shocked silence.

Then Link hollered, "Layna!" Layna, wearing a blue airman's tunic over her black outfit, dropped into sight right in front of him. He crossed his arms, and she carefully took a step backwards, an apologetic expression adorning her face before she looked down. "Wanna tell me what you did _that_ for?"

"Link!" Link turned and looked up at the main deck as Leynne leaned over the side. "That was _my_ fault. I made an offhand remahk, and Dubbl mistranslated it to Twali and Layna."

Sniggering sounded from the people in the cargo hold as Link ducked his head to cover his face with a hand. Then he looked back up and said, "Well, get a couple of airmen and go get those people out of the snow before they freeze. Take them down to the engine room; it'll be warmer there."

"Ah. Undehstood," Leynne replied. "Floweh! Lawrence! I need you ashoh!"

"Layna, go help them," Link said as he turned back to address her. But he found that she had already dropped down to the dock. He sighed and mumbled under his breath, "Whatever."

"Goo' or ba'," Luggard said as he subtly raised his cup of beer, "it _was_ funny as 'ell."

"Maybe," Link said as he shooed Cale's and Lilly's makeout session away from the doorway with a hand, "but it _still_ looks bad if we have people passed out nearby."

"Cap'n," Harley said. Then he paused to give Cale a light shove so that he and Lilly would stop kissing and pay attention to where they were walking. "We go' a prob'm."

"Sello set the engine room on fire again?" Link asked in a dull tone.

"No, tha' was las' week," Harley replied, prompting an amused glance from Luggard. "But, uh… I'd keep 'im away from open flame if I was ya."

"Noted," Link said with a nod while Luggard sniggered. "Anything else?"

"Though' ya'd like t' know: Dholit's missin'."

Luggard quickly finished his mouthful of beer with a hard gulp. "It's a Year's End Miracle!" he declared in a creaky voice.

Link, however, pinched the bridge of his nose. "Warn the rest of the crew," he said.

"Aye aye, Cap'n," Harley replied before disappearing back into the crowd.

"Ain' she the one tha' keeps 'arassin' ya?" Luggard asked Link.

"Yep."

Luggard chuckled. "Didn' ya ge' _any_ new crew when ya wen' back up?"

"Ooooh yeah. That just made things worse."

"Hey, Link," Line said as he approached. "Gold says we're outta beer. Permission to go get more?"

Link cast Luggard a wry look before addressing Line. "What about the wine?"

"No one's touching it. Not even _Sello_."

"Somethin' wron' with it?" Luggard asked.

Line shrugged. "Other than Lidago sitting on the barrel? Not really, no. It isn't even _open_."

"Did anyone _try_ to open it?" Link asked.

Line opened his mouth to reply. Then he clapped it shut when he realized that Link's question was meant to indicate that someone should actually _try_ opening the barrel rather than wait for one of the partygoers to request it. Instead of saying anything, he turned and walked away. Link and Luggard exchanged a shrug.

The night returned to normal mingling for a little longer. Link found himself introducing members of his crew to Meilont and Talein, Linebeck and Rosaline, and even Zelda, having hitched a ride on the _Island Symphony_ disguised yet again as one of Link's airmen. Needless to say, once Line realized that Zelda was on-board (again), he fainted right in front of her. It probably had not helped that Gold had informed Line that his fly had been open during their re-introduction. Despite Line's trousers lacking a fly. It would go on to be Gold's go-to taunt for the next five years, which was often used to either motivate Line or just piss him off.

Link dismissed himself from the party and went down to the engine room to check on Layna's latest victims. The three had been placed on Sello's beat-up couch while Leynne, Dubbl, and Layna watched over them. Link told them to take their accidental guests to the berthing deck and deposit them in hammocks for their remaining ten hours of unconsciousness. Link then added that they would be allowed to return to the party then.

As he was going back up the stairs, he paused to smell the galley. The banquet they had planned was being tended to by professional chefs "on loan" (Leynne's exact words) from the Hovela Hotel, here just to cook and then hustle back home once things were set up. The amazing combination of meats and bread and even vegetables would be a feast on par with nothing else the crew had tasted before. Link had been hesitant about going to such extremes up until Leynne had made a passing crack at feeding Princess Zelda some beef jerky just so she could enjoy the festivities like the rest of the crew.

Then, when he opened his eyes to survey the galley, he realized that someone had left a crate at the end of the large table they had rented for the banquet. At least he was _sure_ it was a crate. It had been wrapped in bundles of green paper with a long, red ribbon styled into a massive bow on top. Link was about to ask one of the chefs who brought the crate down, but they were so intensely focused on cooking using the _Island Symphony_ 's scarce kitchenware and a single stove hidden in the starboard closet that Link was sure he would take a spatula across the face if he interrupted them. So he approached the crate and looked it over for a moment.

"Captain?" Link looked over his shoulder as Zelda, clad in her pink tunic and a pair of pristine white trousers, stepped away from the port staircase. "Oh? I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

"No, not really," Link replied. "Is everything all right?"

"Oh, yes," she answered with a smile. "Quite all right. Even if it is six days early, this is one of the most exciting gatherings I have been to. And I wanted to thank you again for allowing me to come."

Link turned completely to her and crossed his arms. "You know, you never _did_ explain how you knew we were coming down here for this party."

Zelda placed her hands behind her back and gave him a coy look. "I have my sources. It is not as if a _princess_ is above checking on the citizens."

"You've been _spying_ on me?" he asked.

Zelda gave a short laugh. "No, Link," she told him. "I know too much of Airman Layna to insult her by having you followed about on a regular basis. At the same time, I do not have _only_ knights and spies to aid me."

Link took a moment to think of whom else the princess could have sent to keep an eye on his crew. He was about to voice his admission of defeat, mouth already open, when he realized that the Royal Family had access to their own fleet of airships. And where there were airmen, there would always be… He put on a flat look and told her, "Your airmen spoke to my airmen."

"Not even that, sadly," Zelda said. "I believe they only had to talk to the proprietor of a tavern on Skyrider Port."

"Oh, you gotta be kidding…" Link groaned, one hand covering his eyes. "You talked to my _mom_?"

Zelda's face blanked. "Your mother owns the Sail Tavern?"

" _Please_ tell me she didn't say anything else," Link said after sliding his hand down his face.

"Ah—well… no, I do not believe questions of a personal nature were on the agenda," Zelda admitted, now using a hand to hide the grin slowly growing on her face. "However, the airman was under the impression that further prodding would produce part of your childhood." Link gave an irate groan. She leaned to one side to look at his downcast face. "Will your mood improve if I promise not to send them again?"

Link gave a sigh. "Yeah…"

She took a step toward him. "Even if I gained invitation through devious means, I _am_ glad you allowed me to accompany you."

"Well, I _did_ say that you were always welcome," Link said, glancing up at the deckhead. Then he returned her smile. "I'm glad you came, too."

"I think I would like to enjoy more conversation before the guests leave tonight," Zelda said. "Cale has promised to tell me about your adventure in the Sand Realm."

"I didn't know _sweating_ to death counted as an 'adventure'," Link commented.

However, once Zelda turned around, she found her advancement toward the staircase interrupted by someone stomping down the steps. She was right to stop; Meilont, dressed in a long, red, leather jacket and her hair unbound and voluminous, jumped over the last step and turned around.

"Ah sai' stay away from meh!" Meilont shouted, her accent thickened by anger.

"Oh, c'mon!" Line said a second before he appeared out of the staircase. "It was an accident; I slipped!"

"Ah don' care!" Meilont shouted, causing Zelda to slowly step around the side of the staircase just to be sure she was out of the line of fire. "Ah _won'_ beh _touched_ there!"

"Look, I just wanted to be friends!" Line hollered back. "You-you-you'd think that I'd at least get-get some kinda-kinda friendship with all these girls around!"

Link caught onto Line's stuttering, and the red face he bore began to look less like anger. He crossed his arms and snapped before Meilont could release another volley of response, "Airman Line, what the hell are you doing!?"

Link had made his voice as deep and authoritative as possible. This was enough to cause Line to snap to attention and smack himself in the forehead with a salute. Then he relaxed once he saw whom he was responding to. "Damn, Link," he groaned. "You're beginning to sound a lot like Captain Alfonzo. It's creepy."

"Are you drunk?" Link asked.

"No!" Line declared, shaking his head. However, the shaking caused him to wobble where he stood, and he glanced left and right to see if anyone noticed. Zelda placed her fists on her hips and gave him a smug smile while Meilont crossed her arms. He let his head hang and confessed to Link, "Yeah…"

"I talked to you almost _twenty minutes_ ago," Link pointed out. "How many _drinks_ did you have?"

"Half a glass," he replied.

Link raised his eyebrows, having already heard from Leynne that wine was supposed to be more intoxicating than beer, so he asked, "Of wine?"

"No, beer. And, well… Lwamm-Lwamm splashed me in the face with it, really."

"Line, we're trying to have a good night. _Why_ are you getting the girls mad at you?"

"I-I-I just wan' someone to be _nice_ to me!" Line declared. "Is-is it all _that_ bad? We hang-hang around _guys_ all-all day, and I get-get tired of that."

"We've got female crewmen," Link pointed out, his anger dissipating with a wave of concern.

"They all _hate_ me!"

"Because you won't stop stealing their underwear," Link told him, trying not to sound matter-of-fact about it. Then he found himself adding as an aside, "Which is kinda creepy." Zelda and Meilont appeared to agree, having put on confused looks as they continued to stare at Line.

"I'm not ask-asking for much!" Line cried out. "Just-just a touch! Maybe just a hand to hold?"

He paused, and Zelda's own attitude toward him began to mellow with a wave of sympathy. "I suppose it is not too unreasonable…" she commented.

"Right?!" Line asked her. "We-we all _have_ hands! I get slapped and-and punched _all_ the time! Why can't anyone just-just… d-I don't know. Maybe just _touch_ me on the shoulder?"

"We do, occasionally," Link defended. "When you're not being a pain."

"You guys _smack_ my shoulder," Line said. "Just a touch. Maybe someone who wants to place-place a warm, soft hand around my arm?" He sucked in a breath and rubbed his left arm. Link found the sight a little disturbing, but Zelda could only find herself growing a little more sympathetic. And even Meilont's features were softening. "How about someone-someone to rub my back to make me feel better? Or-or maybe give me a hug?"

"Well…" Meilont trailed off, casting her eyes sideways while a tinge of red rose to her face.

Line hugged himself and continued, turning in Meilont's direction, "Do you-you think I've ever felt someone _warm_ hug me? And have her-her soft boobs press against me?"

Link watched both girls' faces turn bright red as shock and embarrassment registered. Line closing his eyes in ecstasy of the thought left him blind to the subsequent flash of rage before him. Without warning, Meilont raised her right foot and swung it into Line's crotch in a violent kick that even Link jumped in reaction to. Line gave a yelp and slowly closed his hands over his groin. He let out a pained wheeze before falling sideways onto the deck.

"Dry up an' _die_!" Meilont hollered at him, stomping past Link. Zelda's response was less than a huff before she ascended the stairs next to her.

Link hid his grin behind a hand as he stepped forward to examine Line. Then he shook his head. "Heh," he told himself. "That was awesome."

"Why does everything have to be so difficult?" Line asked, his voice reduced to a pathetic squeak.

"Well," Link said, crouching to better look him in the face, "to be honest, you were doing fine until you said the word 'boobs'."

"I hate you…"

"C'mon, get up," Link said as he took Line's arm. He hauled Line to his feet and started him toward the port staircase. "Y'know, if it wasn't for me, you'd probably never have so many girls around you to begin with."

"Your nice-guy shtick makes me sick…"

Link helped Line upstairs and into the berthing deck to rest while he returned to the party. He hoped that what little alcohol Line had consumed will have worn off by the time they all sat down for dinner so he would not make a fool of himself again. He wanted to at least avoid having a table overturned by the next girl who wanted to kick Line in the balls.

He spent another hour chatting with people in the hold, concluded not long after bidding Luggard a good night as the engineer rushed back to the Seventeen. Then Leynne, after returning from seeing to Layna's caroling victims, announced that dinner was nearly ready. He was about to go check on the galley when Link, who had been standing next to the stairs, volunteered to do it for him. Layna followed him down, even though Link tried to shoo her away a couple of times earlier.

When he stepped into the galley, he found the four chefs huddled in between the stairs. One approached Link and told him while wiping his forehead with a rag, "Captain Link, youh banquet is ready, saah."

Link glanced over to see that the table piled with food of all kinds. He could not help drooling as his eyes wandered over the immaculate place settings and fresh, steaming plates and trays of cooking he would probably never see again. And, set up on shorter tables against both the port and starboard bulkheads, he found that they had even arranged their stock of beverages and set out glasses. Meilont was already drawing a glass of juice for herself, having never left the galley since kicking Line.

"It all looks so _amazing_ ," Link told them in awe. "Thanks, guys. I really appreciate you doing this, especially on a day like this."

"Well, we have to admit to a cehtain amount of reckless pride on ouh paht," the chef replied.

"I just hope Leynne's arrangement makes up for the inconvenience," Link said.

"Actually, it's a repayment," one of the other chefs spoke up.

"We owe him foh the modifications he made to ouh kitchen," the first chef said. He glanced over the galley. "I have to say, though, that we've been rathah spoiled by ouh new ahrangement. I can't remembah the last time we wohked with only one stove."

"Well, if there's anything we can do for you…" Link told them.

"If you come by Hovela next yeah, we might ahrange foh anothah trade of sehvices," the first chef said, gaining agreement from the other chefs. "Until then, you can find moah of this at the Hovela Hotel."

"We'll remember that," Link said as the chefs started filing up the starboard staircase. "Thanks, guys." Then he realized that Layna had disappeared and glanced over to see her carefully lifting a cherry out of a fruit bowl. He hissed at her and gestured for her to put it back. She gave him a doe-eyed look of woe as she replaced the cherry. Then she waited for Link to turn his attention back to the departing chefs before snatching five cherries from the fruit bowl, leaving the pits cleanly behind. She returned to his side to hide from his sight, but she hardly saw need for it as Zelda and Irleen, descending to the deck behind him, caught his attention. He pointed a thumb and told them, "This is gonna be a pretty great dinner."

"I'M FIHST!"

The shout caused Link, Meilont, Layna, Zelda, and Irleen to direct their attention to the crate that had been mostly ignored for the evening. The lid popped off and disappeared to the side as Dholit jumped up to display her presence. Five sets of eyes stared in shock as Dholit stretched to her full height, revealing to be mostly naked. Her only form of modesty was a large ribbon, matching the bow on the crate lid, wrapped around her chest a few times to at least reveal some cleavage. Zelda and Irleen, reinterpreting Link's comment, turned their eyes on him while Meilont quickly spun away from Dholit in embarrassment. Layna could not stop staring wide-eyed at her.

"DHOLIT!" Link snapped, causing the four girls to jump in surprise. "WHAT ARE YOU _DOING_!?"

"Preparing foh dinnah, My Captain," Dholit told him. She thrust her chest out to one side and licked her lips. "I originally thought a _private_ dinnah would be best. I don't mind if any of _these_ fouh wish to join in; I _am_ stahving, and I'm suah they would love to _eat_."

Link pointed toward the berthing deck above and shouted at her, "GET DRESSED! _NOW!_ "

"Ah you suah you'd like me to leave this box like this?" Dholit taunted him, sliding a hand up one thigh and hip to reveal a lack of lower garments.

"Do it, or we chuck you _overboard_ in that box!" Link hollered.

"Link," Irleen spoke up, "everyone else is about to come down."

"Oh, crap…" Link groaned. Since Zelda was still standing in front of the port staircase, he moved to the starboard one. "Dholit! Clothes! Now!"

"Oh, well," Dholit lamented as she retrieved a shirt from the bottom of the crate.

"Someone let me know when she's done," Link said as he rushed up the stairs.

Link had to stall for a few minutes while tap-dancing around revealing that Dholit had just done another naked ambush. Once Irleen delivered the word, he invited the rest of his crew and guests down to the galley. There was some chaos as people found a seat, loaded their plate, stood up to get a drink, and argued with someone who had taken their seat. Link sat at the head of the table with the kitchen to his back.

People settled but had yet to actually start eating. Leynne took the opportunity to tap his wine glass with a fork, producing a deep ring that caused the conversations down the table to cease. He then stood up to speak. "Ladies and gentlemen, thank you once moh foh attending ouh little gathering this evening. We know that this celebration is a little prematuh foh the season, but Captain Link and myself felt that the crew would like to spend a night togetheh befoh retuhning to theih homes foh propeh celebration with family. As foh ouh guests, we ah delighted that you can join us."

"Wouldn' miss i' fer the worl'!" Lawrence called from the other end of the table.

"Who invited that man?!" Leynne suddenly shouted, pointing down the table. A roar of laughter rose from the table, mostly from the older men in attendance. After the laughter died, Leynne continued, "In all seriousness, it's a delight to see many of you. I was thinking eahlieh…" He looked down to contemplate his glass. "I was thinking eahlieh that… well, most of us would have neveh gotten to know each otheh if it hadn't been foh one factoh affecting all of ouh lives this single yeah: ouh captain. Some of us… some of us just happened to be in his path back home. Othehs tagged along because… well, because he's managed to pehfohm some amazing feats. And then, well…" He cast a look at Link. "Some of us weh just _wrestled_ from seclusion." The few crewmembers who knew Leynne's story sniggered to themselves. "As I recall, it is a tradition around Hovela around this time, in this soht of gathering, to shah with the rest of the table the biggest event of the previous yeah and what we expect from the next yeah. Well. I think we can all agree what the biggest event of the yeah was." He allowed a pause as a general murmur of concurrence rose from the table. "So I think that we should all go around and say what we expect from the yeah to be had. As foh myself, I can see anotheh yeah of dealing with this lunatic crew." He shrugged. "And, to be honest, I cannot see myself anywheh else." A few people started applauding, but Leynne quickly gestured for them to settle down. "My lovely wife," he said to Dubbl, seated next to him, "would you like to continue?"

Dubbl stood up and looked around the table. "I… I not know whe' I be next yea'," she said. "But… I stay with husband Leynne… all way."

"Gonna need some more bandages, Captain," Flower called from the middle of the table. Dubbl shot him a glare as she sat down.

Gold stood next. "Well, uh…" he began, rubbing the black stubble growing on his crown. "Tae tell the truth, I signed on on a whim. I told the Cap'n I wanted tae see what kinda cap'n 'e was. And I go'a say… there ain't no one else I wanna serve under." He raised a glass toward Link. "Yeh got me fer one more year, Cap'n."

"Thanks, Gold," Link said.

Gold sat, and Lilly stood up. "Y'know," she said, "I… really didn't see myself on an airship before all this. But I met all ya folks, I met a boy I really like—" Cale, sitting next to her, started turning scarlet. "—and… now, I just don't think I can do anythin' else. But I'd really likka travel around a lot more. See new places, meet new people… and then come homma my sweetheart." She sat back down and exchanged a quick kiss with Cale. Then he leaned in to get another kiss.

"Hey," Flower snapped.

 _Pap._ "Ow," Cale complained as Flower's smack to his head pried him from the intense kiss he had been sharing with Lilly.

"It's your turn," Flower told him.

"Okay, okay…" Cale said as he rose. He held up a glass as if preparing to give a toast.

Then all color drained from his face once he realized that the whole crew was staring at him. He immediately collapsed back into his seat and then fell backwards from the bench.

Leynne sighed and rubbed his eyebrows with his fingertips. "Public speaking is decidedly _not_ this man's strength…" he remarked in a low voice to Link as Flower and Lilly stood to help Cale up.

"I'm okay, I'm okay," Cale told them. "I just… _whew_! I'm fine."

"Can you go?" Flower asked, indicating the table.

"Yes, of couhse," Cale said, taking a moment to dust himself off. Flower and Lilly returned to their seats, and Cale stood up straight to address the crew. "I-I know I'm not the best aihman, and… well, I've nothing unkind to say about this occupation, but I really rathah wondah if I might suhvive the next yeah. If our mission to find the Sorians succeeds, I find myself ready to retiah from this lifestyle and pehhaps settle down with a univehsity once moah."

Flower stood next. "Well, technically, I don't belong to this crew," he said. "Although that paperwork was straightened out months ago. I know I'll probably die an airman, but I don't know if I'll stay with this ship or not. Don't get me wrong; this crew is a _riot_. But, uh, there's always that chance."

Talein stood from his seat and planted one boot on it. He hunched low as he said, "I grew up in a town o' lumberjacks who, fer the pas' many years, couldn' do their job. With the wood around Whi'leton returnin' and all, I know right where I'll be: fellin' trees in the mornin', home fer dinner in the evenin'." He leaned over to tousle Meilont's hair. Then he raised his mug of beer toward Link. "Ma wife couldn' make it, but she wanted me ta tell yeh tha' we're lucky yeh dropped in." Some of the crew from the surface raised their glasses in response.

"And," Meilont added as she stood up. "I _still_ hope ta see Irleen when she's back ta normal, Link. Yeh know where ta find me."

"Is she _hitting_ on you?" Irleen whispered to Link.

"Oh, c'mon," Link groaned, "not now."

Lawrence rose, hands on the table to keep himself steady. "I like this ship," he said directly to the table, causing confusion as the rest of the crew questioned why he would not look up. "I love this crew. Don' ma'er if I'm in a coal mine or an engine room. Bu' I don' plan on be _ing_ —" He cut himself off when his voice cracked. Meilont gave him a curious look. Lawrence cleared his throat and continued, "I jus'… wanted t' say… this is the bes' restauran' I eaten in." He then fell heavily back into his seat while the crew wondered if he was having an emotional moment. Meilont started stroking his arm in sympathy.

Sello was the next to stand, his inebriation indicated by his need to rest a hand on Lidago's shoulder. He looked down the table and said, "I juzd wan'ned ta find a place, build a engine, kiss a keeze, an' go ta sleep. Ah found it, too. Right here." He pointed at his left eye. "I love you guys. All fifty of ya." Some people started counting while the engine room crew tried to smother their amused looks. Sello then raised the wine bottle in his hand, took a long pull from it, and belched loud enough that even Link had to cover his ears. Then he dropped into his seat and— _WHAM!_ —smashed his face into his plate of food.

Lidago rose as Lawrence turned Sello's face out of the sweet potato mash. Lidago's eyes slowly took in the people looking at him. Then he said, "Goron."

"How poetic," Irleen replied in a flat voice as Lidago sat back down. "And horribly predictable."

"Probably _was_ poetic in Goron," Leynne pointed out.

Helo stood up. He looked over the crew in the same way Lidago had. Then he told Lidago with a satisfied nod, "Goron."

"Are you _kidding_ me?!" Irleen hissed.

"I don't get it," Line whispered to Link.

"Quiet, both of you," Link whispered back.

Dholit was also whispering, seemingly in attempt to coordinate Biluf, Lwamm, and Twali. The three Gelto then stood up.

"'Inan nayx fizhubak za'atax May Kyabtin!" they declared together.

"Is that all they'h going to say?" Leynne asked after the trio sat back down.

"Lacking the ability to express themselves in Hylian," Dholit said as she stood up, "they felt the need to keep theih response simple. I, howevah, have some ideas to express."

"We have no doubt," Flower told her.

"Fihst, I know how intolerable I have been," she continued. "I have spread myself so much, I feel that I've intimidated many. I would like to expose myself to new things as much as any woman, Hylian oh Gilto. I am open to almost anything. With those goals in mind, I expect to have taken what I truly prize within the next yeah. And I will blow away all those who stand befoah me."

"Does anyone else feel a little uncomfortable right now?" Line whispered, trying to hunch lower to the table without being obvious.

"And, of couhse, I shall sehvice My Captain as much as he will allow," she concluded before sitting down.

"Well that _was_ tame…" Leynne commented to Link under his breath. Link only nodded as he used a hand to rub his brow and keep from making eye contact with anyone.

"Linebeck," Rosaline said, giving Linebeck a nudge. "Youh tuhn."

"Idonwanna," Linebeck replied in a quiet voice.

"What?"

"Idonwanna."

"Why not?"

Linebeck glanced around. "I'm wearin' tigh's," he told Rosaline.

"What?"

"You pu' me in _tights_ ," he hissed. Rosaline gave him a shrug of ignorance, her glare halfway between confused and annoyed. Linebeck glanced to his other side to find Dholit giving him a smug grin. So he turned his shoulders to keep Dholit from watching him gesture to Rosaline.

Rosaline took a moment to watch Linebeck's hands. Then, with an annoyed huff, she stood up. "Me husband don't be talkin' 'cuz he be an idiot," she told the table.

 _Whap._ "Ah-hah!" Linebeck cried out after Dholit smacked what little of his bottom was still exposed on top of the bench. _Bam!_ One knee struck the table, and Talein and Flower grabbed the edge of the table to hold it steady.

Rosaline gave both Linebeck and Dholit an annoyed glare. Then she addressed the table again. "We be happy togeddah," she said without a hint of frustration in her warm tone. "And we be lookin' foh a new challenge foh me to build. Whatevah dot may be." This received a frantic nod from Linebeck.

Eyes then fell on the empty place setting next to Rosaline as Rosaline sat down. Line was certain that someone was sitting between them, although he found himself doubting it since there was a clean plate and no drink. He looked under the table to be sure. Then he pointed to the seat and asked Leynne, who was seated across from him, "Wasn't there someone here?"

"I think it was Layna," Flower said.

"She's probably hidden so she doesn't have to speak," Leynne said with a sigh. "Line, you'll have to be next."

"Are you kidding?" Line asked. "I can't say anything profound like that."

"It doesn't have to be _profound_ ," Link told him. "Just say something."

Line stood up and said to the table, "Something."

"Line!" both Leynne and Link snapped at the same time.

"What?"

"Everyone else has done it," Leynne said. "Just tell us what you think might happen next yeah."

"Sello gets drunker and kills us all," Line replied.

"I am a walrus!" Sello hollered from down the table.

"Line!" Link snapped. "C'mon. You're making the princess wait."

Line glanced down as if just realizing that Zelda was sitting next to him. His face turned red, and he cast his eyes up to the deckhead as he said, "Well, that's kinda what we're _all_ expecting. But, me, personally… I don't know. I kinda hope I'd get a girlfriend."

"What kinda girlfriend do you want?" Irleen asked, drawing an annoyed look from Link.

"One that'll actually _talk_ to him?" Flower suggested.

Line's face changed to a sour look as the older airmen started chuckling. Flower was in the middle of sharing a grin with Cale, so he missed watching Line scoop his helping of mash from his plate. He turned back in time to accept a flying mass of orange to the face.

Link gave a sigh. "Line…" he groaned.

"He _started_ it!" Line cried out at Link.

 _Pat!_ Line took a small cake to the side of the head. The impact caused the icing to spatter, and a sizeable glob stuck to Rosaline's right temple. No one but Rosaline and Linebeck noticed this, all busy either praising Flower's aiming skills or laughing at Line falling to the deck. Rosaline's shock spread to Linebeck, where it turned to offense. He rose with a dish of pudding and swung it with the intention of dashing it all over Flower. His aim was off; the pudding instead formed a line on Talein's chest while hitting Meilont's cheek, causing her to start. She picked up a pot of pulled pork and flung its contents back at Linebeck, splattering Dholit, Twali, and Rosaline in the process. Lwamm was the one to respond to this, bouncing a fried cucco leg off Meilont's head into Lawrence's left eye. Meanwhile, Line had recovered and thrown the remains of the cake at Flower only for the icing in his eye to cause him to aim at Cale's face instead.

"FOOOOD FIIIIIIIGHT!" Lilly declared with a raspy scream as she rose to fling a plate of pork chops slathered in sauce at Line. Zelda cried out in surprise and slid off her seat to duck behind Link.

All hell then broke loose as Dubbl, Gold, Lilly, Cale, Flower, Talein, Meilont, and Lawrence traded dishes with Line, Rosaline, Linebeck, Dholit, Twali, Lwamm, and Biluf across the table. Irleen quickly disappeared toward the ceiling. Helo and Lidago curled up and rolled themselves out the way just as stray foods began to pelt where they had been sitting. Not everyone was in it because they had been involved in the first few volleys; Dubbl and Gold had joined in out of a fatalistic mindset while Biluf was in it for the giggles, which she enjoyed after dumping a whole boat of gravy over Sello's head. Leynne's attempts to pull Dubbl away were met with two helpings of sweet potato mash and a jelly roll before retreating toward the kitchen with Link and Zelda alone.

"C'mon," Link urged over the rowdy jests and screaming. "C'mon, back here."

"You _must_ be joking!" Leynne declared as he threw his hands up in the air. "I spent two _houhs_ laundering this shiht!"

"Is it _always_ this unruly during a large meal?" Zelda asked through an excited grin.

"It is ratheh difficult to say, Youh Highness," Leynne replied. "This was ouh _fihst_. And quite possible, ouh _last_."

"What do we do now?" Link asked him. "Let them fight it out?"

"I suppose," Leynne replied. "We _can_ look on the bright side; if Layna had not disappeahed, theh might've been casualties."

Link pointed a finger at him. "Good idea."

"What, that we slaugheh the crew?"

"No!" both Link and Zelda snapped in annoyance. Leynne gave them a surprised look.

Link then stepped forward and called out, "Layna! Put them to sleep! Hurry!"

It only took a few moments before the chaos was suddenly brought to a halt. At first, people fell one at a time. Once the combatants began to realize that they were falling, it was a single second too late. The fight died once the last few fighters lay face-down on the deck, having only made a single step before Layna's sleeping drug took hold. Link, Zelda, and Leynne were baffled by the fact that Layna had not come into sight once. Link strode forward and moved his overturned chair out of the way to see if she had been hiding under the table.

"On top, Link," Leynne told him. Link glanced over his shoulder, and then he looked up to find Layna crouched on the table near the fruit bowl, the bowl's compliment of cherries in one hand.

"Well?" Zelda asked. "Now what should we do?"

"Well, _dinneh_ is unmitigatedly ruined," Leynne said as Link turned back to them. "Layna's drug takes a few houhs to run its couhse. What it comes down to is… well, _this_ scene." He emphasized these last words with an arm indicating the mess around the table.

"Think there's still a tavern open somewhere?" Link asked.

Leynne pulled out his pocketwatch. "Pehhaps," he said as he checked it. "It's _late_."

"It'd be better than eating off the floor," Link pointed out. He indicated the stairs with a weak handwave. "Let's go."

"What of them?" Zelda asked, looking down at the unconscious crew and visitors as they walked by.

"They can clean this mess up in the mohning, Youh Highness," Leynne said.

"Layna, you're hungry, too, right?" Link said. Layna jumped off the table and fell into step beside Link, forcing Zelda to move closer to Leynne. "Helo, Lidago? You guys wanna come too?"

"Unless they have rock sirloin, we will stay here," Helo said as they came out of seclusion. "Someone should probably look after the ship anyway."

"Point taken," Link said. "Well, we'll bring you back something if they _do_ have any rock sirloin."

"Thank you, Captain." Both Gorons stepped to the port staircase to watch the quartet ascend to the next deck. Lidago waved as Helo said, "Be safe out there."

"Wait for me!" Irleen hollered, chasing them up the stairs.

…

Tale #13 of the _Island Symphony_ – **END**

 **NOTICE: Again, the previous story is** **not** **canon** **. But we suspect that any similar celebration would go about as well. You know, if not worse.**


	14. Knights of Ages Ago

**NOTICE: The following is** **ambiguously** **canon. It may have happened. Or it may not have. In which case, we can only be grateful.**

…

Tale #14: Knights of Ages Ago

The table was set with snacks and extra pencils just as she had requested. She believed that she had collected the necessary texts, but she had others as well as extra copies sitting on a nearby bench in case her visitors had misunderstood her instructions; she was sure she could make adjustments as necessary. After shooing out the staff, she sat at the head of the table and looked over her notes. She did not know why she was looking at her notes again; she had committed everything to memory so that she could run the meeting much more smoothly. Perhaps it was a case of nerves. This was the first time she had attempted anything like this.

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. With a quick movement, Zelda was out of the chair and waiting next to it as she called out, "Come in."

The main doors on the opposite side of the room parted, opened from the other side by some of the castle staff. The people entering were the few of the _Island Symphony_ 's crew that she had expected to join her and maybe one she did not realize had shown interest in this particular event. Of those she had expected, Cale and Irleen had arrived. Link must have been detained, but it seemed that at least Line had showed up, if for other interests. Lilly was an unexpected delight; it would make her feel a little less like the only girl in the room. Dholit was just plain unexpected. Being a devotee of rather unspeakable interests, her presence amazed Zelda.

Still, she was an addition to the event, so Zelda embraced the idea as she told her visitors, "Welcome to my home. I am delighted you all could make it."

"It is ouh pleasuah to have been invited, Youh Highness," Cale replied as he strode forward. He offered out an envelope and said, "Captain Link sends his apologies. Paht of a shipment of wines from the west disappeahed from ouh hold, and the ship is cuhrently being inspected foh theih wheahabouts."

"I am sure it was just a misunderstanding," Zelda replied as she accepted the envelope.

"The rest of us are sure Chief _Sello_ had something to do with it," Line replied as the rest of the group crossed the room. Lilly nudged him, and he started as he realized something. "Your-Your Highness."

"Innocent until proven guilty," Zelda recited. "And please, let us not worry about the formalities today. Just call me Zelda."

"Ye-yeah, sure," Line replied, his face turning scarlet as he looked down at his feet.

"Are you all ready?" Zelda asked.

"You bet," Lilly said, holding up a folder. "It took us all mornin' to make these."

"Excellent! Please, please, take a seat." As they moved to claim chairs around the head of the table, Zelda asked, "Oh, Irleen. Were you able to construct a page for yourself?"

"Cale helped me with the words and all," Irleen replied. "I can roll the smaller dice, but I can't pick up the d20; its edges are too smooth."

"I am certain we can accommodate you."

"No need; that's what Line's condition is for coming."

"You know," Line quickly spoke up, one hand raised in a dismissive wave, "not like I actually need to be _drafted_ into doing this, Your Highness."

"Whatever," Irleen said as she circled his head. "Link still _suckered_ you into coming."

"Be nice," Line threatened her, "or your character is _toilet paper_."

"Might I sit next to you, Youh Highness?" Dholit asked, placing a hand on the back of a nearby chair before Line could grab it. "I feel that I would benefit greatly if you would pehmit me this one act of greed." Line gave her a sour look as he moved to the next chair.

"Uh… certainly," Zelda said as she sat, confused as to what benefit Dholit might gain.

"Poor Line," Irleen cooed in a soft voice.

"Shut up…" Line moaned back as he sat down.

Zelda picked up her divider and carefully placed the three-folded board so that others could not see her notes. "Okay," she said with a sigh. "Are we ready?" There were nods around the table. "Would you introduce your characters to each other? Cale, please?"

"Oh," Cale said as he glanced down at his sheet. "Okay. My charactah is Fahgo, uh… he is a wizahd bohn on Death Mountain and imbued with the mystic powah of Goh Dorongo, and he specializes in fiah and rock magic. Um… he is seeking the rolf of Bazladane and has traveled almost all of the wohld in his seahch."

"Okay, okay," Line spoke up. " _What_ is a 'rolf', and _why_ does the wizard want it?"

"A rolf," Cale repeated as if it was obvious. Line continued to give him a confused look. Cale motioned as if to throw a blanket onto his shoulders. "A rolf. It's like a mystical cape."

"Why can't you just say it's a cape then?"

"Wha—because it's a _rolf_."

"Just call it a stupid _cape_!"

"Line!" Irleen whined. "Just shut up!"

"Just call a cape a cape!" Line retorted. "Capes are cool! Just call it that!"

Zelda sat surprised for a moment. Then she cleared her throat just as Irleen began to say something else. "Excuse me," she interrupted. "I would rather we get to the game rather than bicker." Line had closed his mouth and turned a pouting look away from the group. "Irleen, your character, please."

"Right," Irleen said. Then she took a moment to blow a short raspberry at Line. Line glanced at her before turning over the character sheet in front of him. Irleen began, "My character is Keith. He is a ranger of Triggoroth with specialties in evasion and added damage."

Line clapped his hands together and began reading in a girlish voice, "'He has shimmery blond hair cropped to his neck and brilliant blue orbs that shone like the ocean in midday. His skin is a balance; not too pale, but not too tanned, either, providing a sporting complexion for his lineage. He wears a green tunic over a pair of pristine white tights and carries his sword across his back like an expert huntsman.'" Smiles were quickly hidden around the table. Even Zelda had to duck behind her divider. Line shot Irleen a smug look and accused her, "You based your character on _Link_?"

"Does that even _sound_ like Link?" Irleen asked him, her tone indicating annoyance.

"I was holding back my puke just having to _look_ at it!" Line told her.

"Line," Zelda spoke up, a hand covering her mouth. "Please let her finish."

" _Thank_ you," Irleen told Zelda. "He is searching for h—"

"'He is searching for the long lost home of his ancient bloodline and the girl he knows is waiting for him there'," Line recited in the same girlish voice. Lilly finally burst out a laugh and quickly buried her face against the table with her arms smothering the sound.

"Line!" Irleen whined.

"Oh, Ihleen, no need to be _embahrassed_ ," Dholit said as she gave a dismissive wave with one hand. "I naturally entahtained ideas of imitating ouh beloved captain as well. Why, I would be suhprised if one of us had _neglected_ to mention ouh adohed leadah in this game."

"C'mon, we're off-duty for most of the day!" Line whined. "Can't we just _forget_ about him?"

Zelda closed her eyes for a moment as she tried to regain control of herself. When she opened them, she found all five other occupants of the table staring at her. So she gave a sigh and said, "Line, I think we _all_ would appreciate if your inclination toward outbursts would discontinue while we play."

"Oh, well, I-uh… what?" Line stammered.

"She's telling you to _shut up_ ," Irleen told him.

"Ah—" Line began before clapping his mouth shut. Instead, he nodded and reached to the pile of dice next to his spot.

"Lilly?" Zelda prompted, relief crossing her face.

"Okay!" Lilly said with an enthusiastic grin. "I am Brunhildestine, the half-Goron, half-Moblin axe-woman." She noticed the pained look on Cale's, Line's, and Zelda's faces. Dholit only tilted her head. "I was goin' for a few racial points. I can forge my own weapons!"

"I am… done asking questions," Line replied.

"Well, it's gonna _sound_ weird if ya _think_ about it!" Lilly snapped at him.

"It doesn't sound strange at all," Dholit told her with a grin.

Line stared at her for a moment. Then he grabbed the arms of the chair and jumped it sideways away from her. "I _really_ don't like sitting next to you," he commented.

Lilly forcefully cleared her throat. "She is looking for the ultimate materials to make the ultimate sword," she continued. "She knows what she needs, but she doesn't know where to find them."

"Thank you, Lilly," Zelda said. "Dholit?"

"Ah, yes," Dholit said as she turned her character sheet over. "My name is Anyal the Great Beloved. I love all in the daylight, but, at night, I slip about the shadows in seahch of those who would daah wrong me. I dress in all black to emphasize my natuah, skin-tight to accentuate my lithe figuah. I have blades and needles galoah. And I seek one who will fill the emptiness in my soul, who will soothe my yeahning foh that one pehson I will nevah kill."

Eyes passed back and forth around Dholit. Finally, Line spoke up, "Can I hide under the table for the rest of the day?"

"No," Irleen replied immediately. "You have to sit up here and be awkward with the _rest_ of us."

Zelda looked down and willed the warmth in her face away. Then she sighed and told the group, "Okay. You all start in the village of Orican. In fact, most of you are relaxing in a tavern near the town square. What are you doing?"

"Ah theah any men in this tavehn?" Dholit asked.

"It is the middle of the day," Zelda told her. "The only other person in the tavern is the barkeeper. He is fast asleep behind the bar."

"Aw. Ah theah _women_ neahby?"

Zelda gave her a confused look. "Um… y-yes, the aforementioned Brunstine."

"Brun _hilde_ stine," Lilly corrected.

"Hm," Dholit hummed. "Pehhaps anothah time." She picked up a red, twenty-sided die and regarded it for a moment. "I would like to wake the bahkeepah."

"Okay," Zelda said. "The barkeeper wakes and asks in a surly voice, 'What do you want?'."

"I wish to seduce the bahkeepah."

"Uh oh…" Irleen mumbled.

Zelda stared stunned at Dholit for a moment. Then she turned to Cale and asked, "That constitutes a defensive roll, correct?"

"Yes," Cale replied.

"I have not made note of the barkeeper's parameters."

Cale nodded. "The easiest thing to do is roll foh parametahs as you need them and note them down just in case. It should help you decide which charactahs should be prepahed in the futuah. She is using haah Seduction skill, and that is countahed by the wisdom parametah and the Will save."

"Okay," Zelda said as she picked out five of the six-sided dice in her pile. She rolled them onto the table. Five, four, three, two, and two. She jotted down a "16" and marked it "Wisdom", and then "+3" and labeled it "Will". "Okay then, Dholit. Please roll."

Dholit dropped the die on the table. "Eighteen!" she declared. "That makes my roll total thihty-three."

"Thirty-three?!" Lilly, Zelda, and Irleen cried out.

Cale rose and leaned over the table to get a better look at Dholit's sheet. "Why do you have a base Seduction of fifteen?" he asked.

"I believe I had appropriately distributed my skill points," Dholit said as she looked at her sheet. "Five points to a skill my assassin does not have and ten modifiah points from my Charisma parametah."

"You rolled a _thihty_ on a parametah!?" Cale cried out.

Lilly, covering her eyes with a hand, groaned, "She did."

"I cannot defeat that," Zelda pointed out. "At best, I may roll a _twenty-three_."

"Well, don't wohry," Cale said as he sat back down. "You can use critical rules."

"Critical rules?" Zelda asked. "I do not recall reading about those."

"They'h mainly rules devised by the gamemastah foh cehtain rolls," Cale explained. "Some of the original rules allow foh increased damage foh rolling the maximum on a d20 oh foh self-inflicted damage if the playah rolls a one. But quite a few of the games I've played and witnessed use additional rules to augment one playah's single-handed control of the game. It comes to this: foh a twenty on the die, the outcome exceeds the general rules to a highly-favohed, game-changing event while a one on the same die results in the wohst possible catastrophe that the gamemastah can envision. By this system, it is possible to affect a soht of playah restraint."

Zelda gave an intrigued hum as she considered the d20 in her hand. Then she nodded and said, "I should like to administer these critical rules."

"As you wish, Youh Highness," Dholit said as she leaned back in her chair, arms crossed. "I think I will enjoy seeing what you can do to combat my superioh roll."

Zelda rolled.

And then she fell silent, staring at the die before her.

"I rolled a one," she finally uttered.

"Oh, no…" Cale groaned, one hand covering his eyes in the same manner as Lilly.

"Splendid!" Dholit cawed, steepling her fingers over her chest.

"What shall I do?" Zelda asked.

"Well," Dholit said as she let the chair clap loudly against the floor in her motion to sit up straight. "I might assume, at the very least, that I have now seduced the bahkeepah to do as I will."

"This is true…" Zelda mumbled.

"One might even suggest that my seduction was so successful that he is _completely_ devoted to me."

Zelda nodded. "That seems to be a reasonable assumption."

"So much so that his will is well within my clutches, and he cannot defy me oh plot against me even weah I to mistreat him."

"Are you seducing this guy or _enslaving_ him?" Line asked.

"I think Dholit treats it as the same thing," Irleen pointed out.

Zelda sighed and resigned the barkeeper to his fate. Putting on a narrator's tone, she told Dholit, "The barkeeper is so enamored with your natural beauty and domineering presence that he can do nothing but stare at you with divine worship in his eyes." Then she wrote next to the barkeeper's single stat "Dholit's slave".

"O-o-oh, Princess," Dholit cooed. "Let us not lose ouhselves in such emotional wohdplay. You might staht someone you might not finish."

"What," Lilly asked in a flat voice.

Zelda gave an audible sigh and, with her eyes closed and her face turned toward the middle of the room, told Dholit, "I think we should like it very much if you would keep this vulgarity-laden tongue of yours to a more civilized level for the remainder of the game. You are making people uncomfortable. Now that you have the barkeeper, I gather that you have some sort of plan with him."

Dholit's smile oozed so much smug that Zelda must have felt it on some level before looking at the older woman once more. "I do, Youh Highness," Dholit told her. "I wish that the bahkeepah would tuhn ownahship of the tavehn to me."

Zelda gave pause so that Dholit could see the confused look on her face. Then she said with more sarcasm than she intended, "By mysterious circumstances, the barkeeper has seen fit to keep his title to the tavern, as well as a prepared quill, underneath the bar. With little regard for his own future, he signs his name to the title and gives it to you."

"Delighted," Dholit told her, her grin widening. "I would now like him to find the most affectionate and beautiful women he knows and bring them back to the tavehn."

Zelda glanced at Cale with worry prevalent on her face. "Seahch with the Intelligence parametah," Cale said with a sigh.

"Yes, well," Zelda said even as she picked up the dice to roll the parameter, "be that as it may, it will still take him time to search for the women you desire. In the meantime, is there _anyone_ else who would like to take action?"

Looked passed around the table. "I feel we're all too shocked at what just happened," Lilly told Zelda.

Zelda frowned for a moment. Then she said, "Okay, then, roll for Listening." Cale, Lilly, Dholit, and Line (in place of Irleen) picked up their twenty-sided dice. Zelda also picked up a die to roll the base number.

"Twenty-three," Cale said after adding his four-point modifier.

"Twenty with my two pointzza Listenin'," Lilly said, trying not to grin.

"Three," Line said.

"Wai—that's _all_?!" Irleen snapped at him. "I didn't make my ranger _deaf_!"

"Look, you're lucky I can read numbers at _all_!" Line snapped back.

"Well, what numbers are next to my Listening skill!?"

Line took a moment to look at the sheet. "Well, the biggest number on the line is eight," he told her.

"Then I rolled an eleven," Irleen told Zelda.

"Whatever."

"Fifteen," Dholit said after double-checking her three-point modifier.

Zelda rolled. Then she shook her head. "You all hear someone trying to call for attention outside," she told them. "His voice apparently carries quite well."

"What did you roll?" Cale asked.

This caused Zelda to sigh. "Six. I rather expected it to be a little harder, but it appears that this tavern is actually not too far from the fountain in the center of the village."

"Did anyone else hear that?" Irleen asked.

"Hear what?" both Line and Zelda asked at the same time.

"Huh?" Irleen looked back and forth at both of them. "N-no, that was role-playing. I-I rolled the lowest number, so I'm… I'm sorta the one who didn't hear it as clearly."

"Oh, you were _in-character_ ," Zelda realized.

"Have you… not done this very often, Youh Highness?" Cale asked.

"Actually… this is the first time I've done this with others," Zelda admitted. "I know most of the game's mechanics, but I am afraid that I have little experience with other players."

"Ah, well," Cale said, "the ideal paht of the game is acting out youh charactah's actions in some mannah. I've known people to stand and physically take action, but…" He looked around at the room. "I would think that voicing ouh charactahs would be sufficient in this setting."

"Oh," Zelda said, intrigue coloring her voice. "Very well, feel free to discuss your decisions in-character."

"Yes, of coahse," Cale said. He cleared his throat and told Irleen, "It seems that some man in the streets is shouting."

"Did we heah what was being shouted?" Dholit asked.

"So far, all you know is that the voice was calling people to come and listen," Zelda responded. "There is a growing crowd outside."

"Pahhaps we should join them," Lilly suggested. Her change in dialect attracted attention from the rest of the group, causing them to stare at her. "What?"

"What the hell was _that_?" Line asked.

"Oh, I wanted my axe-womanna sound like she was sophisticated, so I was usin' _Cale_ 's accent," Lilly explained.

"That…" Cale began. Then he asked Line, "Is that how I really sound?"

"No, you're usually pretty whiny," Line replied. " _That_ sounded like you suffering from food poisoning."

"Line!" Irleen snapped. "Be nice."

"Hey, he walked _right_ into it!" Line snapped back.

"Be that as it may," Zelda spoke up, "we shall not have any more bickering over characters. We've spent too much time arguing as it is." Line huffed and leaned forward to rest his chin on the table.

Cale cleared his throat again. "Yes, well, pehhaps we should listen to Brunhildestine's suggestion and investigate," he said to the group.

"Suck-up," Line muttered toward Cale. This attracted an irritated look.

Irleen glanced down at Line's head. "Tool," she hissed at him. Then, as "Keith", she said, "Agreed. Let's go take a look." Irleen glanced at Dholit. "Are you coming, _Anyal_?"

Anyal heaved a bored sigh. "I suppose I should," she said. "Without my new bahkeepah, it is rathah difficult to keep entahtained at this point."

"So you're all agreed?" Zelda asked. After the group nodded (with Irleen indicating yes by fluttering up and down), she glanced down at her notes. "All right. All four of you step outside to find a large crowd gathered around a dried-up fountain that sits in the middle of the town. Upon its dead form stands a man in armor with a company of armed soldiers standing in ranks and files on the street behind him. He is looking around as the villagers gather. When he finds the crowd sufficient, he unrolls a scroll and reads.

"'By proclamation of King Karrot the Twenty-Eighth, foreigners shall no longer be allowed within the kingdom of Vegan. Foreigners currently in the kingdom will be expelled. Foreigners who resist will be executed on the spot, as will countrymen who give aid to any foreigner.'"

"Doesn't sound so bad," Line commented. "What are 'foreigners'?"

This caused looks to cross the table once again. "Um…" Cale spoke up. "Ostensibly… a foreignah is a pehson from anothah country."

Line nodded. "Okay, I think I can follow that," he said. "What's a 'country'?"

Cale opened his mouth but found that the seeming stupidity behind the question left him unable to speak. So he clapped his mouth shut and turned to Lilly. Lilly caught his look and gave a sigh. "Line, you know all the islands in the sky?" she asked. "Y'know. Where we _live_?"

"Yeah?"

" _This_ is a country. You know. _Hyrule_?"

"Oh," Line said with a slow nod. Then he just blinked and glanced around the table again. "Soooo… how can there be another one?"

"Are you making this difficult on _purpose_ , or are you _really_ this stupid?" Irleen asked in frustration.

"Well, you guys are using fancy words I don't know!" Line snapped. "It's not _my_ fault this game is so complicated!"

"Now, before we go any further," Zelda said in a calm tone, raising a hand before anyone else spoke, "I would like to assuage the problem by explaining." She then leaned to one side so that she could use the table as an impromptu drawing surface. She used the tip of one finger to illustrate as she said, "Imagine that you have a plot of land upon which people live. These different people have decided who they prefer to associate with, and so they divide themselves into at least two separate groups. To maintain that separation, they identify which land also belongs to them and call it a 'country'. Does this make sense?"

"So it's kinda like a company's territory, right?" Line asked. "Those different ports that, say… the Skyriders and, like… the Fair Travelers, the ports that they _prefer_. Right?"

"I would suppose that it's a faih comparison," Cale said. Then he turned to Zelda. "So, ah _we_ foreignahs?"

"Are any of you playing Human characters?" Zelda asked as she sat up again. She used a hand to push her hair out of the way and pointed at the tip of her ear. "Round ears?"

"Uh…" Cale droned as he and Line looked down at their sheets. "I'm _Hylian_."

"So is Irleen," Line said. Then he asked in a lower voice, "Who the hell spelled this?"

"Miss Dholit?" Zelda asked.

"Gerudo," Dholit replied.

"Yep, you are all foreigners," Zelda said with a wicked grin.

"I vote that we retahn to the tavehn," Cale immediately said. " _Cahfully_."

"Check your Stealth," Zelda told him as she picked up her own d20.

Cale, along with Lilly, Dholit, and Line (after Irleen hissed at him), also picked up the appropriate die and rolled. "Nineteen," Cale replied after letting out a sigh of relief.

"You sound as if you were holding your breath," Zelda observed with an air of amusement.

"I couldn't manage a Dexterity modifiah," Cale told her with a shy grin.

"Twenty-one," Lilly spoke up. Then she smiled at Cale and said, "I have at least a two."

"Twenty-eight," Dholit said. She shot Cale and Lilly a smug smile as she added, "I have a modifiah of eleven."

"Eight," Line read from the die.

"What's my modifier, Line?" Irleen asked with a hint of exhaustion in her voice.

Line pressed his finger on the character sheet. "That's the big number, right?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Nine."

"So that's a seventeen," Irleen told Zelda.

Zelda rolled her d20. Then she got an idea and double-checked her notes. "One moment," she told the others as she then picked up the dice she had decided to use to determine character parameters. After rolling, she heaved a sigh and put the math together as she jotted down some notes. "You all slip back into the tavern under the watchful eye of a blind country sheriff."

Line snorted and quickly muffled himself with one hand. Cale, trying not to laugh, asked her, "What… what was the roll?"

"I added a five for a position modification as well as two for a parameter bonus," Zelda explained. "Unfortunately, my roll to spot them was a four."

"Nayru's laws of luck don't seemma be favorin' ya today, Your Highness," Lilly said with a grin, trying to look more interested in her character sheet.

Zelda scrunched her face in annoyance and glanced at her notes again. Then she gave the table's occupants a smug grin. "Well, now that you are hiding back in the tavern, you should roll for Listening; those soldiers are not just going to stand there."

"Uh oh," Cale said as the group picked up their d20s again. He dropped his on the table. "Eighteen."

Lilly took in a hiss of a breath, the best she could manage as she cringed. "I just rolled a four," she said. "It totalzza six."

"Oh, deah…" Cale agreed.

"Six," Line read.

"So I've got fourteen," Irleen concluded. "Ooh, this is gonna be close."

"Five," Dholit said as she sat back in the chair, her smug grin still on her face.

"We're doomed," Irleen immediately said.

Zelda rolled. Then she giggled to herself. "Keith and Fargo can hear the soldiers coming, but Anyal and Brunhildestine are unaware of this fact."

"Hide!" Cale and Irleen cried out, Cale picking up his die. Line was a little slow in picking up the die again, already becoming bored with the exercise.

"Hide, hide, you two!" Cale said as he made to roll the die. But when he dropped the die, it skipped off one of the ten-sided dice sitting in his pile and sped over the edge of the table. "Ho-hold on!" he said as his chair scraped the floor in his rush to stand and follow.

"He made it in-character, he made it in-character!" Irleen chanted.

"Would you like to respond in-character?" Zelda asked Lilly.

Lilly shrugged. "I could probably take 'em," she said as she picked up her d20. "But, I guess I'll get lost in the poor wizard's panic and hide, too."

Zelda turned and asked, "Dholit?"

"I think I will be fine," Dholit replied. "I will just sit on the bah."

"Iiiii feel we _all_ know what _you're_ gonna do," Lilly said just as Cale returned to the table.

"Ah you using ground rules?" Cale asked Zelda.

"Ground rules?" Zelda asked, tilting her head.

Cale nodded. "Even if you drop the die, it still counts?"

Zelda frowned and shook her head. "No."

" _Good_ ," Cale said with a relieved sigh, collapsing in his chair. "I found the die rolled to one. I would rathah not have critically failed to hide."

"You have yet to succeed," Zelda pointed out.

This prompted the players to roll. "Oh, deah," Cale groaned.

"Oh, Cale…" Lilly moaned after looking at his die.

"What?" Zelda asked.

"I've rolled a one again," Cale replied.

Zelda smiled and told him, "Fargo is so busy shouting at the others that he forgot to hide himself and, in actuality, is standing in the doorway where the approaching soldiers can see him." Cale groaned and let his forehead fall against the table.

"Sixteen," Lilly said as she patted Cale's shoulder.

"Brunhildestine has slipped around the corner of the bar and ducked beneath it," Zelda said, already knowing that she would have to roll lucky in order for her soldiers to spy Lilly's character.

"Twelve," Line said.

"And?" Irleen asked.

Line groaned and looked for the Hide skill on the sheet. "Two."

"Fourteen," Irleen said.

"You've found an overturned table to hide behind," Zelda said as she picked up her own die for the Spot skill. One roll gave a soldier a seven, which only amounted to a ten with their three-point bonus. Then she rolled for the other soldier, despite both having the same parameters. Nineteen. "All for naught, I'm afraid. One soldier, having heard Fargo hollering at you, has rushed to the doorway just in time to see Keith and Brunhildestine dive under cover. He hollers at you two to stand. All four of you are now in the open."

"I seduce them both," Dholit finally spoke up.

Zelda looked over to see her rolling her d20 against her lips. "Very well," she said with a sigh. "But you must roll _twice_. One for each soldier."

"Oh, I _delight_ in the challenge," Dholit told her. She rolled the die onto the table. "Oh, a fouhteen."

Zelda silently prayed to Nayru that she roll a twenty as she slid the die out of her hand. "Four," she groaned after looking at the result.

"That's one," Dholit told her before rolling again. "Oh, deah. A two."

A seventeen total, Zelda realized. She _had_ to beat that. So she rolled. And then she pressed a hand over her eyes. "Eight…" She sighed and continued, "Both soldiers have looked upon Anyal's beauty and seem to have forgotten why they were rushing into the tavern in the first place. It seems that the rest of the group is safe for now."

"I wish to bahgain with them," Dholit told Zelda. "If they agree ignoah the rest of the group's presence, I shall invite them to the back foh—"

…

 **WE INTERRUPT THIS STORY TO PROVIDE A PUBLIC SERVICE. FOR THE NEXT TEN SECONDS THAT IT WILL TAKE FOR DHOLIT TO FINISH HER PROPOSAL, WE WOULD LIKE YOU TO IGNORE HOW SHE WAS GOING TO END HER STATEMENT AND THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE. BUNNIES, PERHAPS. OR NOT, AS THAT MAY FURTHER PROVIDE YOU WITH IMAGERY TOO CLOSE TO DHOLIT'S INTENTIONS. SO, FOR THE REMAINING EIGHT SECONDS, JUST STARE AT THE SCREEN. AND THEN GO INTO THE NEAREST WASHROOM AND USE THE SOAP TO SCRUB OUT THE REST OF YOUR IDEAS REGARDING DHOLIT. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME. WE NOW RETURN YOU TO THE PREVIOUS SELECTION.**

…

Zelda slammed her hands down on the table as she rose, her face beet-red. "ABSOLUTELY NOT!" she hollered at Dholit. "How can you turn a game so _lewd_?!"

"I _did_ find it in the rulebook," Dholit replied, her smile only growing wider at Zelda's embarrassment. Well, perhaps not _only_ Zelda's embarrassment. Lilly had her face buried in the table, shaking her head as she tried to determine if she should laugh or scream at Dholit in agreement with Zelda. Line pressed his back against the chair and leaned to one side with a vacant expression on his face. Cale pulled his shirt up over his face to cover his own rose-tinted expression, although he realized that this made it difficult to breathe. Irleen had hid behind a stack of cookies, her light having turned bright pink upon hearing Dholit's words.

"There can be no such thing!" she screamed at Dholit. Then she turned to look Cale in the shirt. "Is there!?"

"I cannot be cehtain," Cale replied through his shirt. "I am not as familiah with this gamebook."

"I took the time to find the passage," Dholit said as she reached for a book. Once in her hand, she offered it to Zelda. "Page one hundred and twenty-nine at about the middle."

Zelda took the book out of Dholit's hand and marched away from the table so she did not have the players watching her as she read. She kept her back to the table as she opened the book to the appropriate page. To her surprise, she found herself looking through a page which detailed how character relationships were supposed to work. The passage that Dholit was referring to indicated intercourse and the level of effectiveness it was suppose to have depending on a single character's Seduction level. Unfortunately for Zelda, Dholit's outrageous score meant that her proposal was valid should she successfully roll against her soldiers' Will save. And Dholit had gained a bonus for defeating their Will saves a first time. She audibly closed the book, causing Cale and Line to jump in response, and took in a breath that she slowly sighed out. She would have to hope that either Dholit failed a roll or she succeeded with a critical. She could not even roll a high number to beat her; Dholit now had a five-point modifier that would exceed any other roll she could make.

She slowly returned to the table and slid the book onto the surface without a sound. "I see," she told Dholit in a level tone. "Shall we check your abilities, Miss Dholit?"

"Oh, yes," Dholit replied as she stopped playing with the pair of d20s in one hand. She dropped one to the table. "Twelve. To make thihty-two."

Zelda picked up a d20 and rolled it. "Ten," she replied after adding the Will save to the die's eight.

"Too bad," Dholit said as she rolled again. "Anothah twelve."

Zelda cringed and tried her luck again. "Nine," she said as she stared at the dismal seven on the die. "Both men have accepted your proposal and accompany you to a room upstairs to… fulfill the bargain."

"Is _that_ what you Hylians call it?" Dholit asked.

Zelda shook as she tried to remain calm. Then she realized that she was still standing and slowly slid back into her chair. "You may… roll for your level of success," she told Dholit before hiding behind her divider.

"With pleasuah," Dholit said as she picked up a pair of dice. She rolled them, and then she clicked her tongue. "Hmm… fifty… Rathah disappointing…" She rolled again and proceeded to do the same thing. "Eighty-foah… well, I suppose it isn't as embahrassing."

"Just what number are you looking for?" Zelda asked, looking up so she could glare at Dholit. "You have already met the criteria for ensuring the bargain; neither one of them can betray you."

"Pehhaps, but I would like to believe Anyal's pahfohmance would be moah… heavenly," Dholit replied. "But I should like to retiah foh a moment; they can be on theih way."

"The soldiers have gone," Zelda said in a defeated tone, jotting a quick note. "And it is safe to say that your antics have saved you from suspicion. But you have to leave the town to return to your respective journeys."

"Who says they have to take her along?" Line asked. "Can't they just ditch her?"

Dholit crossed her arms and looked around the table. "Hmm… I wondah… Is it within any of theih _charactahs_ to leave behind the one who saved them from fighting with the soldiahs?"

Irleen heaved a sigh. "Keith is a nice guy like that," she admitted. "He won't just leave someone who kept him out of trouble."

"I've rolled some unfohtunate parametahs foh Fahgo," Cale admitted. "I probably shouldn't leave unless someone else was going." He turned to Lilly. "Ah you going?"

"Well…" Lilly droned as she flipped over her sheet. She appeared to mull it over for a bit before deciding, "I kinda agree with Irleen; Brunhildestine isn't gonna ditch someone who just saved her."

"Oh, that's just so stupid…" Line groaned, sliding one hand down his face.

Dholit cooed for a moment. "How loyally naïve you've made youh charactahs…" She looked at Zelda. "Has my manly taht of a puppet retahned yet?"

Zelda sighed and looked to Cale. "How should I do this?" she asked.

"Generally, the success of youh seahch roll detehmines which die you use to find things," Cale replied. "The highah you roll, the lahgeh the die up to twenty."

Zelda rolled. "Foah," she said. Then she rolled her parameter dice when she realized that she had not determined his Intelligence. Twenty-four. "So I rolled an eleven total," she told Cale as she wrote it down.

"Then you use a ten-sided die to detahmine how many, uh… women that he had found."

Zelda picked out a d10 and rolled. Then her face started turning red. "E-eight…"

"I seduce all eight!" Dholit declared.

"Dholit!" Irleen snapped while both Lilly and Cale hollered, "What?!"

"Miss Dholit!" Zelda snapped.

"Oh, come now, Princess," Dholit said as she started rolling a pair of d20s between her hands. "Should you not try youh luck once moah? You might finally _stop_ me this time."

Zelda growled and rolled parameter dice for the women. Nineteen, which meant that each one had only a single point to resist her. But then she had an idea and told Dholit, "If we are to contend with these women's affections, we shall do this after I have rolled parameters for _all eight_."

Dholit gave an inviting wave of one hand. "Please do, Youh Highness."

Zelda started rolling and noting the scores she received. Twenty-four, so a seven-point bonus. Twenty: five points. Twelve: one point. Eleven: no bonus. Sixteen: three points. Thirteen: one point. Fourteen: two points. While it was encouraging that none of them would be taking a penalty, they were still hardly a match for Dholit's heavily-augmented Seduction. She would have to rely on the critical system once again. So she took in a breath and picked up her d20. "Okay, then," she told Dholit. "Roll."

Dholit stopped playing with the dice and set down the one she would not need. "Yes, Youh Highness," she taunted. She rolled. "Nineteen." Zelda rolled a fourteen, but that hardly defeated Dholit since the first of these women only had a single bonus point.

Dholit rolled again. "Thihty-fouh." Two. Even with the second woman's seven-point bonus, the die still would not favor her.

"Twenty-two." Fifteen. She was coming close, but that was another gone.

"Thihty-five!" Dholit declared, causing the whole group to jump in shock. Zelda tried not to cringe as she rolled, now praying desperately for some payback. Unfortunately, that was when fortune decided to favor her with an eighteen, nineteen with the bonus. But she hoped that it meant her next roll might be a critical success. Just one out of eight would be nice at this point.

"Oh, deah; a one." Zelda looked up in amazement. Could it be? Did she finally have some hope? Even with a roll of sixteen, the critical failure meant that Zelda did not have to suffer a total loss. She rolled just to see if she should rub in the horrid check. Nine with no bonus. At least she had that hope to cling to.

"Twenty-five." Dholit sounded a little less cheerful.

Twenty. "Ah-HAH!" Zelda suddenly declared, pointing a finger at Dholit. "I shall get you yet, Dholit!"

"Two moah women, Youh Highness," Dholit replied, her smug look returning. She rolled once more. "Thihty-one." Zelda rolled a ten for a character with a single bonus point. Oh, well, she thought.

"Annnnd… oh," Dholit said, sounding desolate. "Anothah one."

"HAH!" Zelda hollered, pointing at Dholit again. Then she rolled. Nine. But who cared? She jumped up. " _Two_ of the women are _disgusted_ by the fact that another woman is trying to seduce them and leave before you can rape them!" Zelda hollered. "And a third has kicked your barkeeper slave in the groin in anger and stormed out in a huff that she ever came in the _first_ place!"

A door opened, and a lanky, elderly man leaned inside. "Is there anything wrong, Your Highness?" he asked across the room. "I heard some very… peculiar shouting."

Zelda felt her face grow hot and realized that she was standing, one foot on her chair and another on the table, over Dholit with one accusing finger extended in the offending woman's face. She quickly dropped back into her chair and cleared her throat. "Oh, dear Lester," she said in as proper and casual a voice as she could manage. "No, I do not think that anything is wrong. Perhaps you are hearing things. You should not be one to listen from the other side of doors; you might find yourself in more trouble than you expect."

"Uhp…" Lester replied, his cheeks reddening. "Y-yes, Your Highness. P-please forgive my trespasses, Your Highness."

"I shall issue only a warning," Zelda said, turning her face to the space above her divider as if she could not look at Lester anymore. "Do not allow us to catch you at this undignified activity again."

"Of course, Your Highness."

"You are dismissed." Lester closed the door with a hurried slam. Zelda then sighed and fell against the back of the chair. "That was quite embarrassing." Then she looked at her players.

Dholit had not changed except having moved her chair backward so that she could cross one leg over another. Lilly had a hand clamped over her mouth. Cale sat in perfectly stunned silence, his jaw hanging open as he stared at Zelda. Line had his head buried in his arms on the table, shaking with laughter while Irleen tried to hide herself in his messy mop of red hair.

Zelda cleared her throat again and said, "Yes, well, the disposition of the other women is that they are particularly enamored with Anyal. One of the women is even a slave to your every desire (for no real reason…)."

"I shall bahgain with the ones who ah _not_ my slaves yet," Dholit said. "In exchange foh—"

…

 **WE INTERRUPT (AGAIN) SO THAT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE YOUR DAY SULLIED BY WHAT DHOLIT IS NOW PROPOSING TO PRINCESS ZELDA'S UNWITTING NON-PLAYER CHARACTERS. NEEDLESS TO SAY, IT IS QUITE LIKELY EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE THINKING. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE COME TO THIS CONCLUSION, WE RECOMMEND THAT YOU HAVE SOMEONE DRILL A HOLE IN YOUR SKULL AND USE THE JET SETTING OF YOUR GARDEN HOSE SPRAYER NOZZLE TO CLEANSE YOUR BRAIN OF DIRTY THOUGHTS. WE WOULD DO THE SAME, BUT WE HAVE BECOME SO CORRUPTED THAT THE CLEANING WOULD LIKELY KILL US. PLEASE FILL THIS TIME WITH FLUFFY IMAGES OF PUPPIES AND BABY TURTLES. WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR PREVIOUS SELECTION.**

…

Zelda rose from her chair. "MISS DHOLIT!" she hollered. Both Cale and Line scooted their chairs in until their stomachs were pressed into the table's edge. Irleen had hidden once again after turning pink. Lilly tried to shrink into her chair as much as possible.

Dholit just picked up her d20 and smirked. "I should like to test my methods of pehsuasion," she told Zelda.

Zelda looked down at her notes, now aware that she had to roll for four women to become slave to Dholit's proposal. She picked up the d20 with the fact that Dholit had completely ruined her game weighing heavily on her. "Shall we joust, then?" she asked.

Dholit rolled. "Thihty-five." Zelda rolled a six, but it hardly mattered since the first woman only had a one-point bonus. She was doomed.

"Hmm… twenty-fouh." Nineteen. Zelda perked up; with the woman's seven-point bonus, that beat Dholit's roll by two points.

"Fouhty~!" Dholit then declared in a sing-song manner. A natural twenty. Zelda only rolled a pointless fifteen.

"And a thihty-seven." Two. That one was doomed from the beginning.

Zelda sighed. She was beginning to hate this. "Three of the women decide to… join you upstairs. One politely refuses, saying that she would rather flirt instead of… go that direction." Zelda then shivered at her own innuendo, innocent as it had been. Dholit was beginning to corrupt her.

"I shall give haah a lahgeh cut of haah income if she would agree to join," Dholit said. She picked up her d20 and showed it to Zelda. "And I shall use my Negotiation this time."

Zelda frowned and turned to Cale. "Negotiation?" she asked.

"You must oppose it with anothah Negotiation check," Cale said. "You'll have to detahmine it with the charactah's Charisma, not Intelligence."

Zelda grinned to herself; she had found a chance to remove another woman from Dholit's grip. "Okay, then," Zelda said as she picked up her parameter dice. She rolled. Twenty-four, which gave the check a seven-point bonus. She turned her grin on Dholit. "Roll."

Dholit did so. "Thihty-fouh," she said.

"WHAT!?" Zelda, Cale, and Irleen hollered while Lilly covered her eyes with a hand.

Then Lilly told them, "You _guys_! She topped her Charisma, remember?"

Cale stood to look across the table at her sheet. "You have a base _sixteen_?!"

"I felt that negotiations might succeed wheah seduction fails," Dholit told him. "Don't you agree?"

"Isn't it just the same thing?" Line asked.

"What kind of assassin _ah_ you?" Cale asked as he plopped back into his chair.

"One who makes suah the job is done," Dholit replied with a grin.

Zelda sighed and rolled her die. Thirteen for a total of twenty. She sighed. "She agrees and follows you upstairs."

"I've been looking fohwahd to this," Dholit said as she picked up her percentage dice.

" _One_ roll," Zelda told her in a harsh tone. "I will suffer no more of your depravity."

"Of coahse, Youh Highness," Dholit said. Then she rolled the dice. "Hmm… eighty-nine…"

"More than enough," Zelda told her. "You have your women."

"Splendid," Dholit said. "I will tell the bahkeepah that he is to continue his business as usual. But, should theah be any clients who wish to… spend moah foh a good time, to send them upstaihs. The women will know what to do."

"Being the love-struck dolt that he is," Zelda said in a flat voice, "the barkeeper nods and steps back behind the bar to prepare for the day's business. Unquestioningly. Stupidly. Unerringly." Zelda let her forehead hit her notebook.

"That's great, Dholit," Lilly said in an annoyed voice. "You just broke our princess."

"I just thought I would expand on the game's background," Dholit replied. She leaned over so she could see Zelda behind the divider. "Shall we continue, Youh Highness?"

"I feel that my willingness to continue has been drained," she told Dholit. She lifted her head. " _Clearly_ , I have some further preparations to make. I would like to suspend the game for now. I will make arrangements with Link should the possibility to continue arise later on."

"Thanks a _lot_ , Dholit," Irleen snapped.

"I can only hope foh the oppohtunity to play again," Dholit responded as she, Line, Cale, and Lilly rose. "It was a very thrilling experience. I would like to thank _you_ , Cale, foh introducing me to this game."

"I shall be grateful if you _nevah mention it again_ ," Cale told her, his voice harsh with those last words.

Zelda watched them walk to the door they had entered through. Once they were gone, she turned a few pages in her notebook to jot down the events of the game. Then she spread her arms across the table, shoving aside her books and divider and spilling dice onto the floor, so that she could let her head slam the hard wood surface. She now understood why Link allowed them to take some time off while he was dealing with a shipping dispute.

…

Tale #14 of the _Island Symphony_ – **To be continued?**

 **NOTICE: The previous story is** **ambiguously** **canon. If it happened, then Zelda now has more to be concerned about than Link having a dirty dream (see #10; trust me, it's different from #9).**


	15. Ninja With a Crush

**NOTICE: The following is** **ambiguously** **canon. No one really knows if this happens. And if it does, it's just creepy. But you can see it coming.**

…

Tale #15: Ninja With a Crush

Wind: strong due to the Sky Line, mostly from astern, but the areas directly under the fore- and main-masts were constantly shifting. Attempting to move along the rigging would be too dangerous, as would be the tops of the masts. Scents would carry toward the bow.

Light: poor. The night came with the benefit of no moon since the moon had made its transition earlier in the morning. The electric lights built into the bulwark, while useful for illuminating the edges of the ship, left the middle of the main deck in a large shadow. Other than the small lights on the extreme ends of the ship, there was nothing shining on the ship's exterior.

Presences: five. Twali was at her post on the poop deck, but her eyes should be focused on the open air around them in case another ship appeared. Lwamm and Dubbl patrolled the deck, if walking up and down the deck talking to each other could be called "patrolling". Twice, they had taken the stairs up to the quarterdeck to exchange what words they could with Twali. Leynne stood on the forecastle beside Gold, possibly helping keep the helmsman awake through the long night.

After memorizing Lwamm's and Dubbl's patrol route, Layna waited in the stairs on the port side until the two walked between the starboard staircase and the bulwark. Then Layna jumped into the shadow along the middle of the main deck and bolted toward the stern. Her feet softly pounded out her heartbeat as she moved. She could feel eyes slowly pressing on her back in spite of the fact that, sometimes, Gelto just did not have good peripheral vision. She knew that this should alarm her since she was trying to maintain stealth. However, she found that it did not, and not even _that_ gave her reason to worry.

Instead, it _thrilled_ her. It may have been that she had not changed her mind set for this, blocking out all but her finely-tuned animalistic sense of presence. No, she chose to allow her emotions to guide her in this case. The idea of being seen went against her teacher's adamant notion that sight itself meant death. She wondered briefly if that meant that she had turned suicidal. The only reason she dismissed the notion so fast was that she was not among people who wanted to harm her. It sometimes made her feel like she was their younger sister; they all looked out for her, and they all scolded her when she did things she was not supposed to. And then, sometimes, it felt more personal. Her exploration of these feelings had been minimal so far. Now, she wanted to see where My Captain would take them.

That would have to wait, though. While the prospect of being caught excited her, she realized with panic that she was moments away from being spotted. She was close enough that she jumped over the port aft capstan and pressed her back against it. She dared a look around one side. Lwamm and Dubbl were passing behind the forecastle, still mostly oblivious to Layna's presence. She waited until the port hatch blocked them from view, and then she slipped through the faint light to the small space under the stairs before she could be spotted. There, she listened as her sisters approached, judging their distance based on how loud their conversation was.

At the same time, she tried to control her breathing so that no one would hear her. She did not know when it had gotten so strong, but she had to calm it. It just brought her back to the idea of being caught thrilling her. This turned out to be much worse because she found that the excitement was _causing_ it. She was about to try strangling herself when she realized that covering her mouth would be much less harmful. If only her heartbeat was so easy, she thought to herself. She had never heard the sound in her ears until that one time she had been in danger.

My Captain had been involved then as well. It had been about then that her strange behavior had started. She could not tell which of them had started it; her deciding to go through with Dholit's directions had been just as confusing as his spontaneous desire to kiss her in close vicinity to their enemy. She had refused to admit to herself that such a wish had led to her being injured after Irleen's outrage had given them away, but, should it come to such, she did not dare speak what she thought. My Captain had had nothing but praise for her (when he was not busy reminding the rest of the crew of her occasional misunderstandings). She would rather cut her own arm off than fault him for a minor coincidence. Maybe it had been a simple mistake. It had been so long ago that Layna could not deny misinterpreting him. After all, that odd accent occasionally made her wonder whether she truly understood him like any other Hylian. Still, she could not refute that things had changed since then, either. She had thought herself to be broken for such a long time. But then, could she really call herself "broken" and still feel that nothing was wrong? She intended to find out.

Footfalls above her head caused her to return to reality. Dubbl and Lwamm had decided to move up to the quarterdeck once more. She dared to peer around the rack hidden beneath the stairs. The main deck was empty, and she was too far away for those on the bridge to see her. So she slid through the shadow of the overhanging portion of the quarterdeck to My Captain's cabin door. Because Dubbl and Lwamm had to call louder to get Twali's attention, she could open the door slowly, carefully so that its hinges did not make a sound.

She turned her attention inside while she eased the door closed. Naturally, everything fell under a deep cloak of night and shadow. At best, Irleen's fairy light cast most of the bed in faint green. Layna found that oddly appropriate for My Captain, considering his fondness for his green work tunic. Her calculated steps across the floor barely produced a whisper. She knew the floor, having spent time hidden in his cabin to ensure his peace. Tonight was different, though. Or, rather, tonight had _no_ purpose. To call it "fun" implied a sense of joy she was not sure she had; to call it "work" took away how deep her personal feelings went into the venture. Were there a word for her daring, she would need someone else to tell her.

She slowly traced out an area of his desk which she intended to sit on. She found a bit of clutter: an inkwell and his logbook. Shifting out of Irleen's light revealed a few scraps of parchment in that same area. And his chair sat too close to the desk for her to slip into. It did not particularly matter. She lowered herself to the floor and rested her back against the desk's side.

My Captain slept peacefully before her. She thought so because his mouth had fallen slack, and Irleen's soft light was just enough to show her his drool staining the pillow. She envied him being like that. He was so comfortable with himself that he could sleep the way he wanted. Was her training so deeply ingrained into her life that she had forgotten what that was like? No, perhaps not when she could see it in another. And she knew that she was not a killer at every moment. It was simply another question she hoped the night would answer.

She knew at least one thing about My Captain; he was not a warrior like she was an assassin. He could live without worrying about an enemy nearby. On the airship, he used words and his gentle nature to lead them. Layna had always heard those to be weak features, but how could they be so when My Captain commanded a ship full of adults with them? She long considered that his kindness was a show that he put on so well that the crew never heard a harsh word from him. She often heard Leynne indicating himself as the "friend of the crew", and My Captain occasionally quoted a manual to remind Leynne of that very fact. But what My Captain spoke in sincerity, Leynne would say with derision. The dichotomy only confused her more. Perhaps that was the source of her problem: she thought she had known Hylians well enough to understand their ways, and then she had encountered one who defied those expectations.

Then, of course, he also defied the expectations she had had of a master. She had come to terms with that. My Captain could not stand to treat her as a slave or even a servant. It was a strange relationship. They could acknowledge that, between them, he commanded and she obeyed. Even by the Hylians' social structure, his life should be more important than hers. But putting herself in danger angered him. And she was not allowed to die should the occasion arise. As Dholit had explained, this attitude was not uniquely directed to Layna; she simply had been the only one of the crew to be in such a state. No, My Captain would make a poor master, but Layna found that she could accept that and think no less of him.

So what was it, then? What was there behind that drooling look of content that Layna could not comprehend? She began to wonder if she really wanted to know. Or even if she _should_ know. What would happen if she discovered the reasons behind her strange behavior? If that caused her feelings to disappear, could she live without them?

Conundrum after conundrum, question after question. She could feel even her emotionless side grow sick of these thoughts. Her beating heart had fallen silent, her breathing quiet enough to hide in a whisper. Her questioning had ruined the moment, and she felt defeated. She curled up, knees against her chest, and let her head droop in despair. Dholit had been right; questioning something too much had taken away those great sensations whether she had found answers or not. She felt lost.

Then My Captain shifted. Panic flooded her whole being. She had no means of hiding if he had just opened his eyes. And he would have to be blind not to see her sitting in between the desk and bed. How could she explain this?

She relaxed once she realized he was only rolling onto his back. The experience opened her up to a new realization: her carelessness was behind her feelings. She had no desire to be caught, but the thought of being caught had a subtle, perverse appeal all the same. It made her heart beat like she needed to know she was still alive. It showed her how poorly she understood these feelings.

My Captain had rolled onto his back, casting his sleeping vision to the deckhead. She held herself tighter, but those feelings were leaving again. So she decided to dare a little more. She pushed herself forward onto her feet and carefully stepped closer. Her left hand took the edge of his bed. Before she had grasped her plan in full, she stretched herself along the bed's length and slid onto the mattress. Her chest pounded harder while she came closer to him. She was exposed under Irleen's glow; should he awaken, she could not get away from him fast enough to place herself under cover without him knowing. She lay close enough that she could hear his soft breath. She forced herself to stop once she was completely on the mattress despite the emotional increase urging her closer to him. Her cheeks warmed against the cold air surrounding them. She felt so close that she began to worry that her beating heart would wake him.

 _BANBANBAN!_

Layna sprang straight up and into the deckhead, years of training propelling her to the closest hiding place available. Her hands found purchase in the small space between the bed's tester and the deckhead. Her feet hooked around the boards supporting Irleen's small bed. At the same time, Link jerked and rolled onto his side.

 _BANG!_ "Captain!"

"Bwah-hah!" Link hollered. He quickly pushed up from the bed to look toward the door. "What is it?!"

"The engine room's on _fih_!" Leynne hollered.

Link sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Ungh…" he grunted. "Did you rouse the dayshift?"

"Yes," Leynne replied. "They should be moving wateh down below."

"Are we still in the Sky Line?" Link asked.

"Yes."

"Okay, drop us out of the Sky Line and make sure the fire's out," he said. "I'll be on-deck in a moment."

"Okay." Leynne made to shut the door, but he paused. "You know, once you consideh the situation, it doesn't seem like much."

"That's the magic of our chief engineer," Link told him as he stood up. "I thought you'd be used to him setting fire to the deck."

"I've a few anxieties about being up heh," Leynne said. "My undehstanding was that _any_ fih was bad foh an aihship."

"Yeah, it usually is," Link said. "But I think Sello's just sort of _numbed_ us to the idea."

"And who would know about _numbing_ things betteh than Sello?" Leynne said before closing the door.

"Luc cop?" Irleen spoke up from her bed. Layna then realized that Irleen, having risen from her bed just a little, was looking at her foot.

"Go back to sleep, Irleen," Link said as he grabbed his tunic off his footlocker. Then he picked up his boots and headed for the door. "Sello's just at it again."

"Kákiwān, kīh, Hìloħa," Irleen mumbled, barely acknowledging the door shutting before dropping back against the miniature cushion. For a moment, the cabin had fallen back into silence.

"Ah—" _Whum-BAM!_

"Wáħ!" Irleen cried, alarmed by both the slam and the bed shaking. She quickly rose to see if something had struck the bed.

Even with her light brightly cast around the bed, she could not see anything out of place. If she had not decided to simply flutter back into her bed, she might have spotted Layna slinking toward the door. But then, Layna would not have moved until Irleen fell back asleep anyway.

…

Tale #15 of the _Island Symphony_ – **END**

 **NOTICE: Nobody has caught her in the act, so this is** **ambiguously** **canon. She could be sneaking into Link's cabin at night, or she isn't nearly that naïve when it comes to her feelings toward him. Yes, this was meant to be a Valentine's Day piece. Yes, I failed to post it until two days later. And, yes, I intended this to be creepy. Aren't you glad I didn't post on Valentine's Day now?**


	16. The Non-Hypothetical Empty Room

**NOTICE: The following is** **ambiguously** **canon. It also answers an important question I'm sure most of you would like to know.**

…

Tale #16: The Non-Hypothetical Empty Room

"Watch the ceiling, it's—"

 _Ponk._ "Augh!" Flower barked in pain. He held his forehead as he ducked under the low beam.

"Sorry," the man behind him said.

"It's all right," Flower said as he set foot on the floor at the end of the stairs. "I've hit my head on worse." Then he shrugged as the other man descended. "I've actually had worse _hit_ my head, too. Kind of a hazard working with this newer crew."

"The door should be right there."

Flower turned and found the door on the opposite wall from the end of the stairs. "Why is there a bolt on it?" he asked as he unlatched it.

"I don't know; that's how I bought it." Flower glanced back at his friend, an obese man wearing a worn jacket of leather over his stained shirt and work slacks. "The old owners used to keep kegs and caskets down here. I had to strip out all the racks and clean it up because the place got termites."

"And the door?" Flower asked as he pulled it open.

"Replaced it. That's why the bolt; it was the only door I could find that fit."

Flower looked inside to see that the room was solid stone with a low ceiling just like the anteroom. A single light bulb hung in the middle of the room. Flower reached around and flipped the switch on and off to test it. "What happened to the old owners?" he asked.

"They moved off the island. They sold the place to the bank, and the bank sold it to me to fix it up."

Flower pointed at the light. "Is that still a good bulb?"

"Should be; no one's been down to see it for a few months." Then his friend gave him a curious look. "What are you planning to do in here? And am I gonna have to clean it up?"

"Oh, I don't think so," Flower replied, grinning to himself. Then he stepped back out and closed the door. "One of my crewmates is an assassin from the surface."

His friend immediately started shaking his head. "Oooh, no! You're not turning this into some kinda… sick _assassin_ guild or anything!"

"Thom, would you just let me finish?" Flower told him. Thom let his hands drop against his thighs. "It's a little experiment. One of my _other_ crewmates claimed that this one can hide in an empty room. So a bunch of us are gonna shut ourselves in an empty room and try to find her."

"'Her'?"

"She's a Gelto. One of these people who used to live on the surface."

"Oh, like those women who work at the Skyrider office, right? Dark skin, big nose?"

"Yeah. How long can you rent me the building?"

Thom pulled a pocket book out of his slacks and opened it. He mumbled as he read to himself. Then he told Flower, "I have a buyer coming in later this afternoon. Can you be done before then?"

"I figured we'd need a few hours. We wanna be thorough. Do you have any tomorrow?"

Thom flipped a page. "Nope, not for here."

"All right, we'll need it for… how about four hours?"

"Is eleven all right? I have to be at the office most of the morning tomorrow."

Flower nodded. "Sounds good." He held out a hand, and Thom clasped it. "Thanks, Thom."

…

The following day, late in the morning, Flower returned with Biluf, Dholit, Line, Harley, and Layna in tow. He led them down the stairs and stopped in front of the cellar door. "Okay," he told them. "Here it is."

"It's a door," Line pointed out through a piece of candy rolling around inside his mouth. " _Dis_ is why we're givin' up yunks?"

"Shu' up, Line," Harley told him.

"Look, you _all_ know you _want_ to know," Flower said. He pointed at Layna, who gave a start and stared at him in surprise. "Can _she_ really hide in an empty room?"

"Ooooh," Dholit cooed. "Is this youh idea of an experiment? Because I ratheh _like_ wheah this is leading."

"Eeeasy, Dholit," Flower told her. "Here's the deal. Each of you still have a candy in your pockets, right?"

Eyes turned to Line, who froze in place. "Oh," he uttered. "I-I dought you guys were tryin' to buy be off or someding."

"It's all right," Dholit spoke up while Flower gave Line an annoyed look. She took a small pouch from Biluf's belt and removed another green-wrapped piece of candy. "Biluf brought extra. Just in case ouh dahling needs moah incentive."

"You'd think the _challenge_ would be enough," Flower pointed out.

"Pehhaps," Dholit said. Then she held the bag above Line's head. Layna, upon seeing it, gave it a wide-eyed stare and followed it as Dholit shook it side to side. "But this is _much_ moah interesting."

"The Cap'n okay with this?" Harley asked.

"Eh, he thought I was a little crazy," Flower answered. "But he said we could have some shore leave just for the fun of it."

"Man," Line whined. "Dere's _odder_ dings I could be doin' wif sore leave."

"Oy, now," Harley said, slapping Line's back. The slap dislodged the candy from his mouth, but Line reached out in time to catch it before it went over the banister and hit the floor. "Don' knock i'. I like this idea." Line rolled his eyes and plopped the candy back into his mouth.

"Here's how we'll do it," Flower said. "Layna's going in first. She gets ten minutes to find a place to hide, and then we go in one-by-one. Everyone gets half an hour to look for her while she tries to figure out how to steal your candy. No one leaves until the last of us has our half hour." He pulled out a watch and showed it to them. "I'll keep track of the time. The rest of us will wait upstairs. The one who spots her can call her out. Do it soon enough, and we can all go home early."

"And who shall be heh fihst victim?" Dholit asked.

"Biluf's her best friend," Flower said, pointing. Biluf gave a surprised response. "I figure she's got the best shot solo."

"Zhi naguthatak dhol to max?" Biluf asked Dholit, sounding a little offended.

"Waba nayx sayfotak Layna," Dholit answered. Biluf's response was an exhausted sigh, which she used to blow on her bangs.

"Layna," Dholit said, leaning forward to address her past Line. "Waba laxomak ciynwoxot marix za'a'aykwafi."

"Ay'a," Layna replied. Line, Harley, and Dholit then had to press their backs against the wall so that Layna could squeeze past them down the stairs.

Flower pulled open the door and stepped aside so Layna could walk in. "Ten minutes," he said before shutting the door. He also locked it just to be sure she was still inside. Then he turned and asked, "She knows what we're doing, right?"

"If she did not, she would have asked," Dholit replied. "Well. Shall we go upstaihs and debate the practicality of this experiment?"

…

Ten minutes later, Flower brought Biluf downstairs. He unlocked the door and opened it.

"Huh," he uttered to himself as he perceived the black room. He reached inside and tried the light switch. Then he grinned to himself. "Oh, so _that's_ how you're gonna play it, huh?" he said to the room. He opened the door more and stepped aside so that the light from the anteroom shone inside. He saw that Layna had taken the light bulb from its socket. He also saw a box on the floor in the corner opposite the door. "Hey, hey," he said to get Biluf's attention. He showed her that the switch was not working, and then he pointed out the empty socket and the box in the corner. Biluf nodded to him and placed a hand on the wall near the door. Flower gave her a grin and stepped back outside.

Once Flower had shut the door, Biluf sighed to the black around her. "It won't work, Layna," she told the room in Geltoan. "Even if you get behind me, I'll find you once the light is on." She slid her hand along the wall, following it toward the box. "You can take my candy, but I _will_ still find you." Just to be certain she had not lost it already, she put her free hand in her trouser pocket. The candy was still there.

She looked over her shoulder to double-check where the door was, indicated by light slipping through the frame. She used her free hand to feel ahead so she would not hit the back wall. Her hand found the wall, and she immediately knelt to place her hands on the box. She lifted it and put it aside. Her fingertips then discovered round glass. She picked up the bulb. Her stride was careful as she wandered toward the middle of the room, using the door for reference. Much to her fortune, the ceiling was low enough for her to feel the light socket.

"I'm gonna _find_ you~," Biluf sang as she carefully screwed the bulb in. "You won't get your _candy_ ~." Once she was sure the bulb was in tight, she hurried to the door. "Prepare yourself!" she declared once she found the switch.

 _Ctk._

Biluf was blinded by the bulb, forced to shut her eyes. The adjustment came slowly, but once she could see clearly, she cast the room a satisfied look.

And the look quickly faded. The room was empty.

"What?" asked a mystified Biluf as she moved away from the wall. She simply could not believe her eyes. In a room with stone walls, a low, wooden ceiling, and just one exit, she could not find Layna. Biluf, believing that she knew Layna the best, looked over some of the not-so-obvious places like the corners and along some of the boards above her. She shoved her hands in her pockets. One hand felt the candy still in its wrapper. It was a good sign; if Layna had taken it, she liked to leave an empty wrapper to prove it. Keeping both hands in her pockets as she moved should help ensure that Layna did not know which pocket to pick.

Biluf then realized that there was one place she could never be sure of: directly behind her. She knew Layna was too fast and too quiet to let herself be caught by someone trying to look over a shoulder. Whipping around was not an option. But, if she had her back pressed to a wall, it would limit Layna to parts of the room directly in front of her. Even if Biluf never saw Layna coming, the next person to enter would catch her maybe hanging from the ceiling on the opposite side of the light bulb or pressed into whichever corner Biluf was not looking at. Better yet, she realized, if she sat in one _corner_ and kept the other three in sight, Layna would not be able to move at all!

"Very well, Layna," Biluf told the room as she returned to the corner where the box sat. "Even if _I_ don't find you, _someone_ will have to. I'll just wait for the next person." She spun after swiping the box aside with one foot and sat with her back to the wall. She looked above first to make sure Layna was not taking cover there. Then she looked across the room at the farthest corner. With her arms crossed, she gave the room a satisfied smirk.

…

Biluf started when the door opened. She first thought that Layna had given up.

Then Dholit stepped inside. She slouched against the wall as disappointment set in.

"Have you not found her yet?" Dholit asked, amazement tingeing her voice.

"No…" Biluf groaned. She rubbed her eyes, worn and tired from staring mostly at the light bulb. "How long have I been down here?"

"Half an hour," Dholit said. "It's time for me to join you." Biluf shrugged as if to ask "what's the point?". She had assumed that whoever entered the room next would see Layna hiding in plain sight, maybe in a place that would seem obvious and make Biluf feel like an idiot. Dholit sounded like she had yet to see Layna. "Have you determined her hiding place yet?"

Biluf shook her head. "I hoped _you_ would see her. That's why I'm sitting in the corner."

"Well, it would seem that we've underestimated Layna's ingenuity." Dholit glanced up at the ceiling. "Ten minutes would be enough time to find a loose board or two."

Biluf gave the ceiling an exhausted sigh. "I suppose we should've told her to stay _in_ the room." She stood up and approached Dholit. "Where do we start?"

Dholit pointed toward the corner opposite the door. "You start there, I'll start right here, and we'll meet in the middle."

"For a moment, I thought you were gonna say something slutty," Biluf told her with a half grin before turning in the direction Dholit had indicated.

"Not now," Dholit replied. "I have a headache."

Biluf did not even make it to the far corner before she found something. Never having ventured to this side of the room, she discovered that one of the boards in the ceiling was protruding slightly. She stretched a hand up and even stood on her toes, but she could hardly grip what little of the board's edge that had been exposed. So she said, "I think I found something."

Dholit crossed the room and followed Biluf's gaze. "Do you think she can _fit_ through that?" she asked.

"The board's wide enough," Biluf said as she stretched up again.

"Give me a boost; I think I can reach it." Biluf crouched and entwined her fingers together for Dholit. After kicking off a shoe, Dholit rested her foot in Biluf's hands and stretched up to grasp the board. She needed a moment to tug on the end before she could fit her fingers inside the ceiling and pull. The nails on the opposite end gave a protesting groan as Dholit wrenched the board loose.

"Uh…" Biluf droned a moment. Dholit dropped the board to the floor and glanced down at her. "You don't think we're gonna get into trouble for tearing the ceiling up, do you?"

"If we do, I'll just conquer them," Dholit said with a grin.

Biluf gave her a flat look. "You mean 'dominate'?"

Dholit glanced down again and waggled her eyebrows. "Do you need to ask?"

"Only because I'd rather be naïve like that. Can you get inside?"

Dholit tugged on another board until it loosened. "I think I can now," she said as she pried the board off the ceiling. After dropping the board, she put both hands on the inside of the hole and, with Biluf giving her more boost, pulled herself up. Inside, the light of the single bulb in the cellar shone through some of the larger gaps in the ceiling, giving her a view of the larger, vertically-set beams that ran the width of the cellar perpendicular to the boards underneath. Dholit had room enough overhead that she could sit and still not have to worry about striking her head on the stone ceiling above.

The beams formed channels across the interior of the ceiling, and Dholit carefully stepped over one nearby beam and looked back down at Biluf. "You won't believe this," she said. "There's enough space in here that we would never catch her moving."

"So what should we do?" Biluf asked. "Wait?"

"Yes, I think waiting for the next person would be of some help. Another set of eyes would make searching each of these spaces much easier."

…

The door opened after a while. Harley was a little surprised to find that there was only one Gelto in the room: Biluf, who was lying on the floor under a hole in the ceiling. So the first thing he asked was, "The killer ge' one o' ya?"

"Nothing so mohbid, Mistah Hahley."

"Yikes!" Harley shouted, jumping sideways. He glanced up at the ceiling. "Wha'…?"

"We have discovahed Layna's secret," Dholit explained, her voice muffled by the ceiling but still audible. "But I'm afraid that ouh pretty little killah is still eluding us."

"Whacha need me t' do?"

"If you would help Biluf into the crawlspace, we can seahch up heah while you keep watch down theah."

Harley shrugged and said, "Soun's good t' me." He walked over to Biluf just as Biluf was rising to her feet. He clasped his hands together and braced himself. "A'righ', girly," he told her. "Up ya go." Biluf placed a foot in his hands and braced herself on his shoulders. When he raised her, she immediately latched onto the edges of the opening and pulled herself inside. "Ya go' 'nough room up there?" Harley asked the hole just as Biluf slipped out of sight.

"Oh, pehhaps," Dholit cooed from above. "Ah you proposing to join us?"

Harley shrugged. "Ya need me up there?"

"Well, it is not as if I have not made due with a single woman befoah."

Harley scrunched his face in a vain attempt to suppress a grin. "Go' a feelin' ya make due with _anythin'_ ," he commented.

"Yes, but very raahly out of necessity." A brief, breathy laugh escaped Harley's mouth before he slapped a hand over it.

"'Inmatikak 'inu nadmatik marix 'aniyguthot, 'itab 'inmatikak wabun niygothot marix 'acaymthi," Biluf remarked in a flat tone.

"Waba nibinak max?" Dholit asked.

Biluf gave a frustrated sigh. "'Inan dhikw sofatidh Layna."

"Mmmm. 'Ankadhay…"

"Dholit!" Biluf snapped.

"Noynadhay?" Dholit suggested.

"Nwoyrotan!"

"Everythin' a'righ'?" Harley asked.

"I'm in negotiations," Dholit called back. "Just a moment."

…

While Dholit's "negotiations" only lasted as long as it took for Biluf to finally tell her to shut up, there was not much more conversation afterwards as the two worked their way across the ceiling trying to find any shadow that would reveal Layna. While they were doing that, Harley wandered around the floor in an attempt to catch Layna moving around. He was able to distinguish Dholit and Biluf moving since the two moved along the walls opposite each other. Not that this really helped; if Layna had to move at any time to avoid the other two Gelto, she was far too silent for him to hear. It left him disappointed because he actually was trying to help find Layna.

Line stepped in after their time was up. And he froze immediately. "Wha-uh…" he started as his words had a horrible collision on their way to his mouth.

"What?" Harley asked as he turned to look at Line.

"Where'd… where'd the other ones go?" Line asked.

 _Kon kon kon._ Line jumped in surprise and looked up at the ceiling. "Hello theah, dahling," Dholit called through.

"What the…?" Line started again.

"We think Layna's in the ceilin'," Harley said. "Dholi' 'n Biluf are up there."

"Oh," Line said. After he closed the door, he crossed the room and found the hole in the ceiling. "Can you use some help up there?"

"Actually," Dholit said as she moved closer to the hole, "I think we might. Layna can only move around so much if theah ah _three_ people up heah. Mistah Hahley, would you mind?"

"Sure," Harley replied. He walked back to the hole and crouched down with his hands clasped together. "Hop on."

Line placed a foot in Harley's hands, and Harley raised him effortlessly up until Line had a hold of the edge of the hole. He clambered through and, with one hand raised to protect himself, tried to stand. Once his hand found the rock ceiling above, he hunched a little lower and turned to find Dholit.

"So what do you think of Layna's hiding place?" Dholit asked him.

"Kinda hot up here, isn't it?" Line replied.

"I can only do so much," Dholit said.

"Yeah," Line said in agreement. Then, after the brief pause it took his brain to reinterpret Dholit's words, he quickly spouted, "Wait, _what_?"

"Dholit…" Biluf groaned as she approached Dholit from behind.

"Line," Harley told him. "Wha'ever ya do, _don'_ turn yar back on Dholi'. She's been pre'y wily up there."

"Oh, Mistah Hahley," Dholit said, moving so that she could look down on him. "Do you mean to wahn the boy oh _entice_ him?"

"Ya know, fer every minu'e we spend talkin', we ain' findin' Layna," Harley pointed out.

"He's right," Line said. He rubbed his hands together and looked around the ceiling's interior. "Okay. How are we doing this?"

…

Flower walked in and closed the door behind him just in time to see Dholit drop out of the ceiling. As he walked toward the group, who had gathered under the hole, he craned his neck to look into the above opening. "What were you doing up there?" he asked.

"We thought Layna was up in the ceiling," Line replied.

"Biluf and I found a loose boahd heah," Dholit explained. "She was not on the floah, so we thought we'd try the ceiling."

"Thom's gonna want those boards replaced," Flower said. "You weren't supposed to pull anything apart."

"A minoh nuisance in ouh ventuah to discovah Layna," Dholit told him with a dismissive wave.

Flower folded his arms together. "Uh huh," he grunted. "So did you find her?"

"Not even a hint," Line confessed, hanging his head.

"Well, I suppose we've still got time to look around," Flower said as his eyes wandered the empty room. "Did she snag anyone's candy?"

Dholit and Harley exchanged looks upon realizing that they had forgotten the candy in their pockets. Line, however, reached into his pocket and produced the wrapped candy for Flower to see. "I've been patting my pocket just to be sure," he told Flower. "She hasn't gotten to it yet."

"How about you three?" Flower asked.

There was a slight shuffling sound as Dholit, Biluf, and Harley showed Flower their own untouched candies. Well, Dholit and Harley showed Flower. Once Biluf had the candy in her hand, she pulled the ends to untwist the wrapping.

And, instead of a ruby-colored sphere of hard candy, she discovered a rock of a similar shape.

"She got you," Line told her with a large grin.

Biluf sighed and dropped the rock on the floor, her expression indicating a distinct lack of surprise. "'Inan golwaynya'ak hiyxwoltya," she told Dholit.

"What'd she say?" Harley asked.

Dholit, her usual grin replaced with apprehension, looked around at the group for a moment.

"We… we have been taken."

Only a split second of dawning realization set on their faces before Line, Dholit, and Harley removed the wrappers from their candies. Just like Biluf's, theirs had been replaced by rocks roughly the same size and shape of the candy pieces.

"Wha—… when'd she do _that_?!" Line hollered in surprise.

"Well, I guess we still got _mine_ to keep her busy," Flower said. Line Dholit, and Harley pointedly stared at him for a moment while Biluf, arms crossed, shook her head. Flower stared back at them in confusion. Then he gave a nervous grin. "Nah. She couldn't've grabbed it; you've been looking in my direction this whole time." No one replied, and the grin faded from Flower's face just before he shoved a hand into a trouser pocket. He pulled out his candy and unwrapped it to find a rock inside. "That's _impossible_! I just came in!"

Then Line, Flower, Dholit, and Harley shared another moment of realization, wide-eyed looks passing between them. "Aw, shit…" Harley groaned.

"The door!" Flower hollered.

They charged across the floor, leaving Biluf still shaking her head at them. Flower reached the door first and made to shove it open.

His face struck the door instead.

 _Wham!_

"Dohf!" Flower grunted. He grasped the handle and shook it. "Wha-why is this locked?"

"It's _what_!?" Line and Harley hollered.

Flower pounded on the door and shouted, "Thom! Layna! Someone open the door!"

Biluf heaved a sigh and commented under her breath, "Sa'it dha' wabun giyroxwun 'ataynli…"

On the other side of the door, Layna sat perched on the banister as Flower started shouldering the door in attempt to open it. She knew his efforts would be wasted, having taken time to check the sturdiness of the door and the metal bolt. She could see them breaking it down in time, perhaps once Flower and Harley combined their strength to ram the door. In the meantime, she would enjoy watching their struggle for only a moment longer before returning to the ship and informing the captain of their situation.

Well, perhaps she should just go now. It was not as much fun now that she had finished the whole bag of candy. Thinking as much, she stashed the empty bag into a pocket and swung her legs over the banister so that she could walk up the stairs.

…

Tale #16 of the _Island Symphony_ – **END**

 **NOTICE: Nobody ever really fessed up to being locked in a cellar for two hours, so this is** **ambiguously** **canon. Although Link frequently warned his crew later on not to attempt something like this with Layna. He was concerned that she might not leave survivors.**


	17. The USS Reluctant at Elysium

**NOTICE: The following is** **definitely** **canon. As well as evidence that there are some people who need** **more** **than a vacation.**

…

Tale #17: The _U.S.S. Reluctant_ at Elysium

Link had spent weeks trying to put in for shore leave for his crew, a process which he had failed to realize was complicated by the _Island Symphony_ 's lack of time in service and most of his crew being relatively new to the system. He had had to send a letter to his father asking for help and received a reply telling him that Alfonzo would take care of it. Considering how short a time he had spent waiting for further word, Link had been left with the impression that Alfonzo had stormed the Skyrider Company Headquarters and threatened the admiralty with bodily harm. He would have preferred it if his crew had gotten shore leave on their own merits, but it had seemed that involving his dad had dedicated him to following through with the request no matter how it had been put to the company. Link had sprung for Sagacity Island.

He had gotten Timbre Island instead. He had been certain that Alfonzo had made a mistake somewhere down the line of chewing out the office staff. While his father enjoyed an island which partied all twenty four hours of the day, Link had a number of reasons he did _not_ like going to the island, the more prominent of which had involved a couple of Fair Traveler airmen shoving him into a barrel and sending him rolling down a tall hill. So it did not bother him a bit to remain hidden in his cabin, seeing to a short list of paperwork that probably could have waited a few more days, while Leynne oversaw the crew's leave (and, likely, subsequent escort back to the ship). Since they had not gotten in until the afternoon, most of his crew was enjoying Timbre Island's colorful nightlife. He had made sure to warn them how rough other airmen could be here, but he suspected that things would be reasonably safe with the Gelto around. His only real concern was his engine crew.

 _Kon kon kon._

The knocking came as a bit of a surprise to Link since Leynne had assured him that he would be taking care of any issues that arose. He set his pen aside and called, "Come in."

The door opened, and Leynne leaned inside. "Captain," he said. "Sello, Lawrence, and Hahley have retuhned."

Link gave a shrug. "Early, but not really unusual," he told Leynne. "Just pour what remains of them into their bunks and have one of the Gorons retrieve Sello."

"I'm afraid the question is not sobriety at this point," Leynne said. "The question is _legality_."

Confusion flashed across Link's face. "Huh?" Leynne pushed the door open and stepped inside.

And the next person to step inside was a member of the local guard, clad in a blue tabard with a shortsword on his hip. He took position directly in front of Link's desk while two other guards trooped Sello, Lawrence, and Harley into his cabin, all three bound together with shackles and wobbling horribly. Link cleared his throat and grunted to himself, "Uh oh…"

"Captain Link?" the guard asked.

"Kinda wish I _wasn't_ ," Link admitted. When the guard failed to crack a smile, Link gave him an apologetic look and said, "Yeah, I'm Captain Link."

"I'm Captain Tanner of the Timbre Island Guard," the guard replied. "I'm sorry to say this, but your men here are gonna have to be confined to your ship for the rest of the evening." He removed a small scroll from a pouch on his belt and offered it to Link. "Here's a list of the charges for your records."

"Ch-charges?" Link asked as he took the scroll. "They didn't hurt anyone, did they?"

"Not severely," Tanner replied. "But suffice it to say that there _has_ been an extraordinary amount of property damage tonight."

"It's only been two houhs," Leynne spoke up as he moved into the doorway to keep a watch on the deck. "What could they have done in that amount of time?"

"We _are_ talking about Sello here," Link reminded him.

"Captain, I'm more concerned with what they were doing _before_ we showed up," Tanner said. "Unfortunately, we don't have many eyewitness accounts of _that_."

"What _do_ you have eyewitness accounts of?" Leynne asked.

"Well, to start with," Tanner replied, still looking at Link, "they stole a tour cart. We found the driver gagged and tied to his horse, which they gave beer to until drunk."

Leynne and Link exchanged confounded looks before Link addressed his crew, "You guys got a _horse_ drunk?"

"Not _'zactly_ , Cap'n," Lawrence said. "Da 'orse took me beer. All four times." For emphasis, he held up a hand with all five fingers raised. Harley took notice and used a hand to carefully fold Lawrence's thumb down. "Thanks. 'E was a dirsty 'orse."

"They then modified the tour cart and invited a bunch of drunken airmen to take a ride," Tanner continued.

Link pinched the bridge of his nose. "Guys, _please_ tell me Sello didn't make the modifications," he groaned. "You _know_ he's not supposed to do that."

Lawrence and Harley looked at each other. "Ooooooooooh…" they droned with a realization too long after the fact.

Link sighed. "What did the cart hit?"

"They broke through two bars and a shooting gallery," Tanner said. "They also crashed into the only cucco ranch on the island, smashed the coop. The rancher was pissed, needless to say. Most of the airmen on the cart have broken limbs. They're being treated in a clinic right now."

"Ratheh reckless of them, but not precisely the wohst," Leynne said. "It's too bad about that caht."

"Waderbed…" Sello said seemingly in agreement, giving a solemn nod.

"That was only the incident that caught our attention," Tanner said, glancing at Leynne. He took in a deep breath before addressing Link again. "While the airmen were enjoying their ride in the 'pain wagon', _your_ airmen found a fireworks house and started a rocket battle with each other."

"Dangerous, but not uncommon," Link pointed out. "I got caught in the middle of one _years_ ago. My own coworkers made me wear a barrel over my head while they shot at me."

"Granted, Captain," Tanner said with an acknowledging nod. Then he jerked a thumb at Sello. "Until the _orange_ one got involved."

"Turdle beans," Sello spoke up, a dumb grin on his face.

"Did he set something on fire?" Link asked. "We know he does that."

"He fired a rocket into a bar," Tanner replied. "It would have been fine if it had exploded, but it wouldn't do that."

"Uh—… wha-what did it do?" Link asked.

"According to the bartender, it ricocheted inside his establishment for nearly five minutes. Most of his stock was knocked off the shelves, five patrons have burns, and all three of the chandeliers are mangled beyond recognition. On top of that, the bar itself is on fire in a few places, and no amount of water or blankets will put it out."

"Have, uh… have we mentioned that ouh orange-clad engineeh is also a mad genius?" Leynne asked, his face turned so that shadows obscured the grin on his face.

"Captain, I have seen some chaos in my ten years as a guard here," Tanner said. "But the last thing these nuts did takes the cake."

The comment caused one of Tanner's men to snort and quickly cover his mouth. Both Leynne and Link raised an eyebrow at the man, causing him to fall somber. Then Link told Tanner, "I'm almost afraid to ask."

"While the rocket was tearing up the bar," Tanner continued, "these three went into a game shop and tried their 'special' rockets on the games there. By the time we tracked them there, they and the shop's staff were running. There was an explosion and, well… a large roulette wheel broke through the roof and was sent flying into the air."

Link's face turned completely blank. "What."

Tanner gave a frustrated sigh. "Something inside exploded, and the shop's roulette wheel was fired through the roof and out of sight up into the air."

Link gave a silent stammer for a moment as his eyes moved between Tanner, Leynne, and his engine crew. "Was—uh, was… was anyone hurt?" he finally asked.

"It's hard to say, Captain," Tanner said with another sigh, this time sounding exhausted. "The, uh… the wheel hasn't come back down yet."

"It _what_?" both Link and Leynne asked in confusion.

"It didn't come back down yet," Tanner repeated. "I have men warning people away from the area; that thing's gonna hit hard when it gets back."

Link glanced at his airmen again to see that Lawrence and Harley were trying their best not to laugh. He heaved a sigh and told Tanner, "Okay, that's a new one…"

"I don't mind telling you I've met some _nuts_ here," Tanner said. Then he jerked a thumb at the engine crew. "What the hell is the _matter_ with these guys?"

"Guys," Link addressed Lawrence and Harley, "you're supposed to be _minding_ Sello's antics, not _contributing_ to them."

Harley put up a hand so he could whisper something to Lawrence. "I think da's wha' 'e jus' said," Lawrence told him.

"These three have been ordered to see the magistrate in the morning," Tanner said. "Which means that your ship can't leave port tomorrow."

Link nodded. "I know the drill," he said. "Anything else?"

"Yeah. Be prepared to lose these guys. This is some _serious_ damage, much more than the average night. The magistrate is quite likely to order some jail time; it all depends on what all these property owners say."

"Understood," Link said.

"Sergeant," Tanner addressed one of his men, "take 'em out and unlock 'em."

"Leynne, make sure they get below," Link said as his men were taken outside.

"Yes, sih," Leynne replied. However, once Tanner had exited, he glanced outside and put on a disappointed look. "Uh… Captain?"

"Yeah?"

Leynne stepped back inside the cabin and held the door open wide. "I'm afraid this night isn't oveh yet."

Link was about to ask what he meant when another of the local guard stepped inside, this man much more muscular than Tanner with a tabard that looked like it had been torn completely in half and sewn back together at one point. He came to a stop in front of Link's desk. Then more guards, about seven, carefully trooped inside, followed by Lwamm, Twali, Dubbl, Biluf, Dholit, and Layna, all chained together. Link watched Leynne hide his eyes behind a hand.

"Captain Link?" the guard in front of his desk asked.

"Unfortunately," Link replied with a groan.

"Captain Ralph of the local guard. Am I to understand that these women are part of your crew?"

Link glanced around Ralph as if to double-check his crew's identities. Dholit replied with a smile and a handwave. Biluf forced Dholit's hand back down to her side. Link pushed aside the forms he had been working on so that they were not in the way if he felt the need to bang his head on the desk. "Yeah," he admitted.

"I'm sorry to say that they're confined to your ship for the rest of the night," Ralph told him. He removed a piece of parchment from his belt and placed it on Link's desk. "These are the charges."

"Dholit…" Link groaned. He sat up a little straighter and said, "What have I told you about playing nice with other companies' airmen?"

"Only one limb peh opponent," Dholit replied. One of the guards near her snorted and quickly slapped a hand over his mouth in horror.

"Waba nugthya'ak, 'anki, to," Dubbl told Dholit.

"Wamatikak soycilux, 'inax?" Lwamm spoke up, sounding annoyed.

"Oh, ye—do some of these ladies _not_ understand Hylian?" Ralph asked, his tone impatient while he jerked a thumb over his shoulder.

Link opened his hands in an apologetic gesture. "We're trying," he said.

"Try _harder_ , Captain."

"Wha-what'd they _do_?"

"They assaulted seven bars."

Link and Leynne exchanged bewildered looks. "As in," Leynne asked, "they physically attacked the buildings themselves, oh they assaulted the _patrons_?"

"Let me put it _this_ way," Ralph told him. "They assaulted seven bars' _worth_ of people."

"Oh," Leynne grunted. "I'd ratheh it had gone unanswehed…"

Link started rubbing his eyebrows as he explained, "We've had this sort of thing happen before. They like to try unwinding in bars, but Lwamm and Twali always seem to attract the guys who like to touch them. Quite frankly, you do _not_ touch Gelto without permission. And if you get one fighting, the rest join in. They've agreed not to kill anyone in the process, but they still get offended easily."

"I've had my younger moments, too," Ralph said. "But their fight spilled into _seven different bars_!"

Link shrugged. "They build the bars close here."

"It's a wondeh Sello did not light up half of the island," Leynne added before glancing out the door.

"It wasn't just patrons, either," Ralph continued. "Bar staff, business owners, passers-by… even some of my own _men_ are lying in cots drooling into buckets right now."

Link leaned aside and asked, "You girls beat up the local _guard_?"

"Well, it was such madness," Dholit responded with a wide smile, "who can tell men apaht?"

"And _that one_ won't stop trying to seduce my men!" Ralph snapped, pointing a finger at Dholit. "I have _never_ known a woman to be so immoral under arrest!"

"Hahdly a condition of heh behavioh," Leynne commented. "She acts like that all the time."

"Oh, Leynne, you flatteh me so," Dholit giggled.

"Nway nadbikwilak, Dholit," Dubbl spoke up, giving Dholit an annoyed look.

Link rubbed a bout of exhaustion out of his eyes. "Anything else, Captain?" he asked.

"Just expect them to be jailed for this," Ralph told him. "This is a serious violation of the law. These women are lucky they didn't _kill_ anyone."

"Well, if they _had_ , you'd likely neveh find them," Leynne said. Ralph aimed a glare at Leynne.

"They'll be at the magistrate's office tomorrow morning," Link said before a sour word could get out between them.

"All right," Ralph said. He turned to his men and said, "Take them outside and take the chains off."

"Aaaaw," Dholit moaned with a smile on her face as they were directed back onto the weather deck. "But I like the chains."

"Dholit…" Leynne and Link moaned at the same time.

Just as Ralph trailed the line of guards and Gelto out the door, someone else entered. "Excuse me," the burly man said as he stopped in front of Leynne. "Are you Captain Link?"

"To my fohtune, no," Leynne replied. He indicated Link with a hand. "The young man at the desk can help you."

The man, a guard as indicated by his tabard, stepped in front of Link's desk. "Where can I find Captain Link, boy?" he asked in an impatient tone.

Link gave him a flat look as he said, "In front of you at about arm's length."

The guard frowned at him. " _You_?"

"It hasn't been easy for me, either," Link told him.

The guard unslung a bundle from his shoulder and held it up for Link to see. "Does _this_ belong to you?" he asked. The bundle only looked like a bundle because it was Line wrapped up to his neck in a bedsheet with coils of rope around his chest and a handkerchief tied over his mouth. He gave a moan, his eyes indicating helplessness.

Link sighed and collapsed against the back of his chair. "Will you put him in a kennel if I say 'no'?"

The guard removed a piece of parchment from his belt. "The charges, Captain."

"How original…" Leynne moaned as he peered outside.

Link decided to pick up this list and look it over. "Breaking and entering… theft… aaaaaand… 'public lewdness'?" At the last one, he looked up at the guard.

"He was caught breaking into a… women's dressing room and stealing their panties," the guard told them.

"And the public lewdness?" Leynne asked.

"He was displaying underwear in public," the guard said. "He was… wearing the panties on his head."

"But… they're not his," Link pointed out. "And they were on his _head_."

"That's what I told the magistrate. But he told me a pervert's a pervert."

"Point taken," Link said. Then he asked Line, "What the hell's wrong with you?"

"Mmmf mf," Line replied.

"He'll be at the magistrate's in the morning," Link said with a resigned sigh. "Just… take him out and let my crew cut him loose."

"Can do, Captain," the guard said. He slung Line over one shoulder again and left Link's cabin.

Leynne watched the guard step out. Then Link saw his jaw open. "Don't tell me," Link quickly spoke up. "Flower and Gold just came back in chains."

"No, they retuhned only moments befoh," Leynne answered. "It's Cale and Lilly this time."

Link just blinked at him for a moment. "What?" he asked in genuine confusion.

Leynne signaled for someone to enter as he said, "Next, please. While the captain's still sane."

Cale and Lilly entered (without shackles, to the smallest of relief to Link), followed by a single local guard. The guard glanced in Link's direction. "Stand over there," he told Cale and Lilly, pointing at the wall in front of Link's desk. Then he stepped up to the desk and asked, "Captain Link?"

"Sir," Link replied with a nod.

"These two are being confined to your ship on the local magistrate's order," he said. He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and dropped it on Link's desk. "This is a note with the charges. We're out of forms."

"Chahges?" Leynne asked. He pointed at the couple. " _These_ two?"

"Charges for _what_?" Link asked as he unfolded the note. Then he read the note. "Public lewdness and _inciting_ public lewdness?"

"They started making out at an indoor theater, and the rest of the viewers…" The guard, a young man who must have been just a few years younger than Leynne, suddenly took interest in the map table nearby. "… Well, the rest of the viewers started getting… friendlier."

"Friendlieh in… what manneh?" Leynne asked.

The guard cleared his throat. "Well, nothing _explicitly_ grotesque took place, but some of the other patrons were completely naked by the time we showed up. The naked ones cited these two as the… reason they were in the mood."

"What mood?" Link asked. He heard a smack and saw Leynne with a hand over his face. "What?" he asked in confusion.

"Insect, Captain," Leynne replied.

Link glanced past the guard to see both Cale and Lilly looking down at the deck, their faces visibly reddened in the cabin's substandard light. "Were _they_ naked or something?" Link asked.

"No, but the magistrate seemed to think the charge was appropriate," the guard said. "He was pretty pissed when I showed up. I guess he's been having to deal with some troublemaker airmen all evening."

Leynne snorted and slipped his hand over his mouth in an attempt to maintain a dignified air. Link shot him an irritated look before saying, "We'll bring them by the magistrate's office tomorrow morning."

"Thank you, Captain," the guard said before leaving.

"Why don't you two finish youh exchange below deck," Leynne suggested, waving them to the door with one hand. Neither one spoke as they made a swift exit.

Link placed his elbows on the desk and leaned forward so he could rake his fingers through his thick hair. "I was worried something like this was gonna happen…" he groaned.

"Shall I infohm the second shift that they may now go ashoh?" Leynne asked.

"Why not?" Link said, his voice edged with sarcasm. "Maybe they'll take out the magistrate's house, and we can get out of here tomorrow morning."

"I would expect sending Sello back ashoh might help the odds," Leynne commented.

Link was giving the idea serious contemplation when someone knocked on the open door's frame. "Excuse me," a young woman said as she leaned inside. "I'm looking for Captain Link."

Link pressed his hands together into a large fist and slammed it on the table. "Who did it _this_ time?" he asked with a groan.

"We _haven't_ any moh crew ashoh," Leynne pointed out.

"Uh… I-I'm not the guard," the woman said as she stepped in. "I'm Levi, assistant to Magistrate Brady. This is the _Island Symphony_ , correct?"

"It just _had_ to be," Link said as he looked up.

The woman, wearing a long, button-up shirt over a pair of pajama bottoms, stepped up to Link's desk and laid a piece of parchment down. "This is an official summons to the magistrate's office," she explained. "It has come to the attention of Magistrate Brady _multiple_ times tonight that there have been a number of incidents caused by airmen claiming to be from your ship. At least ten charges have been filed against some of your crew as a result of four separate incidents. The magistrate is considerably dumbfounded and irked by this and would like to address the issue with you, their commander."

"Oh, no…" Link groaned, pressing a hand over his eyes. He gave a resigned sigh and said, "Okay, I'll be there at the magistrate's office with my crew tomorrow."

"Actually, Captain, the summons is for _tonight_."

"Uh oh," Leynne grunted.

I-I can't do this tonight!" Link cried out. He slapped a hand on the nearby stack of papers. "I'm trying to catch up on paperwork!"

"Captain, it's either _this_ , or _you_ are charged with failure to comply," the assistant told him.

Link growled as he stood up. "Leynne, you have the ship," he said as he slowly started trudging out the door behind the assistant. "Why is it I'm an airship _captain_ , and the crew _still_ gets me in trouble?"

…

Link stayed at the magistrate's office the entire evening, trying to make amends for each infraction at a rate of at least one per hour. By the time he had returned, it was well after sunrise. Link was haggard and disheveled, his hair curling in five different directions, his tunic and trousers wrinkled from being wrung out in anxiety.

The first to spot him was Flower, whose smile quickly faded upon realizing that his captain looked substantially unhappy. "Good morning, Captain," he said in a manner that intoned "what the hell happened to _you_ last night?".

"Pipe up the crew," Link told him.

"Uh… yes, sir," Flower replied. He cupped his hands over his mouth to shout across the deck, "All hands on deck!"

The call echoed throughout the ship as Link's modest crew of eighteen roused themselves up from varying states of sleep. In only a few moments, a line of seventeen faced the island on the port side of the ship while Leynne hovered near the port main-mast.

Link gave the crew a long, tired glance. Then he stepped to the middle of the deck and addressed them. "It's not every day that I have to get called before a magistrate because my crew causes chaos," he told them. "I sat through the whole night listening to the magistrate's opinion on the number of stupid things this crew did. The highlights include destruction of property, fighting, and public lewdness, which has had to be defined for me for _each_ charge. This is in addition to the rampant drunkenness, perversion, and lack of discretion that no one realizes comes with being even _remotely_ involved with this crew. Over five hundred people were injured in last night's hijinks. Fortunately, no one died. But the magistrate…" He held a hand level to his forehead. "… has had it up to _here_ with our shenanigans. About our only saving grace is the fact the magistrate thinks you're all too insane to lock away. So, starting noon today, the _Island Symphony_ and her crew are to be expelled from Timbre Island and barred from disembarkation here for six months. The magistrate thought you all were rude, psychotic, oversexed, and just outright _stupid_.

"And I. Am. _Grateful!_ " The final word was released with an incredible sigh of relief while Link hunched forward. The crew shifted, unsure why he was _happy_ about being banned. "I've been trying to avoid this stupid island all _year_ , and my _dad_ sends me?! How do you avoid _that_!? I mean, for crying out _loud_! This stupid island accounts for nearly a quarter of the misery I had to put up with as an airman! I'd sooner run the ship aground on Rake Island than have to come back to _this_ rotten place!"

For a while, no one said anything. Some were suppressing smiles while others were still confused as to why Link thought this was good news. Finally, Leynne had to ask, "Will theh be anything else, Captain?"

Link stood up straight and crossed his arms, looking pleased with his crew. "No, I think that'll cover it for now," he said to Leynne. "Lieutenant Leynne, at your earliest convenience, get us the hell _outta_ here. Everyone is to remain on the regular duty schedule without changes." He glanced up toward the sun. "I'm going to go either take a nap or shoot myself. Lieutenant, you're in charge." With that, Link skipped across the deck toward his cabin with everyone looking on in confoundment.

…

Tale #17 of the _Island Symphony_ – **END**

 **NOTICE: Records of the events above can be found in the library at both Sagacity and Silent Islands, firmly adding this story to** **canon** **. It is also worth noting that, after about two months, the guy running the betting pool on when that roulette wheel would fall decided to end the game; no one was betting that the wheel would come back anymore. To this day, no one knows where the wheel went.**


	18. In My Eyes, Part 2

**NOTICE: The following is an** **in-canon** **day in the life of Layna. Assassin. Airman. Adventurer. And pervert (when she has to be).**

…

Tale #18: In My Eyes, Part 2

Layna awoke bleary-eyed from yet another dream of staring up at Master Nway'an from about two stories into the ground. It had been a recurring dream ever since she was five, but she was sure that, at the time, she had been above her master's knees in height. She had thought those dreams gone until a few days ago, when a bad encounter in the market at Skyrider Port had left her intimidated by airmen from another company. As much in jest as Biluf's comment at the time had been, she might have to assert herself with a blade the next time a Hylian used his height to appeal to her meekness.

More were the days lately that she woke up feeling so groggy. While she was grateful for the comfort afforded by the simple lifestyle as a crewmember of a Hylian airship, there were times when she actually missed Nway'an ambushing her on a whim. She had her fair share of events requiring her to wake almost instantly, the main one being to catch Line trying to sneak past her by tip-toeing on the board she had loosened near her berth. For the past week, though, his reluctance to raid the women's berths had allowed her to awaken slowly. It was a disturbing feeling for her. Although she found it less stressful to wake like this, the associated grogginess would often be mitigated by her killer personality brushing it aside if she woke on alert. To simply come into consciousness day after day, she actually felt some misery at having to acknowledge the morning. On the other hand, ever since she had joined the _Island Symphony_ 's crew, she found that she had an astounding clarity of thought on days that did not demand she respond to a crisis or a hormone-driven Hylian scrub.

Clarity of thought would have to wait, though. The bitter cold of the sky kingdom was a struggle to overcome when waking. And the Hylians in the sky made very good blankets. By desert heritage, she, along with the rest of her Gelto sisters, preferred to sleep in as little clothing as possible (Dholit frequently preferring nudity under her covers). Layna kept her black unitard under her body as she slept, not only allowing her to grab weapons in case of attack but because it gave her the ability to pull it on without having to expose her body to the cold air. Recently, because of the constant need to keep warm on-deck, she had also incorporated a Hylian undersuit into her unitard. She dressed under the covers and then slid out from the hammock onto the deck, feeling the cold wood floor through her unitard's feet. She blinked the last remaining blotches of sleep from her eyes so that she could see her work gear on the floor under the hammock. She picked out a red shirt with short sleeves and a pair of baggy slacks. The slacks afforded her the ability to reach for weaponry hidden on her hips or thighs; anyone who put a hand in the pockets would discover that the bottoms of the pockets had been cut through. With the shirt, she rolled up the sleeves of her unitard. While she could not reach the pouches or wires hidden in the wrists, one particular motion with her shoulder would dislodge a shuriken from concealment. As much as she hated the idea that she had to accommodate her assassin upbringing into even dressing, sometimes it was the only way she could feel comfortable.

She left her boots off as she did her morning stretching. She timed herself through each stretch using Biluf's light snoring. No one was really sure when Biluf started doing it, but she had developed a rattle at the back of her throat unlike any other form of snoring the Gelto were familiar with. She rattled for about half a second before breathing out. In truth, it was no different from hearing the ship's timbers groaning, which made it easy to ignore while sleeping. Still, it _was_ an odd sound for her best friend to make.

Regardless, once she was done with her stretching, she reached for the hammock next to her berth and shook the blanket. "Biluf," she said in a careful tone. "Biluf, it's time to wake up."

Biluf gave a pig-like snort and slowly pulled the blanket down her face. "Does it _have_ to be morning?" she asked Layna with a croak in her voice. "I was having a dream about blowing open a hole in the sand and building a new home under a cold spring. I wasn't really gonna ask how a spring in the desert would be cold."

Layna gave her a concerned look. "Why do you dream about blowing things up so often? Is this healthy?"

"I _like_ it. How bad could it be?"

"Possibly not at all," Dholit cooed, one hand swinging back and forth out of her berth to call attention to herself.

"Do you have dreams of explosions, Sister Dholit?" Layna asked.

"Actually, I have a preference for _eruptions_."

Layna blinked in confusion. She recognized Dholit's tone as the one she used when she was teasing someone, but the teasing itself simply eluded her. So she asked Biluf, "Are those not the same thing?"

"Only if you're Dholit," Biluf replied in a flat tone. She reached to the pile of laundry beneath her. Biluf by far was the most disorganized of the female crew. Twali and Lwamm used to complain about her possessions being in the narrow passage between berths. Although she was certain to keep her things where they belonged, it unfortunately meant that Biluf kept them in a pile. She picked out a dark blue undersuit and dressed beneath the comfort of her blanket.

Layna heard more shifting down the row and looked up just as Dholit slid out of her hammock dressed in a bright red leotard over black leggings (although Layna suspected the leggings to actually be an undersuit). She stretched toward the deckhead and gave a moan, shaking her hips side to side. "So how are my darling sisters this morning?" she asked.

"I am well," Layna replied.

"So-so," Biluf answered as she next grabbed for a pair of khaki harem trousers. She had to drop two other pairs of trousers before finding the ones she wanted.

"Are we still in port?" Dholit asked as she twisted her torso left and right a few times.

Layna took a moment to examine the ship. In a Sky Line, she could hear the harsh winds against the hull. There also tended to be a bit more pressure inside the berth deck from the wind wandering into the nearby stairwells. Neither of these were present, so she felt herself slowly wobble with the ship. The _Island Symphony_ was a lot stiller than an ocean-going vessel whether it was docked or not. There was no obvious pull in any direction to indicate that the ship was in motion, nor could she recall feeling anything since waking. "Yes," she answered.

"That's a little odd, isn't it?" Biluf asked. She paused to slip out of her hammock. "We've been in port for almost a week. Didn't My Captain tell you that a still ship earns no bread or something?"

"Yes, but I think that was to justify shouting at me for using his charts as a thong," Dholit replied.

"Does he _really_ need justification for that?" Biluf asked, giving Dholit a sleepy glare.

"I should expect it," Dholit told her, looking offended as she crossed her arms. "I made sure his home island was closest to my love."

"Aaaand I'm done talking to this pervert," Biluf said as she snagged her blue, wool poncho off her hammock. She gave Layna's arm a tug as she squeezed past on her way out. "C'mon, Layna, let's go before she corrupts us anymore."

"But you did not hear where I positioned the Undying Storm!" Dholit called after them.

Layna glanced over her shoulder before rounding the corner. Then she leaned forward to ask Biluf, "Should I ask?"

"No." Biluf's crassness when dealing with Dholit often left Layna confused, especially since very little used to be able to extract more than an irate word from her friend. However, Layna was learning to live with it, especially since Biluf's responses to Dholit made her laugh once in a great while.

They stepped into the cargo hold and immediately took off all clothing except for their undersuits (and, in Layna's case, her unitard). They began with shuttle runs using the empty hold's length, then they switched to a light jog along the deck's perimeter. While the open air of the weather deck would have been preferable, both of them had been warned that their form of exercise interfered with the ship's operation. Biluf then explained that the male crew could not stop staring at them running and sweating in little more than their skin-tight clothing. They had previously agreed to run in the hold as long as the hold was mostly empty, and Layna had license to kill anyone caught spying on them. Naturally, My Captain had negotiated them down to only drugging peeping toms. On-deck, however, they were quite vulnerable, but the crew had already learned to ignore them. Especially Line, who was often chided for being found unconscious when he had not been relieved of his shift. Other airship crews were handled differently; they took their lives into their own hands when Layna caught them. So far, My Captain had yet to voice complaints from the crews Layna had had to put to sleep.

The exercise helped them build up a sweat, probably the closest they would ever feel to being back in the Sand Realm for some time. They took their clothes down to the galley, where some of their crewmates were already eating breakfast. They dumped their clothes at the near end of the table and crossed the galley into the kitchen to retrieve their plates. Lilly greeted them with a smile, and Biluf smiled back. Layna tried to copy her, but she always found it difficult to smile for the sake of politeness. She had once caught Flower commenting that her weak attempt made her look sick. Even Biluf would occasionally tease her for not being used to smiling this way.

Lilly was nicer about it. "Well, I feel ya got the shape right today," she said in her strange dialect of Hylian. "You don't gotta show your teeth. Just a thin line will do." Layna dropped the smile and busied herself with gathering breakfast. Although she never spoke Hylian to the crew, the crew had already established that she probably understood them just fine. They were not wrong; part of Layna's training was to be able to listen to and follow both Hylian and Goron languages in all their subtleties. However, Master Nway'an emphasized that even friends did not need to know that she comprehended these languages. Keeping this secret lured people into the false security that they could speak in front of her in their own tongue, which made information gathering easier. Not that there was much on the ship she did not know even without acknowledging to others that she understood Hylian; the _Island Symphony_ was not an enemy camp, and the crew were not targets. They were horrible at keeping secrets, but they rarely had anything they needed to keep secret in the first place.

Boiled eggs, hash browns, grapefruit slices, and coffee. Layna skipped the coffee out of habit, simply because her first and last cup had led to a whole stash of bomb disappearing and the entirety of Master Nway'an's wardrobe being sold to women in Library Town. Her master had actually praised her for getting away with it; her only gripe was the lack of reason behind it all. Layna did not touch coffee again because she could not remember the rest of her antics that day; two skiffs had been disassembled and used as signs indicating a pool of Malgyorg that had been dug up near the camp, an event that Layna could connect to the other incidents tangentially at best. The fact that it had all been done while she had been naked was one fact that she was sure to be taking to her final grave.

They sat down, and Biluf gave her plate a cross look. "Do you want my egg?" she asked.

"Can you still not eat it?" Layna asked, not at all confused by her friend's dislike of boiled egg.

"I can't stand trying to eat something that looks like it could hatch at any moment," Biluf said as she used her spoon to scoop up the egg and deposit it on Layna's plate.

"You know," Dholit said as she slid next to Layna, her presence having been ignored up until now, "according to the Hylians, even _human_ women bear eggs."

"Do we _need_ to be grossed out by that Hylian science stuff again?" Biluf complained as she stabbed her spoon into her grapefruit. "We're trying to eat."

"I find it all _fascinating_ ," Dholit said, her usual smile decorating her face. "Could you imagine watching Hylian and Gilto women carrying their young around as _eggs_?"

"I don't _want_ to, Dholit," Biluf said before taking a bite of grapefruit. " _Please. Stop._ "

It was too late. Layna was already imagining a world where women carried eggs around until they hatched into babies. She pictured them large so that a mother would have to carry them in a sling or in the crook of their arm. She was not sure if human mothers needed to sit on the eggs, so she imagined leaving a cradle next to a fire to warm it for hatching. Of course, these thoughts overrode what she already knew about birthing, which she had discovered while spying on a yabbid in the process while she was nine. That had resulted in a battery of questions that Master Nway'an had forbidden her to ask. Layna looked at the pair of boiled eggs on her plate. Then she carefully pushed them away from the rest of her breakfast.

This caused Biluf to snap, "Layna, would you _stop_ giving her credence!" This caused Layna to start. She snatched up one egg and shoved it into her mouth.

"Oh, Layna…" Dholit cooed. She sliced apart her own egg and skewered it on her fork. Layna (as well as Line and Lawrence, who were sitting nearby) became entranced as Dholit slowly brushed her thick lips against the egg, as if kissing it, before taking a bite. Line, sitting on the opposite side of the table, fell backward onto the floor, having fainted once again. Dholit swallowed and told Layna, "It must feel so confusing to be such a sheltered woman."

"She, like _anyone else_ in the tribe, has had her individual training," Biluf argued. "She should not be teased just because she does not know the ten major positions for sleeping with a male like you."

"There are twelve, actually," Dholit replied, her wicked smile growing. "And, being the apprentice of a bomb maker, I wonder why it is that _you_ should know about sex while your assassin friend doesn't." Layna's expression turned into a flat look. Dholit caught the change in the corner of her eye and lifted an eyebrow. "Oh? So you know which one begets pregnancy? Which—"

"Stop!" Biluf snapped, holding up a hand. "Let's just say that Layna's knowledge is just _technical_ and leave it at that. I wanna eat in peace."

"Technical?" Dholit said, her voice still carrying her mischievous tone. Layna directed her attention to the stairs as she perceived a familiar set of footfalls descending to the galley. "I am interested in _technical_ things. Perhaps we should share notes."

"Shut _up_ , Dholit," Biluf told her, her voice restrained. Dholit opened her mouth again.

"Dholit, whatever it is, let it go."

Dholit gave a confused look and glanced over her shoulder in search of the Hylian speaker. My Captain had just walked past, one hand tapping her shoulder to get her attention. She spun around on the bench. "Good mohning, My Captain," she said with a delightful tone. "I think you should like to join ouh convehsation. You could leahn something."

"Not while Biluf looks like she's gonna beat you to a pulp," My Captain called across the galley. Then he leaned to the other side when he saw Line on the floor. "Line, what are you doing?"

"Checking for flies," Line replied.

"We don't _get_ flies here," My Captain told him in a flat tone.

"So nothing to worry about then," Line said as he stood up.

"'Less Dholit eats 'nother egg," Lawrence joked.

"That's about as much as I wanna know," My Captain said.

"I don't know why he is so reluctant," Dholit told Layna and Biluf in Geltoan. "You two at least thought me eating that egg was alluring, right?"

"Only because you won't let our hormones settle down," Biluf replied. "Now will you _please_ stop it? Let us eat _one meal_ in peace."

"Shall I save it for your after-meal entertainment?" Dholit suggested.

"Save it for My Captain," Biluf told her. "He _might_ appreciate it, although I'd rather he threw you overboard."

"Do you think he would enjoy that?" Layna asked.

This caused both Biluf and Dholit to freeze and look at her. Layna immediately felt their staring eyes putting pressure on her and shrunk into her seat a little. Dholit shook her head and clicked her tongue. "Oh, Layna, how subtle your affections are…" she teased.

"Just forget it, Layna," Biluf told her. "There is nothing erotic about eating."

"Well," Dholit huffed. "That all depends on what is being eaten."

"Oh, _stop_ it."

…

Layna eventually agreed that there did not seem to be much sexual appeal to eating, although she had long ago determined that Dholit could make _anything_ look erotic. This only made it more difficult to pin down My Captain's interests.

After breakfast, they dressed and relieved the deck crew. Their first duty after taking over the shift was to inspect the ship's rigging as Dubbl had instructed them. This was something they did often during the day, although this first inspection was much more thorough. Layna made notes which lines were taut, which were loose, and which ones would be able to hold her should she need to pull herself into the rigging. Admittedly, this last one was for her own information and was not frequently shared with her crewmates. Today, only one shroud was showing signs of wear, although Dubbl had already noted it and said it would be good for a little longer.

Other than that, and unless ordered otherwise, the three Gelto had deck patrol. It mainly meant that their duty was to walk the deck and keep an eye out for anything out of the ordinary while also being on-hand for other tasks, such as changing the rigging, hauling in the mooring lines, or operating one of the three capstans on the main deck. Should someone come aboard, they had to inform My Captain or Leynne or whoever had been left in charge. For Biluf and Dholit, this was dull and a waste of time.

For Layna, though, it was a chance to relax. Even sleeping brought its own tension, what with needing to be on alert should an emergency (or thievery) arise. On-duty, it was as if she was given a reprieve from being an assassin for half the day. She would not allow this to leave her completely vulnerable, though. She would spend the first two hours walking about the deck and enjoying the sights along the port in her own way. Then she would put herself on alert, studying the different sounds and smells she could detect from the ship. She had familiarized herself with most of the other islands in the sky kingdom in this way, so if she ever found herself forced from the _Island Symphony_ , she would at least know her location. Skyrider Port was easy; being the home of the Skyrider Airship Company, this was one of My Captain's frequent destinations. She would repeat relaxing and studying throughout her shift, a routine within a routine that kept her occupied with her job while satisfying her training.

Layna generally did not like talking during her shift. It was mostly because the only ones she could talk to were Biluf and Dholit. While she meant no offense to either of them, she was used to the idea of not speaking unless necessary while she was working, whether as an assassin or an airman. This also saved her from Dholit's teasing as a bonus, although Dholit was often busy harassing others during the shift.

Only about an hour into the shift, long after the rigging inspection had been done, Layna perceived someone on the boarding plank nearby. She glanced down to see Captain Alfonzo, My Captain's father, approaching. Fully aware of nautical courtesy, Layna quickly stiffened her stance and offered a salute once the captain set foot on the deck.

This left Alfonzo a little confused, still not used to his son's mixed crew. He dismissed the salute and added with a hint of uncertainty, "Thank you? Airman? Is your captain aboard?"

"Yes, My Lord," Layna replied.

"Oh," Alfonzo grunted. "You're one of the ones that _doesn't_ speak Hylian."

"Aah," Dholit said as she approached. "The lovely Captain Alfonzo. An uncommon pleasuah."

"Oh, great," Alfonzo said. "The one that _does_."

"At youh sahvice, as always, saah," Dholit told him with a bow.

"I need to speak with your captain," Alfonzo said. "Is he around?"

"I believe… ah, yes, theah he is, rushing to youh defense." Layna had already heard My Captain hustling across the deck and only looked over her shoulder just to appear unaware.

"Dholit, go back to your duty," My Captain snapped, one hand indicating that she should leave.

"Yes, My Captain," Dholit said as she slowly slid away.

"Welcome aboard, sir," My Captain said as he gave Alfonzo a salute.

"Can it, Link," Alfonzo said in a harsh tone. "We need to talk."

My Captain gave a sigh and dropped the salute. "Yes, sir…"

"Link, your ship has been docked here for nearly a week. I've been to Rake Island and back _twice_ , and you're still sitting here."

"Sir, Rake Island is barely a few hours away," My Captain argued.

"You're supposed to be taking on jobs, Link. What's going on?"

"That's the thing, sir. I can't _get_ a job. For some reason, none of the local vendors have cargo to transport."

"Rake Island and back. _Twice_."

My Captain sighed. "None of the vendors want _us_ to transport for them. I can't figure out why. I had two vendors pull out once they heard who I was, and no one else I go to wants to deal with me."

"Did you file grievances through the company?"

"Of course I did, but it doesn't do much for the ones who claim they _don't_ have jobs. I've tried every posting on this side of the island. I was gonna try looking at some of the other vendors."

"You do that, and I'll have some of my boys look into this issue for you. I'd think that the crew that saved the kingdom could at least get a job or two around here."

"Doesn't seem to be a selling point."

Alfonzo slapped My Captain's shoulder, causing him to wince. Layna had learned months ago that, although he caused physical pain, he did not mean it as an attack, so she did not need to jump on him and hold a knife to his throat. Again. She still wished he would not do that. "Don't worry, Link," Alfonzo told him. "We'll get you a job if I have to _squeeze_ it out of them."

"I really hope it doesn't come to that," My Captain groaned to himself as Alfonzo turned and walked back down the plank. He turned and looked up at Layna. "How would _you_ like to have your dad butt in while you're at work?" Layna blinked in confusion. Was he talking about her job as an airman or her life-long occupation as an assassin? Not that she could give a feasible answer in the first place; she never knew either of her parents. As a Gelto, she was lucky if she ever met her father. As an assassin, she had to be separated from her mother and any other family at a young age. Being unsure of her family history had long left Layna with the impression that she had popped into existence just so Master Nway'an had someone to torture. My Captain did not wait for an answer anyway; he slowly walked away with his eyes cast down to the deck.

Layna finished watching the deck and mounted the port mizzen-mast another hour later. Being on the south shore of Skyrider Port offered only a faint hint of a nearby lake to the scant scents in the air. She could hear airmen conversing, laughing, and cussing from the nearby vessels and along the port. Four fights broke out with fellow airmen egging the competitors on. She caught Flower watching the closest fight from the poop deck. Although the lack of attention was ideal should Layna need to take Flower down, My Captain had recently complained about the crew being distracted by one thing or another that just happened to be occurring ashore, causing his crew to pause their vigil. The most recent episode had caused a collision with a pier, so My Captain had told Layna to do something if she ever saw one of the crew letting their concentration wander. After having been told that drugging and stashing an offender in the boat deck was _not_ an option, Layna had taken Biluf's alternative idea and interpreted it as My Captain's standing order. She pulled a pebble from a pocket and flicked it. The pebble struck the back of Flower's head, its impact just enough to startle Flower and cause him to turn around. Of course, by the time he tried to find her, Layna had dropped in front of the mast with her fingers wrapped around the line connecting the main- and mizzen-masts. She waited until the pressure of his wandering gaze lifted, and then she peered out of seclusion to see that he had returned to his patrol.

Lunch had been timed to coincide with the switch in Layna's routine. However, while the deck crew were dismissed one by one according to Leynne's schedule, Layna had different lunch plans. As another method to keeping her skills sharp, Biluf had made an arrangement with the night crew. Layna was only allowed to go below deck during the lunch rotation (lasting a whole hour). Her plate, set up by Lilly and left on the dining table in the galley, was being guarded by Gold, Twali, Lwamm, and Harley. Layna had to get to the plate and eat at least half of it without any of the night shift seeing her. She was not allowed to drug them, and they were not allowed to hide her plate (having been warned that she might forego knocking them out and kill whoever tried). Biluf offered up a standing pool of two-weeks' pay to the person who caught Layna. Layna's reward was just her own lunch, which she would be without if she was seen. So far, Layna had only lost one day when My Captain had called for her in the cargo hold, where Twali had been waiting. Layna had not debated this; if she had anticipated My Captain calling her, she might have made her attempt earlier.

She used the boat deck to change and stash her outer clothing. Even though the day crew was not part of the activity, Layna knew better than to trust people the rules did not mention. Dholit was the first to go below for lunch, and Layna crossed the deck atop the starboard masts and dropped behind the stairs. After Biluf's attention was away from it, she slipped toward the doors behind the forecastle. The latch had not been repaired since the fight with Cunimincus' crew at Autumn Island, so Layna just slid through the door and descended to the narrow space that she had heard Leynne call the "machine deck". Sandwiched between the weather deck and the hold, the machine deck housed the mechanical wonders that made the _Island Symphony_ unique. The controls for the helm took up most of the space below due to their complicated workings, having to turn all six masts at the same time with the ease of adjusting only one. Just behind the forecastle was an additional set of gears which disengaged the wheel from the masts and allowed the capstan to open the sails outward for travel in the Sky Lines. Sidled up between these and the hull were two ballast tanks with pipes sharing hot Loft Steam between them and the fore and aft tanks. Further back, towards about where the rear bulkhead of the cargo hold should be, were the machines used to open and close the outboard spars with the aft capstans. Their complex, crisscrossing members made sliding through the deck much harder due to taking up more space between the decks. Layna knew she had to be very careful climbing through the machines; even though no one was actually manning the helm or the capstans, some of the larger devices still moved. Her arm could be crushed by a pair of gears, her leg could be caught in a line, or she could burn herself on one of the ballast's extremely hot pipes. No one knew she was down here, so no one would know for a while if one of these machines snagged her.

Naturally, there was an advantage to this. At the back of the machine deck were the hot elements of the ship's engine. None of these could be allowed to touch the hull lest they set fire to the ship, nor could their metal supporting members block off airflow and become too hot themselves to mount to the ship's structure. This allowed Layna the freedom to slip past the aft ballast tank and its heating element into the engine room itself. Here, she had affixed a spare metal wire thick enough to hold her weight and loose enough that, as she fit her hands through it, it pulled itself out of the gap between deck planks. She used one of the wires hidden in her sleeve to control herself as she dropped to the catwalk above the engine room's main deck. This was a tricky process; if she did not time her fall right, the heavier wire would rebound into the deckhead and catch the weight attached to her sleeve wire, causing the smaller wire to snap and drop her to the floor. Not only would she lose stealth, she could hurt herself on any one of the bottles or open crates left by the drunk engineer. However, it was precisely those kinds of odds Layna had been trained to beat, and she smoothly landed on the catwalk with little sound. The weight retracted into her sleeve, and she slid over to the galley door with the engine room crew none the wiser.

She had lubricated the door a while back, allowing her to slowly push it open and peer inside. Lilly and Cale were seated at the table in the middle of the galley. They sat at the nearer end to the kitchen, and they shared the table with Dholit and Twali, who both sat at the middle of the table. Between Dholit and Twali was an extra plate. Dholit was talking, but Layna could tell that Twali kept her attention focused on the plate. Instead, she could hear Lwamm providing retorts to Dholit's comments from her seat at the foot of the starboard stairs. Layna had suspected that they had not changed tactics even though they were not succeeding. She could have easily gotten past Lwamm and Twali in this arrangement without having to traverse the machine deck. The only issue was that they had left Gold and Harley to watch both sets of stairs from the cargo hold, and she could have easily passed them by waiting until the two were bored enough to start a conversation. Had the Gelto and Hylians switched positions, Layna would have to use the machine deck anyway since Twali and Lwamm were not stupid or sympathetic enough to let her slip by otherwise. She would have to remember this arrangement; the less she had to use the machine deck, the less she had to worry about My Captain scolding her for doing something so dangerous.

THERE!

Layna slid through the door and let it shut quietly. Then she dashed across the deck, her footfalls silenced by technique and bare feet. Taking advantage of the fact that the table was wider than necessary, she ducked into the gap at the end of the table, careful to not touch either Cale's or Lilly's legs. She had to wait a moment for Lilly to stop sliding the sole of one bare foot up and down Cale's leg from under his trouser leg. Then she crawled past them toward the middle of the table.

Layna then paused to listen to the conversation above her. Dholit was relating the same story about human eggs to Lwamm and Twali (with Lwamm providing skepticism). Although Twali was not talking, Layna knew that Twali would not look under the table unless she suspected that Layna was already in the galley. Unfortunately, it also meant that Twali was still watching at Layna's plate, staring hard enough that Layna could swear feeling Twali's eyes boring a hole through the table. There was a reason Twali was still the poop deck lookout after almost a year; nothing escaped her attention. Layna tried hard to think of a way of distracting Twali, but anything she could think of immediately would tip Twali off.

"Dholit, we're trying to catch Layna here," Lwamm snapped, causing Layna to tense at the sound of her name. "Twali doesn't wanna listen to you, and _I_ don't wanna listen to you. Just shut up."

"I just thought I would add my usual personality to the situation," Dholit replied. "After all, are you two not fooling yourselves just waiting to catch a shadow? I can think of better things to do."

"Yeah, we _know_ , Dholit," Lwamm said. "This isn't just about us. Biluf says it's good for Layna, too."

"Perhaps," Dholit said, "but does Twali _have_ to stare at the plate?"

"Layna can't win if Twali's watching her plate."

"Can I at least gift her with a foot game?"

"Touch me and _die_ , Dholit," Twali finally spoke up.

"Wanna indulge _me_ , then?" Dholit asked.

Layna glanced back to see that Lilly and Cale had returned to their own foot game. This gave Layna a rather unique idea, although she had to admit that she would prefer to simply drug everyone in the galley instead of following through. As it was against the rules, Layna understood that she would now have to live by Master Nway'an's most despicable maxim: "Finish the job regardless".

Cringing in the slightest way possible, Layna balanced herself on one leg while pressing her stomach against the bottom of the table. She glanced down her side as she carefully reached her left foot toward Twali's calf. She had to angle it as best as possible in order to make her think that Dholit was taking the liberty of teasing her. If this worked, Twali would be tense enough that she would get away from Dholit as soon as possible. She hoped that Twali would make the assumption, or else she might look under the table and find Layna. She still had to work up the courage to touch Twali; she did not quite understand what was erotic about touching another under a table with one's feet, but the idea still left her feeling quite disgusted with herself. After taking a slow, deep breath to steel herself, she hooked her foot around Twali's leg and gently rubbed her calf.

Twali was quick to react, and Layna pulled herself under the table's surface using the legs to keep herself suspended. Twali jumped to her feet, causing Lilly to cry out when the bench jerked. One breath, two breaths, and no one said a word.

"Switch with me," Twali said.

"Huh?" Lwamm asked.

" _Switch_ with me," Twali repeated in a harsher voice. Layna watched Twali's legs disappear from her side of the table. "I'm _sick_ of her."

"Twali," Lwamm said in a calm voice, "she's only down here for a few minutes, and then someone else will relieve her." Layna alighted on the floor and, knowing where her plate was, hooked her arm up through the position where Twali had been sitting. "Hurry and sit back down; Layna could be here any minute."

Lilly had chosen to make grilled cucco strips and assorted steamed greens, both finger food perfect for eating on the run. Layna shoveled half of the vegetables into her mouth and, after nearly swallowing them whole, put two of the cucco strips between her lips. Then she put the plate on Twali's seat and slid back toward Lilly and Cale. Eating on the run was another part of Nway'an's training; she openly denied Layna food and punished Layna for eating from her own plate until Layna learned how to steal from the plate and eat before Nway'an could catch her. The cucco strips were gone by the time she pressed herself to the underside of the table near Cale and Lilly.

"Oh, you're kidding me!" Twali snapped. She picked up Layna's plate and showed it to Dholit. "Thanks a lot, _Dholit_! She beat us _again_!" Layna heard the plate fall onto the table. "C'mon, Lwamm! Let's get out of here. _You_ can tell the men you lost us the game."

"I can be a consolation prize!" Dholit called after them.

"Go away!" Lwamm hollered as Dholit chased them toward the stairs. Layna waited for a moment. Then, once she felt that Cale and Lilly were no longer looking at the stairs, she slipped into Twali's seat and proceeded to finish her plate at a comfortable pace. After all, no one said she could not eat the whole plate once her targets had stormed off. Cale and Lilly only noticed her sitting there when more noise from above caught their attention, and they cried out in surprise at seeing her.

Afterwards, Layna was not worried about stealth as she rejoined the deck crew for the afternoon. She dressed and performed her usual patrol on-deck with very little to actually do. Later, she climbed up the port mizzen-mast for her usual observations. She watched Cale handle arrangements for their usual supplies and foodstuffs. It was not a large exchange; most of the crates Flower and Biluf subsequently took below were small enough for each of them to carry. It was probably another result of not taking a job recently, as she could not remember ever seeing such a small supply.

The sun hung low on the western horizon, not close enough to color the sky red yet, when someone boarded the ship. He was a fat man with a full, black beard. The red shirt stretched over his belly made him look like a toy ball to Layna. His slacks, being khaki and well-pressed, were a common sign of a business owner.

As Leynne was nearby, he was the first to approach the man. "Can I help you, sih?" he asked.

"I'm looking for Captain Link," the man said in a gravelly voice, his tone quite far from friendly. "I've got a bone to pick with him."

Layna felt something in her stomach clench. She moved to the shroud holding up the port mizzen-mast and climbed a little lower.

"Captain!" Leynne called toward the forecastle.

From where Layna was, she did not have a clear view of the forecastle, but she heard My Captain jogging across the deck in response. "Yeah, Leynne?" he asked.

"Are _you_ responsible for this?" the man asked, holding up a sheet of parchment.

"Aaaah," My Captain droned. "Yeah, I filed that with the company this morning."

"What the hell is _this_ crap?" the man snapped. "One of your airmen showed me this and said I'm 'on notice'! What does _that_ mean?!"

"Denial of service, I think," My Captain replied. "It means that, because you pulled a job from us multiple times, your name will go on the register for local businesses not allowed to contact the Skyriders for further transport needs."

" _You_ are denying _me_?! I keep _half_ of your company _employed_! I didn't have any trouble with this until _you_ showed up!" Layna's grip on the shroud tightened; she did not like the man pointing a finger in My Captain's face.

"You made business arrangements with me, and then you backed out," My Captain explained in an even voice. "I had a duty to report the action."

"We had _no_ arrangement!" the man argued.

"You'll recall that I _was_ at youh office yestehday, Misteh Brook," Leynne spoke up.

"Because I thought _you_ were the captain!" Brook replied. Layna could hear the tension rising in his voice and started rolling down the sleeve of the hand still holding the shroud. "You made an arrangement under false pretenses!"

"You broke an ahrangement made in good faith," Leynne argued with a level tone. "I cleahly identified my captain by name. I made no false pretenses."

"This won't hold up in a court!" Brook hollered.

"Ah, I see," Leynne said. "So, ratheh than admit that you'h an _idiot_ , you would prefeh to allow the company to exclude youh business from regulah operations and then ahgue the legality in couht. While _still_ admitting that you'h an idiot."

"It's _your_ word against _mine_ ," Brook replied, one finger just barely touching Leynne's nose. "You have _nothing_."

"I think you'll find youhself in a similah position if you touch eitheh of us," Leynne said. "If youh intention is to take the matteh to couht, I believe you've made youh notice. You should leave."

"Ooooh, no," Brook replied. "Not until _you_ apologize. And _you_!" He turned the hand back to My Captain. "You'd better remove me from that list, or I'll own your _ship_."

CONTACT! Brook punctuated his statement by jabbing his finger into My Captain's chest. With every fiber of her being crying out with wrath in that single moment, Layna leapt from the shroud.

Then her other personality took over. The personality that lived for the kill. The personality that pushed aside every concern, every emotion to ensure the kill. The personality that knew to change her trajectory using a sleeve wire before accidentally crushing the man under her fall. Hooking the wire to the backstay gave her a curve to slow her descent and angle her attack. Her opposite hand already gripping a shuriken dropped from the sleeve she had left rolled up, she slammed into the man's back hard just as Leynne was taking a step backward. _Whump!_ The man toppled with a cry of surprise that was immediately choked off when Layna, latched to his back, slipped the shuriken under his beard.

"LAYNA, NO!" My Captain screamed at her.

"H-hey, what's goin— _hup_!" Brook tried to say before Layna increased pressure on his jugular vein.

My Captain was about to say more, but Leynne held up a hand. "Well, well, Misteh Brook," Leynne said with a hint of amusement. "I see you've met ouh resident assassin. Oh, don't talk; she _may_ rip out youh throat."

"Are you k— _hak_!" Layna increased pressure again to make Leynne sound more credible. Realistically, she could only effectively rip out the man's throat _after_ he was dead. She would bleed him from the neck first to ensure his death. However, as Nway'an had pointed out, no one really needed to know the specifics of her methods.

"I _said_ not to talk," Leynne told him. "It seems we have a dilemma, don't we? You want the Skyridehs to disregahd the insult you've made towahd theih favorite captain on the wohd that _you_ weh duped into making a business ahrangement. Ouh little killeh would like to slay you foh putting youh hand on the same captain. Shall we listen to that captain befoh we have a tragedy?" Brook did not respond. "Excellent! Captain?"

"Right," My Captain replied, his tone sporting ire. He cleared his throat and tugged his tunic into place. "Mister Brook, when the company decides to deny someone airship services, it's because they already _have_ complaints filed against them. Mine may have put you on the list, but I'm pretty sure you _earned_ your way there. You'll be cleared for service in four months; I believe that's the usual wait period. If you _don't_ want this to happen again, then I suggest you turn my company down _before_ you make another arrangement, or else you'll go right back on that list. Do you understand?"

"Uh huh," Brook replied with a weak voice.

"Now," Leynne spoke up. "Technically, you've assaulted my captain in front of witnesses. I suggest that you drop youh intentions of dragging the matteh into couht befoh the events of this evening ah used in ouh defense. Afteh all, it's youh wohd against _ouhs_." Both Brook and Layna looked up to see that most of the deck crew had surrounded them in response to the commotion. "Undehstood?"

"Y-yeah…"

"Layna, get off him," My Captain said. Layna did as she was told. Brook bumbled back to his feet and turned to glance at her. "You're done here, Mister Brook. Don't expect to see any of my crew ever again. Get off my ship."

Brook, after Layna moved out of his way, took two steps toward the gangplank. Then he turned and said, "You know, technically, your 'assassin' assaulted _me_. What's keeping me from bringing _that_ up in court?"

"Like my captain said," Leynne answered just as My Captain opened his mouth. "You won't see any of this crew _eveh_ again. Sleep well, _Misteh_ Brook."

Brook gave Leynne a confused look. Then he met Layna's gaze. What he found was an empty stare, eyes completely void of emotion to the point that they seemed to consume another's feelings. Brook paled. Had it not been for his gelatinous girth, he might have gotten away with hiding the shiver that scrambled up his spine. He turned again to take two steps down the gangplank.

Someone nearby snapped their fingers. It was not a loud sound, but Layna had already learned to equate it with the need for her to disappear from sight again. She took a step back so that she was out of everyone's immediate line of sight. Then she jumped at the shroud behind her and used her arms to lunge straight for the top of the mast. By the time Brook thought to glance back at them, she was holding the stay between the mizzen-masts and hiding from his sight behind the sail. She still had a view from between the mast and the sail, so she also had the opportunity to watch him run down the gangplank and up the dock in a manner his large body should not have been capable of. It was only after he disappeared into the crowd that the Hylian members of the crew broke out into laughter.

Layna pulled herself on top of the mast and stood up. She let her other personality, her "normal" personality, return to the surface and take a relieved breath. Very little ever seemed to provoke her like the scene a moment ago, but, when it did, her killer personality took over so fast that her immediate actions were pure instinct. It was more evidence that Layna was no longer the assassin she had trained all her life to be; her personality should have switched the moment she suspected a confrontation. However, she assured herself that she still had enough control to not kill automatically. And at least Leynne was used to her ambushing people; she realized that he had anticipated her actions and even _warned_ Brook.

Layna spent the last two hours of her shift patrolling the deck. This included a few minutes of checking that the running rigging was secure since they still had not taken up a job for the day. About the only issue to arise before the end of her shift was a young airman boarding on the mistaken presumption that the _Island Symphony_ was his assigned vessel. It was one of the few times Layna had actually resisted jumping an intruder, although Dholit felt the need to point out that the airman might have been happier if she had.

Dubbl and Lwamm relieved Layna, Biluf, and Dholit at dinnertime, and they subsequently went below to the galley. The plate was pasta with sliced tomatoes and cheese sauce. She did not like tomatoes, so she sat next to Cale and, when he turned away to talk to Lilly, slipped her tomatoes onto Cale's plate. She could still taste the tomatoes in her food, but she found it at least tolerable. Cale started to get suspicious about all the tomatoes he was eating, so Layna had to ditch one slice onto Biluf's plate and threw one down the table onto Line's plate.

Biluf finally spoke up after watching the throw, clueless regarding the extra on her own plate. "Layna, wouldn't it be easier to just put the tomatoes on the side?" she asked with a hint of irritation. "Or at least tell Lilly you don't like them?"

"Hmm," Layna said as she looked down at her half-finished plate. "I never considered it."

"Never con—how long have you been _doing_ that?!" Biluf snapped.

Layna just blinked at her for a moment, surprised by the rise in her voice. "I have done it since Lilly joined the crew," she answered. "That was when I discovered tomatoes."

"She cuts them smaller than this," Biluf pointed out. "How have you been ditching _those_?"

"When I cannot hide them on another's plate, I throw them in a person's mouth whenever the eater prepares for a bite."

Biluf glared at her for a moment. "Including _me_?"

"I know better," Layna told her before taking a bite.

"Good," Biluf said, although her tone indicated that she was not completely convinced. Layna did not think she should be, either, because, sometimes, Biluf was the most convenient mouth to throw chopped tomatoes into. Talking with Dholit during dinner usually left her vulnerable enough to simply flick a bit of tomato inside before Biluf could close her mouth.

It was not as if this was a _weakness_ , however. While Layna would eat them if necessary, she found more value in trying to ditch tomatoes on others. After all, she could not _actually_ poison the crew without someone objecting or dying.

After dinner, Biluf and Layna each took a water ration and used it to wash the day's sweat out of their hair; the Gelto only had one sponge, and tonight was Dholit's turn to bathe with it. Since this took place in the berth deck, they stripped down to their undersuits and went to bed after they were done. However, Layna stayed awake until Lilly finished her own routine and came to sleep. She still could not go to sleep because Flower and Line had started an argument on the men's side. She had to be the last to go to sleep as a matter of her training. It was the only way she actually _would_ go to sleep; she had spent nights resisting sleep in a disturbed contest with Nway'an, a contest which she would be beaten for if she went to sleep before Nway'an. What had made it more difficult was not being able to see others nearby, so she had had to learn to listen to people's breathing to tell once they were sleeping. She was even good enough to tell when someone was faking being asleep.

Which seemed to have been Line's intention this evening. With the lights turned out in their row of berths, Line had probably assumed it was a sign that Layna, Dholit, Biluf, and Lilly had fallen asleep. Layna had to admit that he was smart enough to know that he should wait a little longer after the light went out to invade their space. However, his stealth was still so sloppy that Nway'an would have probably written him off as useless and cast him into the desert just to be rid of him. He allowed his shadow to show before he appeared at the head of the row. He only hunched low, not trying to hide as he snuck through the electric light cast from before the berthing deck's doorway. And he stepped on the loose board just as he was passing her berth. Yet he persisted, completely in spite of having already given himself away.

Layna carefully flipped over to face the outside of her berth. She slid a single needle out and flicked it at him from under her covers. Line jerked to a stop when he felt the needle in his lower back through his undersuit. He slowly turned around, but Layna had already slipped into the corner of her berth not visible to him. He gave an almost inaudible groan, and Layna felt the intensity of his eyesight lift from her berth. So she lunged out into the row and caught him in one arm before he could fall to the deck. She carefully sat him on the deck.

Then she glanced down at herself, her copper skin covered by shadow, scars, and plain, black bikini briefs. She felt her cheeks grow hot as her irritation with Line worsened.

His antics had forced her to expose herself to the cold air.

So she picked him up using his undersuit for handholds and dragged him out of the women's row. She walked down one of the empty rows and pulled open the storage closet at the end. She set him in the closet and left the door open just enough that light from the far end of the row would show him where to get out once he woke up. He would make a racket when he woke, which would serve to scare him and earn him the ire of the rest of the crew; this was not the first time she stashed him in the closet.

She could not stand her goose flesh any longer and returned to her hammock as soon as possible. With the rest of the crew finally sleeping, she allowed herself to drift out of consciousness.

…

Tale #18 of the _Island Symphony_ – **END**

 **NOTICE: This is an** **in-canon** **story. And pretty much evidence that Layna is about as innocent as you expected.**


	19. A Heart of Tuna Cheese

**NOTICE: The following is** **ambiguously** **canon. If it didn't happen, good. If it did… just…** _ **damn**_ **!**

…

Tale #19: A Heart of Tuna Cheese

Social interaction was not a new concept to the crew. Link always made sure to give his airmen some time ashore, even though he often cringed at the thought of any of them finding some form of trouble. For the Gelto, just about any encounter with a group of tough guys ended with those guys in a clinic drooling into buckets. Cale and Leynne occasionally found trouble just because no one seemed to like the accent they spoke with. Flower, Gold, Lawrence, and Harley usually kept each other in check, but once the bar fight broke out, they would bust heads like any other airman. Helo and Lidago were actually capable of keeping a small profile despite being the largest members of the crew. Line, well… if he was not in trouble for being a pervert, it was because he was being a nuisance to his crewmates.

And then there was Sello.

Link could not deny that Sello often warranted sending along some type of supervision, often just to keep _other_ people safe. That said, Sello, in his ever-present need to stay intoxicated, actually pulled off the unpredictable without racking up serious property damage. At least, not right away.

A delay at Sagacity Island gave the crew a bit more opportunity to explore and mingle. The first day saw Sello attempting to climb a lamppost and press up against the front window of the dockmaster's office just to make ugly faces at the dockmaster. It was not exactly _unusual_ for Sello; by comparison to some of his previous escapades (which tended to involve something moving at ludicrous speeds), it was actually a comfort to know that he could be expected to _not_ cause some kind of mayhem.

The second day, however, Harley and Flower, Sello's chaperones, reported to Link that Sello had a dinner date.

Both men admitted that they had actually dared to take their eyes off Sello. It had not been for long. They had left Sello competing in a staring contest with a wooden horse (which, really, was about as much explanation as Link expected, so he did not bother lingering on the subject) to get lunch at a nearby food vendor. When they had returned to their perpetually-inebriated colleague, they had discovered that some woman had shoved a note in one of his breast pockets. The note gave a time, the name "Thyma", and the restaurant "Warehouse 327". According to Lilly, Warehouse 327 was a warehouse on the docks further south that had been converted into a decent restaurant for visitors to the island. Unsure of what else to do, Link decided that Sello, whether he understood what was going on or not (the latter of which was more likely), should at least meet this woman who had questionable enough taste to ask out a man trying to win a staring contest against a fake equine.

The afternoon was spent preparing Sello for his date. The chaos began when Sello was stripped to his bare skin so that his crewmates could throw buckets of water on him (one of which actually included the bucket when it slipped out of Line's hands, not that Sello was in the right mindset to care or even _notice_ the bucket striking his head). Lwamm volunteered to scrub him clean, mostly because the process involved pinning him to the deck and vindictively scouring the poor drunk's pale hide for reasons largely unknown to the Hylian crew. They hoped that his clothes would cover his raw, red skin. Since the crew did not dare let Sello fester soaking wet in the engine room, they gave him the dignity of fresh underpants and strapped him to one of the _Island Symphony_ 's shrouds so that he would dry in the breeze. He was then dressed in an orange, button-up shirt and tan slacks, and Lilly tried her best to tame his long, tangled hair. She eventually had to just tie it back to help Sello look clean. Lilly and Cale were then volunteered to accompany him on the date with the corollary that the sixty rupees Link sent with them could be used to pay for both their and Sello's dinner.

They arrived to find that the restaurant was about as amazing as Lilly had described. The outside looked like any other warehouse on the island: large and drab. However, the massive front door had been replaced by glass windows with a door more appropriate to the regular foot traffic. The inside had been divided into two stories by a shelf built into the back of the building and extended to about the middle of the ground floor. Both the ground floor and the shelf were the dining room; a wall at the back of the ground floor divided the patrons from the kitchen. The office to one side of the front door had been converted to private tables. The concrete floor had been overlaid with thick, red carpet. In addition to the electric lights bolted to the gold-painted metal beams serving as the walls' interior supports, a massive chandelier hung from the middle of the ceiling. In lieu of windows, the walls had been painted scarlet and decorated with landscapes from some of the other islands in the kingdom. Diners dotted the tables, showing that tonight's business was running rather slow.

"Table for three?" asked the red uniform-clad headwaiter after both Lilly and Cale had taken a moment to marvel at the restaurant's design.

"Actually, _he_ has someone waitin' for him," Lilly said, pointing to Sello.

The headwaiter glanced at Sello, who seemed to nod at the chandelier with satisfaction. "Ah, yes, the blond gentleman in orange," he said. He pulled a menu from a nearby rack and indicated the dining room. "This way, sir."

However, when he started walking, he realized that Sello, swaying in place, did not follow. "Sohry, sohry," Cale said as he grabbed Sello's arm. "He's a little inebriated. I will assist."

Sello took notice of Cale's hands on his forearm. "You wanna explain that, zir?" he asked in his throaty voice.

"No," Cale replied as he and Lilly directed him after the headwaiter.

He took them to a table set for two just under the upper dining room. As they approached, the table's single occupant stood. The woman had a curvy frame hidden under a blazing-red dress accented on its single shoulder strap with a shock of yellow feathers. Her blond hair had been braided in the back with a curtain of bangs covering the left of her brilliant, green eyes. Her expression gave off an air of smoking confidence, and even _Sello_ 's jaw dropped open along with Cale's and Lilly's.

"I apologize for my impulsiveness," she told Sello. "But I had hoped my message had been clear."

"Trust me," Lilly said, "we gotta been askin' different questions."

"You seemed so preoccupied, sir, that I did not hear your name."

"Lambpos'," Sello replied, his face still a perfect picture of shock.

"'Lamppost'?" the woman asked.

"No, ouh apologies," Cale quickly spoke up. "This is Sello. He is an engineah on ouh vessel."

"Aaaah," the woman droned as she examined Sello from head to toe. "I should have known from the muck on his skin. And you worked so _hard_ to scrub it off for me, too…" Both Cale and Sello had to swallow back the rocks they suddenly felt in their throats. She indicated the table. "Please, Mister Sello, join me."

Lilly pulled out a chair, and Cale had to nudge Sello toward it to make him sit down. Lilly then closed Sello's drooping jaw. "If you'll excuse us," she told the woman. Then she bumped Cale to make him follow the headwaiter to the upper dining room.

The woman, Thyma, returned to her own seat. "I hope you'll forgive my forwardness," she said. "I just… felt that I should meet you."

"Uh… okay," Sello replied, squirming in his seat.

"You had such an intense stare when I saw you. I wondered if you would look at _me_ with such eyes."

"Begging your pardon, madam," one of the waiters said as he stepped up to the table. "Would you like to order beverages?"

"A bottle of the house wine, if you please," Thyma told the waiter. Then she said to Sello, "I hope you don't mind; I'm a little nervous."

Sello cracked a smile. "Heh-yeah," he replied, settling into his chair a little better.

"Right away, madam," the waiter said before leaving.

"So," Thyma said. "An engineer. On an airship, you must have a very _hard_ and _important_ job." She rested an elbow on the table so that she could perch her jaw on the back of her hand. "Tell me about it."

"Well, I wuz doin' da piece in a mountain 'til da mountain went _pffft_. Den da chugga-chugga juzd did da chugga-chugga, so I made it do da dooga-dooga an' it went whoosh 'til da loogy did a pull. Den I godda chomp-chomp an' sed 'looggit wha' da chomp-chomp cen do' so da chomp-chomp went whoosh. Don' know if anyone did a pull on da chomp-chomp, dough. Affer dat, I godda turdle, took a shiny, an' now I'm a hundred-week pelican wif boxes of boddles. Don' godda smooooooth hat, though."

Thyma's smile had turned awkward while her eyes had glazed over. She could not find one understandable idea among Sello's string of incoherent ramble, although she was partially convinced that he had slipped some innuendo in there with the "chomp-chomp" comments. His slurred speech did not help, but it at least let her know that he was definitely drunk. Still, the expression she mustered was best described as "politely dumbfounded". Her eyes darted around for a moment. Then she asked herself, "Where's that waiter?"

As if on-cue, the waiter returned with a bucket of ice and a bottle. "I am sorry if I was slow, madam," he said as he placed the bucket on the table. He turned over a pair of glasses already resting on the table and popped the cork from the bottle.

"Blue creek!" Sello said.

The waiter frowned and double-checked the label on the bottle. "N-no, sir," he said. "It's Valued Cargo."

" _Pour_ , please," Thyma told him.

The waiter opted to half-fill Thyma's glass first. Then he did the same for Sello, the _ting_ of glass attracting Sello's attention.

 _Sp._

As the waiter was about to replace the bottle, he glanced at Sello's untouched glass. He blinked in confusion at the _empty_ , untouched glass. He looked at Sello, who had turned his attention back to Thyma. Thyma had not noticed yet as she carefully swirled the wine in her hand, eyes focused on her own glass. Questioning whether he had actually given Sello some wine, he set the cork back down and poured into Sello's glass again.

 _Sp._

The waiter kept the bottle in his hands as he eyed the glass. Again, despite filling it halfway, it was spontaneously empty. Thyma caught the strange look on the waiter's face and glanced down at Sello's glass as the young man filled it again.

 _Sp_.

Thyma's expression mirrored the waiter's bewilderment. They saw the wine in the glass up until the waiter had stopped pouring. Then it was just gone. Both glanced up at Sello to see that he remained relaxed and focused on her.

"Are… are _you_ doing that?" Thyma asked him.

"Heh-yeah," Sello replied with a chuckle.

Thyma traded a look with the waiter. Then she told him, "Fill it all the way."

"Y-yes, madam," the waiter replied. He did as he was told, careful not to overfill the glass.

 _Sp_. Once again, the glass was emptied just as the waiter finished pouring. Neither one of them had seen Sello move, although the waiter thought he had seen the glass shift.

"Once more," Thyma said.

The waiter nodded. However, just an eighth of the previous amount poured out. The waiter realized that the bottle was empty and opened his mouth to apologize to Thyma.

 _Kink_. Both of them looked at Sello to see him pulling a shard of glass from his mouth. Puzzled, they glanced down to see that the lip of Sello's glass was missing a piece, the shape identical to what he had just produced.

Sello smacked his lips and said, "Whoops."

Thyma and the waiter could only stare at Sello for a moment. And then the waiter told Thyma, "I'll bring you a new bottle, madam." His words barely out of his mouth, he turned and walked to the kitchen as fast as he could.

Thyma stood up and rounded the table. "Mister Sello, are you all right?" she asked as she placed a hand on his jaw.

"I hink ho," Sello tried to answer while she peered into his open mouth in search of cuts. Why Sello let her look made about as much sense; she was only touching his jaw, not holding it open.

Thyma gave him an exasperated look and a shake of the head before she returned to her seat. Sello took about half a minute to realize that she was done looking at his mouth. Thyma picked up her glass. "Well," she told him. "Here's to false expectations." She raised the glass to him.

 _Sp._

However, she realized that her glass had been emptied before it was even halfway to her lips. Her face scrunched in annoyance as she set the glass down. "Clearly, I was not aware of what I would be involved in when I met you, Mister Sello," she said. "I had thought that keeping an open mind would benefit _both_ of us. However, it seems that, while you are certainly spontaneous and rather attractive, you have very little in the way of personality."

"Heh-yeah," Sello said with a chuckle. Then he put on a worried face. "Uuuuh… wha?"

Thyma sighed. "Oh, never mind," she told him. "I only hope that we might enjoy a meal to help salvage this evening." She picked up her menu. Then she had another thought and told Sello, "And that you might refrain from stealing my drink again."

"Pickle an' sasquatch, my jam," Sello replied with what could vaguely be considered a tone of agreement. Not that Thyma was in the mind to judge intonation; she was busy wondering what the word "sasquatch" meant. Sello appeared to have concluded the exchange as he picked up the paper menu on the table next to his place setting. In spite of the numerous electric lights and the massive chandelier overhead (and quite likely the result of temporarily losing the ability to focus his eyes), Sello could not read the menu and held it closer to the candle at their table.

Thyma noticed a sudden warmth across her face and looked up at a brilliant light which seemed to be uncomfortably close. In her subsequent shock, she was capable of producing only one coherent thought:

 _This night can't possibly be getting worse._

She then snapped, her voice just a hair's breadth away from absolute hysteria, "MISTERSELLOWHATAREYOUDOING!?"

While Sello's response to realizing that his menu was on fire was little more than a curious tilt of the head, Thyma stood and quickly snatched up the ice bucket on their table. She swung the bucket, dashing the ice across the table rather than trying to dump it on the burning menu. Sello dropped the menu on the table and launched himself backwards. His foot struck the table from below. The tablecloth alight, the table rocked toward Thyma. Thyma jumped out of the way to dodge both glass and fire. Someone hollered, and the nearby patrons stood and moved away from their table. Waiters immediately rushed toward the kitchen and nearly knocked the doors of their hinges running through.

Sello, his mind now abuzz from both the bottle of wine and a concussion from hitting the carpeted floor, rolled onto his side and stood up. He turned around in response to the waiters storming back into the dining room, each one holding a bucket of water. Sello decided that he wanted a bucket, too. It was not to help put out the fire; he simply wanted a bucket. He moved around the table, obscured by smoke, until he was behind the group trying to douse the flames. Then he kept going until one waiter burst through the kitchen door. Sello realized that his bucket was behind those doors, so he ran full-tilt at the door.

"Tuna fork, tuna fork!" Sello hollered upon throwing the doors aside. "I am the grand peanut brittle of the south!"

A couple of the chefs standing closest to the abandoned pass traded confused shrugs. "Do you need some help, sir?" one then asked.

Sello raised a fist and declared, "Flip my spoon, little turkey!"

"You two, finish those plates!" someone hollered at the chefs. Both quickly turned away as an older chef wearing a pure-white coat stepped into the pass. "Sir, can I help you?"

"Two's a moose, and I am blue," Sello told him with a nod.

"We're busy back here," the older chef said in a forceful tone of voice. "If you're blue, go back to your table; I'll have a fresh bottle of wine delivered to you."

"Da spirits compel me to shave a monkey!" Sello shouted as the chef started pushing him backward.

"Sounds like he's already had a bottle, Chef," one of the other chefs cackled.

"Bastard _smells_ like it, too," the older chef replied. He almost had Sello out the door when— _WHAM!_ —one of the waiters hit Sello from behind trying to rush through the door. Sello jolted forward and rammed his forehead into the older chef's face. Sello got a glimpse of the man's cross-eyed expression and thought it was his own face. Then the older chef fell backwards onto the floor with a thud that echoed throughout the kitchen. All activity came to a halt as the kitchen staff realized that their head chef was unconscious on the floor. Sello had frozen in place as well, more in response to the still confusion than actually reacting to the head chef he had just knocked out.

"Did he just knock out Gordon?" one of the nearby chefs asked.

"I think he _did_ ," the other nearby chef said. Sello looked up as the chefs exchanged expressions with one another.

Then, suddenly—

"HUZZAH!" The entire cooking staff raised a loud cry of cheer which, when heard from the dining room, caused a few of the close patrons to glance toward the kitchen in confusion. Sello watched in idiotic delight as four of the chefs scrambled into the pass, dropped to their knees, and prostrated in front of him while the rest of the staff watched from the other side of the pass.

"Oh, sir!" one of the chefs looked up and declared. "Long has this man's oppression inspired sadness, disgust, and anger in us. We cannot thank you enough for your actions! Please, what will you have us do to repay you?"

Sello tried to think only to find that his brain did not want to perform the task for a moment. When it returned to work, there was only one thought on Sello's mind. He pointed toward the kitchen and declared, "To da wine cellar!"

"To the wine cellar!" the staff repeated. Two of the prostrating chefs stood and grabbed Sello's arms. The whole kitchen, cooking food and unprepared plates left neglected, then rushed the door leading to a wine cellar. The door hit the wall with a loud slam, and the cooks took Sello down.

They deposited Sello in front of a rack of wine bottles, which Sello stared at with wide, sparkling eyes and his tongue hanging from his drooping jaw. The chefs expected him to start pulling bottles down and drink. However, Sello stepped over to a wall where another rack was resting in the midst of its construction. He picked up an unused board and slid up beside the first rack. The chefs pressed themselves against the wall adjacent to the stairs once they saw what Sello was doing. Which was a miracle, because Sello himself did not really know what he was doing. He just raised the board over his head and then brought it down to smash out dozens of bottlenecks (and a few bottles), spilling wine onto the stone floor. Sello then threw the board onto the floor and grabbed the nearest bottle. He held it up to the chefs.

"Ma buddies!" he told them in a grandiose voice (another miracle considering he was still slurring). "Drink, drink, an' drink, for t'morrow, we spin! Long are da dayz we hug our tuna cheese an' take spridle-vlat in the boosey. But in da chicken feet, you is da rope's heavenly drug! One ver da cushy!" He leaned back and, rather than drink, poured the last splash of wine all over his face with his mouth open in the vainest of attempts to catch some. Then he threw the bottle down. "Two ver da bushy!" He took another bottle off the rack and did the same thing, breaking the bottle on the floor. "Five ver da caca-woozey!" He took yet another bottle, poured it over his face, and shattered it against the floor. "An' dree ver ma yudle!" This time, he jumped onto the floor, rolled over in the puddle of wine, and pulled a pair of bottles off the bottom just to dump them on his face as well.

"You heard the man!" one of the chefs declared. "Drink!"

The single rack was raided for its bottles, which the chefs began downing with the same amount of reckless abandon as their new patron saint. Then, one by one, they decided to return to work while Sello helped himself to a whole barrel by knocking out the bung and lying under the ensuing gush of red wine. It was only then that he considered that he had had his fill and wandered back up into the kitchen. The chefs had returned to each others' stations and started messing up orders left and right, sending them to pass despite the fact that the wait staff were _still_ rushing back and forth with buckets full of water. Sello found an oven in a corner near the cellar's entrance. Then he saw some more unused kitchen equipment, although, in his mind, these were just parts. Without any of the staff watching, he pulled a homemade multi-tool from inside his trousers and began reassembling the equipment he found.

Almost directly above that corner of the kitchen was a small dais where a humble trio played simple, soothing musical pieces to either the comment or neglect of dining patrons around them. They had been playing for three hours almost non-stop, so they had decided to take a break and see if the kitchen had their orders prepared. The third man, lagging behind to make sure his violin was properly secured in its case, was only five steps away from the dais.

 _ **BOOOOM! BA-BAAOOOOM!**_ The dais erupted up from the floor at the urgency of a large, metal machine that, despite Sello's attempts, decided to fire early. The second sound was the machine, having done its best to shower diners with broken timber and shattered instrument, ricocheting off the curved ceiling once before punching through the wall on the opposite side. No one had been able to anticipate such violence, so about half a minute after the fact (and after hearing subsequent impacts with the warehouse next door), the majority of diners decided to rise and bolt for the stairs rather than jump over the railing on their way to the exit.

The cooking staff, which was too busy arguing with the wait staff over their inebriated condition, failed to notice the new hole on the far side of their ceiling. The wait staff, on the other hand, decided to slowly back down from the argument and disappear out into the dining room to warn away patrons from what they perceived to be a problem with the kitchen equipment.

Sello, for his part, stepped out of a giant cloud of vapor and glanced up at the hole in the ceiling. He was a little annoyed with the hole's size; he had predicted that the apparatus would have had enough speed to punch a smaller hole than what he saw. He shrugged and looked around at the empty kitchen. He gathered a serving trolley, some funnels, a colander, several empty cans, two bottles of brandy, two cheese graters, a meat tenderizer much larger than most known sledgehammers, three pastry blenders, and a potato masher. He commenced work right in the middle of the kitchen with the chefs watching in anticipation.

For anyone else, what Sello built would have been a wonder of amateur rocketry if recognized by a scholar even the slightest bit interested in the alternative defiance of gravity. To the chefs that witnessed its construction, it was simply something to strap their head chef to in a sitting position while Sello aimed it in the general direction of the dining room doors. As for Sello, well… he was not quite sure what he was building, only that it was powered by alcohol and would likely be moving at an extremely unsafe speed. Which, as far as he was concerned, was reasonable enough to pick up a long piece of tinder from a nearby pile, light it on a wood-burning stove, and try to touch it to the rear-facing end of what could best be described as an improvised missile. Being drunk, Sello had a difficult time holding steady enough to actually achieve the ignition he was looking for. One of the chefs, after figuring out what his intentions were, foolishly decided to step up behind the apparatus and direct Sello's hand.

 _ **PWAAAAAAAGH!**_ Within milliseconds of successfully igniting the brandy contained within the tubular sections of Sello's monstrosity, the whole machine accelerated forward while the chef was blown into the back wall, felling a stack of clean dishes in the process.

Now, the wait staff, having advised the rest of the restaurant's evening patrons to leave, had enough intelligence to realize that something was going on behind the kitchen doors even before one brave soul stuck his head in the door.

He survived unscathed.

Sello's contraption burst through the drywall (as the third miracle of the day, completely missing the studs on either side of the hole), knocking the rest of the waiting staff to the floor under a shower of paper and plaster. One of the staff, having relatively light injuries, recovered and pushed up from the floor to find that the head chef, after having been scraped off the contraption by drywall that held, had been deposited right next to him. The serving trolley continued, although its wheels had long left the floor even before the impact with the wall. Tables and chairs were knocked aside, and patrons who were lagging behind suddenly found refuge on the floor just as the trolley was sailing overhead. It formed an arc to the left at first, and then the second nozzle on the back fired, lit by the first nozzle. The power behind the ignition jerked the whole trolley into a turn in the other direction. The glass windows at the front of the restaurant shattered to the will of the out-of-control trolley-rocket flying through, showering glass on fleeing patrons. It continued on for another second before the trolley dropped in appeasement to gravity, and a group of airmen departing their ship for an evening of drinking and fighting dove out of the way just before the trolley smashed into the ground.

Lilly and Cale, having lingered around one corner from the entrance of the restaurant, dared to glance around that corner to watch the patrons _and_ staff fleeing in all directions. Lilly turned to Cale and asked, "You feel that was Sello?"

"When it comes to insane machines defying gravity," Cale replied, "I cannot think of anyone else." He edged around the corner to check that no one was around. Then he signaled for Lilly to follow him back into the restaurant.

When they stepped in, they found that much of the carpet in front of the kitchen doors was black from fire while a few nearby chairs had been lit by rocket exhaust. The waiting staff were slowly gathering themselves together with the cooperation of the drunk chefs, who were calling it a day after having had more than their fair share of fun. They gathered underneath the upper dining room all the way on the left side of the restaurant.

Sello burst out the kitchen door, a silver bucket decorating his head. Cale and Lilly watched as he climbed to the upper dining room, and Cale held up a hand to tell Lilly to wait while he jogged across the restaurant. Upstairs, he found Sello examining a post not far from where they had been sitting. Cale looked up to see that the post, wedged and bolted into the space between the floor and the closest metal beam, was actually a pair of posts held together at about the middle. Just as Sello started taking measured steps away from the post, Cale realized that this unique piece of structure actually had a purpose.

It was supporting the weight of the chandelier from numerous chains.

Cale watched in horror as Sello then turned around and aimed his bucket-covered head at the post. "SELLO, NO!" he shrieked.

"I AM SELLOOOOOO!" Sello hollered as he charged the post. Cale immediately broke into a run with the intention of tackling Sello to the ground.

Sello made it to the post first.

Although the post did nothing to hold the roof up, the strain of holding up a chandelier by about a dozen chains was enough that the post was extremely fragile. When Sello's bucket (and head) made contact, the impact strained the wooden post. Cracks formed where the chains had been bolted to the post. In just a matter of a few seconds, Cale tackled Sello to the ground as the post gave way to the chandelier's weight.

 _KRSSSSSH!_ The glass elements of the chandelier smashed against both dining room floors. The chandelier's bronze structure bent itself over the upper floor. The lights above flickered, adding to the horror of the staff huddled in safety below. Slowly, they started toward the exit, keeping pressed against the wall lest something _else_ fell.

Cale looked up to see that the chandelier was nowhere near them, not even the shards of decorative glass. He rolled off Sello and sat up. "Sello, what weh you _thinking_?" he asked in an exhausted voice.

"Billy two-cups, and I'll be sprocky in da mornin'," Sello replied as he surveyed the scene.

Cale sighed. "Let's just get you back to the ship."

"Pickled nuts!" Sello answered as Cale hauled him to his feet.

…

Tale #19 of the _Island Symphony_ – **END (THANK GOD)**

 **NOTICE: The previous story is** **ambiguously** **canon. While it may serve to illustrate that Sello has a sex drive like any other man, it may also serve as evidence that Sello can't be trusted around a fully-equipped kitchen. We don't know! We'll** _ **never know!**_ **And, c'mon, who knew he'd be bringing down that chandelier?**


	20. Sello Talks

**TOAST: By the light of twenty-five million three hundred fifty-seven thousand four hundred eighty-three belly buttons, I am the little toe of the universe. Slather me with your jelly; I** **am** **the smoking paddle!**

…

Tale #20: Sello Talks

Sello stepped up to the podium. "Ma friendz, ma buddiez, ma… tenderwurst," he said, raising a confused eyebrow at that last word. "Dis makes me happier den wolfin' a turdle. Bud Ah'm juzd doin' a peep; diz iz yer tomado. An' I dink ya did squeezy. Da boiler makes da wooshy much bedder dan ma toasty. Da spinniez do da spinniez four-zeven-eight-eight-point-five-two timez. Dat's a woosh." He glanced down behind the podium. "OooOOOoooooh." He reached down and produced a bottle of beer. After giving the podium a nod, he took a long pull from the bottle. He smacked his lips together, gave the bottle a cross look, and tossed it over his shoulder. "Where wuz Ah? Uh… an' where _am_ Ah?" He glanced over his shoulder. "Oh, yeah.

"Lezze… da boiler, da wooshy, ma toasty, da spinnies… four-zeven-eight-eight-point-five-two… da's a—dat's a woosh! Bud it's a woosh juzd a bigger bean dan ma zpank monkey. Ah believe dat ya ken spoodle da wingerz by buildin' da spinnies ta do zix-four-one-one-point-eight-zeven timez an' pudda burper muskles in da toasty. Ah wanna do dat voodoo in da tomado, if ya wanna do da kookie in ma shell." He paused again and glanced down under the podium. Then he reached in and pulled out a large bottle of sparkling wine, spilling some of it onto the floor. He took a drink. Then he threw the bottle over his shoulder. "I AM DA CAT DAT CAME BACK!" he hollered into the podium, eliciting a loud thud from underneath. "DO NOT TICKLE ME WITH YOUR SMELLY WATERZ!"

Sello then looked up as if realizing where he was. Well, relatively speaking; he was still clueless, but he stood up straight and resumed talking. "Bud Ah fly like a… scoop. Hmm. Ah dink Ah'm gettin' cheesy. Ah am a lemon. Dree cheeses, and Ah'll be in ma shortz. Bud Ah yoing. Uh…" Sello twisted his face as he tried to think. "Where wuz Ah? Uuuuuuh—oh, yeah! Ah wanna drink da tomado! Uh, waidda minute. Ah'll _spank_ da tomado?" He glanced over his shoulder. "OooOOOoooh! I'mma be zpankin' _dat_!" He paused for a moment. "Oh, yeah! Ma bad! Ah wanna do ma voodoo! Pleeeeeease please lemme do voodoo!" Something under the podium caught his attention, and he reached down. There was a struggle, during which he shouted, "TWENTY-THREE COCONUTS, YOU WINDOW!" He kicked one foot under the podium, and something fell over under the stage. Producing a bottle of whiskey, he pointed into the podium and declared, "VICTORY IS IN THE MILK OF THE TOOFBRUSH! I AM SELLOOOOO!" He raised the bottle and struck the neck against the podium. _Tonk_. Sello held the bottle close to his face as if to determine whether the bottle really had not broken. Then he struck it again. _Tonk_. Sello gave a moment to think about the situation.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" _Tonktonktonktonktonktonk! Krsh!_ Whiskey spilled over the podium once the neck finally shattered. "AH-HAH!" Sello was at least aware enough to not put his lips directly on the jagged edge of the bottle as he took a drink, although this caused more whiskey to cascade down the front of his clothes. Only one third of the bottle's contents remained before he threw it over his shoulder. Then he leaned on the podium and hollered into it, "STOP NOT MA DIRSTY CANS, STINKY!"

Then he looked up at his audience. "Life iz like a box a' yellow. Seven carts in da moon serve ya a chocolate. An' den da baggiez broffle da liedershmozen 'til dree sons drow a pancake. Ma toez will eat yer jolly griffinz. Ma griffinz will eat yer haircut. Ma haircut will eat yer zpank! And I'm a cereal map!" He raised a fist into the air. "Break da curtinz, people! Break da filfy cheese!"

It was about this point where the entirety of Sello's audience had fallen silent. Most experienced a radical degree of bewilderment with the persistent impression that either Sello or they were suffering from some mental ailment. Those that were not confused were too busy stifling their laughter at Sello's deranged diction or his torment of the unfortunate errand boy working beneath the stage. The strain on the latter of these parties increased when a stick with a bottle lashed to it slowly crept out from behind the podium.

"Up on da ground iz a boof!" Sello continued to rant, his raised hand pointed at the shell-shaped amphitheater roof above him. "An' I am da egg! Two drough da shoe, an' you be da moose! Bud in da toof of a bean, da biggo-wat iz a melon soup! In da goolie! In da boolie! In da gaboolie! An' in da scooch!" He took note of the bottle and grabbed it. The stick sprang from the errand boy's hand and slipped through the twine holding it to the bottle. Sello ignored this as he clamped down on the bottle's cork with his teeth and pulled. The cork refused to budge, so Sello took a moment to gnaw on it. When he tasted a trickle of the bottle's contents, he decided to put the bottleneck in his mouth to drink. Keen-eyed observers noticed that, when he pulled the bottleneck back out, the cork was missing. He raised the bottle in the air and declared, "TURN DA SCOOTER INNA A HAIRY CHICKEN!"

What no one realized was that, by raising the bottle to the air, he caused sunlight to narrow into a beam that angled into the open firebox behind him. Being a clear bottle with half of its contents gone (and Sello basking in the uproar of an excited crowd, despite the _actual_ crowd showing yet more confusion), it ignited the stick sitting just inside the firebox. This caused a flash in the firebox since the coal inside the box had been soaked in the alcohol Sello had been throwing over his shoulder.

Only a few people in the front row noticed that the tall, cylindrical steam engine behind Sello had come to life. While the engineers had had the foresight to install a relief valve on their prototype engine, no one had imagined that they would need to trigger it while there was a whole stage between it and them. The fact that the engine was being blocked by what appeared to be a raging lunatic obviously ignorant of the danger behind him left the engineers little option but to slowly rise and start warning colleagues as they themselves backed away from a lit pressure bomb with a short fuse.

Sello at least had enough awareness of his surroundings to realize that his crowd was slowly disappearing. Then he started to notice that his behind was substantially warmer than the rest of his body and decided to turn around.

 _PFOOOOOOOM!_ The boiler erupted upwards, sending the wrought-iron exterior shell straight up while the entire stage was flooded with a rapid outpouring of steam. _WHAM! Kkk-KWOOOM!_ The iron shell crashed through the roof, snapping apart a beam in the center. The curved roof fell inward with a powerful roar on top of the engine and, somewhere in the rush of steam, Sello. The open-air seating of the amphitheater disappeared in the ensuing cloud of debris, causing the engineers attending the unveiling ceremony to cry into the afternoon air in panic as they ran for their lives.

…

Tale #20 of the _Island Symphony_ – **END**

 **NOTICE: Sello might have died in that accident, so this is** **not** **canon. And speaks to the kind of chaos Sello causes when playing with** _ **others'**_ **toys.**


	21. My Greatest Failure

**NOTICE: This is canon.**

…

Tale #21: My Greatest Failure

~~Day 161 (Command, Day 124)

~~Today, I do something I should've done months ago.

…

Three days later.

Very seldom could a person see uniforms of at least two airship companies gather, especially outside a bar. Today, on the plain that was Castle Island's western reaches, uniforms of _all_ the major companies could be seen from above as great, colored bricks standing side by side. The yellow of the Airliners. The purple of the Fair Travelers. The pale green of the Zephyr Sails. Even the red of the Dusky Clouds, the smallest of the major companies. At the front of the formation, perhaps the biggest turnout of all, was the blue of the Skyriders. Even in front of that was a line of green that was the captains and fleet captains of the Skyriders mixed with the Knights of Hyrule. Link stood in the exact center of the captains' formation in between Alfonzo and one of the Airliners' fleet captains, who was the only one in the captains' formation not wearing green.

And before them stood King Lauris and Princess Zelda, both facing the sailors and knights with rather grim expressions on their faces. Link was not sure why things had not begun yet; he did not dare turn around to see if others were arriving. He could not quite tell if Zelda was watching him, his eyes partially glazed over as he stared at the sheet-covered hulk towering behind the king. Every minute felt like an eternity, ever so slightly adding weight to the rock in the pit of Link's stomach.

Finally, King Lauris stepped forward. There was hardly any need to call for silence; even as the procession had built, the whispers of confusion died barely a minute after people had arrived. "My dear subjects," Lauris began, his voice audible at least to the Skyriders. "I begin this service by stating that you, in no shorter terms, are the very life blood of this kingdom. Whether in service to your own needs or those of your fellow beings, our kingdom has come to rely upon you and your kind to function in its daily life. Even those captains who choose not to pledge their service to the royal family…" He indicated the Airliner captain with a hand. "… have a place of dedicated duty and honor worthy of knights of this realm. I see you no less than I do my personal servants, and I am grateful that you would attend this occasion today with each other, who have rivaled for the longest time.

"For three months of this year under the Goddesses, our kingdom was plagued by a monster from generations ago, one which preyed on the people of this realm. I dare not belittle the loss of life faced by the common men, women, and children of this kingdom. However, I feel that our biggest loss was to _you_ , our very blood, those of a naturally dangerous occupation further compounded by events beyond your control, perhaps even your understanding. Companions, brothers, sons, and fathers. The Goddesses asked for sailors, and you answered that call. And the follies of human kind have left that call open once more.

"While our kingdom was in peril, I could not reach the throne in time to avert disaster. In my absence, an imposter plundered the kingdom and ruined lives beyond imagination. I cannot express my sorrow deeply enough; my greatest failure is that I could not save my kingdom when it needed me during its darkest hour. Even the assurance that the loss of life was so little brings only the vaguest comfort. I ask that, in your hearts, you might forgive me the death of your companions.

"I also ask that, in your actions, you forgive those that have pledged their loyalty to me." Link noticed a murmur begin from behind, but it quickly silenced as the king's next words came out. "I know that I ask the impossible of you. I know that, if given the centuries, you would see them ruined and scorned for the heinous actions which further tore apart this kingdom. I have no words to sway you, no brilliant speech to turn your hearts, not even the gall to pay you to forget their mistakes. I offer neither you nor them favors. I asked them for their loyalty, and that loyalty itself was turned against the people of this kingdom. However, I know that you will not let me bear their mistake. What you see before you was not meant just to honor those lost to dark days, but also an apology, for it was one of their own who asked for this arrangement."

"Aboooooout… face!" someone at the end of the green line to Link's left called out. Link, knowing full well what was happening, dug one toe into the grass and spun on his heel. Once he faced the back of the gathering, he reset his feet so that he stood at attention. The rest of the Skyriders, including his own crew, had turned at the same time. "Left knee… _down_!" Link stepped his right foot forward so that he could drop to one knee, a motion repeated en masse by the other Skyriders. "Eeeeeyes… _down_!" Link's gaze fell to the ground.

King Lauris allowed them to contemplate the ground in silence, which caused another murmur from the other companies' airmen. Then he began speaking again. "These men know that they cannot excuse their actions, for their words least of all cannot bring back the lost. They make this plea to you, their peers if nothing else, that they might be treated as equal among you once again. This is all that they can do. And I ask that you, Captain Steel, answer with your own thoughts."

Captain Steel, the Airliner fleet captain standing next to Link, had been conflicted as to whether he should have joined the Skyrider captains. At the mention of his name, he turned back to the king with shock prevalent in his chiseled features. He silently stammered as he contemplated Link to his right and Captain North to his left. He took in a breath to help him gather his thoughts. Then he told the king, "Your Majesty… it isn't my place to speak for _everyone_ here. I just…" He paused to gather his thoughts again. "When our home office received Captain Link's letter… well, we-we didn't know that _this_ —" He held a hand over Link with a finger pointed down. "—was Captain Link. Just the fact that Your Majesty was asking us to attend with the Skyriders present, I'll admit, we weren't very thrilled. I was even _less_ impressed when I heard that Captain Link was a Skyrider himself." He paused again. "Sorry, I'm-I'm trying to figure this out. A part of me—a _big_ part of me—just doesn't want to forgive these people. And… maybe, someday, I won't mind telling that part of me to just shu—uh… to silence itself, Your Majesty. Someday." He glanced at the Skyriders again. "But, today, I-I think I can be content with their apology. I don't know if any of the others agree with me, but… I think it's a fair start, Your Majesty."

King Lauris gave a slow nod. "Thank you, Captain. I can only hope that the others share that sentiment."

"Atteeeeeen _tion_!" Link quickly rose with the other Skyriders. "Aboooooout… face!"

Link then watched as a pair of knights in full armor take up position on either side of the covered object behind the king. With an audible flap, they removed the sheet to reveal a large monument of black, white-veined marble decorated with the symbol of the royal family at its peak and three columns of lettering spanning its height. Link felt his heart thump hard against his chest as he recognized one line of text just behind Zelda's head.

— _Cloud Moon_ (Airliners Airship Company)

"Today, we commit to the memories of our kingdom the diligent spirits of those airmen lost to our darkest days," Lauris continued, his voice echoing off the monument much louder than before. "This memorial, inscribed with the names of fifteen airships and their lost crewmen on the finest marble the kingdom can offer, stands to the sky that these men once graced with their lives. Let it continue to stand, should even this kingdom fall, as testament to the dedication of all airmen past, present, and future to serve the people of this realm, through peril of harsh winds and harsher gravity. Let our memories of them be interred here to be shared with all who look upon this stone. And, in our grief, let it remind us that that spirit need to never end with death. As your ruler, I ask for the first honor."

Link then watched in amazement as the king turned toward the monument and raised one hand in an undeniable salute. Zelda, somewhat taken aback by the display, shared a glance with Link. Then she turned as well and offered a Skyrider subordinate's salute to the monument. Link did not wait for prompting, snapping a salute to the monument as well. He could hear from the rustle next to him that not only did Alfonzo salute, but Captain Steel as well. What he could not see was the ripple across the airmen as each successive row of individuals raised a hand in salute as well. Not that it mattered to him; he felt like he should stand where he was and salute it for the rest of his life.

King Lauris slowly lowered his hand, which signaled the captains and airmen behind him to do the same with a ripple-like motion across the crowd, just as before. Then he signaled to the armor-clad knights. Link watched as they strode forward and removed sheets from a pair of items Link had not realized were sitting in front of the monument, blocked as they were by where Zelda and Lauris stood. Both Zelda and Lauris backed away so that he could read a pair of gravestones, each crowned by a compass rose, set next to small ossuaries already buried in the ground.

On the right.

—In memory of Airman Albert

—of the airship Island Sonata of the Skyriders

—killed in defense of his future queen, Princess Zelda

—May the winds guide you to the Final Rest.

On the left.

—In memory of Airman Jared

—of the airship Cloud Moon of the Airliners

—killed in defiance of the uncrowned tyrant of Hyrule

—May the winds guide you to the Final Rest.

King Lauris then approached Link, causing Link to lean back slightly as he began to feel overwhelmed. "As per your request, Captain," he said, his voice still loud enough that it was reverberating off the monument, "you may honor these men personally. May their memorials be proof of the life before our darkest days, and may you find peace within yourself."

"Thank you, Your Majesty," Link said in a voice barely above a whisper, the rest choked back as he resisted the urge to cry.

The king moved to stand in front of Captain North while Zelda simply moved beside Albert's open grave. Link then stepped forward with Alfonzo and Steel flanking him. He remained standing between the two graves as Alfonzo and Steel turned outward from him and marched along the line of captains. Link glanced to his left to see past Steel. He could feel his resistance slowly breaking down at the sight of a black-clad woman and two children standing at the front of a small group at the end of the line. To his right was a smaller group also dressed in black, headed by an elderly couple sitting in wheelchairs. He returned his eyes to the space between the graves again, his mind overwhelmed by the sight of the men's families. Every beat of his heart struck harder against his chest. He was sure it would burst out if this continued for much longer.

Both captains returned to his side a couple minutes later. Link had to take in a breath to keep himself composed. He already felt throughout his very being that this would be the hardest part of the ceremony. For a moment, he prayed that someone might do it for him.

Then he turned to Captain Steel. And he found that Steel had brought back a folded jacket in the Airliners' color, upon which was a framed pictograph of Airman Jared with whom Link assumed was his wife and two daughters. Link took in a shivering breath, struggling to keep what little composure was slipping away. He offered a crisp salute to Captain Steel before accepting the items into his own arms. Steel then answered the salute with his palm facing inward, the Airliners' tradition. Link turned to the grave on the left.

However, he froze when Captain Steel clapped a hand to his shoulder. "Jared's family wanted me to tell you…" Steel said in a hushed tone, his own voice cracking. "That they're grateful to you for being beside him in his last moments. And I wanted to thank you… for bringing us the log book. And his jacket. I've got nothing but respect for what you're going through, son."

Link felt his nose stuff up, forcing him to breathe through his mouth, trying harder still to keep composure. At the mention of the log book and jacket, he thought back to two months ago. Captain Albel had not been at the dock to share a friendly word. During the course of an overhaul, his crew had discovered the few effects that had been left behind after Airman Jared had passed away onboard the _Goddess's Tides_. He had transferred them to Link with the expectation that they might find their way back to his family. The log book had been stored in his desk ever since the _Island Symphony_ had taken off. Link swallowed back a lump in his throat and forced out through a cracking voice, "Yes, sir."

Link carefully dropped to his knees and placed the jacket and picture in the ossuary, taking his time aligning the neatly-folded jacket so that it sat square inside the ossuary. At the same time, the armored knights had approached the gravestone while Steel stepped back into the line. Link stood and snapped one last salute to the picture, his last sight of Airman Jared's face, as the knights slid the gravestone over the ossuary.

Link then turned to Alfonzo. Alfonzo offered him a blue airman's tunic, on top of which sat a stack of blank paper and a piece of charcoal. Link glanced up at Alfonzo in confusion. "I know you didn't know him very long," Alfonzo said. "The man was a good artist. He's gonna need something to keep him occupied on that last journey."

Link coughed out a sob and quickly clapped his mouth shut trying to keep the rest inside. He could not believe that Alfonzo, a man whom he knew was capable of more emotion than this, was still so stoic with the death of a man he clearly knew much more personally than Link, yet Link was the one visibly struggling not to break down. He glanced down at the tunic again. It was the same one that Link had found next to the wreckage of the _Horizon's Eye_. He had taken the opportunity to retrieve it when the _Island Symphony_ had returned to it in search of the _Horizon's Eye_ 's technoworks. Albert's family had cleaned it since Link had sent it to them three days ago. Even then, he could still see the darker area around the neckline that had been stained with blood.

Link snapped Alfonzo a salute before accepting the items. Alfonzo saluted back and remained standing there as Link set the items in the ossuary with the same care as he had shown for Jared's. Alfonzo backed away as the armored knights picked up the gravestone. Just as the first, Link saluted the items as the gravestone was slid into place. Link then stepped back into the line, shivering as his composure threatened to buckle at any minute. Alfonzo put a hand on his shoulder as he whispered, "It doesn't get easier, but you're doing the right thing, boy. I'm proud of you."

Link's eyes blurred. He could feel the tears about to break through.

"Paraaaaade!" one of the knights shouted. "Diiiiis- _missed_!"

The Skyrider airmen were the first to break ranks as airmen began to mingle. The airmen from the other companies took this as a signal that the ceremony was over and followed suit. Some began the walk back into the city as they chatted. Others, having been moved by the words spoken by the king (particularly those made once the monument had been uncovered, as they were the clearest), remained in silent reverence of the dead as they trudged back to their ships. The captains drifted away as they started conversations with each other. Link barely heard one conversation that began almost literally over his head.

"That's… quite a boy you have, Alfonzo," Captain Steel said. "If I couldn't believe anything else about him, I'd believe he's everything a _captain_ has to be."

"He's had a _long_ time to work on it," Alfonzo replied, giving Link a pat on the shoulder before they started walking away.

Even as Link felt the people around him moving away, he stood in place with his eyes over both graves. He stared on as the families of both men approached and began adorning the gravestones with flowers and small trinkets. Link's eyes fell to his feet as family members, having placed their items, tried to look at him as they stepped away from the graves. He could hear a couple of them murmur prayers to the Goddesses. He gnashed his teeth as he felt his self-control slipping away.

"Mommy?" he heard from his left. Jared's family. It must have been one of his daughters. She was talking in that loud whisper children use when they try to be subtle. "What's that boy doing?"

Link sniffed hard through a nose nearly flooded with snot, and his eyes finally released tears down his cheeks. He remained rigid, not daring to wipe his face. The girl's question was met with a hiss for silence, although Link wanted to tell her himself he did not know what he was doing.

Because the family had moved to attend to the graves, the rest of the present airmen had taken it as a sign to leave. King Lauris was waiting for his entourage to form their own parade to take him and Zelda back to the castle. When he discovered that Zelda was not at his side, he turned to find her standing behind Link as if waiting for him.

As Link's own crew departed, they were busy discussing things with each other. None of them had realized that Link was not among the captains until Flower had approached Leynne and asked, "Hey, Lieutenant? Have you seen the captain?"

"The captain?" Leynne asked as they came to a stop. "Well, he's…" However, just as Leynne was about to point out the small throng of Skyrider captains trailing their crews, he realized that Link was not with them. "Oh. I, uh… I can't be suh."

"That's what I thought," Flower told him. "He didn't go ahead of us or anything, did he?"

"I suspect not," Leynne replied as he glanced around. Then he spied Link still at the monument and pointed. "Theh he is. What's he doing?"

"Beats me," Flower replied as Line, having caught part of the conversation, approached them.

"That isn't some kind of tradition oh anything?" Leynne asked.

"What?" Line asked. "What is?"

Leynne nodded at Link. "Him saluting that thing."

Both airmen looked back at the monument. Once the families had decided to leave, they moved out of the way so that Line and Flower could see Link holding a subordinate salute to the monument.

Flower grunted. "I, uh… I don't know," he admitted.

"Maybe… that's a _Link_ thing?" Line suggested.

What his crewmen did not see was that Link was aiming the salute at the space in between the graves. Tears continued to stream down his cheeks, and his sniffling had picked up. Standing behind him, Zelda opened her mouth to offer some comforting words. However, she thought better of it. Instead, she gave Link a sympathetic pat on the back and silently returned to her father as he climbed into the carriage.

Link stood alone with the monuments. He held his salute for as long as he could. Then, when his arm became too tired, he stood at attention. His eyes, blurry from the tears, eventually dried out until they were stinging. However, even as he felt himself begin to calm down, another glance at the trinkets decorating each grave brought on a fresh bout of tears and sniffles. Link still refused to give into the want to break down screaming, and this continued long after everybody else had left.

Link eventually left the site once sunset had arrived. And he returned to his ship feeling that at least this one duty to those men was finished.

It did not stop him from breaking down in his cabin that night.

…

Tale #21 of the _Island Symphony_ – **END**

 ** **NOTICE: I apologize; I was trying to do an emotional piece.  
****


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